by Lila Felix
“Are you ok?” He sounded exhausted.
“I’ve had a long day. But I wanted our first date to be right. Would I suck if I just wanted to grab take-out, watch movies and talk?”
“Not at all. I’ll pick up pizza and grab some movies. Are you still an action flick kinda guy?”
He laughed, “You mean between Monster High and Victorious? Yeah, I would love a movie that’s not rated G.”
“Give me thirty minutes and I’ll be there.”
“Thanks.” And he hung up. I realized this was the beginning and suddenly got very nervous. This marked the beginning of seeing if he could love me again.
I picked up two pizzas and the latest Jason Statham movie and headed over to his house. I knocked only once and he opened the door. He took the pizzas from me and put them on the counter. Then he turned around and picked me up under the arms and squeezed me like he hadn’t seen me in years.
“I never thought you could ever be more beautiful than you were but I was wrong. You are stunning.”
“Nixon, please. I’m wearing old jeans and a tank top. “
“I think you’re gorgeous.” And I could tell by the way his right eyebrow twitched that he was serious. When he was joking, his ears moved while he spoke. We ate and I could tell he was tired, maybe too tired to continue the movie.
“Nix, I love being here with you but you look spent. Do you want me to leave so you can go to bed?”
“Absolutely not. I just need coffee. I had such a long day.”
“Let me get it and then you’re gonna tell me about your long day.”
“No,” he protested, “I’m supposed to be doing things for you. Just let me get some coffee in me and I’ll be fine.”
“Nixon,” I stopped him with my hand on his chest. “How many times have you gotten me coffee and listened to me blubber on about…things I shouldn’t have been blubbering about. Let me do this for you. Next time you can romance the hell out of me.”
That made him laugh and he relented. I waited for a pot of coffee and had to ask him how he took it because the Nixon coffee marriage was one of his new things. I poured a cup and moved to find the sugar and cream.
“Tons of cream, like illegal amounts, and four sugars.”
He leaned against the counter behind me, he just couldn’t help himself.
I stirred in the obscene amounts of sugar and cream and handed it to him. He took it and after a huge swig went back into the living room. He sat down and I beside him.
“Come on, spill it.” I coaxed him.
And to my surprise he did. He told me all about Maddox and Storey and how that creep Simon had treated her and what he’d walked up on. Then he told me how he’d handled it.
“You must think I have anger issues or something.” He said, almost ashamed.
“Actually, what I heard is that you are fiercely protective of your family and you don’t tolerate violence against women.”
He twitched a little bit and changed the subject, typical Nixon, “Come here, you’re too far away.” The act of him opening his arms to me brought back so many memories.
But I wasn’t just his friend anymore and I did tell him that I was all in with us. I scooted over little by little until I was next to him. Then I got on my knees and turned to sit right on his lap. I laid my head on his chest and a small part of me waited for him to reject me, because that’s what I deserved.
But he wrapped his arms around me and placed his chin on my head. “This is the way it should’ve always been.” I whispered more to myself than him.
“Hey, let’s not do that. Don’t do that to me or you. If we had, I wouldn’t have Scout and maybe we wouldn’t have lasted since we were so young. But this,” he squeezed me around my waist, “this, is what I need. For once, I think our timing is perfect.”
We sat there for a while, reveling in finally being around each other again. After about thirty minutes, I heard his breathing change and his hands grew limp around me. He had fallen asleep despite the charge of caffeine.
I got up, trying not to jostle him. He grumbled my name and I sighed loving the sound of my name on his lips as he slumbered. I moved his large frame to lie on the couch after retrieving a blanket and a pillow from his bedroom. I passed Scout’s room and I smiled at her organized chaos.
I snuck out, closing and locking the door behind me. At home I showered and crawled into my bed. All of his boxers and t-shirts were in the laundry hamper, so I settled for a white t-shirt and my boy shorts. I fell asleep that night, for the first time in a long time, happy.
Early the next morning, I heard my phone ringing. I rolled over to answer it and heard his worried voice.
“Darlin’, did you get home ok?”
“I love it when you call me darlin’.”
“Oh no you don’t. I woke up alone and I couldn’t find you in the apartment. I kinda freaked out.”
“I just came home Nixon.” But then I realized why he would freak out. That’s what I used to do to him when we were kids. We would fall asleep, him always first and I would leave. I did it to be selfish then, but last night I did it because he looked so damn tired.
“Nixon, I’m so sorry. I know it’s hard to trust me, but you looked so tired and I seriously considered waking you up. But then I knew you would want me to stay the night and what if Scout got sick and needed to come home? What if Owen and Nellie just brought her home in the middle of the night and I was there. She would be really confused and I don’t want that for her. So I covered you up and left. I swear it’s not like it used to be, I swear.”
But when he spoke next, he didn’t sound convinced, “Yeah, ok. What are you doing tonight?”
“Well, I was gonna go to your roller derby game thing but the website said it’s out of town. So, nothing.”
I could hear him swallow, like he’d taken a drink of his precious coffee. “Scout spends the night with Aunt Sylvia tonight. Let me come pick you up and make it an official date, romance the hell out of you.” I laughed as he’d used my statement from the night before.
