by K. L. Slater
‘Hi Rose,’ Mike calls from his wicker chair outside. ‘Come on out.’
He doesn’t get up so I walk across the lounge and step out on to the immaculate glass-screened, tiled balcony.
‘Wow,’ I gawp. ‘I wouldn’t want to get out much either if I had this to wake up to.’
He laughs and reaches out his hand very slowly. And that’s when I notice he is shaking. Not a shiver, more of a violent tremor.
I shake his hand and he withdraws his arm stiffly.
‘Parkinson’s disease,’ he says matter-of-factly. ‘It’s a bloody nuisance, as you can see.’
‘I’m really sorry to hear it, Mike,’ I say, feeling bad for putting him out with my intrusion into his peace. ‘I’d no idea, I’d never have—’
‘Don’t apologise, Rose.’ He shakes his head. ‘I’m glad to see you again after all these years. You were just a young girl when tragedy struck your family.’
There’s a beat of silence as we both remember.
‘I was devastated to hear about your parents. Losing both of them like that after what happened to Billy, well… I don’t know how you got through it.’
‘Thanks, Mike. They both thought a lot of you, as you know.’
He smiles and I study his lined face. It’s sixteen years since I saw him last and my memory is sketchy from that time but he looks much older than I expected; a lot older than his wife. I’m almost certain it’s as a result of the Parkinson’s he’s been forced to live with.
We turn as Tess comes out with a tray bearing two long glasses containing iced lemonade.
‘Lovely,’ I say, accepting one gratefully, wafting my face with my hand. It didn’t seem quite as hot as this down in the car park.
‘It’s a sun trap here,’ Tessa says, setting Mike’s drink on the table next to him with an extra-long straw. ‘All the balconies are south-facing and even on a fairly cool day it seems warmer out here because we’re protected from the wind.’
I sip my lemonade and consider that Mike seems to have done very well for himself on a detective’s salary and now his pension.
‘It’s thanks to Tessa’s career we’ve got this place.’ Mike looks out over the river, seeming to read my mind. ‘She was partner in a law firm. Gave it all up to look after me, lucky girl.’
‘Watch it, Rose.’ Tessa winks at me before stepping back inside and pulling the glass door to. ‘He’ll have you feeling sorry for him before you know it. That’s how he caught me out.’
Mike laughs and blows her a kiss. This couple have undoubtedly got a difficult path ahead of them with Mike’s illness but it’s clear they really love each other. It’s nice to see.
I shade my eyes and look ahead, all the way down to the bend in the river. I’ve been here just a few minutes and already I’ve spotted moorhens, coots and a magnificent cormorant flying low and fast above the water.
Mike has found his own little piece of heaven in the middle of all the vile crap he’s had to deal with in his thirty-odd years with the Nottinghamshire Police.
What happened to Billy is part of a past he’d rather forget and that I’m here to ask him to remember.
37
ROSE
PRESENT DAY
I try not to stare as Mike leans forward with difficulty, a shaking hand attempting to guide the straw towards his mouth.
‘Can I help?’ I ask him awkwardly.
‘Thanks but no. I actually get satisfaction from still being able to do the smallest things.’ He rolls his eyes. ‘Pathetic, really. But I never know when things are going to get worse, you see.’
I shake my head. ‘I think you’re doing amazing. Did you become ill after you retired from the force?’
‘No, no.’ He settles awkwardly back into his chair, and watches as a rower glides gracefully by. ‘It was before. Something happened to me on Billy’s case.’
I sit up a little straighter. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Something changed in here,’ he said and tapped at his chest. ‘I lost heart for the job.’
‘I can understand that.’
‘Billy’s case, as I’ve always called it, well, it took something away.’ He glanced behind him, I presumed to check Tessa wasn’t around. ‘I’ve dealt with some pretty bad stuff over the years, murders, rapes, violent drug deals gone wrong… you name it and, after thirty-three years on the force, I can guarantee I’ve seen it.’
