“Thank you,” I sigh. His words are the kindest I’ve heard for a while.
“But I am sorry, they left you with the check.” He winces at his own words.
“Of course they did. My apologies. I’ll pay it.” I follow him to the register and he gives me the bill. My eyes almost fall out of my head when I see none of them have paid. The bill is well over three hundred dollars, and I’m grateful I have that in cash.
“Thank you,” he says nicely.
I turn and leave, not only humiliated but also poorer, with over three hundred dollars gone from what I was saving for college. I have no phone, because I left it back in my room, choosing to only bring my purse. And I have no idea how I’m going to get back so late.
I walk down the street and sit on a bench as a few people walk past me, looking me up and down. I’m not wearing a jacket, and the night air has got a crisp chill to it. I look up at the sky and notice the many stars twinkling brightly against the dark backdrop.
“You know, you’ve been fairly cruel to me,” I say to God, or whoever may be listening to me. “I’ve heard the expression that you don’t give out more than a person can handle, but don’t you think you’ve given me enough?” The beautiful bright lights glimmer as if my words have not been absorbed. “Can you go easy on me? Please?”
“Who are you talking to, sugar?” An old man sits beside me on the bench seat. I take in his appearance and come to the conclusion he’s homeless.
“No one, sir.” I shrug, “Or maybe someone. I’m really not sure.”
He looks up to the sky and looks back to me. “Do you know how I know He’s listening?” He points up to the sky to indicate God.
“No, sir. How?”
“I ask Him not to let it rain on nights I can’t find shelter. Tonight, I’m going to the park down the street, because I have nowhere to lay my head.” He smiles at me, exposing his rotting teeth.
A homeless man, completely without anything, has hope. And I’m the one who’s feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I’m not noticing what I need to. Maybe my own self-pity is erecting barriers to just how fortunate I am.
I have a boyfriend who loves me, and he said he didn’t cheat on me. His family has kindly taken me in because he loves me. I have a job to come back to. Clothes, food, and shelter. I really don’t have anything to complain about at all.
“Have you eaten tonight?” I ask him as he sits still looking at the stars.
“I haven’t eaten since yesterday,” his gruff voice says as he continues his star watching.
“Stay here, please.” I get up and walk back to the restaurant.
I’ve been fed by the ladies at the thrift shop when I was hungry, so I can’t see why I shouldn’t feed a man in need. I order some food to go, and wait for ten minutes until it’s ready to go. The maître’d asks me why I’m still here. When I tell him I’m not sure how I’m going to get back to the Hackly’s house, he offers for me to use the phone.
When I take the homeless man food, he looks at me. I can tell he’s almost too proud to accept it. “Please, take it,” I say as I force it into his hands. “I was once hungry, and I had kindness shown to me, now I’d like to offer you the same.”
“Thank you. Thank you,” he repeats as he looks down at his holey shoes. “I’ll be on my way now. You stay safe. And just remember…” I look at him and he points up to the sky, “It may seem like He’s not listening, but the messages always find their way to His desk.” He smiles again, and walks away.
I watch as he walks toward the park he pointed out, and I walk back to the restaurant.
I dial Shayne’s number. “Hello,” she says sounding quite cheery.
“Shayne, it’s Lily.”
“Hey, girl. Where are you?”
“I’ve got to be quick. Can you come pick me up please? I’m at The White Swan restaurant.”
“What? Why are you there?”
“I’ll explain when you get here. And there’s one more thing, can I stay with you tonight too, please?” My voice cracks, and I’m about to break down in tears.
“Of course you can. Liam’s here, we’ll come and get you right away. We’ll get there as soon as we can.”
“Thank you,” I say. She hangs up and I thank the maître’d.
“You may want to wait at the bar, just so you are not sitting outside on your own.” He smiles and goes to the dining room. Although he’s kind enough to allow me to stay in here, I don’t want the eyes and whispers associated with people feeling sorry for me. I go outside and walk down the road to the bench.