“I will text you my address. Do I need to wear a dress?”
He cleared his throat, “Yeah, I think a dress would be perfect.”
“Deal. But Nixon?” I wanted to tease him a little.
“Yeah?”
“Make sure you wear the glasses.”
“The glasses? That’s what you like?” He laughed a bit at the end.
“Oh yeah. Seven?” I prompted him for the time, looking at the clock beside me.
“Don’t make me wait twelve hours. How about five?”
“Five it is. See you later.” I hung up first. I had to do laundry and then I needed to scour my closet for a dress. I thought there was one in there somewhere.
I did all my laundry at the Laundromat down the street and then grabbed some lunch at the sandwich shop on my way home. I took a shower and then curled my usually tightly curled red hair into big bouncy curls. I found a pale pink dress in my closet that hung off one shoulder. I pinned my curls so they hung over the shoulder that wasn’t bare. I put on waterproof mascara in case we got into subjects that I would cry about. And with Nixon, there was so much I regretted; almost every subject nearly brought me to tears.
Chapter 11
Nixon
She smelled like blueberries, that hadn’t changed.
I put on my dark wash jeans and a light blue button up shirt and rolled up the sleeves since it was still hot in New Orleans. I had a friend who worked at the Westin Hotel and I called him to make some arrangements beforehand. I needed to make this a date she’d remember.
I called the restaurant, Brennan’s, and made reservations. I finished cleaning the house and all of the laundry that I’d failed to get to the day before. I was so busy making preparations that I nearly lost track of time. Aunt Sylvia came to pick up Scout so they could cook together and she tried to give me the sex talk. I finally busted out laughing when she used the word ‘relations’.
�
�Aunt Syl, I think I know what happens when you aren’t careful. She has red hair, freckles and a smart mouth.”
She patted my arm, “I know. But just because you have before doesn’t mean you need to jump in the deep end with both feet. There’s still plenty of merit and respect with walking down those shallow steps slowly, waiting until you’ve gotten used to the water. You get my drift? I know I’m not your mother but I love you like a son. So take it slow and love her with all you’ve got.” I’d had to tell Aunt Sylvia where I was going, she gave me that look, the one she gave all of us when she knew something was up.
“Are we going swimming?” Scout asked, having heard bits and pieces of our conversation.
“Only in the bathtub, Button. Now give me some sugar and a big squeeze. I’m gonna miss you. You’ve been gone for two nights straight.”
She hugged my neck hard and gave me one real kiss and one raspberry kiss where she blew on my cheek. “You smell good, Daddy. Are you going to pick up chicks?”
“Thank you and no. Gentlemen don’t pick up chicks. Remember that.”
I said bye to both of them and then hopped in the truck to head to Journey’s apartment. I was giddy as all get out, but I knew Aunt Syl was right. I needed to go slowly with her—and I would make myself do just that.
I knocked on the door to her apartment, a little complex full of studios and one bedroom places. I heard her say ‘hold on’ from the other side and I smiled, another thing that hadn’t changed. She was so late getting ready for the prom that her date left her, found another girl and still made it to the prom before she was ready. And of course, she called me last minute and I borrowed one of my Dad’s tuxes. But when we got there, she and her boyfriend at the time got back together and spent the rest of the night swapping spit and I went home alone. My heart quaked a little at the break line when I remembered that night. But then she answered the door.
Her hair was piled in curls on one side of her face and she had on a pink dress that caressed every curve of her from her hips to her chest. And then I remembered her silly rule.
“I thought you only wore pink on Sundays.” I said as she waved me in.
“I swear, if I could go back in time to when I was a teenager, I’d give myself a fat lip. I had that stupid rule because I thought guys… sorry.”
“I was just kidding. Journey, look at me.” She did but looked ashamed. “I know you. I know everything you did when we were kids. So yes,” I smiled at her and threaded her fingers with mine, pulling her closer, “I know all about your rules about guys and I also know every date you went on and every broken heart. But I love you, not your past or the mistakes you’ve made. Just like I hope you love me, not my mistakes. My mistakes have made me who I am today, and that’s a man who thinks you are absolutely beautiful tonight and who is determined not to pass out like I did last night.”
I got her to smile with the last part and she nodded. She grabbed her purse and I took a deep breath. This wasn’t going to be easy, but nothing worth having was. And she was worth working for every day of the rest of my life.
Chapter 12
Storey
He would think I was an idiot.
He had been pacing for hours. I loved him but he was driving me bat shit.
“Maddox!” I yelled, when the last of my nerves waved its white flag.
“What sweetheart, are you in pain? Did the stench of your knee pads finally convince you to wash them?” He rushed over with a smile on his face and I put my hands over my face to hide the long drawn out eye roll. We’d had a bout from the depths of Hell. We got beat down so hard, I swore there was concrete in my teeth. I’d skated harder than I had in my life, mostly using it as a stress reliever.
“I’m proud of my stinky derby pads. That means I’m a seasoned player, like a seasoned cast iron skillet. Anyway, I’m fine except that you are driving me crazy with the pacing. Come on, let’s go to bed. I’ve just got so many things bouncing off of each other in my head. Can we just turn the phones off and you can hold me?”
