by Devney Perry
“I’ll take you up on it. I’m behind on a bid.”
That wasn’t surprising. While Molly had more time on her hands since the divorce, Finn was struggling to keep up at work. I’d never say it out loud, but this had been a good wake-up call for him. He’d taken for granted how much Molly had done to manage the kids and run their household. Now he was having to do it all himself—be Mr. Mom three days a week and Finn Alcott, landscape designer and entrepreneur.
But he was still my brother and I wanted to help him before he got worn out.
“I’ll walk you guys out.” Cole placed his hand on my back as we all started for the gravel parking lot.
I got the same tingle that I had earlier when he’d touched me there, liking it more the second time than I had the first.
When we reached the parking lot, Finn jerked his chin to a long row of cars. “I’m this way.”
“See you at the R Bar next week.” Cole shook his hand.
“Looking forward to it.” Finn smiled. “It was nice to see you again.”
“You too.” Cole looked to Kali and a sleeping Max. “Bye, kids.”
Kali ran over and hugged his knees. “Bye, Cole!”
With one last wave good-bye, Cole and I turned and crunched along the gravel toward where we’d parked our vehicles.
“Thanks again for going with me. It was fun.”
“You’re welcome.”
We reached my car and I stopped by the trunk. “So, what’s next?”
“How about dinner?”
I hesitated. When we were spending time together for the list, I had an excuse to see Cole. But dinner? The way he’d asked seemed much more like a date. But before I could think of a dodge, Cole spoke up first.
“It’s just dinner, Poppy.”
Just dinner. He was right. I was making more of dinner than it needed to be. “Sure. Any night next week you’re free, just let me know. We can either eat at the restaurant or go somewhere else.”
He grinned. “Not a lot of restaurants can compare to yours. In fact, I’ve pretty much lost my appetite for anything not served in a jar.”
I smiled. “Then I’ll see you next week.”
“It’s a date.”
Just like the last time he’d said those three words, my heart jumped.
And maybe one day, the stitch of guilt that came with it would go away.
“Hey!” I greeted Cole as he came striding into the restaurant.
It had been three weeks since the carnival, and Cole had become my favorite dinner companion. If we weren’t eating together at the restaurant, he’d meet me at Brad and Mia’s after my ukulele lessons.
Three weeks, and there had been only a handful of times when we’d had dinner apart.
The way my breath hitched when he smiled didn’t scare me anymore. I enjoyed the tingles he could conjure with the slightest touch. And I’d started to crave the way he sent my heart into overdrive with a heated stare from those green eyes.
It was a rush being around Cole. A rush I was learning to enjoy.
“You’re here early.” Not that I was unhappy to see his handsome face, but it was hours before our normal seven o’clock dinnertime.
“Change of plans.”
My smile fell at the frown on his face. “Uh-oh. Is everything okay?” I tensed, hoping he wasn’t here to deliver bad news about Jamie’s case.
“Remember I told you last week that I found a drive-in movie theater?”
I breathed a sigh of relief that he was here about the list, something he’d become nearly as dedicated to finishing as I was. “Yeah. Can you not go next weekend? Do you want to reschedule?”
“Something like that. We’re going now.”
“Now? I can’t go now.” I was needed at the restaurant.
“It’s now or never. I checked their schedule today, just to make sure we were on track for next weekend, and saw on their website that they’re closing early for the summer. I guess there was some sort of emergency in their family and they aren’t showing anything until next summer. Tonight’s their last night.”
“What? No!” The drive-in theater that he had found was the only one in the state, three hours from Bozeman in a small town called Lewistown. If we couldn’t make it to a movie there, then finishing that item on Jamie’s list was going to get a whole lot harder.
“We need to leave,” he checked his watch, “in ten minutes.”
“Shit.” I threw my hands in the air. “I can’t leave in ten minutes. Molly has the kids tonight and I’m the one closing.”
“What about Helen?” Cole jerked his chin to the part-time college student Molly had hired a couple weeks ago. Helen was clearing a table and blushed when she spotted Cole looking her way.
“She’s never closed by herself before.”
“Do you think she can do it?”
I shrugged. “Yeah. I guess so.” I’d trained her to close but most nights either Molly or I were here to help just in case.
“Then let her. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“Uh, my restaurant could burn down.”
He grinned. “That’s a risk you’re going to have to take if we’re going to make the previews.”
I sighed, weighing my options: trust my employee, or let Jamie down.
It wasn’t much of a choice.
“Okay, we’ll go. But I need a few minutes to walk her through it all.”
Ten minutes later, Helen was thrilled to be running the show tonight and I’d called in the other part-time worker just in case. The two of them should be able to handle the Friday night dinner rush, and I just hoped that I’d made enough food to last until tomorrow morning.
Walking out of the kitchen, I slung my purse over my shoulder and joined Cole by the counter. He was talking to a man who must have come in while I was in the back.
Not wanting to interrupt, I just smiled, but the stranger pulled me into their conversation.
“Hi.” He held out his hand but his eyes went to my chest. “How do you know Cole?”
Before I could answer, Cole stepped in. “This is Poppy Maysen, my girlfriend. She owns this place.”
