“I—I can’t.”
Jaron picked her up without protest and walked to a turned over receptacle and sat with her. He held her as she cried, running his hand up her back and tucking his face in her neck to hide his own wet eyes.
She belonged to him. Sasha F’lan was his and his alone. Her arms came up around him at last as more of her tears fell. Jaron kissed her quivering lips and tasted the salt of her pain. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
He’d say it a thousand times.
Sasha gripped his shirt, fingers clenching and unclenching. He lowered his hand to covers hers and squeezed. Their gazes met, held. “Can you forgive me?”
Jaron waited for her answer. Everything he wanted suspended in this one moment.
***
Sasha sniffed back a hoarse cry and leaned back from the comfort of his chest. Tears ran in rivulets down her cheeks she didn’t bother wiping. More would replace them because she couldn’t turn off the massive hurt tearing her apart. She pushed out of his arms and struggled to her feet.
How could he do this to her? Sasha shuddered, her lips trembling but unsure if she could move. Jaron stayed seated, staring up at her with a face ravaged by remorse. She wanted to believe him. Wanted to spend her life with him too.
“You lied to me,” she croaked. The betrayal sat in her gut and pierced her heart like a sharpened blade. It was hard to accept. Especially from him. Nothing anyone else had ever done compared to the pain of Jaron’s actions.
“I did.”
Stars! He wasn’t trying to justify or cover his actions any more. Maybe he understood how bone deep he’d hurt her.
“Say the other words again.”
He didn’t smile at her demand. He touched a tear, his eyes dark with torment. Sasha’s heart raced faster than ever. “I love you, Sasha.”
She cried harder. He meant it. At least she thought he did and still he did what he did to her. Jaron had to have known how she’d react. That made this entire situation worst. He knew and still followed through. Duty first. Sasha last.
Curling her arms about her middle, Sasha harshly whispered her rage. “Damn you, Jaron! I came to say I loved you today. I fucking love you! And you ripped my heart out and stomped on it.”
Sasha pulled away from him and sniffed. Sometimes love wasn’t enough. If she couldn’t trust him, they had nothing. “Stay away from me, Jutak. We’re done.”
This time when Sasha marched away, he didn’t give chase. Courage kept her shoulders braced, pain kept her steps steady and pride enabled her to leave.
But love…love kept the tears flowing down her face.
Chapter 26
3 years later
When word reached him of Viktor’s disappearance Jaron’s fear took a choke hold on him. All of the children had grown on him. Torkel and Faye’s daughter Shiloh, Arak and Sylvie’s son Raze. Viktor was special for another reason. They’d almost lost him and Joni after the birth. Kyele had been distraught and none of them had any idea what to do. Dr. Maku did everything he could and nothing seemed to work.
Viktor’s survival was a miracle and now he was missing. All three teams broke apart to search the grounds. After coming up with no sign, they met at the rear door of the facility. Jaron couldn’t look at Kyele who held Joni close in his arms. Faye sniffled as Torkel rubbed her back, their daughter huddled between their legs.
Senators Barak and Zadal were visiting with their Triad wife, Lindsey, also from Earth. Their identical three daughters cried openly, tearing at Jaron’s heart. He and Bane went over every sensor and alarm on the property and couldn’t find how or where Viktor had disappeared.
Nothing on the vids after the game the children played gave a hint to his whereabouts. Jaron racked his brain for any idea to help, ignoring the others talk about the space station.
A shimmering portal suddenly opened in the midst of them. Fifteen Jutaks aimed their lasers at the center to see what or who emerged.
General Azar walked forth, the portal fading behind him. The dark-haired General of the Spectar army gazed around unconcerned about the weapons trained in his direction. In his arms, he held Kyele’s son.
“Viktor,” Joni shouted and ran to grab her son.
“Joni!” Kyele was a step behind her.
Azar handed the boy to her and Joni smothered her son’s dark curls with kisses.
“Your son has the skills of a full blooded Spectar,” the general said to Kyele.
Jaron hid his surprise at the appearance and the most feared General in their sector of the galaxy. He tightened his finger on the sensor of his laser fully prepared to kill if necessary.
More words were exchanged but Jaron blocked it all, concentrating on protecting those here in case General Azar decided to attack.
Kyele nodded at something said and Azar stepped back. This time he didn’t bother with a portal. He shifted into a tall funnel of smoke and faded.
The relief was palpable. Everyone lowered their weapons. None of them trusted easily when it came to the women and children who resided in the building.
“His papan,” Torkel whispered to Faye.
Piece by piece it all added up and the answer was so far from what Jaron had ever expected he couldn’t let it pass without saying something.
“So wait, your son is the grandson of General Azar, ruthless leader of the Spectar armies?”
Conflict twisted Kyele’s face but he answered, “Yes,”
“The man known throughout the galaxy as The Butcher?” Jaron felt the need to push.
Joni moaned and leaned weakly into Kyele. The glare he shot Jaron was brutal. It didn’t matter. Jaron turned on his heel and threw out, “I’m staying far, far away from these females from Earth. They bring trouble to your doorstep.”
Which also explained why his heart was still ensnared by a sexy Argoran shifter who had dodged any of his attempts to track her over the last three years. She’d managed to hide herself among the numerous false identities of Bounty Retrievers.
In his quarters, Jaron stripped off his clothes and went to his bedroom. He was exhausted, mentally drained from the crash of fear and adrenaline after Viktor’s disappearance and return.