I couldn’t stop thinking about how Simon almost got away with cornering me at school. What really scared the hell out of me were the things he said. He said he would kill my husband. He said he would kill our kid. I wasn’t worried about the second part since we didn’t have any kids but it weirded me out. He also claimed I would belong to him again.
“I’ll hold you from now to kingdom come if that’s what you want. But I have one very important question.”
“What?” God, if he asks me if I’m ok again, I won’t be held responsible for choking him, will I?
“Bed or bathtub or both?” He always did this and I should’ve seen it coming. When I was upset, he would do whatever it took to make me better. He was a fixer.
“Both, always both. You know what’s funny? I wasn’t even scared for myself. I mean I was scared, but I kept thinking that Rex would come out and Simon would hurt him. Or that you would come to get me and he would hurt you. I don’t want my family hurt because of how stupid I was in high school.”
“Well, since we’re getting this out in the open,” he kneeled in front of me, “I blame myself. I underestimated him. I thought maybe he knew where you were going to school but wouldn’t have the balls to actually approach you there, in public. And I should’ve dropped everything and come and got you myself. But I won’t underestimate him again. I’ve decided to take the leave of absence from work until we have some kind of assurance that you’re safe. I’ve talked to Falcon. He and Nixon are going to help us financially if we need it. But I’ve been putting a good bit of my paychecks up for a while now. I was saving for when we had a baby, but we can use it for whatever.”
That’s when the tears started. We would have to spend whatever money he’d saved so that I could be kept safe from Simon. I didn’t know how a life I’d hoped to be so simple had turned out so complicated.
He took my face in his hands and kissed the tears away. “Come on, that big garden tub is calling our name. ‘Cause I’m not hugging you with derby stench. It’s like you’re the dirty kid from Charlie Brown—a cloud of funk tornadoing around you.”
Chapter 13
Journey
It didn’t matter if I could see them or not, I knew there were piercings under that shirt.
When we walked into the restaurant, I felt a shift in the atmosphere and I didn’t know why at first until I looked around the room and figured it out. It was Nixon who’d changed the buzz in the restaurant, without even knowing it. Every female in the place was either looking at him or talking to their friends and glancing in his direction. It was so obvious and I wondered if that had always happened and I was too self-enamored to notice.
“What’s the matter? We can go somewhere else if you don’t like it.”
“No, it’s perfect. I’m fine,” I lied.
We were led to our table and the hostess handed Nixon and I our menus and moved on. Another waitress came quickly and giggled and fawned all over Nixon. He asked her to light the candle between us and I saw her throat move violently. I think she gagged.
We both ordered the Crab Maison. I also noticed he didn’t order any wine or anything. It was funny, when we were teenagers we couldn’t wait to turn twenty one and drink. And now that we were of age, we weren’t drinking.
“What are you smiling about? It looks like you’re planning something.” He said across the table, his face balanced on his fist.
“I just noticed you and I don’t drink alcohol. But I remember us trying to sneak beers out of your mom’s refrigerator.”
He laughed, “I was never very good at hiding. She knew what we were up to the moment I walked into the kitchen.”
“No, you could never hide your feelings.”
God, I really need to watch what I say or I’ll be a blubbering idiot in no time.
His crooked smile caused him to readjust his glasses. “I wasn’t really trying to with you. I always hoped my feelings were clear. But it wasn’t our time. But l
et’s talk about now. Are you back in school?”
I fidgeted with my white linen napkin. I’d always thought I would go to college, but honestly, I just didn’t have any desire to. That was my parents’ wish for me.
“No, I’m not. I’m just happy working. What about you? Don’t tell me you’re working, Scouting and in school.”
He smiled wide, “Scouting? That’s a fun way to phrase putting up with her antics. And yeah, I’m a glutton for punishment. I am completing my degree in architecture, part-time, online.”
The Nixon-struck waitress returned to bring our food a few minutes later. It was divine. He reached over halfway through the meal and grabbed my hand across the table. It startled me in the best way possible. The rest of the night was spent talking about Scout. I wouldn’t ever tell him, for fear of sounding like a weirdo, but I loved that kid already. She was just impossibly fantastic.
The waitress appeared and asked us if we wanted dessert. Nixon didn’t take his eyes off of me for one single second. I smiled and answered the waitress. She scoffed and said she’d return with the ticket. Nixon let go of my hand to get a credit card out of his wallet and paid the ticket when it came.
I couldn’t imagine what would top a candlelit dinner with him. But when we reached the building that the Westin hotel was located in, I froze.
“What’s wrong?” He said after he parked.
I blushed and he instantly got it. “Oh Journey, no, it’s not what you think. You know me better than that. But damn, if it makes you blush like that I might just spend our dates driving by hotels just to see it.” He brushed the back of his hand against my cheek and I closed my eyes to concentrate on the feel of him.
“Darlin’, you are so gorgeous. I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you enough before. But I’m not gonna waste a chance to tell you this time around. That blush just makes your gray eyes shine.” He looked down between us, to my hand that now fisted his button down shirt and then back to me.
