He shook his head and left Hamilton a note telling him how to get to the infirmary and to come over when he wanted, if he wanted. Then he headed to the kitchen, smiling gratefully at Zach when he found a mug of coffee already waiting for him on the table. He took his time sipping at it and eating breakfast, and Zach let him be until he was done. Dallas was surprised Zach lasted that long, but as soon as Dallas drank the last of his coffee and put the mug down, Zach was on him.
“So, Hamilton,” he said.
“That’s his name,” Dallas said.
Zach rolled his eyes. “What happened last night?”
“Nothing. We went to bed and slept. He’s still sleeping, actually.”
“You’re sure you didn’t tire him out?”
Dallas shook his head. He wasn’t exactly comfortable bantering like this with Zach, or with anyone, but he didn’t mind. He wanted to make friends, especially now that he’d be living with the pack. Some of the people here had been with him in the lab, so he knew them better than he’d ever known anyone.
He looked at his watch and was relieved to see he had to go. Zach shook his head, but he was smiling, and Dallas couldn’t help but mirror the expression as he walked out.
* * * *
Once Hamilton was awake and showered, he left Dallas’ bedroom and headed to the kitchen. It wasn’t that late—only ten A.M.—but he was used to waking up around this time, since he opened his shop just after lunch and stayed open until late at night. He hoped someone was there to help him get coffee because he didn’t like the idea of looking through the kitchen, not when he was a guest in the house.
Luckily for him, Zach was sitting at the table, reading a book. He looked up when Hamilton entered and smiled at him. “Coffee?”
Hamilton nodded. “Yes, please.”
Zach got up and filled a mug. He put it in front of Hamilton and gestured at the stove. “Do you want me to get something ready for you?”
“No, I’m fine with coffee, thanks.”
“Not a breakfast guy?”
“Nope. I’m not hungry in the morning, but wait a few hours and I’ll eat you out of the kitchen for lunch.”
Zach chuckled. “What will you do today? I can show you around, if you want.”
“I wouldn’t want to impose. Besides, Dallas left me a note and instructions on how to get to the infirmary. I thought I’d go see how he’s doing.”
“Oh, of course.”
“But I’ll probably take you up on that tomorrow. Thanks for the coffee.”
Zach waved. “You’re welcome, and I get it. You want to spend more time with your mate. Understandable. And since Dallas shouldn’t have patients just yet, I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.”
Hamilton left the kitchen once he was done with his coffee. He and Zach had fallen silent, and it was a bit awkward. Hamilton didn’t know him or the pack, so there wasn’t much they could talk about, although Zach did ask about the tattoos that peeked from Hamilton’s collar.
Hamilton put his boots on, then his jacket, and opened the door. He was relieved to see it wasn’t snowing because Dallas’ note said he needed to go into the forest to find the infirmary, and the last thing he needed was to get lost in the woods while it snowed. Someone would probably find him sooner or later, but he might lose a toe or two to frostbite in the meantime.
It took only a few steps into the forest to feel alone, like the house he’d just left behind didn’t exist. The silence was astounding, the only thing making noise being Hamilton. He could hear the snow move under his soles as he walked, but that was all, and it was almost scary. Hamilton wouldn’t have gone into the woods alone in normal circumstances, but Zach had assured him nothing would hurt him, not as long as he stayed in pack territory.
He was lucky some of the trees held signs, because he’d really have gotten lost if they hadn’t. He followed the path, rounding a big tree, and froze.
He hadn’t known there were bears in Wyoming. He hadn’t thought to check, because what were the odds he’d meet a bear, especially after Zach had told him he’d be safe? But there the bear was, rubbing its back against a tree and staring at Hamilton as he did so.
The bear didn’t attack. It didn’t even stop what it was doing, not right away. Only when Hamilton started walking backward as slow as he could, did the bear cock his head and let itself fall forward.
The thing was huge. Hamilton had never been this close to a bear, but he didn’t think they were this big. The thing could probably eat him easily, and was obviously about to do just that, since it was coming closer.
