by Erin Quinn
JT looked at Scout. Scout gazed back, fighting a grin.
“Not one word,” JT muttered and went after her.
Chapter Fifteen
Madison burst through the door, box of chocolate donuts in her hand, determination in every cell of her body.
“JT?” she called.
She heard a rustling sound down the hall and followed Moof to its source, finding Gaby Venti instead of JT. She and Gaby had been friends since school days, but Gaby had moved away and they’d lost touch. Gaby looked upset . . . and very pregnant. She had a packed bag on the bed and red eyes.
“Gaby! I didn’t know you were here. I didn’t know you were pregnant. How did I not know you were pregnant?”
“It’s a long story.”
About eight months long from the looks of it. Moof didn’t know Gaby, but to his four-legged perspective, a stranger was only a friend he hadn’t met yet. He wagged his butt over to her and sniffed her big belly. Smiling tearfully, Gaby stroked his head.
Madison glanced from her friend to the bag on the bed. “Coming or going?” she asked carefully, remembering the harrowing drive up. The storm had only gotten worse over the last hour. Going down would be a nightmare.
“Going,” Gaby said and Madison’s stomach plunged.
“The snow is way too deep to be going anywhere but the living room to relax by the fire.”
But Gabby seemed determined to leave. She had a flight. Her mother was sick or something and she had to get there to see her. Madison kept trying.
“I just drove up Avalanche Road, Gaby and it’s bad out there. I didn’t think I was going to make it—”
“I know it’s bad, but I’ve got to go. Please, don’t try to stop me. I swear, I’ll just knock you over.”
“But—”
“And please don’t say anything to anyone.”
“But—”
“I’ve got new snow tires. I’ll be fine.”
Short of tackling her, Madison didn’t know what she could do. Frowning, she followed her friend down the hall, talking a mile a minute, hoping somehow she’d change her friend’s mind. In the end, Gaby left anyway, slipping out the door that led to the garages.
“Be careful,” she said to her retreating back. Moof gave a soft woof of agreement.
When she returned to the front room, JT was there waiting for her. Once again, she found all the words she’d rehearsed on the drive up vanishing like snowflakes in sunshine.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi,” she answered, box of donuts still clutched in her hands.
“More pumpkin bread?”
“No. Chocolate donuts.”
His brows shot up. “Interesting choice,” he said warily.
“Not really, when you think about it.”
“I must be off on my game, sweetheart, because you’ve had me lost all day.”
“Are you sure you weren’t lost before you got here?”
He shook his head, confusion in his eyes. “Not sure about that at all. Not anymore.” He stared at her for a moment, his expression thoughtful, measuring. “What’s going on, Madison? Why are you here? Not to say I’m not glad to see you. But things felt . . . unresolved this morning. I was worried I’d have to track you down to see you again.”
That surprised her. “You would have come looking for me if I’d made myself scarce?”
“In a heartbeat. I wouldn’t have let you go this morning but you said you had to work . . . .”
“I did. I went to work. But something happened today. Something so incredibly brave, that it made me want to be brave too.”
They both looked at the box in her hands, the scent of chocolate escaping into the room.
“So you brought chocolate doughnuts?”
“They’re supposed to be symbolic.”
From the look on his face, clearly, they’d failed.
“That was ten years ago, sweetheart.”
“Eleven. And I still haven’t forgotten it. That’s my point. I don’t want to still hate them in eleven more.”
Solemnly, JT nodded. “Okay. So, what now? Eat them?”
She laughed. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything, anymore. I’m just . . . I’m struggling, JT. I’m trying to figure out why you’re back.”
She paused to give him the chance to say, I’m not back. He kept silent.
That was a good sign, right?
“I think the problem is, I still don’t know why you left in the first place. So here I am, chocolate donuts in hand. And I’m asking, why did you leave like you did, JT? Why?”
There it was, out in the open. After all this time, she finally had the chance to ask. No beating around the bush. No apology for dredging up the past. And no quarter given for the guy who’d only been back in town just a few days. She didn’t have time for all of that.
“I . . . .”
“Stop. Don’t say it unless it’s true,” she warned.
“You were seventeen, Madison.”
“That’s it? That’s your explanation? We both knew how old I was—I never pretended to be older. I grew up right down the street, JT. You’ve known me since I was little.”
It was true, though the first time JT had ever noticed her had been during the spring of her junior year of high school. She was closer in age to Hamilton, and therefore had never moved in his circle. Until they’d ended up sitting beside each other at Scout’s hockey game. She’d been stunned when he’d taken the seat next to hers.
Because for all she’d been off his radar, he’d been the only boy hers had ever tracked.
He’d done a double take when he’d seen her, his gaze traveling over her features, noting that she wasn’t a little kid anymore. Far from it. She was practically shivering with delight by the time his eyes finally met hers. Then he’d given her that slow JT smile.
There was no coming back from that.
After the game, he’d walked her to her grandmother’s old pickup and kissed her good night. Then, he kissed her some more. It seemed he couldn’t stop kissing her and she’d been thrilled by every sweet brush of his lips.
