by K. L. Slater
‘What if someone else bought those flowers? What if it wasn’t you?’
‘I bought you the flowers, Rose. To say sorry, to try and win you back. I swear to God that’s the truth. I didn’t hurt Billy but someone out there did and we’ll find them together. When I’m out, I will hunt him down for you, my darling, I give you my word.’
She wished she hadn’t mentioned still having the receipt. His face was animated, full of hope, like he could see it, smell the promise of freedom. He was a desperate man.
‘I’ll ask my solicitor to contact you, Rosie. He’ll probably want a statement and the receipt… I love you. You do know that, right?’
Despite Gareth’s protests, Rose left the visitor’s centre early. She was getting nowhere fast. If anything, she was more confused than ever.
She simply couldn’t tell if Gareth was telling the truth but one thought chilled her.
He was either working with someone on the outside to send Rose a threatening note or he really was innocent and someone else was watching her.
Someone else who knew her every move.
69
ROSE
PRESENT DAY
I promptly fell asleep on the sofa when I got back home.
I made a cup of tea and sat down and that’s the last I remember. The sheer effort it took to face Gareth Farnham had exhausted me.
I woke with a start, my heart hammering in pure alarm at the pounding at the back door.
A familiar figure stood, distorted by the opaque, patterned glass.
‘Eric!’
‘Sorry to disturb you, Rose,’ he gasped, a little breathless. He leaned his portly frame against the edge of the wall. ‘We’ve got a problem round at Dad’s… a visitor we simply can’t get rid of and he’s been drinking.’
Since Eric had been back, Ronnie hadn’t needed me to help care for him and, although I struggle with the guilt despite the suspicions I still harbour, I just can’t bring myself to call round even on a social call. With everything I’m dealing with, seeing Gareth, I honestly think it will take me over the edge.
‘Rose?’ Eric frowns and peers at my vacant eyes. ‘Did you hear me? He’s distressed, won’t stop drinking.’
‘Who?’
‘Jed! Haven’t you heard a word I just said?’
‘Sorry, I—’ I look out, over his shoulder as if Jed might be in the garden. ‘What do you want me to do?’
‘I don’t know, just talk to him, get rid of him, hopefully. He’s trying to cause trouble, insisting Dad talks to him about when we were all young, who said and did what, but Dad can’t remember that kind of detail anymore.’
I sigh but don’t move.
‘He keeps mithering on about his dead sister,’ Eric stated. ‘Cassie. She was your friend.’
‘She was my best friend. I’ll get my shoes.’
I’ve no intention of discussing anything to do with Cassie with Eric. Empathy is clearly not his strong point; never was, as I remember.
He doesn’t wait for me, so I grab a cardi and my pumps, lock the door behind me and slip next door.
As I open the connecting gate, I think about the last time I saw Jed. He’d been walking past the Co-op, a sad, grey figure, clutching a beer can for dear life and staggering in his effort to keep upright.
I’ve said hello the odd time the last few times I’ve spotted him but he always looks at me as if he doesn’t recognise me anymore and then he moves away.
I did call at the house and try and chat properly to him years after our tragedies. I knew Cassie would have wanted us to talk but Jed didn’t want it… couldn’t handle it. True to form, he closed the door in my face.
Even now, in the street, it’s as if, when he looks at me, he sees Cassie and the unbearably painful memories of her vitality and love for life are disturbed in his head.
Ronnie’s back door is open and I can hear raised voices within.
‘If you don’t leave I’ll have to call the police,’ Eric’s raised voice declares as I rush through to the living room. ‘Nobody’s going to believe a thing you say, anyway. Your brain is pickled.’
I freeze in the doorway.
Jed half sits, half lies across the armchair. He is more dishevelled than I’ve ever seen him. Torn, frayed jeans and filthy black feet in open sandals. His hair is grey now, greasy and plastered to his scalp.
He pales when he sees me.
‘What you doing here?’ he slurs. ‘Cassie’s dead. Dead! D’ya hear me?’
