by Devney Perry
Slowly, I slide off the bed and start to crawl toward the bathroom for a much-needed glass of water. It’s not even graceful enough to be considered a crawl; I inch like a worm, slow and low. Just as I have one hand inside the bathroom doorway, my bedroom door opens and Bruno walks in.
“She’s awake!” he yells out, and I flinch from the volume. “Why didn’t you call for me?”
I close my eyes, sprawling out on the floor because I know he’s going to carry me. “Please.” The single word isn’t a plea for help, but me begging him to go.
His hands slide under my body and he lifts me. “Do you have to go?”
If I didn’t want to die before, I sure as fuck do now. “No. Water.” I click my tongue against the roof of my mouth, letting it stick from the dryness.
“You need something to eat too.” He places me back on the bed, making sure my head rests against the pillow. “Did you want to sit up?”
“I can do it,” I tell him, swatting his hands away before pushing myself up, barely making it without tipping over.
Bruno looks over his shoulder toward the hallway. “Lee!” he yells before looking back to me. “Can you bring some water and crackers for Callie?”
“I can take care of myself. I just need you and Lee,” I say in a snotty tone, “to leave.”
“Not happening.” He shakes his head and narrows his eyes. “Your attitude doesn’t scare me, and you get no say in this.”
“What?” I ask and try not to yell.
“Here we are.” Lee walks in with a glass of water and a sleeve of saltines. She’s stunning. Her hair rolls off her shoulders in dark waves of caramel and rests just above her breasts. Her large brown eyes sit above her perfectly round cheeks and her pert little nose. The woman could easily be a model with her exotic looks and perfect body. I instantly hate her.
“Thanks, love.” Bruno smirks at her before taking the water and crackers from her hands. “Cal, this is my sister, Lee.”
Oh.
“Hi.” She gives me a small wave.
I’m an asshole.
“Hi,” I reply, but I don’t smile back.
“It’s important that you eat something. Your body needs calories. Damn,” she hisses and snaps her fingers. “I meant to bring the ginger snaps.”
“What?” Bruno’s eyebrows draw together before he looks at her.
“Ginger is good for an upset stomach. I have a bag of Susansnaps at home I wanted to bring.”
“Susansnaps?” Bruno looks at me and rolls his eyes, trying to get me to smile. “Those don’t sound good.”
“Oh my God. They’re the best ginger cookies. It’s a long story. I’ll save it for another day.” She sits down and watches me with the same set of dark eyes as him.
“Why are you both here?” I ask before I grab the glass of water from his hand.
“Bruno called me. He told me what you’re going through. I wanted to be here with you. I wish I’d had someone who knew what I was going through when I started chemo.” It starts to click. I forgot that his sister had cancer and she was a survivor. I gulp down the entire glass while she speaks. “I thought you could use someone.”
The empty glass rests in my lap and I look back and forth between them, noticing the similarities. “I really just want to be alone. I don’t mean to be rude or anything.”
“I get it.” She touches my foot lightly.
Bruno pins me with his eyes as he takes the glass from my hand and sets it on the nightstand. “I don’t.”
“Love.” She touches his arm and motions toward the door with her head. “Can I talk with Callie a bit, alone?”
“I’ll be right outside the door if you need me,” he tells me and squeezes my hand.
“Great,” I mutter and know it’s not lost on him.
“Five minutes, Lee. She needs her rest.”
“Yes, Nurse Bruno.” Lee giggles and rolls her eyes behind him. She sits at the end of the bed, waiting for him to close the door. As soon as his footsteps dissipate, she begins to speak. “I won’t stay long. I just wanted to chat for a few.”
“Okay.” I pull the blankets up, using them as protection of some sort for unknown reasons.
She holds out her hand and points at the spot next to me. “Can I move closer?”
“Sure.” No one listens to me anyway, so why fight a losing battle?
“I know you want to be alone and I’ll make sure you get your space, but I need you to listen to me first.”
I nod because she’s been where I am, and she has knowledge I don’t. Plus, there’s the fact she could get Bruno to go away just as I wanted.
“Five years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was the most horrifying moment of my entire life.” She touches my hand and I don’t pull away. “All I could think about was dying. I had my life over before the doctors did. I thought they were full of shit, spoon-feeding me happiness to keep me alive.”
“Yeah,” I whisper. I am exactly in that spot.
“I shut everyone out of my life. Everyone. My husband, now ex. My parents. Bruno. You name ’em, I didn’t want to see their faces. I couldn’t take how they looked at me.”
She understands me completely.
“It took me a long time to get pissed enough to fight, but you have to get there. Don’t kill yourself off before you have a chance to survive.”
“I’m trying.”
“Even if no one is here with you, you have to eat and stay hydrated. Understand?” I nod and she continues. “Chemo is the worst, but it is helping.”
“I know.”
Her thumb strokes the top of my hand as if trying to soothe me. “Do you know how it works?”
“I do. I work in cancer research. I’m very familiar with its effects.”
