Just because I wasn’t confused anymore didn’t mean Trent wasn’t. He was battling inside himself. He was battling against the past and his future.
“We’re not going to talk about that tonight.” I stroked a hand across his hip.
Tonight wasn’t caught up in the past or the future. Tonight was just the present.
And presently, I was going to love him.
Gingerly, I moved out from beneath him to pull up the covers around his legs. It wasn’t lost on me his cock was still hard (I had that effect on him), and I knew from experience (he had the same effect on me) it was probably painful.
He was already in a lot of pain, but this kind of pain I could ease.
I released the blankets. My fingers moved up the top of his thigh and past the hem of his boxers. His breath caught when they kept gliding, angled toward his erection.
The second the weight of my palm covered it, he moaned. My fingers wrapped around it, performing a single jerk. A breath hissed between his lips.
“This too much for you right now, frat boy?” I whispered.
His eyes blazed with golden highlights and the heat of a thousand flames. He shook his head once, then said nothing at all.
I moved to my knees to carefully work the boxers down over his hips and legs. I threw them across the room, glad to be rid of the barrier between us, and dipped my head.
I wasted no time, but latched right on. With one hand fisted at the base of his rod I held him while I took him deep into my mouth. Trent shuddered, and I paused, leaving him deep inside my throat before slowly dragging my lips up. I kept up the same rhythm for a while. Taking him deep, then slowly letting him go, only to claim him completely all over again.
It was torturous. For him and for me.
His hand fisted in my hair and his other a pillow. When he started squirming impatiently, I changed tactics, not wanting him to move around too much. I released his shaft and climbed between his legs so I could gently massage his sack.
I loved the softness of the skin there, the delicate, vulnerable flesh. A man’s balls were the most sensitive spot on his entire body. The urge to protect them was built in. The urge to cradle T’s in my palms and take them lovingly between my lips was intense.
So I did.
He trusted me here, at this point on his body. I cupped them and kissed them. I suckled the skin until they tightened up with the need to release.
Occasionally, as I worked his balls, I rubbed his cock. I stroked it, teased it, and I fondled his head.
The sounds of pleasure he made only spurred me on and fueled my desire to give him bliss, to show him just how all in I really was.
I pulled back slightly, wrapped my hand completely around his dick, and began slowly jacking him. His hips rocked upward, and a low moan rumbled in his chest. I anchored my free hand around his hips and held him against the bed.
My tongue caressed its way down his taint and then circled around his puckered hole. His legs went stiff, and I licked again, this time fully, completely over his entrance.
My name broke through the silence of the room, and I stroked his cock again. On either side of my head, his legs began to tremble, and I took it as a sign to keep going.
We’d played around back here before; this wasn’t the first time.
But this was the first time I was going full throttle with it, no hesitation, no asking… just straight to the tongue action.
Judging by the way his hand was flexed on the mattress, I would say he approved.
I made a sound, a gruff, satisfied tone, because I wanted him to know I liked this, too. I wasn’t just doing it because I wanted to make him happy.
I did want to make him happy.
But this was also for me. Just like the mark he’d sucked onto my chest. It might be his pleasure right now, but these were my memories. Memories sustained even when pleasure waned.
His body relaxed into my caressing, and I used the tip of my tongue to explore his rim. The nerve endings here were sensitive and easy to please. I was surprised at the amount of full-blown pleasure a man could get from having his ass caressed by a tongue and fingers.
I wouldn’t lie. It certainly made me curious as to what it would feel like to have Trent breach my body. The more I thought about it, the more intimate it seemed. No one had ever been inside me before, not like that.
But I wanted it. I wanted to be inside him, too. I wanted the honor of being the one person on this earth he trusted enough to let inside.
Inside his body. Inside his heart.
Gently, I speared him with my tongue, and he nearly came up off the bed. My laugh was throaty, and his cock jerked in my hand.
“Someone likes that,” I murmured.
“I’m already tortured enough,” he growled. “Finish me.”
I took pity on him and let go of his cock and reached toward the nightstand. The first couple of times, I relied on T to have lube. It took me a while to get used to having it around.
Note: it didn’t take any time at all to understand its pleasure.
But I was past that. I kept some here now, and I pulled it out.
“I’m not ready to finish you. I want more.”
He started to rise up off the bed and grabbed his side.
“Lie back. You can’t be moving around,” I ordered.
He made a rude sound. “Why is it you decide to get all feisty and bold on me when I can’t frickin’ move?”
I tilted my head to the side and pondered the question. “Truth?” I asked, because hadn’t we said we weren’t going to talk about stuff tonight?
His voice was gentle. “Yes, Drew. The truth.”
“Because seeing you on the ground tonight scared the shit out of me. Because seeing someone so strong and brave start to crumble was a giant wake-up call.” I glanced into his eyes and then looked away. More quietly, I said, “Because you’re only giving me tonight.”
This time, he ignored the obvious protest in his body and shoved himself into an upright sitting position. He grabbed the bottle out of my hand and tossed it aside. When his palm cupped the side of my face, I pushed a little closer to it.