I sit, quietly listening. Not wanting to interrupt but desperate to say what I’ve come to talk about before I lose my nerve.
‘But something about that lad, your brother, it tore me up inside. I’d come home after a fourteen-hour day and work for another four or five hours sat at the kitchen table.’ He shook his head slowly as he remembered the horror of it. Still staring out at the water, he continued. ‘I missed family birthdays, my eldest daughter’s graduation and me and Tessa, well, we came close to splitting up.’
Having seen how good they were together today that one really surprised me. I felt bad. Mike had gone through all this to get justice for Billy. For us.
‘It was all-consuming.’ He looks at me. ‘I’m not trying to say I suffered like you and your parents did, Rose; of course that’s not the case. But you’re probably the only person left now who can understand anywhere near how it felt.’
I nod. I don’t feel the need to say anything.
‘Anyway—’ he shakes his head like he’s trying to dispel the memories ‘—once the case was over and Farnham went down, thank God, I found I’d got no oomph left for any more cases, you know? I started dropping stuff like cutlery and having trouble writing with a pen. Stiff joints… you get the picture.’
‘It was the Parkinson’s?’
Mike shrugged. ‘True to form I ignored it for as long as I could, found ways of disguising the tremors. Then one day, Tessa noticed and that was it, she was like a dog with a bone. Within a month I’d been diagnosed and I accepted ill-health retirement.’
‘I’m so sorry to hear all this, Mike,’ I say, feeling a genuine sadness. ‘My parents always said how lucky they were to have you running the case. How you cared about what happened to Billy. I don’t think any of us quite recognised quite how much you gave of yourself.’
‘Well—’ he sighs, seeming to gather himself ‘—enough of my self-indulgent moaning. It’s so good to see you, Rose – see that you’re thriving despite what happened to your family.’
I suddenly feel awfully conscious of my skinny thighs displayed on the chair and the bony shoulders that are hard to hide in the top I’ve chosen to wear.
I think about my crappy, sad life. It doesn’t feel like I’m thriving at all.
‘You said on the phone that you wanted my advice?’ He’s prodding me as to the reason I came here and I can feel the resistance in myself. I don’t want to overstay my welcome, so now’s the time to say what I came to say.
I take a breath. ‘It’s difficult, Mike. I’ve spent the last sixteen years trying not to think about what happened to Billy, trying to wipe the memory of Gareth Farnham from my mind.’
‘I can totally understand that,’ he says, nodding. ‘Take your time, Rose.’
‘The thing is, I’m going to ask you a big favour. I mean, a really big favour.’
‘Anything I can do to help, I will.’ He holds his shaking hands out in front of him. ‘You know that.’
‘I’d like to talk theoretically about a certain scenario, if that’s OK.’
Mike smiles. ‘Ahh, I see, the old what if scenario. You don’t want to talk hard facts right now? That’s fine by me, Rose. Go ahead.’
Do I still want to do this? I ask myself.
Ronnie’s tired face flashes into my mind. He’s been so ill and still is, lying in bed next door, all alone in his autumn years.
I take in a long breath. I have to do this for myself and for Billy.
I really have no choice.
38
ROSE
PRESENT DAY
I look at
Mike and the words begin to flow.
‘What if, many years after a terrible crime, something came to light that cast doubt on everything you thought you knew about who committed it?’
Mike grips the arm of his chair and looks at me. ‘What’s happened? Is there new evidence?’
I look away and Mike checks himself.
‘Sorry, Rose, I forgot. We’re just speaking theoretically, right?’
I give him a quick nod. I wish I could lift my arms in the air to let the air circulate a bit. My heart has started to thump but I ignore it. I can’t stop now.
‘OK. If something came to light, it would depend very much as to what that something was,’ Mike mused. ‘If it was crystal-clear-cut new evidence, then whoever found it ought to go to the police. Simple.’
‘But would they listen? And would they be happy not to take any action until the person felt ready?’