Sitting alone, I come to realize that’s exactly what I am. Alone. I’m not sure why Trent is with me, because clearly he doesn’t care for me or he would not have let Audrey get away with what she said. He would have believed me. Instead he left me, and stuck me with the check to go and hang out with someone who’s happy to cause me problems.
“Hey, need a lift?” I look up to see Shayne in the passenger side, smiling at me.
I go and get in the back and Liam says, “You’re looking really pretty tonight, Lily.”
Shayne adds, “Yeah, you look hot, girl.”
“Thank you,” I say and take a deep breath.
“What happened?” Shayne asks, and the mood instantly sinks under the heaviness I feel inside me.
“Trent said he was taking me to dinner to celebrate, and Audrey and Jason were there. Anyway, when I went to the bathroom, Audrey followed me in and told me she’d had sex with Trent. When I asked Trent, he got angry and basically the three of them up and left. Stuck me with their food bill and left me there with no way to get home.”
“What a prick,” Liam says under his breath, though still loud enough for me to hear him.
“I don’t know why you put up with him,” Shayne says. “After he attacked Liam for no reason, I knew something was off about him.”
“I’m leaving him,” I say with so much confidence.
“What?” Shayne swings around in her seat to look at me. “You can stay with me. I know you leave for college next week, but stay with me until then and in the meantime you can try and get a dorm room on campus. Stay with me.”
I smile at her, and know I really have nowhere else to go. “Do you have anything to pick up from their house? I can take you now if you want?” Liam asks.
“There’s only one thing I want, and I can buy it again. Just take me back to your place. Can I borrow a t-shirt to wear to bed, please? Although, I’m way fatter than you are, so I hope it’ll fit.”
“Do you hear what you’re saying, Lily? You are not fat. And while I’m on the subject, just so we’re clear, you’re attractive and super smart. So wherever you heard that bullshit, you can just ignore it. You. Are. Gorgeous,” Shayne tells me.
“She’s right, you are,” Liam pipes up to add.
I smile at them both. They really are good people. “Thank you.” I look out the window and focus on the darkness of the night.
Liam and Shayne talk between themselves, and occasionally add me into the conversation, but my silence tells them I’m not really in the mood to talk.
When we reach Shayne’s studio, Liam gives her a kiss and asks us if we want him to stay. Shayne whispers, “Girl time, Liam. Lily and I need to talk. She needs to make a plan and not have a testosterone-filled guy hanging around.”
“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll come back in the morning. Any problems, just call me.” He kisses her on the lips, as I look away, giving them privacy. “See ya, Lily.”
“Bye, and thank you for coming to pick me up.”
“You’re welcome.” He gets back into his car and leaves.
“You okay?” Shayne asks as she rattles around in her handbag for her keys.
“I’ll be okay. I just need to work out what I’m going to do. We’re both going to the same university, so avoiding him will be impossible. But if I can use your computer, I can see if I can get a dorm room this late. If not, I don’t know what I’ll do. Maybe I can find a room for re
nt somewhere, but I’ll need to find a job, too.”
“We’ll do it in the morning. How about for now,” she stops talking and kicks the bottom of the front door which is stuck. “For now,” she continues, “we eat the triple chocolate ice cream in my freezer and just talk about what’s going on.”
“Sounds like a perfect plan,” I say, resigned to the fact that tonight, I’m going to have to tell Shayne everything.
We go inside and she shows me around her small, tidy loft. It’s cute and cozy and I can see why she likes it here.
“So,” she says as she gets two spoons out of her cutlery drawer and the ice cream tub out of the freezer.
“So.” I sit on the small sofa under the only large window in her room.
“It’s not my business, Lily. Really it’s not. But behind your beautiful green eyes, you hide so many secrets. And I’m sure I’m not going to want to know, but in a way I think it would be better for you to tell someone.” She comes and sits beside me, and offers me a spoon. “I’m ready when you are.” She dips the spoon in the untouched ice cream and grabs a big spoonful.