‘I know that, Jed,’ I say, keeping my voice level and calm. ‘Cassie wouldn’t want to see you in this state. If you let me, we can get you some help.’
My words were pathetic. I should’ve tried to stay in touch with Jed more over the years.
He throws his head back and laughs at that, sparse teeth anchored to his pale gums like rotten pegs.
‘Help? You need help, you and that boyfriend of yours.’ He’s virtually incoherent but I catch the odd word and manage to piece it together. ‘Cassie hates him. Hates him. I want to talk about what happened.’
He obviously can’t distinguish whether he’s in the past or the present. He’s in a bad way.
‘If you don’t leave I’m ringing the police,’ Eric snaps. He’s pacing up and down the room, his face flushed. ‘Nobody is interested in your made-up stories about the past.’
I look at Ronnie and he shakes his head and looks down at the carpet.
‘Where’s Billy?’ Jed suddenly yelps and I gasp and take a step back. ‘Where’s Billy Tinsley?’
‘Enough!’ Eric surprises me with his loud booming voice. ‘We’ll not have Billy’s name said in here.’
I open my mouth to protest. What does Eric mean by that? Billy’s name isn’t something to forget about or to censor.
Before I can say anything, Jed lets out a mighty roar and runs for the door, tipping out onto the street.
‘Thank God for that!’ Eric fumes, slamming the door closed.
‘We can’t just leave him there, the state he’s in,’ I say and open the door, stepping outside.
Jed is already on his feet again and limping up the road, his arms swinging wildly.
‘Jed, wait!’ I run up to him. ‘Let’s talk, please.’
‘I can’t,’ he wails, tears pouring down his face. ‘Everything is gone, nothing can be made good ever again.’
‘Things will never get better for you until you let some of the poison out, Jed,’ I say gently. ‘I should know.’
He stops walking and looks at me and, for a second, I see the Jed I used to know behind his deep-blue eyes. When he speaks, he does so slowly and sounds clearer and calmer than in Ronnie’s house.
‘I will talk to you, Rose, but not here, not in front of Eric and Ronnie. Come to the Abbey at ten tonight.’
‘What? I can’t! Not at ten,’ I call to him as he lumbers off up the road. ‘Why not now?’
‘Ten o’clock at the abbey,’ he calls back without looking round.
I shake my head and head back to the house. I’m not going back to Ronnie’s, I don’t want any more of Eric’s insensitive remarks.
For the last sixteen years, I have never gone out at ten o’clock at night on my own. My guts twist at the mere thought of it.
I want to help Jed but he’s asked something that’s just too hard for me to do.
And why won’t he talk in front of Eric and Ronnie?
70
ROSE
PRESENT DAY
The stone gargoyles leer down from their lofty platform, their grimacing faces seeming to change as the clouds race by, obscuring and then exposing the pearly light of the moon that shines down on them.
I catch sight of the odd small, black shape flitting around the old tower. Bats. All the ingredients of pure horror right here in front of me. I shiver and hug the tops of my arms. I’m so, so tired of being afraid.
I must be crazy. I still don’t know why I had to come here but, somehow, I convinced myself it would be safe, that I
’d drive here and park at the abbey. I told myself it was something I could do for Cassie, to gather courage and do it for myself too.
‘Jed!’ I call, shivering.
What is he playing at? What on earth can be so desperate here that he couldn’t speak to me at home?
A faint cry draws my eyes upwards and I see him – high up on the abbey’s peak. How has he got up there?
‘Rose!’ he calls.
I walk closer and spot a ladder propped up against the wall next to the building Jed is standing on. As I get closer still, I see his face: ghostly pale, his eyes burning out of dark, manic sockets.
I’d slipped on my trainers before leaving the house and I’m grateful for that now, as I climb the ladder and sit gingerly on top of the wall. Jed is only about ten yards away as I sit there, my pounding heartbeat in my throat.
‘Have you lost your mind?’ I shout over to him. ‘Come back down, Jed.’
If I was closer I reckon I’d probably be able to smell booze on him. Nobody in their right mind would be messing around at this height, standing up, too.