For months afterwards, he’d come home every weekend to see her. Her heart hadn’t stood a chance.
“If my age was a problem for you,” she said, “why didn’t you just tell me? Why just up and leave without ever saying why . . . or, I don’t know, maybe even goodbye?”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I wasn’t trying to—”
“The naked blonde watching from your bedroom window wasn’t meant to hurt me, JT? I thought you cared about me, you sweet talked me into letting you be my first, and then you ditched me for some Fort Lewis Ho-Fo-Sho before you made it happen. Hurt doesn’t come close to describing how that felt.”
“She wasn’t some Ho-Fo-Sho,” he said.
“Did you meet her that night?”
“Yes.”
“Do you remember her name?”
“Ellen.”
“It was Janet Crocker, JT. She lives in Durango.”
“How do you kn—”
“Small town. Everyone knew.”
He crossed his arms, giving her a hard look. “Why are you bringing this up now?”
“Because I need to know.”
He sighed. “I don’t even remember where we met her. It was me and Cody. Scout was there, too. There was a lot of alcohol. A lot.”
“So you just met some random girl and decided to break my heart and leave forever?”
“No, it wasn’t like that. And for the record, I didn’t sleep with her. I slept in Scout’s room. I don’t even remember how she ended up at my house. We were all drunk, Madison.”
“Why was she naked?”
“Probably because she puked all over her clothes. She had to borrow something to wear back to her dorm.”
“But why did you leave right after that? Like you were guilty?”
“Gramps had pulled me aside the day before and lectured me about taking something from you that I could never give ba
ck. He said, you were too young. You had two more years of high school and I wasn’t even half-way through college. He called me a horny buck who needed to keep my pecker to myself.”
A sad smile flitted across his lips.
“He said, I was about to become a man. A good one he hoped. He said, if I promised you things I couldn’t deliver, I’d be just like my dad.”
He couldn’t hide the throb of hurt in his voice at those words. Deep inside, Madison knew she’d stumbled across the real reason.
“He said, I couldn’t wait to get out of this town.”
“And I was the girl who’d never go anywhere? The one who was going to hold you back?”
“No, sweetheart. It’s just that I was the guy who was never coming back.”
“I knew that. I always knew that.”
“We were both too young. And Gramps, he knew we were planning to have sex—how is a mystery. But he knew.”
“He thought you were going to knock me up and leave me?”
“He’d seen it happen before.”
“So he told you to find some blondie who looks good in the window and end it?”
“Yeah sure, that’s how it went.”
“Set me straight, then, JT.”
He rubbed his face and laughed. The sound was low, bitter and more than a little bit bewildered.
“I was mad that I wasn’t going to be with you—and mad that he was right. Maturity wasn’t part of my coping mechanisms, so I did what boys my age did. I got stinking drunk and passed out in my brother’s room. Maybe he got laid that night, but I didn’t. I was still drunk when you rang the doorbell the next morning and invited me to your dance with a shitload of chocolate donuts and that heartbreaker smile.”
She lowered her lashes and hid her eyes from him, remembering how that had felt. It had taken three dozen doughnuts to write her elaborate invitation on his front lawn. Snow had fallen the night before, and against the chocolate, it’d look so white. It’d been perfect, right up until the moment he answered the door and she’d seen the blonde standing in his bedroom window, breasts bared to the world.
“Gramps got wind of what happened within the hour,” he said. “He was at my house before I even had the donuts cleaned up. Drove me back to school himself, made me leave my Jeep at home so I couldn’t drive back if I wanted to. Which I did. Many times. But he told me to stay away from you before I screwed up your life more than I already had.”
Just as his father had screwed up his life and the lives of his mother and siblings. He didn’t say it, but she heard it there, on the air between them.
“You never thought to call?”
He crossed the room at last, took the donuts and set them on the coffee table. Then he touched her face, tilting it up so he could see her eyes.
“If I’d called, I would’ve come back and then we’d have been at square one again. I couldn’t keep my hands off you, Madison. I was so addicted to you that I . . . I . . . Who knows what I would have done? Maybe I would have tried to knock you up, just to keep you. Sometimes I didn’t think I could breathe unless you were beside me. And that scared the shit out of me, Madison. I’m feeling some of that now. Like, right now. And it’s enough to make me run for the hills.”
“Is that why you keep pulling away?”
“You think I’m doing that now?”
“Even before that morning, before the Chocolate Donut Incident, I felt you withdrawing. You’d get mad for no reason and push me away. And if I ever tried to bring up what would happen after we both graduated . . . .”
He swallowed hard.
“That has always been a hot button for you, JT. You couldn’t even play pretend that we might have a future together. What happens next makes you lose your cool. I saw it this morning. It freaked you out when I asked.”
“I freaked out because it’s so fast, Madison.”
“That’s not why. I wasn’t asking for a ring.”
“No. Just my heart.”
“It’s only fair. You’ve had mine for all these years.”
He caught his lip with his teeth and nodded. “You’ve had mine, too,” he said softly, reluctantly.
