by Love Belvin
“You have to stick your chin up and maybe even stand still in the pain by your-damn-self. But you don’t get to run from things!” She shoved her hand to the floor. “You stand firm through it, and if you’re lucky—as in your case—you have someone next to you to figure it out with. Not like in my case where all the pain, the betrayal, and fucking loss is all on my shoulders alone!”
My face opened up when it hit me.
“Everything’s good with Wright?”
Her eyes squeezed closed and tears raced down her tight face. “He died today, Rut.”
I jumped to grab her into my arms.
“Congratulations, Parker!” my mother trilled with the widest smile. She grabbed me in her arms and squeezed. “That’s amazing, and I’m glad to know my money on that chemistry degree was not in vain.”
I shrugged with my brows, giving the sentiment of touché. “This is true.”
“How did you even get in contact with The Drake Casino and Hotel?”
“Rut. He made some calls back in July then he helped me with getting labels, insurance, and things like that.” I shrugged not knowing what else to say.
With inga grayson, you couldn’t dote on a man too much.
Her smile was still in place. “Well, I’m happy for you, Parker. I really am.” She stepped back and glanced around the room. “So you think this will be the baby’s room?”
Today was my mother’s first day over. I’d been showing her the house when I shared the news that came in yesterday about me getting product placement in the casino. There was a strange comfort showing her around the home I hadn’t decided I’d even stay in.
My regard swept from wall to wall. “I haven’t thought that far yet. My focus has been down in the wash room where I’ve set up shop for my lab. That, and looking for warehouses to use my formula to make my products in mass or a commercial kitchen to make larger quantities than I can here.”
She followed me out of the second largest bedroom of the house into the hall.
“I heard the news about Jimmy’s funeral happening next week,” she shared behind me. “His memorial will be near the stadium. Are you going?”
“I am. I haven’t exactly been invited, but it is open to the public. His neighbor and former home nurse plans to sit with me.”
She stopped in the middle of the carpeted hall. “I’m sorry about all of this, Parker. I really am. For all the negative things I’ve said about your relationship, your dedication to him was one of champions.”
My throat burned. “Thanks, inga.”
The front door opened below. There, from the loft, I could see a towering frame crane his neck inside.
“Park!” he shouted.
In a less alarmed tone, I answered, “Up here.”
Rut’s regard met us. “Oh.” He stepped inside. “Just wanted to let you know I was here, dropping the boxes off.”
I smiled kindly—formally—wanting to see more of him under the Ase Garb baseball cap. “I left one of the garage doors open for you.”
He’d called last night, something he’d done every day since I learned of Jimmy’s passing, and mentioned needing to drop a box of Ase Garb samples off that he didn’t have the space for at his condo. I reminded him of this being his home and he was more than welcome to do what he needed to do.
“Oh.” Rut seemed stuck.
“Hi,” my mother waved. “I’m inga, Parker’s mom.”
“Oh!” Rut emitted with more energy. He took for the rounding staircase and charged them like lightning. As he drew closer to us, his scent announced him and my nipples stung. “My bad.” He extended his hand to inga. “I’m Rutledge. Nice to meet you.”
“The pleasure is all mine. I hear congratulations are in order.” She beamed that non-inga beam I still couldn’t get used to.
Rut’s eyes hit me then softened as they dropped down my frame. He couldn’t see proof of my expectancy. I hadn’t gained an excessive amount of weight and so far, had been all belly but a small belly.
“Yeah,” he spoke to her, but his unsmiling eyes were on me. Then he faced her. “Thanks. Glad you’re over. You like Parker’s new place?”
My head shifted back and brows lifted. My place?
“It’s gorgeous. Very spacious.”
Both their eyes were on me now. What could I say that wouldn’t make this “meeting” awkward.
“I know you have to leave for Cleveland. I can lock up the garage when you’re done.” He told me about his game there tomorrow. “Just shoot me a text.”
Rut nodded, his eyes still on me. I couldn’t stare at him for too long. It wouldn’t be good for me.
