by Bijou Hunter
10—CRICKET
Last night, I cooked chicken parmesan for Poet and Bianca Bella. The three of us ate outside on the porch while the dogs stared at us hoping to get a bite. Despite Poet claiming he had fun at the casino, he remained edgy all fucking night. I wasn’t much better. I’m so accustomed to having private space in the house, but now Poet is around me every moment. It’s one thing to have a dog watch me pee but having a man stand nearby is a step too far.
Poet is both needy and distant, but we still make the best of the evening. A few amazing fucks, a viewing of Black Hawk Down in the home theater, and crashing early keep us from ripping each other’s hair out. Mostly, we’re both excited—and nervous—about the doctor visit in the morning.
Around eleven, Chipper meets us at the OB’s office on White Horse’s south end. We sit silently in the waiting room, each playing with our phones. When my name is called, we walk in a line through the door and down a hallway covered in baby pictures. Finally, we reach the exam room where the medical assistant gets my vitals.
Once we’re alone waiting for the doctor, I mutter, “I hope this doesn’t take long.” Forever struggling with my too tight sweatpants, I add, “I’ll need to pee again soon.”
“On the way home, I’ll pick you up a box of those adult diapers,” Chipper says and pulls at my hair. “I might get me a pair too since I seem to be suffering from a sympathetic pregnancy. Earlier today, even my fucking jugs were sensitive.”
Grinning at his teasing, I slap at his hand. “You are very lucky I’m behaving today, or I’d shove your fat head under that little sink and drown you.”
“Hey, shit weasel, shouldn’t you pay attention to your man before he feels neglected?”
I turn my gaze to Poet who’s been so quiet that I’d nearly forgotten he was in the room. “Are you nervous?”
“No. Are you?”
“No, but I will need to pee soon.”
“Go pee now,” Chipper mutters.
“It’s not time. My pee needs to travel south a bit more.”
“Thanks for the visual.”
I share a smile with Chipper until we hear a knock on the door followed by the doctor entering. The middle-aged man with dark hair wears a white doctor’s coat over a pale blue shirt. Based on the blue and pink baby bottles on his black tie, I suspect the guy’s a riot at parties.
“Cricket, I’m Doctor James. How are you feeling today?”
“Fine. I don’t mean to be rude, but I’ll need to pee soon so can we hurry this along?”
Doctor James gives me a grumpy frown before suddenly noticing the two tall men standing in separate corners of the room.
“Okay, why don’t you get on the exam table and have you lie back,” the doctor says, and I do as he instructs. “Don’t be nervous. These are all normal tests.”
“Uh-huh,” I mutter and glance at Chipper holding up his phone to stream the ultrasound for Candy and Hayes. “Are you comfortable?”
Chipper grins at my question since his ass is pressed up against the corner of the counter.
“So, who do we have here?” the doctor asks me while turning on the machine.
“I’m Cricket. We already did that part.”
“No, I mean, them.”
“This is my man,” I say, gesturing to Poet. “And that’s my brother. You don’t need to know more than that.”
“Is it possible for your man to record while your brother steps outside?”
“No, because I want my man to pay attention to the screen rather than pay attention to the recording.”
“Well, maybe you don’t need to record,” Doctor James suggests. “You’ll receive a video of the ultrasound before you leave.”
“I don’t know,” I say, wanting to kick the doctor in the face, but sensing that’d be a really stupid fucking move.
“Here’s the thing,” Chipper says to the doctor, “our dad, Angus Hayes, wants to watch the event unfold. If he can’t watch a stream of Cricket’s ultrasound, he’ll need to come here to watch it live. If you’re cool with that, I can give him a call.”
“No, that’s okay. Let’s get started,” the doctor says immediately.
“Are you sure?” I push because my bitchy bladder is making me bitchy. “Hayes is only like five minutes away. He and our mom can be here super-fast.”
“No, no, let’s go ahead and check your baby, okay?”
“Okay,” I say, glancing at Chipper who struggles not to laugh. We pull the Hayes move all the fucking time.