Hamilton didn’t know what to do. He remembered he’d read both to fake himself dead and to try to make himself bigger and scarier if he ever met a bear, but those tips contradicted themselves, and he had no idea which one he was supposed to use. Or maybe he should run away as fast as he could and hope the bear wouldn’t be able to keep up with him. He held little hope that particular strategy would work, though.
The bear came closer, and Hamilton swallowed. Okay, he didn’t have to choose a strategy, because his body had chosen for him. He was frozen in place, and he was pretty sure he was about to die.
The bear stopped and sniffed the air, and Hamilton prayed his bladder would stay strong. Then the bear grinned, exposing way too many teeth for Hamilton to be comfortable with, and the air around it moved. It was very subtle, and Hamilton almost missed it. He would have if the bear in front of him hadn’t disappeared, a man now standing in its place.
Hamilton’s knees buckled in relief, and he reached out, pressing his palm against a tree to keep upright. The guy in front of him was big, bigger than him by just a few inches. He sported a lot more muscles than Hamilton was comfortable with, and he was buck-naked.
He didn’t seem to care about the cold and stared at Hamilton. Hamilton wasn’t sure whether the guy was waiting for him to run away or to say something, but he wasn’t feeling up to doing either of those.
He couldn’t really stop his gaze from wandering, though. The guy was still naked, and he was hot. He was also tattooed, and the designs grabbed Hamilton’s attention more than anything else did.
“Those are great,” he finally said.
The guy nodded and crossed his arms over his chest. “Thank you. I take it you aren’t here by accident?”
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Why are you in the forest? You’re not a pack member, but you didn’t run, not even when I shifted, so you knew I wouldn’t hurt you.”
Hamilton snorted and finally tore his gaze away. “I was terrified, man. I thought you were a real bear and that you were about to eat me.”
The guy grinned. “I don’t eat people. Too bony.”
“Oh, that’s so reassuring. I don’t know if you were going for the serial killer vibe, but that’s what you came out like.”
The grin on the guy’s face widened. “It wasn’t, but I like the result.” He extended his arm, offering Hamilton his hand. “I’m Cole.”
“Hamilton.”
“You’re human.”
“You’re not.”
Cole looked amused. “Good deduction. What are you doing here then?”
“Looking for the infirmary.” It was probably a good idea to talk about Dallas before Cole decided to eat Hamilton anyway. “My mate works there.”
“Ah. Dallas. I didn’t know he’d found his mate.”
“Very recent. Yesterday recent, actually, so, yeah.”
Cole gestured at the sign on a tree behind himself. “Just follow the signs. Or better, I’ll take you there, okay?”
Hamilton wanted to say no, but he nodded instead. Cole didn’t look like he was about to kill him. He seemed pretty nice, actually, and since most of the people living in the pack were shifters, he’d have to get used to talking to them and following them in a deep, dark forest. Or something like that.
Hamilton nodded. “All right. At least I won’t get lost this way,
right?”
Cole chuckled and shifted back, and shit, he was just as impressive as when Hamilton had thought he was a normal bear. He was a smidge less scared now, but Cole was still huge, and he still had claws and fangs. He probably wouldn’t attack, but Hamilton would make sure not to make him angry, just in case.
Cole was fast, even in his bear form, and it didn’t take them long to step into an opening between the trees. The building in front of them wasn’t big, and it wasn’t as far from the alpha’s house as he’d thought. He and Cole had only walked for a few more minutes.
Hamilton nodded. “Thanks. Uh, I guess I’ll see you later?”
Cole grinned again, and Hamilton was sure he didn’t like it now, at least not while Cole was in his bear form. It made him look more threatening instead of making him look like a teddy bear.