“Nice to meet you, Dr. grayson.”
“Same here, Rutledge. I look forward to being over more often. I’m very excited about this next chapter in my life.” There was a bit of formality in that claim.
That inga could intimidate the most confident.
Rut took off for the stairs. Before I could turn to confirm, he was out of the door.
“That was interesting,” she let out a deep breath, but was smiling from ear to ear.
“What’s that?”
“In the split second when he arrived up here, I saw a glimpse of my tender Parker. The one who believed the world to be good and that men are gods.”
I shook my head. “I seriously doubt that.”
“Oh. I’ll never forget the bright spirit of that girl.” She took me at the shoulders, leaning her head into mine. “Let inga be the bitch. You be the loving, caring Parker Grayson you were born to be. I like what your pastor said about the demons of our blood line vanishing. Start with unpacking and settling into your new home here.”
I stopped. “My new home? I don’t know about that.”
Unperturbed, she urged me ahead, down the hall as she laughed hard at my expense. “Honey, if you weren’t planning on staying, you would’ve been out of this lovely home by now. So cut the shit.”
~Twenty-one
I heard the oohs and ahhhs as I let us into the house.
“This place is gorgeous, Parker!” Nurse Jackie marveled.
“Holy shit, it’s big,” Mandee screeched.
My eyes went to the tables and chairs planted sparsely around the empty rooms. A long table was in the dining room decorated with elegance and packed with colorful foods. Overly stimulated, my eyes scoured the place I’d just left hours earlier. Where did all this stuff come from?
Then I connected eyes with him. Rut was in the kitchen, sitting at a table watching. He stood and sauntered across the house for me. I watched him take long lunges in a Kings T-shirt, basketball shorts, black ankle socks, and shower shoes.
“What’s this?”
He towered over me with concerned eyes. “I got a few things and people together for a repass here.”
“Here?”
“Yeah. I was able to get a catering company and buy a few pieces of furniture to fill the empty space.”
“You did all that during preseason?”
Rut shrugged as he chewed his lip. I hoped he didn’t think I was being a bitch. This time I wasn’t. I was just shocked.
“Who is all of this for?”
“A few people.” His eyes raised above and beyond my head. I turned to follow his line of vision to Nurse Jackie and Mandee over at the food table in the dining room. “They helped me with a few things.”
The bell rang and then the door was pushed open. Sauntering in was Mel Richardson. My forehead wrinkled. Behind her was Cole, then Eli, and then was Nate.
Eli located me in the foyer right away and made his way over. The two men greeted each other in a half hug and hand shake.
“How are you feeling, Parker?” Eli asked. “I couldn’t find you in the church.”
“I was nearly in the back, not wanting to be seen.”
“I was hoping you weren’t alone. I had Mel take a walk to look for you.” He pulled my hand in his. “I’ve expressed to James my feelings about the lack of sensitivity shown to you by
him and his siblings.” His tone was so warm, genteel. “There’s nothing I can do professionally, but was sure to let him know my family and I would be here with you memorializing his father before I go over to the repass they’re holding now.”
My eyes swept over to Rut.
That’s what this is…
I gazed over the foyer again and saw more people coming in. These looked like athletes.
“Thanks, Eli,” I murmured, taken aback by it all, including the fact that these people were traveling just behind me from the church over forty minutes away and I didn’t know.
He offered a final neck bow before stalking off. My regard returned to Rut. I was utterly speechless. Today had been a day of emotional constraint for me. Losing my grandfather was worse than losing my grandmother because I was older and more attached to him. But losing Jimmy was a hard hit on my emotions and psyche because I was pregnant and my hormones were soaring in this second trimester.
“Are you okay, Parker?” I turned to find inga. She wore an apron, and the look of concern in her eyes could mend scores of offenses.
“Mom?” Her eyes flew wide. I never called her that. She trained me otherwise. “inga!” I corrected myself. “How did you know about this?”
