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I wasn’t even close to burning as bright as I could, especially if I was off planet but the shrieking around me increased to a deafening roar and the structure- all those pieces and parts that weren’t part of the hallucination caught fire.
Now it wasn’t just my Light, but the flames licking at anything they could reach, spreading out beyond the cabin and to the surrounding forest.
My sword burned brightly in my hand, the silver blade heating to a fiery red, but the quality remained. Yep, Jupiter’s sword was definitely not from this planet.
I held my Light, feeling more alive than I ever had in my entire life, until I was positive I would at least have some breathing room before the remaining Shadows attacked. The house crackled and snapped around me, as beams caught fire and slowly fell apart. The walls collapsed in heaps of ash and brokenness with some debris falling at my feet, some scattering into the fires beyond the dig-out of the basement. I stayed like that for as long as I could, until I felt evil retreat and the shrieking stop.
When I was certain I was alone, I reigned the brightness back; it was like I was a candle and someone simply blew me out. One minute there was a Light bright enough to see from space, the next, just an empty forest clearing that was on fire. But other than that… no Shadows or other hellish creatures.
The night was still black and the forest still creepy, but whatever was left of that evil receded into whatever portal of Hell they escaped from. I looked up at the fire blazing around the edges of where the house once stood. I was in the basement still, my feet on charred, dusty dirt. My swords lay in the center of the room, seeming randomly placed. The walls were completely blackened and charred, if not completely burned to dust, and the cabin had been completely decimated around me.
There was no love lost for the death of this particular cabin though. As a general rule, cabins like this belonged solely in scary movies.
I needed to do something about the fire. Or at least call someone who could do something about it.
I had powers, but they weren’t all-inclusive. I couldn’t switch from Lava Girl to Aquaman or anything.
I picked my way through the debris and gathered my swords along with Serena’s discarded one. I had Jupiter’s as well. And despite my better than average coordination, it was awkward carrying that many sharp weapons.
I swiped the hair that had escaped my ponytail back- it was filthy and covered in ash. Then I let out a long sigh. That wasn’t the end of this. That was more like…. half-time. And my friends…. Jupiter and Nate were both seriously injured. Hopefully Nate would be better soon, but…. Jupiter. There was no way to tell if he’d survive or not. I needed to find them.
An overwhelming sadness settled over me and I took a few more breaths to find control of my emotions. Because at the root of my heartache and intense pain wasn’t just Nate and Jupiter, wasn’t even mostly Nate and Jupiter. While I was worried and anxious for them, the worst of my pain came from Seth.
I had attacked him. I had cut him. I had left him free-falling in an effort to get away from him!
What was wrong with me?
What was wrong with him!
I floated to the surface and surveyed the forest fire raging around me. It seemed to be dying out as it moved into the forest. It wasn’t dry here- in fact it was the opposite. Everything was wet and mossy; no sun warmed the ground or dried out the ground. The fire was losing steam. That was a good thing.
But still it made a ring around me, almost a perfect circle, and the trees above had been cleared from my destruction so that this was now a proper clearing.
I felt him before I saw him. Instinct and something deeply still connected to him sensed his presence.
He stood on the border, a part of the fire, but untouched by it. I turned toward him and stilled.
He had begged me not to give up on him. He had made me promise.
But we were only a few weeks in and everything had already fallen apart. I tried to imagine the next fifteen months and what they would be like, but all I saw was Darkness, death and pain. And what about beyond that? That was if I lived past my eighteenth birthday.
How would Seth heal from this?
Tears slid from my eyes, unwelcomed and confusing. I loved this man. And he had set me and my friends up for death. Maybe not him specifically, but he was a part of it.
And didn’t stop it.
Could he have stopped it, even if he wanted to?
More confusion.
When I locked eyes with him, he stepped out of the fire and walked slowly over to me. His Light, or non-Light, or whatever the Fallen had in place of Light receded and he stood before me just a boy- just Seth.
More tears fell, faster and quicker and completely unbidden. I didn’t want him to see me this broken, wretched, and fragmented without him.
“I had to see. ” His voice was stripped and desolate. His already vacant eyes were almost black with whatever emotions were running through his body. He looked savage standing in front of me, savage and achingly beautiful. “I had to see if you made it. ”
“I did,” I whispered. He was breaking me all over again, twisting me, clawing at all of my important parts and organs until there would be nothing left of me. I couldn’t go through this over and over again. I couldn’t let him destroy me like this every time he was with me and every time he wasn’t.
His hand reached up to run a finger over my cheek. It trembled as he touched me so gently. And when the curve of his finger touched my skin he closed his eyes against the simple sensation.
We were only standing an arm’s reach apart but it felt like miles between us- miles and miles and miles of miserable distance, where he stood on one plane of existence and I stood on another.