The smile on my face faltered as I shook the man’s hand. He said something else to Cole, but I couldn’t hear it. The only thing in my ears was the word girlfriend in Cole’s deep voice.
“We’d better get going. See you around.” Cole nodded to the man, then placed his hand on the small of my back, steering me toward the door. “Asshole,” he muttered under his breath.
Too stunned to speak, I walked straight for the door, while that word just kept on ringing.
Girlfriend.
Was I his girlfriend? No, I couldn’t be his girlfriend. It was too soon. I was married. I was a wife. Wives weren’t girlfriends.
I couldn’t do that to Jamie.
“Poppy,” Cole opened the door to his truck for me when we got outside, “Helen has the restaurant covered tonight. You don’t have anything to worry about.”
I blinked at him but still didn’t have anything to say, so I climbed in his truck.
He thought I was worried about the restaurant. He had no idea the bomb he’d just dropped on me. That with one word, he’d erased all of the comfort and ease we’d found with each other these last few weeks.
That he’d just brought back a surge of crippling guilt.
A guilt that consumed me as we drove three hours in complete silence.
By the time Cole pulled into the lot to the theater, I was about ready to break. My head was throbbing and my stomach knotted. I was on the verge of jumping out of his truck and walking back to Bozeman just to prove that I was loyal to my husband.
My head was in such a state of turmoil, I barely noticed as Cole paid for our tickets, parked in an empty spot and slung a radio box over his window. What I did notice was his hand coming across the cab and carefully prying my fingers off my jeans.
“Poppy, look at me.”
I turned my neck and found his soft
green eyes waiting. They were full of understanding. Of compassion. They made me want to cry just that much more.
“That guy in the restaurant is an asshole. I went to college with him, and the last thing I wanted was for him to hit on you or start coming to the restaurant on a regular basis because he thinks you’re available.”
“Okay.” I relaxed a bit, glad that at some point in the last three hours, Cole had guessed why I’d shut down.
“Someday, I’d like to call you my girlfriend and have you not go comatose, but I know we’re not there yet, so take a breath.”
I obeyed, holding his eyes as I let go of some tension.
“I know this, me, scares the shit out of you. I know you’ve been sitting there for three hours worrying yourself sick. But, Poppy,” he squeezed my hand, “this is just a movie.”
I felt my throat start to burn and my nose sting. “It’s not.” My feelings for Cole made this so much more than just a movie.
“It is. Tonight, it’s just a movie.” He laced his fingers with mine and turned to the screen.
I stared at his profile as the radio box filled the cab with sound.
Just a movie. What happened after the movie? What happened when it wasn’t just lunch or dinner or a movie? What happened when he wanted more?
Would I be ready?
I tore my eyes away from Cole’s handsome face and turned to the screen, blocking out the unspoken questions.
Tonight, it’s just a movie.
Except I never tried to take my hand away from Cole’s.
And he never let me go.
37th Birthday: Restore my ’79 Ford Ranger
Poppy
“Jimmy?” I tapped my knuckles on his doorframe.
“Hi.” He waved me in but kept his eyes on the television. “Come on in. The show’s on.”
I sighed, walking into his apartment and taking a seat on the couch. It had been over a month since the awful lunch with Kyle and Debbie at the restaurant, and all of my weekly visits to The Rainbow had been like this: me sitting on the couch while Jimmy watched television.
I’d apologized over and over again for not sharing Jamie’s birthday list with him, and Jimmy had promised it was fine. But the cold shoulder I’d been getting said otherwise.
Though his chilly attitude hadn’t stopped my weekly visits. Jimmy was one of the most important people in my life, and I’d sit through season after season of HBO recordings while I waited for him to thaw out.
“How is your weekend going?” I asked. “Anything fun planned for your Sunday evening?”
Jimmy didn’t look away from the screen. “So far so good. I think one of the neighbors is coming over later.”
“That’s nice.” I waited, hoping he’d pause the show—or something—but he just kept on watching. His hair was growing back in thick, white spikes, and he looked more like the Jimmy I’d met years ago. Except for the smile that was missing from his face.
I sank deeper into the couch, turning to the TV, but since I didn’t know anything about the show, it didn’t catch my interest.
It was the week after my movie date with Cole, and I’d come to visit Jimmy before meeting Kyle and Debbie later this afternoon. I’d called them a few days ago and asked if I could come and collect Jamie’s truck. Cole was taking me to get it from their ranch. He’d borrowed a trailer from a friend so we could haul the truck back to Bozeman and start fixing it up.
I hoped the month I’d waited since telling Kyle and Debbie that I wanted the truck had been enough time for them to adjust to the idea. Because a month was all the time I could wait. For Cole to even have a chance of getting the truck restored before the end of the year, I had to quit stalling.
“I’m heading out to the ranch later to pick up Jamie’s truck.”
That got Jimmy’s attention. Finally.
He picked up the remote and paused his show. Then the Jimmy I loved and adored—the Jimmy I’d been missing all month—reached out and put his hand on my knee. “Do you need me to come along? I can cancel my plans.”