“So why is it so hard to tell me?”
“I’m still scared, I guess.”
“I’m scared, too. But that’s not going to stop me. I’m going to be brave and ask for what I want. All those years ago, we both made mistakes. You could’ve come home if you’d really wanted to. We could’ve worked it out. But I could’ve gone to you, too. And I didn’t. I just curled up and pretended I’d moved on. I was afraid to face who I am. What I am.”
“What’s that?”
“The girl next door. The one who’s been in love with you since I was five and saw you crying after your daddy left you.”
“That made you love me?”
“Boys are afraid of emotion. I loved that you weren’t—and I didn’t realize that was the only time I was going to get to see it. I didn’t tell you that I loved you back then. I don’t want to hear it now, under pressure. That’s not what I’m driving at. I just want to know that I mean something to you. That after the pumpkin pie is served, you’re not going to pat your belly, thank me for dinner, and go away again.”
“That’s not fair. I told you this morning that we should—”
“Long distance relationship. I heard you. But that’s just logistics. You’re afraid to say you want to stay with me, wherever. The place doesn’t matter, JT. Not to me. I don’t think it even matters to you. It’s the commitment . . . the intent . . . that does.”
He shook his head, saying nothing. In the absolute quiet, Madison felt her heart stutter and stop completely. She was seventeen again, standing with her heart spelled out in chocolate donuts. And JT was going to break it all over again.
A cold draft surrounded them, and on it came the scent of cherry tobacco. JT shook his head again.
“I can’t—”
Before he could finish his sentence, a loud BOOM echoed down from the mountains outside and the floor beneath her feet shuddered. Moof barked excitedly, whining as he ran from door to windows.
“What was that?” Madison asked, but a split-second later, someone outside shouted “Avalanche!”
Madison and JT rushed to the window and looked outside, relieved when they saw the grounds clear and his brothers moving around. She spotted her old friend Ciara St. James—was she back with Scout?—not far away.
Then Madison remembered. She pulled back and looked at JT in horror.
“Oh my God,” she said. “Gaby! Gaby left right before you walked in. She’s out there on Avalanche Road.”
Chapter Sixteen
JT grabbed Madison’s hand and together they raced out the front door, stopping only long enough to put their coats back on and to tell Moof to stay. The big dog wasn’t happy to be left behind and barked frantically from behind the closed door.
The stairs Scout had cleared were already covered with snow, but they took them at a run, heading for the shed and the snowmobiles. They’d be best in this snow, especially if the road was cut off. Hamilton sped out just as the two of them entered, nearly taking them down like bowling pins.
“Sorry,” he shouted as he flew by.
“Gaby’s pregnant,” Madison said, panting to keep up with JT.
“I think I can guess who the dad is,” JT answered.
She looked surprised for a moment and then nodded. “That would make sense.”
“Can you drive your own or do you want to ride with me?” he asked, pushing the first snowmobile to the entrance.
Madison grabbed helmets, goggles and ski masks, throwing him a set when his hands were free.
“We’ll make better time if we each take our own.”
He pulled the other one out, too.
“Let’s go.”
Their engines started up without trouble—thank you, Hamilton!—and they were off, flying across the white powder. He saw Scout and Ciara loading up the Rubicon. Gramps had always insis
ted on keeping an emergency kit packed and ready. He’d survived the last avalanche and, because of his quick thinking, so had JT’s grandma, Gracie.
They rode at breakneck speeds, taking moguls and swishing through trees until they reached the top of the road where their worst fears were confirmed. The avalanche had thundered down the mountain and now had the road completely blocked off. If there’d been any cars in its path, they were either buried under it or they’d been pushed over the edge.
“Look, there’s Hamilton,” she said, pointing to the other snowmobile cutting a path down to the road.
They both turned their vehicles in that direction and followed. The snow came down with fury, pelting them with hard ice crystals while a thick, frigid fog rolled over them. JT was almost to the road when he heard a terrible sound. Pulling the snowmobile around, he looked back to find that Madison was no longer behind him. He scanned the slope they’d come down and saw the other snowmobile halfway up, overturned.
Heart in his throat, he reversed direction and sped up. The snowmobile was on its side. Madison was sitting not far from it.
“I hit a rock,” she said. “It threw me.”
“Are you okay?” he asked, cutting the engine and rushing to where she sat.
“Yeah, just knocked the breath out of me. This snow isn’t as soft as it looks.”
“Are you sure? Nothing’s broken?”
“Just my ass.”
He righted her machine, but the tip of the left ski had snapped. She couldn’t ride it like that. It would have to be repaired.
“Can you ride behind me?” he asked, gesturing to his snowmobile.
She nodded, taking the hand he offered to help her to her feet. “This is bad out here, JT,” she said when she’d stood. All around them the world was white and blustering. “I’m so worried about Gaby. I told her not to go, but she insisted.”
“She’s going to be fine.”
“You don’t know that.”
JT pulled her into his arms, hugging her through the layers of clothes, and kissed her forehead. “Let’s just get down there. One step at a time, sweetheart.”