“It’s kind of…” I avert my eyes and look past her not at her. I don’t want her to see everything I’ve gone through. I’m not scared she’ll judge me, but that she’ll feel sorry for me. That’s more abhorrent to me than judgement.
“Take your time, I’ve got all night.” She smiles and jiggles her eye brows trying to soften the intense and heavy mood encompassing us.
“I don’t remember a good time in my life.” I start but stop when Shayne reaches her hand out to touch me. “Please, don’t. Just let me tell you.”
The next three hours is spent telling Shayne my life story. Every part of it, leaving nothing out. As I finish telling her about my life I look at the ice cream, and other than the first spoonful she took, the rest has turned into thick chocolate milk. She’s not touched it, and nor have I.
“My God,” she says still holding the container of mush. “My God,” she says again. Her face is blank, she’s showing no expression at all. “My God,” she says for a third time.
“There’s been some good parts, like meeting you and Liam. You especially. You’re so strong and positive, and I really strive to be that myself.”
“You’re seventeen.”
“Eighteen tomorrow,” I correct her.
“What? Your birthday is tomorrow, and you haven’t told anyone?”
I shrug my shoulders. “No one ever asked and besides that, I’ve never had a reason to make a big deal out of it.”
“That’s because you’ve been broken down, Lily. You’ve been stomped on your entire life.”
“There were good times, I’m sure of it. I sometimes dream of when I was little and we’d be at the park. Mom, Dad, me and a little boy.”
“Do you have a brother?
“No. It’s always been just me.” I take the ice cream container from her hands. “I’m sorry you wasted your ice cream, I’ll buy you a new one.”
“You will not. It’s just ice cream,” she scowls at me. I smile again because this is just how Shayne is. She’s kind and beautiful and compassionate. Why I was worried about telling her, I have no idea.
“Thank you for listening.”
“Tomorrow I’ll help you find a job. Hey, I’ve got an idea, why don’t you ask Stacey if she can set up an interview for you at one of the sister stores close to your college? I’m sure she can do that for you. She likes you ‘cause she keeps calling you in for any available shifts.”
“I can ask.” But seeing as she thinks I know about her and Mr. Hackly, I doubt she’s going to do anything for me. And considering I’m leaving Trent, I’m sure Mr. Hackly will tell her not to help me.
“Alright, well how about I get you something to wear and you can go have a shower and go to sleep.”
I look around her room and other than the loveseat we’re sitting on, there’s her double bed and a small kitchenette with a table and two chairs. “Um, are you sure I can sleep here?” I question.
“Yeah, don’t get too excited. We’ll have to share the bed.” She stands and goes to a chest of drawers, opening it and throwing me some sleep shorts. “Oh, and I like to spoon, so if you wake in a few hours and my arms are all over you, pretend it didn’t happen.” She chuckles to herself, and her infectious laugh makes me snicker too.
“Got it, you did not spoon me.” I teasingly salute her.
She throws the t-shirt at me, and then gets me a towel. Shayne shows me to the bathroom and leaves me alone. I get in the hot shower and just let the crap of today wash away.
Tomorrow before work, I’ll call the university and see if there are any dorm rooms available. Hopefully I’ll be able to get to work early and speak to Stacey.
There’s an uneasy feeling bubbling away in my stomach. The hot water streaming down on my body doesn’t do anything to lift the tension in my shoulders. My mind is spinning and I can’t seem to just switch off.
A storm is brewing. I’ve known darkness in the past, but this feeling of imminent disaster, of doom, seems right on my doorstep. If I open the door, what will I find?
“Can I borrow a uniform? I only have a couple shifts left, and everything of mine is back at Trent’s place,” I say to Shayne in the morning.
“Yeah, that’s cool.” She stretches in bed and rubs her eyes. “Do you want Liam to give you a lift in? Or the bus comes down the road.”
“It’s fine, I’ll take the bus. Hey, thank you for last night.”