I smiled and put my hand on his. “No, don’t cancel. I’ll be fine. But thanks for the offer.” I took a deep breath. “I know I’ve said this before, but I really am sorry I didn’t tell you about Jamie’s birthday list. Please don’t be mad at me.”
“Oh, Poppy.” He gave me a sad smile. “I’m not mad. It just surprised me is all.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Enough sorrys.” He slipped his hand away and sat back. “We’re just fine.”
“Then why have you been giving me the silent treatment?”
He cocked his head. “Silent treatment?”
“Every time I’ve been here, you’ve had your eyes glued to the TV and ignored me.”
“What? No, I haven’t. I’ve been saving all the new episodes for your visits. Didn’t you say this show was one of your favorites?”
“That wasn’t me.”
He studied my face. “Are you sure? I could have sworn it was you.”
“Sorry. Not me. I’m not really into dragons and thrones and all that.”
“Well, shit,” he muttered. “I guess these last few visits have been kind of boring then. Sorry.”
I smiled. “You don’t have to apologize. I’m the one who needs to say sorry.”
“Enough sor—”
“Please.” I held out a hand. “Just let me say this one last time.” He scowled but closed his mouth. “I hope you know that I didn’t do it because I wanted to hide Jamie’s list. I only kept it from you because I didn’t want to make you sad.”
Jimmy’s scowl disappeared. “You don’t ever need to keep things from me because you’re worried I’ll be sad. I’m sad every day. I’ve lost a lot of people in my life—it comes with age.”
My heart broke just a little but before I could say anything, he kept going.
“But I’m happy every day too. I still have a lot of people in my life. Family. Friends. You. The trick is learning to let the happy outweigh the sad.”
I sighed. “I’m still learning that trick.”
“I know you are, and if going through Jamie’s list will help, then I’m all for it. I just wish you had told me sooner. I’d have liked to help you with whatever he had on that list.”
I should have known Jimmy would have wanted to help. Shame on me for not trusting he’d be supportive. “I’m not even close to being done if you want to help. There are a couple of them on there that I think are right up your alley. Want to see?”
He sat up in his chair, pushing down the footrest on his recliner and reaching for his reading glasses. “Hell yeah.”
I dug through my purse, getting out Jamie’s journal and handing it over. “I’ve checked the ones I’ve done already. All the others are still left.”
He ran his finger down the leather spine, then opened the book. With every turned page, Jimmy’s smile got bigger and bigger.
“Now that’s a good one.” He looked up over the rim of his glasses. “I’m helping with the paint fight.”
I grinned. “I thought you’d like that one.”
“Ha! Pull a fire alarm. I always wanted to do that too.”
“Well, we can do it together. You can be my cellmate when they throw me in jail.”
“If we get caught.”
As his eyes brightened, page after page, I chastised myself again for not sharing earlier. The birthday list was helping me deal with Jamie’s loss. Maybe it could help his family too.
“Do you think I should ask Kyle and Debbie if they’d like to see the list?”
Jimmy thought about it for a moment, then shook his head. “I had a long talk with Kyle after our lunch last month.”
I tensed as he closed the journal and handed it back, then removed his glasses.
“I told him that you think they blame you for Jamie’s death.”
My frame deflated as I whispered, “I know they do.”
“No, they don’t.” He leaned forward to speak softly. “But
they do have a hard time being around you. When they see you, they expect to see Jamie right by your side. You two never went anywhere without the other. It’s hard for them to see that missing piece.”
I nodded but my heart was aching. I knew they had a hard time seeing me, but I wished that instead of finding pain in my face, they had found love. Maybe even some comfort.
“It’s hard for me too. I feel that missing piece every day, but that hasn’t stopped me from wanting to have them in my life.”
“I’m not saying they’re right. I’m just trying to explain. Kyle and Debbie might not ever be able to move on, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay in the past. Deep down, they want you to be happy. To live a happy life. And for your own sanity, that might mean letting them go.”
I sniffled, swallowing the lump in my throat before I could cry.
Jimmy got up from his chair and sat next to me on the couch, putting an arm around my shoulders. “They love you, Poppy.”
Did they? If you loved someone, did you let a tragic experience drive you apart? Years ago, I’d believed that love prevailed above all. But now, I was learning that even love wasn’t strong enough to mend some wounds.
I leaned my head on Jimmy’s shoulder as I blinked away a tear. “It’s not fair. I just miss them.”
“I know. But you’ve still got me.”
“Promise?”
He crossed his heart, just like I always did before making a promise. “Promise.”
We sat together for a few moments, leaning on one another, until a grumble came from the hall.
“I see you’re watching without me, asshole.”
Jimmy scoffed. “Don’t call me an asshole, asshole. I’m paying for the goddamn HBO, you leach. If you want to watch on your schedule, then you can shell out the cash.”
I broke away from Jimmy and leaned forward, peering around him at his visitor. I gaped at the man walking into Jimmy’s room. “Randall?”
“Huh,” he muttered, then sat in Jimmy’s recliner. “What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here?” My hand waved back and forth between us. “What are you doing here?”
“I live here, stuck next door to this asshole.” He jerked his thumb at Jimmy. “I don’t care how far you watched, we’re starting this episode over.”