Cole snuffled and leaned closer, skimming his cold and wet nose against Hamilton’s cheek. Hamilton froze, because yeah, he knew the bear was a guy now, but it didn’t make it less scary or impressive to have a bear nuzzling him. Cole made a sound that might have been a cough, or maybe laughter. He moved away and finally left. Hamilton watched him go away, wondering what the fuck had happened and hoping he wouldn’t encounter something else during his next walk in the woods. He didn’t think he’d survive meeting a lion or something similar. His heart couldn’t take it.
* * * *
Dallas checked the cupboard one last time, then his watch. Clea was late, but Dallas wasn’t surprised. He knew a bit about Clea’s situation—Zach had told him what he could—and Dallas knew how finding your mate felt and how many problems it could raise. Still, he wanted to get this done as soon as he could. He needed the help, even though he didn’t have patients yet, at least no badly wounded ones. He’d had a mother come in earlier that morning with her daughter who’d fallen and hurt her knee, but the girl would be fine. It was just a scratch, and Dallas hadn’t needed help to deal with it, but he couldn’t be the only one working there.
There was a knock on the door and Dallas looked up. It wasn’t Clea, but the sight of Hamilton was probably even more welcome. He closed the cupboard and rose from his crouch, smiling. “You found the infirmary easily?”
Hamilton took off his jacket off. “Yeah, but I had help.”
“Oh?” Dallas went to take Hamilton’s jacket from his hands and hung it by his own.
“Yep. Encountered a bear. Turned out to be a guy.”
“Was it Will or Cole?”
“There are two of them?”
Dallas chuckled. He’d made sure to have a list of all the pack members and what they shifted into, just in case. “Yes. Neither of them will hurt you.”
“Oh, I know that now. I thought he was a real bear, though, so I thought I was bear kibble until he shifted. Scared the crap out of me.”
He came closer and wrapped his arms around Dallas’ waist. “How’s your day been so far?”
“Uneventful.”
Hamilton looked around. Dallas knew what he was seeing—six beds lined against the walls, curtains to divide them, and cupboards covering what was left of the wall space. There were four doors other than the one Hamilton had entered from, and they led to the bathrooms, two private rooms, and a tiny room that Dallas had decided would be his office. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for Dallas to be able to work with the pack. He didn’t expect big fights, not anymore, although that could obviously change in time. He hoped it wouldn’t. It was time the paranormal world had peace, even though he wasn’t sure how doable that was.
“It looks good,” Hamilton said, and Dallas nodded.
“It’s enough.”
“Do you have time for me?”
Dallas pointedly looked around the room. “I think I can find some time for you between two of my patients.”
Hamilton grinned. “Oh, so there is more than the serious doctor in you. I wasn’t sure yet.”
Dallas looked down. He raised his hands and pressed them against Hamilton’s chest. He knew what Hamilton meant. He did it on purpose, actually. Separating his job and who he was had been indispensable while he was in the lab, and he’d continued doing it after, just like so many other things.
“There’s a reason for that,” he said softly, half hoping Hamilton wouldn’t hear him.
“What do you mean? A reason for what?”
Hamilton needed to know. Well, he didn’t need to know, but Dallas wouldn’t be honest if he didn’t tell him, and it was the last thing he wanted. Kameron and Zach knew, and they had no problems with him. He hoped it would be the same with his mate, but he couldn’t be sure. Hamilton hadn’t gone through what most of the shifters had gone through, and he certainly couldn’t imagine what the lab had been like.
Better to tell him now than later, though. At least if he didn’t want Dallas, they wouldn’t have too many issues. Hamilton hadn’t moved yet, and they weren’t in love.
“A reason for keeping myself away when I’m working.”
“I’m listening.”
“I know Morin told you about his father.”
“Yes.”
Dallas nodded. He never looked up, because he didn’t want to see Hamilton’s expression, not before he knew for sure how Hamilton would react to this. “I spent some time in one of the labs. About a year. I was lucky, because since I’m a foreign type of shifter, they didn’t experiment much on me, but they found out pretty soon I was a doctor, and, well. They knew I couldn’t refuse what they asked, not if I didn’t want to be tortured or killed. I think some of the scientists in there found it funny or fitting that a shifter was forced to sedate other shifters and assist with what the doctors did.”