“Rut contacted me at school. I thought it was a nice gesture. I just hope the surprise isn’t too much on you and the baby,” she whispered.
Who the hell was this woman? The inga I knew was hard, direct, and temperamentally confrontational. And Rut. Since when did he care how I mourned Jimmy? Where was the selfish asshole?
My eyes closed and those stupid tears begin to fall.
Rut was on me first. “Those punk ass Wrights fuck with you?” he growled.
“Parker, breathe,” my mother urged, rubbing my arm as I sobbed from the sadness of never saying goodbye.
I knew it was a foolish thought, but I struggled with the guilt of abandoning Jimmy. Just weeks after he was removed from his home, he died. And from what Mandee said her father had been told, none of his children were there when he crossed over.
I waved off the last guests to leave for the night. My mother and Nurse Joan were lifesavers, cleaning the post-mess left after the catering company packed their things to leave. I journeyed back from the side of the house where guests parked. There were close to fifty people here today. Everyone insisted I didn’t lift a finger, including Rut, who left once he and inga were able to calm me after my emotional meltdown earlier.
The gesture of an informal memorial for Jimmy turned out to be a comforting one. It wasn’t long as folks had to drive all the way back down into the city to be with Jimmy’s family. Eli hosted it here, being sure I was at his side. He presented a brief yet moving eulogy from the living room. Then we all gathered outside where there was as many gold and blue helium balloons as there were people. An old teammate of his gave words of remembrance and we let our balloons ascend toward heaven as I hoped Jimmy had. He deserved rest from his heavy ailment and emotional torment over the years. Eli invited guests back inside for light refreshments before taking back to the city.
After I paced barefoot back into house by way of the kitchen, I locked the doors. There were a few plates and cups my mother and Nurse Joan missed, so I collected them and walked toward the sink for the trash when I realized I wasn’t alone.
“Oh, my goodness, Terrance,” I breathed, dropping the plastic dishes on the island and grabbed my raging chest. “I didn’t know you were still here.”
I’d seen and greeted him on the way out for the balloon ceremony, but that was hours ago when the first round of guests was still here.
He leaned into the doorjamb off the hallway. “I was waiting for everyone to leave. They say that’s when the grieved actually grieves.”
I swallowed, smiling at the kind gesture. “Well, I wish you would have given me the heads up and not scared the crap out of me.”
Terrance chuckled and moved toward a seat at the table Rut must have rented for today. “How are you? I’ve been busy in the preseason…haven’t the time to check in on you.”
I raised my hands to my belly then gestured to the kitchen door where we’d had the balloon send off. “I’ve been quite busy myself, as you can see.”
“You know, I had no idea you were pregnant until today.”
My smile remained as my head shook softly. “You just said you’ve been busy.”
“Now, I’m hurt.”
“Hurt?” I echoed, expression fixed in a half smile, half astonishment. “We shouldn’t use extreme intransitive verbs, Terrance.”
I carried the cups and plates to the large trash can.
“I thought we were friends. Why wouldn’t I be hurt?” I glanced over my shoulder to find his eyes on my rear. They rolled cunningly up to my face.
I snorted, being hit with a revelation before I returned to him at the table and leaned against it.
“Because we aren’t friends.”
“We’ve gone out before…texted before, too.” His eyes roved up my black dress that didn’t façade my belly much. “I’ve brought you flowers. Remember?”
“Yup.” I nodded, smiling. Terrance’s game was too thick tonight and pathetically weak. “And you may not have heard about my bundle of love here.” I rubbed my belly. “But I’m sure you heard about Jimmy. A friend would have remembered he dropped those flowers off to the woman living with Jimmy. A friend would have called to check on her. And that’s where we differ on the title.”
“But I’m here now,” he continued. “I’m here after everyone else has left. I want to comfort you.”
“No thanks, Terrance.”
“Ouch. This reminds me of the last time I texted you and you told me we shouldn’t go out anymore because it was a conflict.”
“Oh. So you got that text? You sure didn’t respond.”
His hand went to his chest. “I was hurt.”