‘I want to talk to you about Cassie, Rose. She always loved it here at the abbey.’
He’s definitely still drunk, slurring his words. But what he says about Cassie is true; the abbey was her favourite place to come when we were kids. It occurs to me that sometimes, life gets in the way and we let go of the things we love as we get older, forget what makes us happy.
‘You’re right, she did love it here but let’s talk back on the ground, Jed,’ I suggest. ‘This is crazy, you’ll—’
‘No! I’ll say what I need to say from up here.’
‘OK, fine! Just get on with it… please… ’ I look up, watch the rolling, angry clouds in the black sky. Panic seizes me and I begin to clamber to my feet again. ‘I can’t do this, Jed. I just can’t.’
‘She told me it was Gareth that raped her, Rose,’ he spits out the words like rotten teeth. ‘Cassie told me and she swore me to secrecy.’
That stops me in my tracks. The wind catches in my throat and my mind whirs with the awful truth that I now think I knew on some subconscious level but buried.
‘But Carolyn told me that Cassie never saw the attacker’s face, that he wore a mask.’
I had wondered so many times… had Gareth attacked Cassie? They’d never arrested anyone, the word in the village had been that the attacker was a stranger, someone passing through the village who’d happened upon Cassie home all alone.
But I’d been unable to get that night at Cassie’s house out of my mind, when Gareth had looked at her in that awful way. He’d told me to choose between them and I had done. I’d unflinchingly chosen him.
Had I unknowingly condemned Cassie when I told him what she’d said about him controlling me and her threat to tell Dad about us?
I didn’t want Jed’s words to be true yet the truth seemed to shine from them…
‘He did wear a mask.’ Jed nods. ‘A balaclava. He kept it on while he… attacked her... but Cassie told me that when he left her lying in the kitchen in a pool of her own blood, he peeled it off at the door and smiled at her.’
My hand flies up to my mouth and I frantically swallow down the bile that’s rising in my throat. Why couldn’t she find the strength to tell me?
‘He told her that if she breathed a word he’d ruin your entire family. He said if she was a true friend of yours she’d pay the price to keep you safe.’ Jed shakes his head. ‘She was a bloody soft touch, our Cassie. She acted hard but was soft as butter in the middle.’
It was true. Like her mother, she’d put on a hard-as-nails front that had no substance. Only the people closest to her had realised that.
‘Oh, Cassie,’ I breathe. The wind plasters wisps of hair to my mouth. I wish it would choke me. Finish everything.
‘She said she’d tried to talk sense into you before about how poisonous he was.’
My mind drifts back to the day at college in the common room when Cassie had tried to warn me about Gareth’s controlling nature. And what had I done? Run straight to Gareth and told him everything.
Of course Cassie wasn’t going to trust me again. She would have totally believed that he’d carry out his threat.
The heartbreaking thing was that, despite our fall out, Cassie had still been hell-bent on protecting me. All the times she’d refused to see me at the house, ignored my calls – it was to protect me from the monster that was Gareth Farnham.
‘I asked him a hundred times if he attacked Cassie,’ I said faintly. ‘Every time he lied. And he swears he never killed Billy. The lies – they just never stop.’
Jed emits a curious wail, a sort of howl and yelp rolled into one. He sounds like a wounded animal. I step forward.
‘Stay there! Don’t come any nearer,’ he shouts.
‘Jed, this is senseless. Cassie is dead, your mum died an alcoholic. For God’s sake, not you as well. I’ll help you. I swear, I can get you the help you need.’
‘You can never help me, Rose.’ The pain is palpable in his voice. ‘You can never help me because I’m the one, you see. I’m the one who killed Billy.’
I sway a little, then lean heavily against the stone wall.
‘What?’ I whisper.
‘It was an accident, Rose. I only meant to give you a scare, to take him for a day or two. I planned to put out a rumour that Farnham had something to do with it, so the villagers would blame Gareth. I thought that then it would all come out about him attacking Cassie. I’d been drinking and I think little Billy got scared… I only tried to make him stop shouting for help.’
