by Love Belvin
I pulled out my phone. “Five thirty-five.”
His heavy eyes hit me, sudden recognition flashing through them. That sinful scent of his cologne and natural odor flooding my olfactory had me straightening my neck. Rut sat up on the bed and wiped his face roughly with the heels of his palms. He glanced around before his regard landed on me. His orbs brushed against my upper torso, landing on my face before he turned away. Then he sniffled again. His body turned a few ways before he found the culprit. Weed.
“Aye, yo,” he called across the way. “Y’all mind giving me some privacy?”
Quietly, and on command, the guys began filing out.
“You didn’t want me being the only female in your crew?” I joked.
Humorlessly, Rut grumbled, “I didn’t even know they were down here.” He looked me over again. “You good?”
I nodded. Then I glanced behind me and saw the security was still there. That was strange. No longer able to delay it, I went for my bag and pulled out my lunch.
“What the hell is that?” Rut asked with a dark grimace.
I bit into my sandwich half then garbled. “Almond butter and jelly sandwich. I’m starving.”
“All that food upstairs,” his heavy, sleepy vocals produced. “Why you ain’t eat?”
“That food’s gone. Plus, I hardly eat the stuff I cooked.” I shrugged with one shoulder before deciding on the truth. “I can’t eat at everybody’s house. I didn’t know if it would be clean here so I packed a lunch in case. Good thing I did. They cleaned those trays as soon as the foil was ripped from them.”
Rut cracked a half a smile. “Sorry for leaving you out there. You were killing my cousin, Alfreda, and I ain’t feel like being around a bunch of people.”
“I know the feeling. I lost my best friend since high school right after I graduated college.” I swallowed, clearing my mouth before going for another bite. “I couldn’t make it to the repass. I cut out after the funeral, and it took a long while to recover. I stayed in the house for a whole month.” I nodded, recalling the ordeal. “I only left when my mother forced me to go see a doctor friend of hers.”
After a few muted moments, Rut grabbed the other half of my sandwich and took a ginormous bite, which was half of it. “How’d you get over it?”
“I haven’t.” My brows lifted in revelation. “I don’t think you ever do. You just manage through it. You understand she’ll never see you get married. She won’t be the godmother of your children. She won’t be there to rub your back when you get shitfaced drunk the night of your thirtieth birthday party.”
Rut stopped chewing and his head reared, but it came back up with that grin of his that now warmed me. “You’re supposed to be making me feel better.”
“You ate half my sandwich. I don’t have enough sustenance in me for that.” Then I remembered. “Hang on.” I pulled out a bag of organic salt and vinegar chips.
A goofy grin splayed on my lips.
“Oooooh… You got the hook up,” he declared throatily and snatched the bag.
“I got these, too.” I pulled out a sandwich bag of sliced carrots and pulled one out.
Rut grabbed that, too, then took out three and stuffed them into his mouth. He flashed a sarcastic smile that disappeared as quickly as it raised on his sleepy face.
“Munchies from that blow?” I bit into a carrot, peering him directly in his eyes.
Rut’s forehead wrinkled. “I ain’t smoke in years.” My mouth dropped. “Actually, I did blow one with B-Rocka two summers ago when we found out a bird he fucked was pregnant by another dude.”
“You weren’t just down here smoking with them?”
Rut shook his head, ripping open the bag of chips. “On everything; I came down here with just my cousin, Red. I woke up to you and all them other niggas, including security.” He shrugged with his lips. “But we roll like that. If I wasn’t ballin’, I’d be right in Trenton with them niggas. That’s my family. We all in pain right now. Plus, when I’m in town, they stick around me for protection.” Then he gave me a long stare. Out of nowhere, Rut chuckled. “They don’t even pass me the blunt no more. Just like they used to trap back in the day, ignoring me when their transactions happened. They never pass to me.”