“Interesting,” she says, but I don’t bother to ask why. “Eventually, I broke down and started letting people help. Bruno was the best, actually. He never looked at me as if I was sick or dying. He stepped in and nursed me back to health.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” She has a gleam in her eyes. “He’s amazing like that. When I didn’t have the strength to even walk, he carried me. I don’t think I would’ve made it through everything without him.”
“I didn’t ask for his help, though. We barely know each other.”
The smile on her face vanishes. “You don’t?”
“I mean, we know each other, but we didn’t know each other.”
“Well.” She pats me softly. “For some reason, Bruno has taken to you. He’s not going to turn his back on you now. Just let him be your strength when you don’t have any left.”
“Why?”
“Because life is too precious to give up.”
I shake my head because I know that. “I mean, why him?”
“He’s not what everyone thinks, Callie.” She sighs and closes her eyes.
“I don’t know anything about him,” I tell her truthfully. An hour ago, I had one opinion of him, but now, everything had changed.
“I know what people say about him.” Her nose wrinkles and her eyes shift. “That’s not him.”
Um, I think it’s pretty obvious what he is or at least how he is. Clearly, being his sister has clouded her judgment.
“I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong.”
“Okay.” I don’t have much to say because I know I’m not going to win the argument.
“I’m going to leave you my number in case you need an ear. It’s better to talk to someone who’s gone through it. No one else will understand.”
“Thanks.” My smile’s genuine for once.
“Just let him help when you need it.”
“I just need rest right now. You think you can take him with you?”
She laughs. “I’ll make him leave with me.”
“Thanks.” My smile grows wider. Maybe Lee isn’t so bad, after all.
“Anytime. Do you need anything before we leave?”
“Can you shut the blinds?” I
t’s entirely too bright in here for me to fall back into my semi-comatose sleep.
“You got it.” She winks at me before walking to the windows and darkening the room. “Don’t forget to call me, okay?” she asks from the doorway.
“Promise,” I lie before she closes the door.
I sink down into the bed and shut my eyes.
“I can’t just leave,” Bruno growls before the knob starts to move.
“Bruno,” Lee warns softly. “She needs space. Give it to her.”
“Lee, you saw her. She can’t even walk.”
“She’s going to sleep. She needs her rest.”
“But—”
“Bruno.”
“Fine. Let me see if she needs anything.”
“She doesn’t. I asked her.”
“It’s not right, Lee.”
“Stop being your controlling self. The girl has said her peace. Now, let’s go.”
“Fine, but I’m coming back.”
For the love of God. The man sure doesn’t give up easy. At least, I have a few hours to myself.
I listen until they both walk out and someone, probably Bruno, locks the door. Does he have a key? It doesn’t matter. A guy like him doesn’t need one. He’s already proved that.
I lie there for a few minutes until I give up on sleep. I check my email, wondering what I’ve missed at the lab and feeling guilty about not being there.
The only message I’ve received is from my boss, accepting my leave of absence and giving me well-wishes on my “battle.” Lucky for me, I haven’t taken a sick day since I started, so I’ll continue to get a paycheck for at least for the next month and a half. Hopefully, by the time I run out, I’ll be well enough to return to work and more than ready to put cancer behind me.
Wait. Was that me being optimistic?
I feel better after chomping on a few crackers, but my mouth feels drier than before and still has the same metallic taste. I need something more than water; something with flavor, like juice.
After I grab a bottle of juice from the fridge, I prop myself against a cabinet and rest. If I knew going through this hell would cure me, I’d do it with my head held high and a smile on my face. But knowing that I could still die after all the suffering makes it harder to swallow.
Come to Jesus
We all have a moment, the one where we face whatever is in front of us and either have to push through or give up.
I’m there—facing my mortality and coming to terms with my possible death.
I haven’t moved from the kitchen floor. Sitting here for hours, I’ve listened to the tiny noises in my apartment as the world continues outside. All I can think about is the cancer growing inside of me, the treatment that’s killing me, and how I won’t be around ten years from now if I don’t fight.
I’m not ready. For what, I don’t know, but I’m not ready for any of it. No matter how much I want to escape reality, I have to pull up my big-girl undies and face my future with determination.
The tears I cried earlier have dried on my face, my nose is a lost cause, and I know my eyelids are swollen. There’s not a time in my life I remember being such a mess. I’m that girl—the one with the perfect hair, impeccable makeup, and the outfit every girl wanted. As I sit on the kitchen floor, I know I’m not her anymore. Not that it matters. Crying has matted my hair to my cheeks, my face is splotchy, and I’m half dressed in day-old clothes, but none of it matters.
“Callie,” Bruno’s voice carries through the door and breaks into my thoughts.
I close my eyes and wonder if he’ll go away, but I know he won’t. He’s proven to be that guy. Y’know, the one who bugs the crap out of you until you relent.
“What?”
“Can I come in?”
That statement’s laughable. He’s entered my apartment more than once already without my permission, so why ask for it now? “Yeah.”