“No, Drew. I’m giving you my forever. I’m giving you my heart for my entire lifetime. I’m just not taking that from you.” His thumb stroked over my cheekbone.
My stomach felt hollow, empty, like an arctic wind was blowing through.
“I don’t want you doing things in this bed tonight that you aren’t completely ready for. I don’t want you to be down there because you think it will somehow change my mind.”
“You act like me giving you the same thing, my heart and my body for my entire lifetime, is some kind of… hardship.”
His hand fell away from my face, and I wanted to pull it back. But I couldn’t. I hadn’t even realized the truth behind my words, but they hit me like a bolt of lightning. Why was it okay for him to give me all of himself, but not okay for me to do the same?
“Don’t you think I want that?” he asked. “I want that more than anything on this entire planet.”
“I’m giving it to you and you won’t take it.”
“Because I want you to be safe. I want to protect you.”
Frustration welled up within me.
“What hurts worse right now, your body or your heart?” I asked.
His forehead wrinkled. “What?”
“Your body or your heart?” I asked again.
His shoulders slumped. “I think you know the answer.”
“Well, your heart isn’t hurting from that beating. Your ribs endured a lot to protect what’s beneath it. They cracked under the pressure, but they still held strong. They protected your heart. Seems like the beating they took was for nothing, because for all the sheltering they did, you are pretty fucking intent on pummeling it.”
His face paled.
“You aren’t protecting me right now, Trent. It isn’t my body that needs the safety. Just like you, it’s my heart, and it’s taking a beating ri
ght fucking now.” His eyes were stricken when I looked into them. “You’re the one throwing the punches.”
It was clear my declaration tormented him. The tone of his voice matched the look in his eyes. “Drew.”
I nodded like I wasn’t buckling under the weight of his inner struggle, like I didn’t feel guilty for adding to it.
But all was fair in love and war.
If I had to fight dirty to keep him, then I’d be the dirtiest motherfucker there ever was.
“So what’s it going to be, Trent?” I pressed. “Are you going to protect my heart and the love it holds for you, or are you going to walk away?”
Trent
Body or soul.
I wished it were that easy.
He made it sound that way. He made it feel that way.
God, I love him.
On the surface, it seemed like a simple choice, but matters of the heart rarely were.
“It’s not that black and white,” I said, my voice gravely and deep. The guilt I felt just then, the all-encompassing urge to pull Drew into my arms and say to hell with everything else, was like trying to hold back an orgasm when the release had already begun.
“You won’t let it be,” Drew argued.
I guess it had been too much to think we could take an entire night and not get into this. We’d been fooling ourselves. But wasn’t this what I wanted? Wasn’t I tired of pretending?
Thick silence pressed in around us. He’d tossed me the ball. He’d laid down one epic argument and left me with a choice. I glanced at the mark I’d put on his chest, so near his heart. The heart he so willingly offered me.
I’d give him anything… but how could I take from him? Yes, he was offering, but just because something was offered didn’t mean it was right to take.
But…
I was hurting him and I didn’t want that.
“It seems like no matter what I do, you’re going to get hurt,” I confessed.
“There’s only one kind of hurt for me that won’t ever heal.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and exhaled. “Stop saying shit like that.”
“Why? Because it bothers you? Because you know it’s true?” His voice was argumentative, matter-of-fact.
“Of course it bothers me!” I shot out. “You’re my weakness, Drew. You’re the one person in this entire world I would do anything for.”
“All I want is you.”
“You have me,” I said, weary, collapsing back against the headboard. I was exhausted and hurt in so many ways.
And I was naked.
This was a damn heavy conversation to be having without my drawers.
“Where’s my damn boxers,” I muttered.
“You don’t need them,” Drew replied.
I raised a brow. He lifted one back.
I fought a smile, but in the end, my lips curved upward.
The dimple in his cheek made an appearance, and I groaned.
“Please say you understand where I’m coming from,” I pleaded.
“I understand you’re an overprotective and bossy bastard.”
“You flatter me,” I quipped.
“We’re talking in circles.” Drew sighed. “I asked you a question.”
“Just because the people in this house accepted us doesn’t mean everyone out there will. How do I condemn you to that? How do I justify my love is worth the risk? It’s not just your body, Forrester, I’m trying to protect. But it’s your heart, too. What happens when you tell your father and he flips the fuck out? It’s gonna crush you. What happens if your brother is sickened his brother likes dick?”
Drew’s face tightened, and I knew what I was saying was crude and hard to hear. Good. It would never get easier.
“And what about your racing career, the one you’re just starting? Do you think Gamble is gonna want a gay man as the face of his new sport? What if he drops you? What if you never get another opportunity like this again and you spend the rest of your life behind a computer, cut off from your father, brother, and maybe your mother? What happens when you go out and people whisper crude words, when they call you a fag and dick licker?”
He didn’t say anything, just sat there and looked at me.
“You’ll start to resent me,” I whispered. “You’ll blame me for all the shit you lost.”