“Boy, do you hurt easily.” I laughed. Terrance had to, too. This was bull and he knew it. And I wouldn’t keep playing these games. I was ready for him to leave. I had other things to do before calling it a day. “I think you should leave before you get hurt again.”
Terrance’s eyes moved around the kitchen and into the family room.
“You know I was going to buy this?”
“Oh, yeah?”
He stood. “Yeah. But I didn’t like the idea of living in someone else’s dream home.”
“Someone else?”
“Amare didn’t tell you? He bought this house from Kyle Jameson, a King. They didn’t want it anymore. You know this was their vacation home? Something modest. They’re main residence would swallow this.” His eyes continued to dance around. “But I see it’s been painted.” He shrugged.
My eyes went to the stark clean walls then down to the floors. “And the floors were all done. Wood buffed and the carpets are all brand new.” I knew this from documents left behind by the contractors. They were dated a week before I moved in. This place was purchased with intent. More intent than my baby. “Feels new to me.” I shrugged cheerily. “C’mon. I’ll walk you out.”
I turned to leave, but before I hit the doorway, I peered behind me to see Terrance walking with his face to floor, shaking his head while chuckling. He got the memo. I wasn’t interested.
“Thanks for coming out today, Terrance.” He didn’t stop once he passed over the doorframe. Terrance simply waved. “Get home safely,” I called after him before closing the door.
Impatiently, I waited for him to pull out of the driveway then set the alarm. Next, I went around to each door of the house to be sure it was locked. I couldn’t move fast enough. Finally, I trekked up the stairs to search for my phone. I needed to text Rut and say thanks. There were a few other things I needed to say and couldn’t delay. But I had to get to my phone first.
The last I recalled, Rut had taken my purse up to my ro—
My belly filled with butterflies when I pushed open the door and saw long legs stretched across the bed. The sight
of him reminded me of his grueling schedule. Rut had a game here at home yesterday and was still able to arrange this repass without me knowing. His shower shoes dangled from his feet as he lay on his back fast asleep. At first, I just gaped at him, observed his reposed state. I observed how one leg of his shorts was pushed up his hulking thigh. The hem of his T-shirt lay above his hairy, bubbled abs. My hands squeezed tightly into fists at the sight of his parted lips.
This was going to be difficult but had to be done. I just didn’t know how. Forgiveness hadn’t been a big deal to me; going back on my word always had. When Rut left me that night after finding out I was pregnant, I warned him not to go because I knew Parker. I didn’t do re-entry into my heart very well. It had taken almost six years for me to let go of my issues with my own mother.
This was hard, so I decided to prolong it by showering. That could help fortify my courage. I turned for the closet and unzipped my dress to peel it from my frame. My bra and panties followed then I toed to the bathroom and into the shower.
By the time I was done, I felt less exhausted and apprehensive about what needed to be done. I tossed on a robe and went back out into the mostly empty room. As I drew closer to him on the bed, my body began to vibrate.
Soft nudges turning into heavy tugging had me shifting.
“Hey…”
That voice made my eyes flicker open. Then I felt the warmth of her touch on my thigh. My back swung up from the bed and I rubbed my eyes.
“Oh, damn. What time is it?”
“Close to nine.”
I was tired as fuck. What was supposed to be me just closing my eyes for a few minutes until the end of the balloon-thingy turned in to me knocking the hell out.
I yawned. “Everything good down there?”
“Yup.” I could still sense her standing over me so I didn’t stand. “Everyone’s gone. I didn’t know you were here. I thought you checked out after bringing my things up here.”
“I wanted to wait for them to leave before I snuck out. Didn’t wanna look like an ass, dipping out during the ceremony.” I finally dropped my hands from my face and took a deep breath. That’s when I saw she was standing so close and with a robe on. Her hair was in one of those ponytails on top of her head and she folded her arms over her belly. A belly that I could finally see. My eyes swung back up to her face. “I’mma get outta here. Surprised Fats ain’t hit me yet.”