Dallas licked his lips. He wasn’t sure he could go into details. He’d tried his best to forget them, even though he knew it wasn’t possible. He still dreamed of it, of the cold of the lab, of the redness of the blood he’d been forced to spill.
“They forced you to do things you wouldn’t have done if you could have chosen,” Hamilton said, his voice steady.
“Yes.”
“You had no choice.”
Dallas tried to move away, but Hamilton didn’t let go. He swallowed, tried to get some moisture back in his mouth. “I had a choice. There’s always a choice, as cliché as it might sound. I could have chosen to let them kill me.”
“I don’t think making that decision is as easy as you tried to convince yourself.”
Dallas shook his head, but Hamilton wasn’t finished, and this time he obviously wanted Dallas to look at him because he put two fingers under Dallas’ chin and used the hold to tilt his face up.
Dallas blinked, fear gripping him until he realized Hamilton didn’t look angry or disgusted.
“I can’t say I’ve ever been in a similar situation,” Hamilton said, looking straight into Dallas’ eyes. “But I can try to empathize. Everyone wants to survive, Dallas. You, me, everyone. Some might be able to sacrifice themselves, but I don’t think a lot of people could. It’s instinct. I’m sure you tried to resist, but if it was between your life or theirs, well. I understand why you chose to do what you did.”
“I never killed anyone,” Dallas breathed out. That was one line he’d drawn and had never crossed. He wouldn’t take a life, no matter what had been done to him. In the end, they’d decided he was more useful alive and whole than dead, so they’d stopped asking him to do it.
“It’s in the past, okay? I know it doesn’t erase what you did, but nothing can, and you shouldn’t dwell on it. Anyone would have done the same.”
Dallas shook his head, a strand of hair flying in front of his face. “It doesn’t mean it was right.”
“No, it doesn’t, but it doesn’t mean it was wrong.”
“Of course it was. I hurt people.”
“And they’d have hurt you if the situation had been reversed. Would you have held that over their head? Would you have blamed them?”
“How can I know that?”
<
br /> “You can’t, and you shouldn’t torture yourself over it. You made it out. You’re alive, and you’re doing something good. You heal people, and you take care of them.”
“It’s not enough.”
“You’ll probably never forgive yourself, but you can’t let the lab people win, hon. They’re still affecting your life, and they shouldn’t. I’m not saying it’s an easy thing to do or even possible, but still. And no matter what you think, I’m not going to push you away or reject you for this.”
Hamilton finally let his hand fall, giving Dallas the opportunity to look down.
Dallas didn’t. He believed what Hamilton was saying, at least the bit where Hamilton wouldn’t push him away. For the rest, well, he’d been trying to convince himself ever since he was rescued, but he wasn’t sure he’d ever truly believe what he’d done wasn’t his fault.
Hamilton leaned down and kissed Dallas. It was nothing like their first kiss, but then they were both experiencing different feelings. Dallas wasn’t jealous of anyone. He was relieved and felt lighter. The kiss was light, and it made Dallas feel like Hamilton cherished him, no matter how ridiculous it sounded after meeting him only the day before.
Someone cleared their throat, and Dallas was yanked out of the moment. He looked at the door and was both relieved and irritated to see Clea standing there.
“Sorry,” Clea said. “I knocked, but you didn’t answer.”
Dallas nodded and stepped out of the safe haven of Hamilton’s arms. He didn’t go far, and Hamilton kept a hand on his lower back to let him know he was there. It made Dallas feel better, like maybe everything could be all right, no matter what had happened in the past.
* * * *
Hamilton wondered if he should leave, but Dallas hadn’t told him to, and he still looked a bit hesitant as he moved toward the man who’d entered the room. Hamilton decided it would be a good idea to stay unless told otherwise, just in case.
Dallas Page 7