He slowly opened his eyes and drank me in like a man deprived of every vital sustenance. His eyes caught fire then, just like the one raging all around us. Branches snapped with the heat of the fire, grass and dirt crackled as it went on and on. And that was exactly what felt like was happening to my body. He was burning me up slowly, methodically and when he was finished I would be nothing but ash and dust.
I saw a trace of something other than emptiness in him and I knew it had to do with me. Like he said, I was his tether to whatever goodness was left inside him. I was his anchor.
I dropped the four swords I was still holding at my feet. They hit the black, charred ground with a clank and bounced away.
I jumped on this moment, hoping to bring out whatever of his former self I could. “Jupiter and Nate were pretty severely injured tonight. ”
“I don’t care,” he answered plainly. He took a step into me and towered over me. “I don’t care about them. ”
“You should-“
“The only thing I care about is you. ”
“But they’re your friends,” I insisted.
“Stella, let me be clear. There is one thing in my life I live for, one thing I survive for… and that is you. There is no one else. There will be no one else. It’s you. And I’m lost without you. ”
The tears fell harder and a sob hiccupped in my chest. “I stabbed you tonight. ” I cried. My eyes flickered over his still open and raw wounds, but he didn’t seem to notice them at all. I realized the fire might not have touched him, but he was covered in dried blood and dirt. He looked beat up and it was all my fault. “Seth, I stabbed you!”
He yanked me against his chest and wrapped his arms around me so tightly I had to struggle for breath. It wasn’t a sweet or gentle move, he was brutal and rough and not at all himself.
But at the same time he was. He was the same boy so devoted and loyal to me that he was almost blinded by it. He was still intense and commanding, still vulnerable and broken. He was Seth in the most important ways and that broke me even deeper.
“And you’ll probably stab me again,” he chuckled darkly. “Keep me contained, Stella. You have to keep me contained. ”
I lost the battle w
ith my emotions completely then. Whatever hold I had on them disappeared and I sank into his chest a heap of tears and sobs and loud, grieving cries. He tightened his grip and held me, just held me.
My chest was so tight and pained that I thought for sure it would explode. My eyes burned and my throat was raw from an eruption of emotions.
“I need you too!” I shouted at him. “What about me? What am I supposed to do without you?”
His tone gentled and he shushed me and soothed me by rubbing a line up and down my spine with careful, tender fingers.
“Tether me to you, Stella and I will do the same for you,” he whispered harshly in my ear. His lips brushed the shell of my ear, and I melted into him. Even while I wondered what it would do to my own soul if I let it be owned by someone like Seth- someone who wasn’t himself and who had no idea who he actually was? I nodded into his chest. What choice did I have? He already owned me- body, soul, spirit. I was his.
I had always been his.
“Alright,” I whispered. “Alright. ”
He pulled back and stared into my eyes intently. He was looking for something or maybe he was just looking. And once he found it, he couldn’t restrain himself anymore. His lips crashed against mine in a desperate plea to connect. And I reciprocated immediately- there was no other choice for me. I had to kiss him back, just like I had to breathe, just like I had to live.
He tasted like soot, and wind and fire. His lips were soft but unyielding, demanding but caressing. His hands clutched me to his body, possessing me with their need and strength. I loved this man. I loved him more than anything or anyone.
And it suddenly felt imperative to tell him that.
Even if it wasn’t really him or he wasn’t coherent enough to care.
I pulled back, trying to separate our lips, trying to tell him that but he followed me. His tongue swept inside my mouth and he groaned at the hot, wet contact with mine. He consumed my mouth with so much dominance it almost frightened me. And then his lips were moving all over my skin- down my neck, across my jaw, along my exposed collarbones. I was gasping for air but lost in his assault on all of my senses. This wasn’t a kiss, this was raw, desperate need.
His lips came back to mine on a deep groan of satisfaction and I knew I would never be the same after this moment. I hated that he had to lose himself before we came to this place, but I would never go back, I would never relinquish the ground we made through this struggle.
“I love you,” the words fell from my mouth like my next breath. “I love you. ”
He froze. His entire body went rigid, each muscle completely tensed and solidified. His hands gripped me painfully and his forehead rested against mine. We stayed there for endless minutes while we breathed the same air. The fire slowly started to die out around us.
“Say it again,” he demanded with a voice that sounded like it had been torn to shreds.
“I love you,” I whispered, the tears freely falling again.
He let out a shaky breath and relaxed his grip on me. “This will be the moment that gets me through everything else. This moment with you and your words and your beautiful lips. ”
I cried harder and he pulled me against him again, only this time he was gentle. He held me to him and I trembled all over him.
“I love you,” I said again because I knew he needed to hear it. He didn’t say it back. I wasn’t even sure if he was capable of saying it, let alone feeling it. But if he didn’t today, he would someday. Because I would fight the rest of my life if I had to to bring him back.
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