My fingers claw at my thighs. I can’t stop them. I can’t speak.
‘This big group of people came by on the road and I just put my hand over his mouth to shut him up but… I must’ve just left it there too long. I didn’t know I was covering his nose, that he couldn’t breathe… I swear it was an accident. I swear!’
I can feel my strength running out of me like lifeblood.
He must have been there. It must be true. The coach load of visitors that headed towards the house tour; they walked past the area Billy had run after his kite.
Ronnie was innocent. Dear, dependable Ronnie. And Gareth Farnham – for once in his life – he’d told the truth. That day, before he’d been arrested, he’d tried to tell me he was out of the area – it was the truth. His alibi was sound.
‘Rose, I’m so, so, sorry. I am. I—’ Jed is sobbing so hard I can barely hear him ‘—if I could bring Billy back I would. Oh, dear God, what I would give to—’
‘Did you send the note… through my door?’ My voice sounds strangely calm. I stand up, wait at the top of the ladder until he gives me my answer.
‘I wanted you to stop. I just wanted you to leave it alone. I’ve always watched you, Rose. I’ve always wanted to tell you the truth. But I just knew you were up to something because you started going out, changed your routine. I came into the house and found the visiting order from Farnham. I saw Billy’s blanket wrapped in plastic on the side… I knew you were on to something but I couldn’t tell you the truth because Farnham would go free and he’s guilty. Guilty as hell for hurting Cassie so bad she wanted to die.’
I squeezed my eyes shut against the poignancy of his words. Thought about how I’d been careless, leaving a window open, feeling like someone had been in the house…
‘Jed,’ I say urgently. ‘There’s something I need to ask you. Billy had his red blanket the day he went missing. What happened to the blanket? If you’re telling the truth, you’ll know.’
‘It was caught in the bushes,’ Jed whimpers. ‘Even looking for his kite he was dragging that bloody blanket around. When I took my hand away and I realised he was dead, I panicked and ran.’
I close my eyes. I can’t bear it, can’t bear to listen to Billy’s last moments when I was just a hundred feet away from saving him.
‘Please, Rose, don’t cry. I hate myself. I don’t want to live.’
‘What happened to my brother’s blanket?!’ I scream at him.
‘I panicked when I realised Billy was dead. I covered him up as best I could with leaves and branches and I ran. The blanket was caught in the bushes, I was scared someone would see it so I took it with me.’
‘What did you do with it?’ I growl at him.
‘I knew they’d search everywhere. Mum was round at Ronnie and Sheila’s and as I walked past they shouted me in. Wouldn’t hear of me not having a drink with them. I made an excuse to use the bathroom and stuffed the blanket into one of the boxes in their spare room. I figured nobody would search Ronnie’s house but they might search ours.’ He hung his head. ‘When Sheila let slip she was having a spring clean, I even offered to help her with the spare room, lifting boxes and making sure that box was never touched.’
‘Oh Jed.’ My body trembles with my cries. ‘What have you done? How could you… to our Billy?’
‘I’m sorry, Rose.’ The crying, the wailing, has all stopped and his voice sounds strangely calm. ‘I’m truly sorry. I can’t live with it anymore.’
And he jumps. Jed jumps from the top of the abbey wall.
I sit for a few moments with my eyes closed.
‘I love you, Billy,’ I say.
Slowly, using the wall for support, I climb down the ladder. It takes me a long time to walk home. When I get back, I lock the door and sit for a while, empty inside but strangely calm.
And then I ring the police.
71
HMP WAKEFIELD
PRESENT DAY
Rose walked into the visiting room and smiled at Gareth as she approached the table.
‘Here’s my princess.’ He beamed. ‘Wow, look at you! Is that all for me?’
She’d been to a hairdresser in Mansfield that very morning and had her hair cut, blow-dried and lowlighted with a burnished red. She wore a new, long-line emerald-green top and she’d used mascara and a tiny bit of dark lipstick; in fact, it was the one Cassie had given her all those years ago.