Mike looks at me incredulously. ‘It’s not a game, Rose. If an innocent man has done sixteen years of time behind bars – or however long our theoretical villain has been incarcerated – for a crime he didn’t commit after all, then that needs sorting. He’d have to be cleared and the murder case reopened.’
Gareth Farnham is far from innocent. The thought of my actions helping him start a new life after what he did sickens me to my stomach. He’d be freed and, until someone else was convicted, Billy’s death would go unpunished.
I look at Mike and I could swear he’s thinking the same thing.
‘It’s black and white.’ He shrugs. ‘If there was important new evidence then it should be disclosed to the police. The person who reports it loses control the minute they take down the statement, there’ll be no bartering about whether or not to progress it.’
‘But what if there was nobody working there any more who was on the case?’
‘Irrelevant.’ Mike shrugs. ‘They’d have to reopen it if the new evidence showed there had been an unsafe conviction.’
I take a tissue out of my bag and mop my forehead and chin.
‘Do you want to go inside where it’s cool, Rose? I can call Tessa to help me in.’
‘No, I’m fine,’ I say quickly. I just need to get this over with, so I press on. ‘If there seemed to be new evidence and someone else was implicated, someone who’d been free all this time, what would likely happen?’
Mike sighed. ‘It’s really hard to second-guess these things without knowing the full picture. All I’ll say is this: it’s got to be something big and failsafe for the force to reopen a case once it’s been satisfactorily concluded. Particularly if it was a high-profile murder case involving a child. Then the whole country would sit up and listen.’
I feel a stab of panic.
‘The person who found the new piece of evidence would have to go to the police and make a full disclosure,’ he continued, ‘and give a full statement. Then they’d decide what, if anything, they want to do about it.’
‘But what if the evidence wasn’t what it seemed and an innocent person got dragged through interrogation and—’ I press the heel of my hand to my forehead. It’s all such a dreadful mess. I feel more confused than ever. ‘Couldn’t I just have a quiet word with someone first, before I go ahead and report anything?’ I catch myself. ‘Theoretically speaking, of course.’
‘Doesn’t work like that, I’m afraid.’ Mike pressed his lips together. ‘That old style of policing is long gone. An officer could get disciplined or even fired if he or she was found to be meddling unofficially in a closed case. They’d need permission from the highest level to start dabbling again. Nowadays, they just haven’t got the resources to be re-opening cases that are done and dusted, the force is under such tremendous pressure.’
‘So, if a person was to go and tell them everything, would they free Gareth Farnham and reopen the case?’
‘It’s really not that simple,’ Mike says. ‘These things don’t happen overnight, Rose, the police can’t just go around freeing convicts and reopening murder cases on somebody’s say-so.’
I nod, realising I must sound like a simpleton to Mike. I’m aware I might be over-simplifying the whole thing and I’m also aware it comes from a place of wanting Farnham to be guilty and praying there is a perfectly simple reason for a key piece of evidence being squirrelled away all this time in Ronnie’s house.
Mike looks up to the sky and thinks for a moment. ‘If there was agreement among the powers that be, they’d probably follow up the new evidence lead and then decide whether or not it was worth taking it forward to an unsafe conviction.’
‘But what if the new person implicated was innocent after all? What if it wasn’t what it looked like? They’d be so traumatised.’
‘That’s precisely why the police can’t just go at it full pelt to start with.’ Mike looks at me. ‘Ultimately, justice must be done, whether folks get upset at being questioned or not. This “talking theoretically” business is all a bit frustrating, isn’t it? Why don’t you just tell me what’s happened and maybe then I can properly advise you?’
‘I can’t, I just can’t.’ My voice cracks and I clutch my handbag close to me. My heart is full-on jackhammer now, and I feel sick. ‘Can I ask you one more thing, Mike?’
‘Anything.’
‘When you arrested Gareth Farnham, were you one hundred per cent certain you had the right man?’
‘I’m sorry, Rose.’ He sighs. ‘I said anything, and I do want to do as much as I can to help, but you know I can’t legally discuss past cases I worked on. I just can’t do that.’