Poet’s hand takes mine as Doctor James squirts goop on my gut before pressing the ultrasound wand to my little bump. I expect these steps since the internet has information on everything.
I remember the black-and-white ultrasound pictures Candy showed me years ago where Chipper and I looked like aliens. Back then, I didn’t understand how she could fall in love with those creepy things.
My ultrasound is the 3D sort, and I assume my baby won’t look as weird. Nope, I assumed wrong. The image is still creepy as hell.
“Eww,” Chipper whispers. “Your baby is a mutant.”
Snickering, I study the black cave-looking area where a little creature squirms. Then the doctor moves the wand slightly and makes a “hmmm” noise.
“Do twins run in your family?” he asks.
“Uh, duh,” I say, gesturing between Chipper and me.
“I’m counting two babies so far.”
“So far?” Poet balks.
“There won’t be more,” Chipper announces. “You can’t handle more, and God always coddles Cricket.”
I open my mouth to insult him back. Then I hear the babies’ heartbeat, and the reality of the situation hits me hard. That’s when I nearly break Poet’s hand.
“Easy now,” he says, wrestling his hand free.
“There are two?” I ask the doctor. “I mean, for sure? I don’t want to freak out if you’re not sure.”
“Oh, I’m sure. See right there?” he says pointing to Baby A and Baby B as he labels them on the screen. “I can’t be certain about the genders.”
“Is one of them a boy?” Chipper asks. “I’d like a nephew, so tell me one of them has a bologna pony.”
The doctor silently moves the wand around my stomach, and I see him taking measurements. The nurse writes down information, and no one acknowledges my brother’s idiot comment.
“Would you like to know the genders?” Doctor James asks me.
I look at Poet who—God bless him—doesn’t appear the least bit horrified by learning the stranger he knocked up three months ago is carrying twins.
“Are you okay with knowing?” I ask him and reach for his hand again.
“Sure. Yeah, of course. In fact, my family will drive me fricking bonkers if I don’t find out.”
“Okay, let’s pull the trigger.”
“Baby A,” Doctor James says and points to the screen where the mutant bobs in its dark spot, “is a boy. That one, I’m certain about. Baby B is probably a girl. At twelve weeks, innies are more difficult to see than outies, but I do not see an outie for Baby B. Of course, the baby might be just facing a direction that’ll hide its outie. When we do another ultrasound in a few months, I should have a more definite answer about Baby B.”
“Do they look okay?” I ask, wanting so much to fall in love with the mutant blobs.
“They look perfect. How are you feeling?”
“Tired, weepy, and I pee more but otherwise fine.”
“How are you eating?”
“Like a pig.”
The doctor then gives me a short speech about how “eating for two” is a myth. I ignore his words—knowing the info will be more interesting when I read it online—and instead think of the babies inside me.
Two babies.
Twice the crying.
Twice the pooping.
Twice the eating.
Twice the pooping again.
Twice another round of crying.
Wait, babies sleep too, so the
re’s that, but will they sleep at the same time?
My brain races with thoughts of Candy raising Chipper and me alone. Our grandparents helped financially, but the day-to-day hands-on work was all her for the first nine years of our lives.
Right here, right now, surrounded by two important men in my life, while two tiny people grow inside me, I’ve never felt so alone or so in desperate need of my mommy.
POET
Twins.
Hmmm...
Yep, that’s two babies.
Not one but two.
I guess I should have expected the possibility since Cricket is a twin and these things can run in families.
I hadn’t expected it though, so, yeah, twins.
Hmmm...
Excusing myself to use the bathroom before we leave the doctor’s office, I text my father to tell him the news. He responds almost immediately with a double thumbs-up.
I plan to send him the video so my family can see the babies. No doubt they’ll come up with horrible names and someone—likely Aunt Poppy—will claim she can tell the babies aren’t mine based on facial features. They’ll have a good laugh that I won’t be around to share because I’m in Tennessee with strangers and the woman I want to marry.
Assuming she doesn’t kill me first.