I have a clear sight line to the doorway and watch carefully. Would he pick the lock, knock it down, or wait for me to get up.
Something clicks before he turns the door handle and walks in. Shoving what looks like a key into his pocket, he smiles.
“Do you have a key?” I ask and gape at the lump in his pocket.
He laughs. “I took your keys earlier.”
He took my keys. “What?” Took. My. Keys.
“It’s not like you needed them, and it’s not like I did either, but I figured it was better than knocking the fucking door down again.”
He’s standing over me, smiling and proud. I want to be mad at him, but he has a point. He could just knock my door down or use his super criminal skills to pick my lock, but instead, he took my keys. “You can leave them when you go,” I tell him and try to sit up.
“How ya feeling?”
“Fine,” I lie.
“You look like shit.”
I glare at him because I already know that, but I don’t need a reminder. “Thanks.”
Like an overgrown kid and not “The Butcher,” he sits down in front of me on the floor. “I want you to listen to me.” I keep glaring, but I don’t speak. “I need you to.” He pauses and glares back. “Nod if you understand.”
I nod.
“I know you want to be alone. You’ve made it very clear, in fact.”
Nod.
“But I can’t allow it.”
I snarl, and I don’t nod as he continues.
“You’re too weak right now and you need help.”
I put my hand up, hoping to silence him, but he pushes it back down.
Fucker.
“I know you’re going to say you aren’t weak. That you can handle this shit.” He waves his hand back and forth between us. “But you can’t.”
I slap away his hand and try to control my anger. “I’m not a child. I’ve survived this long on my own, Bruno. I know I’m sick. People go through this—” I wave my hand the same way he did “—every day alone and they survive.”
He pushes his fingers into his eyes and hangs his head before looking at me with more fire than I’ve seen before. Darkness settles inside him, and not just the color, but also a feeling hits me in the chest as he looks at me. “But you don’t have to. Lee tried. Tried like hell to do it by herself. She pushed everyone away. But I stood by her side, cheering her on, and helped her through the entire thing. I’m going to do the same for you.”
My head tilts, and I study him and the curiosity that is Bruno. “Why?” It’s a legitimate question. I mean, two weeks ago, we didn’t know each other. Not really. I mean, we flirted. The usual eye lock across the room while checking each other out. Yeah, things have changed since then. I know how Bruno tastes and what he sounds like when he comes, but that doesn’t make us BFFs.
He places his elbow against his knees and rests his cheek on his fist, looking completely adorable and not one bit scary. “Have you ever done something completely selfless?”
I think about the question and am a little ashamed at my answer. “I don’t know.”
Reaching out, he touches my cheek, sliding his fingertip across my jaw before settling on my chin. “Huh,” he mutters.
“So you’re just being kind? Like someone is to a puppy they find on the side of the road. Y’know, they bring it to the pound so it’ll be saved and they feel better about themselves.”
“Well—”
“But what they don’t know is that after they leave and no one wants the mutt, they put it down.” I purse my lips and feel mighty proud of myself. I mean, even he can understand that.
His back straightens and scary Bruno returns. “Stop talking.”
“You still haven’t answered why. I mean, if you need a charity case, you can—”
His hand covers my mouth, and he shakes his head. “Cal, you’re not charity. I’ve been inside you.” His face is dead serious, and my breath hitches at the memory.
“It’s just pussy,” I mumble against his hand.
Warning. Angry Bruno emerges. “Is that what you t
hink of me?”
“What?” I ask after his hand drops away from my face.
“That I just walk around fucking everything? That I would do this for just anyone?”
I bite my lip and swallow, but I continue anyway. “I’m sure you’ve fucked your share.”
“I have.”
I give him my best “I told you so” face.
He sucks in a breath, his chest growing larger with each second. It kind of reminds me of the Hulk as he expands before his shirt shreds and falls to the ground. His eyes narrow into tiny slits and completely focus on me. “You think I fucked you for another piece of ass?”
“Um, yeah.”
“So I’m going to fuck a sick chick with cancer because…?”
I wince and know I sound childish. “Easy pickings.” I shrug. Again, I’m being an asshole, and I know it.
“Really? I don’t need to prey on the weak, Cal.”
I kind of like when he calls me Cal. My belly does a tiny somersault just hearing it. “Sorry.”
His hand moves slowly down his face; it’s apparent he’s frustrated with me. “I know you think I’m an asshole, and honestly, I can fuck any girl I want, but here I am with you.”
“I just don’t get it,” I admit because it perplexes me.
“You don’t have to.” He places his lips on my forehead, and it feels so amazing that I close my eyes and drop the attitude. “How long have you been sitting here?”
Leaning forward, I rest my face in his neck and bury myself in his scent. “Since you left.” I close my eyes and smell him. I know I have to smell bad, but him, he smells heavenly. I can get lost in his scent. The manliness mixed with something I can’t put my finger on, but I know I want more.