“Even if I lost every single one of those things you just listed, it still wouldn’t add up to the single loss of you.”
I was dumbstruck. So completely astounded. He told me he loved me. I knew it was true. What I hadn’t realized was his love for me rivaled my love for him.
How did a man fight that?
I couldn’t.
I was going to cave.
It was like all the reasons I put us through this were suddenly null and void.
“You know what I think?” he asked softly.
I gestured for him to speak.
“I think it’s not just me you’re protecting, but yourself.”
Yes. But not from the bigots and the haters in the world. I was protecting myself from me. From all the things our relationship could do to Drew. As I said, it was he who was my weakness, and it was his hurt that had the power to destroy me.
“Protecting you is protecting me,” I whispered.
“I really think you’re the bravest man I’ve ever met,” he confessed, almost shy.
I took it as some kind of affront, a challenge. Like he thought I was being weak by trying to push him away. “Pushing you away was brave, Drew. It took everything I had.”
He nodded and reached for my hand. “I know. I don’t want you to be brave for me, Trent. I want you to be brave with me.”
“Look at me, Forrester.” My eyes bore into his. “Look at my bruises and cuts. Look at the way people I’ve been friends with for years turned on me without even asking first if the rumors were true.” I gave his hand a squeeze. “Are you up for this?”
He scooted forward on the bed, our legs bumping together. “I’m asking for it. I’m asking for you.”
My chest felt tight, and it wasn’t because of my ribs. I felt near to max capacity with emotion, as if everything we’d been through to get to this moment had been nothing but practice. My doubt and fear was waning, being replaced with a sensation of luck.
I was sitting in Drew’s bed, beaten and bruised. Some people out there wouldn’t accept us. Our life would never be as easy as it might have been if we just stayed friends.
It didn’t even matter.
Our fingers were entwined together; his body carried the weight of mine more than once tonight. He was holding out his heart, extending it between us, offering me everything I honestly never thought I’d have.
He was so much more than I ever imagined.
How did I get so lucky? How was Drew able to look past my walls, past the façade I built for everyone to see? He saw me for who I was. For the man I was still discovering… I wasn’t even sure who I would fully become.
But he seemed to see.
And he loved me.
“I can’t say no to you,” I whispered, my voice cracking halfway through. “Denying you anything would be like ripping out my own heart and abandoning it to the wolves.”
Drew cupped his hand around the back of my head and made a sound I could only describe as intense relief. He wasn’t smug he convinced me. He wasn’t arrogant he’d gotten his way. When he pressed his forehead against mine and met my eyes, all I saw was gratitude.
Both our chests heaved a bit, and his fingers dug into my scalp where he held me.
“Thank fuck,” he all but groaned.
I smiled. “If you think I’m protective now, it’s probably going to get worse.”
Now my defensive instincts weren’t only concentrated on keeping him safe… but on my radar was us. Two men who shared a single heart.
Vicious wasn’t even a strong enough sentiment to define how I was going to protect that.
“I don’t care,” he murmured, still holding my hea
d against his. “As long as you’re my person.”
“And you’re mine.”
Drew’s eyes darkened. “No more talking tonight, frat boy.” Both hands grabbed my jaw and his lips covered mine.
He kissed me passionately, like we’d both jumped off a ledge into a bottomless well… His lips were the only ground I’d ever meet again. We tumbled together. Our tongues danced and caressed each other without hesitation. I rubbed my chin against his as we made out, the feel of his rough stubble causing tension to heighten inside me as my dick began to harden.
I didn’t feel any pain, not even when we slowly lowered as one onto the mattress. His body covered mine, but he wasn’t heavy. Drew supported all his weight on his hands and only allowed his chest and hips to brush me lightly. If my ribs weren’t busted, I would have pulled him over me completely and reveled in the strength of his body.
Our hips started grinding toward each other as our cocks rubbed together. I palmed his hips and pulled them closer so his dick was pinned beside mine and there was no room to do anything but rock slowly.
His head fell to my shoulder, and I whispered, “I love you.”
Drew moaned like the words only intensified his pleasure. Between us, his cock jerked. Abruptly, he pushed up, hovering just inches above me, caging me in.
I was far too big of a guy to ever feel that way, and between us, I was the protective one. But right now, I felt small. In this moment, it was as if Drew were the one protecting me.
“I want to be inside you,” he declared with passion-thick words.
We’d yet to explore that far with each other; we’d barely even talked about it.
Once again, he read me. Once again, he saw my deepest thoughts and cut them off.
“This isn’t just the heat of the moment.” He paused. “Well, maybe a little. But we both know this is only a matter of time.”
“No one said it has to be right now,” I said gently, not wanting it to sound like a rebuff.
In truth, the idea of him entering me was something I thought about a lot. I wanted it. I craved it. Sure, I was curious, too. I wondered if it would be pleasurable for both of us or just the one on top. Thing was I couldn’t imagine not liking anything Drew gave me. In fact, the mental image of him between my legs and filling my body made my mouth run dry and skin feel feverish.
#Rev (GearShark #2) Page 5