Cricket does well until Chipper leaves us, and we’re alone in her jeep on the drive to her house. Clearly agitated, she yanks at her clothes the entire ride. As soon as we park, she gets out and hurries inside where she tugs off her pants.
“Nothing fucking fits!” she screams. “I’m so bloated!”
“I have fat sweats you can wear,” Bianca Bella says from the couch where she reads off a tablet.
“That’s right because I’m fat now!”
Sensing her friend isn’t simply bitching about ill-fitting pants; Bianca Bella sets aside the tablet and stands up.
“I didn’t watch the baby video you sent yet. I figured it’d be more fun to watch it together. Did something bad happen?”
I stand halfway between the living room and the front door while Cricket paces back and forth. When Bianca Bella asks her question, I feel the tension in my woman skyrocket.
“No, nothing bad,” Cricket growls. “Gosh, why do you always assume the worst? What’s wrong with you and your negativity?”
“Are you freaking out? Is that what this is?” Bianca Bella asks with her gaze on me.
“We’re having twins. A boy and a girl. It’s a little overwhelming,” I explain.
Cricket turns her dark gaze to me, and I somehow notice a resemblance to her stepdad. Sure, I know biologically they’re unrelated, but damn, if she doesn’t look like Hayes on a rampage.
“Why are you always here?” Cricket yells. “Why are you always breathing so loud? No, why are you breathing at all? What’s wrong with you? What the fuck is with you, Poet? Why is that your name? Who in the fuck are you?”
“Cricket, I’m not sure what I’m doing but—"
“No, you’re pissing me off. Do you see this?” she asks, showing me the palm of her hand. “Do you know what this wants to do to you?”
Remembering the night we met, I ask, “Bitch slap me?”
“Yes, very good. I want to slap you and kick you and knock you down and run you over with my car.”
The second I move closer to Cricket, I catch Bianca Bella shaking her head as a warning. She keeps her distance from Cricket too.
“What do you want me to do, Cricket?” I ask instead of trying to physically comfort her.
“I want you to leave me alone. I want everyone to leave me alone and shut up and stop breathing so loud and slurping their water and just go away.”
“Or,” Bianca Bella says and sits back on the couch, “you could go to your room where none of us can annoy you. Once in there, you can get your shit under control. I’m just saying.”
Cricket focuses her raging glare at Bianca Bella who ignores her. When her angry gaze finds me, I pull out my phone and pretend to be busy. Backing away from us, Cricket behaves like a hunted animal.
Her reaction is both the saddest and sexiest shit I’ve ever seen.
CRICKET
If rage was the color red, my house would be the elevator scene from “The Shining.” I am ready to rip out my hair and scream until my throat bleeds. Everyone sucks including me, and I want away from everyone including me.
As I back away from them, Poet considers speaking. I see the muscles around his mouth twitch, but he chooses to remain silent. Bianca Bella snaps her fingers when Lobo walks toward me. The dog grudgingly comes to her rather than his owner.
Still backing away, I wait for one of them to piss me off. Or for me to walk into a wall or stub my toe. Everyone is the enemy including my body busting out of my clothes.
Once inside my room, I lock the door and consider pushing a chair against it. My hands shake as I reach for my phone and call Candy.
A few seconds later, she answers sounding as if I’ve woken her from a nap. Her voice doesn’t immediately calm me, so I immediately resent her for not having magical powers.
“Mom, I’m freaking, and I think I want to kick Poet’s ass. Bianca Bella’s ass too. And maybe yours. I don’t know. No, I am. I want to beat up all of you and maybe start a fucking fire.”
“Yes, but you’re not going to do any of those things.”
“I need to get out of my body,” I cry while frantically tugging off my shirt. “My body doesn’t fit anymore, and I can’t breathe. Everything feels wrong, and Poet is always here, and he breathes so loud, and Lobo slobbered on my pants, and they don’t fit right. Did I mention I’m freaking?”
“Cricket, I want you to rest on the bed,” Candy says so calmly that I doubt she’s even paying attention to me.