There are two alternating images flashing on repeat in my head.
Gareth Farnham’s hateful face and Ronnie’s sad, kindly face. I’m so tempted to just blurt out everything to Mike.
Just tell him, the voice in my head urges. Just tell him and share the pressure before it cracks you up.
I stand up. ‘I’m sorry, Mike, I shouldn’t have asked. I don’t know, I’m just a mess at the moment. Ignore me, I have to go now, I’m due in work at one.’
‘Don’t apologise, Rose. After what you went through – I mean you personally – it must be so traumatic to even mention that bastard’s name. The terrible things he did—’
I shake my head. ‘Don’t, Mike, please.’
Mike calls for Tessa and she appears on the balcony almost instantly.
‘I’ll see you to the door,’ she says.
I thank Mike for seeing me and he tells me he’s there any time I want to offload.
But just as Tessa and I are about to step into the hallway to the front door, Mike calls out again. ‘Rose!’
I turn round to find he is standing at the balcony door, facing me. He’s obviously in great pain, his knees buckling slightly and his expression grim. Tessa runs back across the room to help him.
‘Gareth Farnham was a despicable man for what he did to you and to Cassie,’ Mike says a little breathlessly. ‘I’ve never lost any sleep that he’s serving time; he deserves it. But I admit to you now, there was always something not quite right with the case, something I couldn’t put my finger on. I think that’s the reason it got to me so much.’ Tessa reaches him and he leans heavily on her with relief. ‘I’m so sorry, Rose. The answer to your question is no. I was never one hundred per cent certain we had the right man and despite my intense dislike of Gareth Farnham, if pushed right now, I’d have to say the same thing.’
39
SIXTEEN YEARS EARLIER
‘I want you to come over to the flat this weekend,’ Gareth said. ‘For the whole day.’
‘I’d really like that,’ Rose said. She felt so terribly grown-up these days.
‘I thought I’d make you lunch on Saturday and then we can have a lazy afternoon together. What do you think?’
‘Oh, I’d love to but I’ve promised to take Billy to football practice on Saturday afternoon,’ Rose said. ‘Maybe I could come over in the morning, instead?’
‘I have some paperwork to get through in the morning,’ Gareth said
brusquely. ‘It won’t hurt for once not taking Billy, will it? Your mum or dad could take him.’
‘But I haven’t taken him for ages and he’ll be really disappointed now, if I don’t go.’ Gareth’s face dropped, so Rose tried to explain her position further. ‘It’s just that we’ve always had that time together and this week he’s going to be in goal for the first time. It’s a big deal for him.’
Gareth’s nostrils flared but he said nothing.
‘Can I be honest, Gareth? Since I started college and the library and met you, I feel like I’ve neglected Billy,’ she said, wanting him to understand. ‘I really need to start making a bit more time for him… perhaps the three of us could do something.’
‘Oh, I get it – it’s all my fault.’ Gareth slid his hand from her knee.
‘That’s not what I’m saying!’
‘What about time for me… for us?’
‘It’s just that I feel a responsibility for him,’ Rose tried to reason. ‘He’s a lonely little thing, I—’
‘He’s not your kid… is he?’ Gareth remarked. ‘You’re not one of those creepy inbred families like on the Jerry Springer show, are you? Where the kid thinks his mum is his sister, kind of thing?’
‘No!’ Rose gave a little grin but she felt a stab of annoyance. ‘He’s definitely my little brother.’
‘Well then, he’s not your responsibility at all. Let your parents take him to the football. You make life too easy for them.’
Rose sighed. Gareth was missing the point. She wanted to take Billy to his match.
‘I was looking forward to spending some quality time together,’ he said, his voice softening slightly. ‘But if you’ve got to put your family first then so be it. I’ve only myself to blame, I suppose, for not getting to know other people here in the village. Perhaps I’ve been too devoted to you, Rosie.’ He kissed her cheek gently. ‘I’ll find something else to do. No doubt there’ll be other people around who wouldn’t mind spending some time with me.’