She rubs her eyes again and then looks at me. “You’re welcome.”
I sit on the bed beside her, where I was sleeping last night. “I’ve never had a friend before, Shayne. I was always scared to let anyone in. And it’s taken me eighteen years, but I think I’ve found my best friend.”
“Oh my God, it’s you’re birthday today! We have to go out tonight. I’m taking you to dinner.”
“No need, I’ve never had anything done for me, so really I don’t need anything now.” I turn away so she can’t see my embarrassment.
“No one needs to have anything for their birthday. It’s a day to celebrate your birth.”
“There’s nothing really to celebrate. So can we miss it? Please?”
Shayne sits up in bed and runs her hand through her long, dark hair. “I tell you what, we can skip going out, but here are my conditions.”
“You have conditions?” I chuckle, now not ashamed but amused.
“Yes. You have to stay here until you leave for college and I have to order pizza tonight and have cake. Just me and you.”
An easiness floods me, because I’m so relieved she’s dropped the whole ‘going out’ thing tonight. “I can do that.”
“It’s settled. After work tonight, pizza and cake. And just so you know, my cake will taste terrible, but you have to pretend you love it and eat it.”
“No one’s ever made a cake for me before.” And with just that one sentence, the mood shifts again and the room is filled with heaviness. “Sorry,” I whisper because I brought Shayne’s happiness down.
“Hey.” She gets up off the bed and goes to her drawers. “Here, a uniform.” She hands me the folded shirt and pants.
I take it and go into the bathroom to change. The pants are slightly big and the shirt too long, but they’ll have to do considering I only have a couple of shifts left before I leave for college.
When I come out, Shayne is up and making coffee. But I forgo it and tell her I want to get into work to speak with Stacey.
Taking the bus to work I feel a weight sitting firmly in the pit of my stomach. I only need to get through the next few days, then I’m off to college. And it’s a huge place, so I’m hoping I won’t have to see Trent. The apartment his parents rented for us is not on campus. If I can get a dorm room, other than going to work, I won’t need to leave campus. And seeing as I know the location of the apartment, I’ll get work on the opposite side of town and then the chance of seeing him will be small.
> Walking in to work, I see Stacey’s already here and standing to the side of one of the registers talking to one of the other girls. I hang back, giving them both privacy until they’ve finished talking. Stacey turns to walk away and she looks at me and indicates with her head to follow her.
“Stacey, can I talk to you for a moment?” I ask.
“Up in my office, Lily. Not down here.” The way she says it, I feel like I’ve done something wrong.
Walking behind her, I go over the last few days here in my head. I try to replay all my interactions with the customers; if I was rude to anyone, or if I said something to anyone who could’ve taken it as rude.
She goes into her office and sits down behind her desk and says, “Close the door.”
A shudder of cold washes over me, as if she’s going to pink slip me. “Have I done something wrong?” I ask, the tension in my body bursting through in the way I ask.
“What? No, you’ve done nothing wrong at all. But I did get a call from Chris, and then I got a call from Trent.”
“I didn’t do anything,” I automatically respond.
“No you didn’t. Both of them are very upset that you didn’t go home last night. They seem to think you’ve broken it off with Trent.”
“It’s something I need to discuss with Trent.” It’s not her business, and nor will I talk to her about it.
“You do realize I’m a very good friend of Chris and if he calls me unhappy, then I try and make him happy. Not to mention, his son, your boyfriend has called here in a total panic because he believes you’ve left him. This is my store, and if they call me, then yes, it’s something you can discuss with me. From what Chris and Trent told me, you were rude and accused Trent of cheating on you.”
“What?” I feel my shoulders slump that Trent would even say something to my boss. “It’s not how it happened.”
“Then sit down, and tell me so we can work through it and you can stop this childish behavior and return to your boyfriend.”
I sit on the chair and knit my hands together. “I’m not going back. And I wanted to talk to you and ask you if you can recommend me to a store near the college for a job.”
Ugly Page 12