“No.”
“Get your ass in that bed before I drive over and kick it.”
“Geez, what a bitch,” I growl defiantly—even while climbing onto the bed as I’m told. “Fine. Now what?”
“Set the phone nearby so we can still talk. Then close your eyes.”
“Okay.”
“What do you see when you close your eyes?”
“My house burning down with everyone in the world inside it.”
“Sounds about right. Now, do you remember the first time we went to Disney World?”
“No.”
“Hayes took us before he and I got married. Grandpa Balthazar and his caretaker, Lizzy Anne, came with us. Do you remember now?”
“Yes,” I say grudgingly.
“Do you remember how tired you felt after we walked the entire day under the hot sun?”
“Yes.”
“Do you remember how it felt when you crawled into those bunk beds in the suite? And how cold the air-conditioning was compared to the heat of the day?”
My mind returns to our family’s first trip. Though Hayes hadn’t married Candy yet, he was getting close. “That was when I knew Hayes would be a good dad.”
“Yes,” she says in a soft voice. “He waited in long lines to go on rides even though he hated lines, crowds, and people in general. We were all so tired when we came back to the suite, and you only wanted to rest. I remember how I checked on you that first night and found Chipper in your bunk.”
“He kept feeling like he was falling from the top one.”
“You were both overwhelmed, but you didn’t push your brother away.”
“I know, but Chipper isn’t here. I’m stuck with annoying people because everything feels annoying in my head. I can’t even stand my voice right now. I just want to rip off my body and run away.”
“That’s not an option. If it was, I’d say go for it. Take a break from being you, but someone has to cook those babies.”
“I’m scared to be a mom,” I whisper.
“You should be. But don’t forget you aren’t alone.”
“I know because people won’t leave me alone.”
“You want them gone now,” Candy says, and I swear she’s playi
ng a computer game while talking me down, “but when the time comes when you need help, we’ll always be there for you.”
“I know. I have a good family. I love my family. It’s the best family.”
“And Poet?”
“He’s awful, and I hate him,” I say and feel like crying. “I can’t stand him always being here. It’s driving me crazy. I can’t just sit with Bianca Bella and watch crappy movies and talk like we used to. He’s here, so everything is different.”
“Maybe he ought to go back home to West Virginia for a short time. I’m sure he misses his family and Hayes said Poet has a dog. Let Poet go back home and get things in order. He drove here out of the blue and left everything unsettled.”
“What if he doesn’t come back?”
“Cricket, I know you’re in psycho mode right now, baby, but don’t be a fucking idiot. Of course, he’ll come back. He’s crazy about you, and you’re having his kids. That doesn’t mean he didn’t ditch his life too fast and you didn’t shove him into yours too quickly.”
“I’m not a fucking idiot.”
“Sometimes, I wonder.”
“I miss Grandpa Balthazar,” I say as tears warm my eyes.
“I do too.”
“I miss Nightmare and Dream,” I whisper, remembering my old pets.
“Me too. Life was great back then, but don’t forget how it’s great right now too.”
“It doesn’t feel great.”
“Because you’re stupid and need new clothes. Tomorrow, we’ll go shopping. Then you’ll only be stupid.”
“Thanks, Mommy.”
“You know everything will work out, don’t you, Cricket? You’ve lived a blessed life, and this pregnancy and Poet won’t be any different.”
“I know that on some level, but my brain also says everything is out of control.”
“It’s not, though. Trust me. If you were out of control in a real way, Hayes would be over there fixing it all. Instead, he’s sleeping in his chair while pretending to watch a movie. That means you’re good.”
Inhaling deeply, I exhale very slowly until I feel a little more in control. Candy talks to me a bit more, mostly about boring stuff like the family’s dog, Balthazar, who is currently asleep on the couch next to Hayes. I can picture the dog and my stepdad. They’re vivid in my mind, and my lips curl into a smile. Those simple blessings push aside the chaos in my head until I’m able to get off the phone and face the music with Poet.