I wanted to laugh at the exclusion, too, but decided not to. Instead, I scoped out the place. Rut’s place. It reminded me I’d never explored his condo in Connecticut. Here, in his real home, was a monstrous sized television mounted on the wall across from the bed. Sneakers, paired according to models and colors inhabited a corner. A wall of trophies took up lots of space a few yards from where I sat. And then there was the lounge area where his crew sat before they left. In there was a living room set and another mounted television. Rut seemed to have his own living quarters right here in the basement.
How many girls has he had down here?
“It was gang-related and then it wasn’t.”
My head whipped to face him. “Huhn?”
Rut’s regard was straight ahead on a poster-sized picture of him as a teen and another kid I hadn’t noticed until now.
“B-Rocka…” he breathed out while gazing at the image. “He was fuckin’ a girl who claimed she was done with a dude from the Northerners, a gang in North Trenton. We haven’t had problems with them in years. And even then, it was over a girl. They were at a party last Saturday and dude from the Northerners had a few pills and shots of Henny in him. The bitc—chick was there with her girls and got mad when she saw her nigga all up in somebody else’s face. She decided to start twerking in front of B-Rocka. He was drunk off his ass and with it.”
Rut hung his head and took a deep breath.
“Is that him…B-Rocka?” I gestured for the wall.
“Yeah.”
My hand found his thigh and squeezed. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For not having the superpower to take the pain away.”
“You’d do that for me?”
I scoffed. “In a heartbeat.”
After a pregnant pause, he uttered, “Why?”
I shrugged, gazing at the poster picture of the pair. “Because I’m a sucker for assholes, they say.”
Slowly, I turned to face him. His dark eyes made my heart flutter.
I yanked my head away. “Stop it.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop looking at me like that. Today’s about comfort, not that other stuff.” I trained my eyes to the cups left behind on the coffee table.
“What other stuff? How you got my fuckin’ nose wide open?”
My hair flew in the air from the speed of my neck turning to face him.
I snorted. “I do not!”
Rut scoffed, his eyes rolling from me as he shook his head. “Then why, while my heart is bleeding, all I wanna do is taste your lips?”
I skipped a breath, swallowing hard. The cutesy smirk planted on my face earlier had been washed away by that remark. Then we locked eyes. Rut’s swung down to my mouth, making me throb below the waistline.
“Why were you so mean to me earlier?” I whispered, hearing the echoes of my mouth movements bounce off the walls. “Why didn’t you come over last night?”
“Because I was mad at you,” he returned in the softest, most frank tenor…almost childlike.
“Why?”
“Because I’m a stingy muthafucka, Gray. Because I hate to see you devoted to another man. ‘Cause I’ve only known you for two weeks and feel like you belong to me. ‘Cause I’m a crazy ass fucker.”
My throat tightened to the point I couldn’t breathe. Until a heap of air broke through producing a croak. Rut leaned down, his head angling as his eyes focused on his target. I found my spine gravitating to mirror his movements.
“Ut…” There was a thump at the far end of the room. “Shit!” Then a thud.
I was on my feet, startled out of my mind. Rut’s big body rounded mine swiftly.
“C’mon, man!” he barked. “You know better, ma!”
I shifted until I could see Paula’s little frame on her knees, holding her head. “Fuck, Rut!” she whined. “One of the damn steps disappeared!”
“No, it didn’t! You OD’d today. I told you since that first shot to pace ya’self; people over!”
“Rut, I’m good!” she shouted as he reached down to stand her on her feet. Paula yanked away from him and wobbled until she found her balance. “I just came down here to see ya friend. I wanna know if she gone help me with your party.”
“What party?” I couldn’t help myself.
Paula tripped over her feet to get to me. “His college graduation and draft party. We throwin’ him one before the season start. You gone help me?”
My eyes shot over to Rut’s big body flexing behind her like the Hulk.
“I’d love to.” I beamed, knowing it irritated him.
Also, it was then I realized Rut had gotten his degree last month. That warmed me.
“Good! Now I’m just waiting for him to give me the money to do it.” Paula was next to me now, leaning on my arm. “You know them white men with him from the Kings?”
“Ma!”
“No.” My eyes blinked successively. “I didn’t.”
“Yeah. They think them fuckin’ Northerners gone try my son. Let them bitches roll up!” Paula kissed the tips of her fingers then dotted her chest and two narrow shoulders. “I got something for all them mufuckas, they mommas, and babies. I swear on everything. Rut a good man. My only!”
I nodded, my eyes locked on a brewing Rutledge.
“You real wit him, ain’t you?” My eyes shot down to Paula. “You ain’t like them other thot bitches, is you?”
“You mean like his girlfriend, Emily?”
“C’mon, Gray!” Rut growled. “Don’t play like that!”
A giggle shot from my belly. “Paula, you give her the same set of questions?”
“Don’t listen to her, ma!” he barked.
Paula’s little head swung back and forth from Rut to me.
“You told me you ain’t fuck with her like that! You said that was all publicity, nigga! That’s why ya father flippin’ the hell out in his cell!”
My mouth formed an “O” while my eyes went wild. This was fun. A wonderful distraction to the grieving, I hoped.
“I ain’t got time for this,” Rut mumbled and grabbed my bag and snacks from his bed. “C’mon. I gotta get you back to Connecticut at a decent hour.”
“You ain’t staying?” Paula trilled alarmed.
“Nah, I got mandatory minicamp tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday.” Rut grabbed my hand.
Paula was behind us as we headed for the stairs.
“Wait, Rut! I need a few dollars,” Paula slurred. “I owe Gina a hun’ned dollars from bingo last week, Lil’ Rocky need thirty dollars for camp this week, and Mommy’s door needs fixing. The guy quoted her three seventy-five.”
My eyes blinked fast, hard, and repetitively at those inflated numbers. And I didn’t recall that little boy, Rocky, even asking for money.
Rut stopped just at the base of the steps and turned to her. He sighed and his shoulders hung with exhaustion. “I just saw the hotel bill from the past week. You ran it up with the mini bar. What the hell were you doing in town to play bingo when you was supposed to be laying low from all the drama?” Before Paula could defend herself, he continued. “Rocky ain’t in camp this week, school ain’t even out yet for them. And I’ll holla at my mans about Grandma’s door.” He started up the stairs.
“Rut!” Paula shouted.
“What?”
She didn’t say another word. She popped back on one leg, propping her fist on her hip expectantly. For a few seconds, we all stood frozen. Then Rut let go of my hand and dug into his pocket. He pulled out his wallet and peeled off a few bills.
“This better last you a couple of weeks. I keep telling you, we ain’t rich yet.”
“Okay. But what about the party?”
“I don’t need a party. I ain’t even making money yet. We celebrate when the money starts flowing.”
“And when that ‘posed to be?”
“Maybe next season, ma. I don’t know. But right now, we gotta chill on all this spending shit.” The undertone of his words was a pleading one.
This was hard to listen in on. Paula was draining her son, financially and emotionally. However, it was clear to me he loved her in spite of it.
Rut resumed his lead up the stairs.
“But what about your father?” Paula asked close behind. “He come home in a couple of months. You ‘on’t want a joint party?”
“No, baby girl. No party for me. We’ll talk about what we’ll do for him closer to the time,” he droned.
We weren’t fully on the main floor when a commotion sounded. I saw one of the suited security was headed our way full force. Rut pulled me behind him.
“Where the fuck he at, though?” a woman’s voice struggled to maintain a calm façade. “I just wanna talk to him!”
Behind me, I could hear Paula clonking up the stairs. “Shit! That’s Kim?” She was in the hall in no time, pushing me to get around Rut.
Her little frame disappeared among the big bodies in front of me.
“Now wait a fuckin’ minute, Kim!” Paula yelled without a slur. “Don’t come all the way out here to my house with that shit. This ain’t Trenton!”
“No, Ms. Paula! You said he was gonna call me!”
“He said he did, but even if he didn’t, you ain’t got no right coming up in my house like this. Fuck outta here with that bullshit!”
I could even hear Annalise, Rut’s grandmother, trying to diffuse the situation.
“Yo, get me the fuck outta here,” Rut demanded of the suited security in front of him.
“Sir,” he answered. “The trucks are being pulled around now. We’re gonna make a path to the front door.”
“Then let’s go!” Rut demanded.
“I just got a call from my partner outside about several men arriving with this irrate woman. We have to be sure they aren’t armed.”
“Man, fuck them Hawkins’! They know what time it is.” Then he got louder. “Kim, man, you need go the fuck on with this bullshit!”
“Yeah,” Annalise cried. “You gone hurt that baby!”
Baby?
I couldn’t see anything. Rut’s big back was in my face and when I craned my neck, there was another long suit. And that’s when I saw a gun. The security—the one the Kings hired—was armed! My mouth went dry.
“I ain’t even come over here on no bullshit. I just want you to be a man and tell me why you started actin’ funny style? Why you ain’t even call me about B-Rocka? Why I had to hear it from the whole fuckin’ Trenton but not from you? And now it’s ‘Fuck the Hawkins?’” The girl sounded to be on the verge of tears.
I tugged the hem of Rut’s suit jacket. “Who is that?”
“No fuckin’ body!” he yelled, likely not able to come down from his anger. “Get her the fuck outta here, Rich!”
So many people were yelling at one time: men and women. Threats were being hurled and furniture being moved.
The armed security spoke into his wrist. “Okay. Let’s go,” he commanded Rut.
Rut pulled me in front of him and practically caped my shoulders and back with his big frame.
“Sorry about this,” he murmured in my ear as we shuffled into the kitchen, en route to the door.
I didn’t know what to say as my heart thundered. Who was she? What was going on?
“You fuckin’ coward!” the girl screamed. “You said we was gonna stay cool!”
“Kim, don’t make me get my niece to beat ya ass!” Paula yelled from somewhere in the house. I still couldn’t see much with all the big bodies surrounding me. “Where Sheema at? You better be lucky they holding me back!”
“Fuck you and Sheema, P! You said we was cool, too. Now you stuntin’ on me just like him!”
“Kim!” Annalise cried out again. “Y
ou gone hurt that baby. You too close to your due date!”
Is that Rut’s baby they’re talking about?
My body began to tremble from familiar symptoms of betrayal. We moved and swiftly. Before I knew it, we were outside on the porch of the house.
“Take her to the truck,” Rut order. “I gotta go back and straighten this shit out.”
“Amare,” one security spoke up. “You can’t go back in there with that melee, sir.”
“It ain’t what you think. She my high school girl. She pregnant—” His eyes flew to me in the doorway of the truck. “Not by me! She a lil’ off but not dangerous. I just gotta make sure my moms and grams is okay.”
“Richardson and I will have to go with you.”
As soon as Rut nodded in agreement, Paula appeared on the porch of the middle-class neighborhood home. “Rut, y’all go ‘head. We all right. Bobby came with her. He in there calming her down now!”
“Grandma okay?” Rut asked.
“Yeah. She gone fix her some water. She just trippin’ the fuck out. That’s why I told you to call her!”
Rut grumbled something underneath his breath. Then he looked back at me, as I was halfway in the truck.
“I’ll call you in a few,” he shouted to Paula.
“Okay, baby.” Paula waved. “Love you, Rut-Butt!”
Rut didn’t answer when he moved to enter the truck. I hopped inside and scooted over. He brought my bag in and the door was closed behind him. I shuffled on my knees to peer out of the back window when I asked, “What was that?”
“Bullshit,” he groaned, leaning back in his seat and closing his eyes.
“You sure the baby ain’t yours?” I teased, sitting back down.
I never got a look at her.
“No. Kim’s just crazy as hell. I was tryna tell people that so long ago. They thought it was her just wildin’ out over her first ‘love.’” He used air quotations. “But I knew it was more. She liked to fight any and everybody and for no reason. The girl never drank but would be on the dancefloor for hours like a molly-head. She wouldn’t sleep for days and would pop up at my crib at four in the morning to try to bust me with a chick.”
“Did she?” I lifted a brow.
But Rut’s eyes were closed.