He fell on his bed and rolled to his back. Habit had him hitting the holo screen he’d installed in his ceiling. The image wavered then settled. Midnight curls in disarray, the curve of a brown shoulder, and slender arms folded under a petite chin as she slept.
He missed Sasha. Missed her smile, missed her independent streak and missed having her in his arms. His brethren were going through presentation, bonding with the females they loved. And here he was.
Alone.
Life’s irony after all the arguing he’d done about not wanting a Chosen and not wanting to risk his heart.
His desktop communicator buzzed. Tempted to ignore it, Jaron shut off the holo image. Why torture himself staring at her face night after night? He closed his eyes, hoping sleep would come easy and not with its usual memories of Sasha purring against his chest as she slept.
Torkel would tag him if it was important. Jaron wasn’t needed in the communication room with Bane covering. Most of his friends with Chosens were more than likely with their family celebrating Viktor’s safe return. A family Jaron would never have thanks to his actions years ago.
***
Being alone after knowing love was a lot different than being alone before. Seeing Orland barred from the Retriever Association after Sasha provided proof of his involvement in her captivity with The Collector had been a pale victory. The future yawned in front of her like a dark pit. Sasha bit off a growl. All because of a soldier.
A quite talented soldier who spent an inordinate amount of skill and time tracking Sasha. In the beginning she’d been careless, assuming he’d tire of the chase. Months went by and more of her contacts began to question what she’d done to draw the attention of the Enotian military.
Jaron wasn’t even subtle about it with his constant electronic queries and seeker bu
gs planted on certain sites she’d been known to use for communication purposes.
How long had it been now? One year? Two? She snorted. Who was she trying to fool? More like three years, two months and four days. And she thought of the blond soldier each and every one of those days.
Sasha could have traveled far and wide, taken herself beyond his reach, but a part of her clung to the desire to be near. In case. In case of what she wasn’t sure. She was stuck in a cursed limbo.
Delicate knocks at odds with the location of her rental, hit the door. Sasha jerked upright, her booted feet hitting the floor with a thud. She gripped her laser and edged toward the door with caution. When she opened it, Sasha could only stare as she was confronted by a female she’d been working hard to dodge as well.
“Sasha F’Lan, Bounty Retriever?” The beautiful blonde woman smiled, her blue eyes so light as to appear pale. “That is who you are, correct?”
Sasha licked her lips as her pulse skipped then pounded. There was no need to pretend she had no knowledge of her visitor’s identity. “You’re Jaron’s mother, Trelia Aches.”
If Jaron was determined, his maman was a missile seeking its target. Several hits on the system searching for Sasha’s whereabouts were tagged with this woman’s signature. She didn’t attempt to hide her purpose or her determination to find Sasha.
“Yes. He is my only son. I am very proud of him.”
Sasha eyed the Enotian female who stood in the entry patiently waiting. She didn’t know how Trelia found her when every Jutak working with Jaron hadn’t. There had been a few close incidents. Especially when Jaron switched from searching by electronic means and sent Kyele.
Sasha escaped by exiting one door as Kyele entered another. She’d known then to lay low. And did. For three lonely years. Until Trelia proved smarter than her son and used Sasha’s new comm code to contact her. Though Sasha had refused every overture, here Trelia was at the rental sect where Sasha was staying under a fake name.
“Come on in.” Sasha stepped back and let her in. She tucked her laser in the holster at her hip and pointed at the array of food on the table. “You can join me and explain why you’re here. Jaron and I have nothing to do with one another anymore.”
Lie. Lie. Lie.
Sasha still loved the bastard and nothing she did truly got him off her mind.
Trelia walked in as regal as a Queen in her dark gray cloak and sat at one of the two chairs by the rickety table. “I wanted to meet the female who left Jaronoto’s heart to bleed.”
Taking the seat across from her, Sasha flinched. “Listen, I’m not sure what he’s shared with you, but Jaron and only Jaron is responsible for whatever pain you think he has.”
He betrayed Sasha. He abused her trust. She wouldn’t feel guilty about leaving him because of his actions.
“We will eat first. Then talk. I am famished from my travels.”
And they ate, Sasha staring all the while and trying to imagine how she’d given her location away and how soon she’d need to relocate.
Once done, Trelia pushed at the plate and the remaining food. She wiped her fingers delicately on a napkin and folded her hands in her lap. “My son loves you. And after all these years, you still love him.” Trelia held up a hand when Sasha parted her lips. “I am descended of the original five families on Enotia. My birth gift is sight. Spare me lies about your feelings, Sasha F’Lan.”
The rebuke was uttered in such a sweet voice, Sasha found herself falling silent. Trelia reached for Sasha’s hand over the table and squeezed. “He made a mistake and you made him pay for it.”
“I didn’t do anything.” She’d clawed his shirt, but he was uninjured from that.
“He pays every year, every day, every hour you stay away from him. At what point will you consider he’s hurt enough for the pain he has caused you?”
Sasha swallowed back the need to cry. With her simple question, Trelia laid Sasha’s feelings bare. She did want Jaron to suffer. But that was in the beginning. Then time had gone on. The pain in her heart hadn’t lessened, but it wasn’t from betrayal any longer. She missed him with every fiber of her being.
“I can’t be his Chosen,” Sasha confessed.
Trelia rose to her diminutive height. “And why not? My son deserves a presentation. He has fought for Enotia.”
Sasha wanted to hug Jaron’s maman. “The law states that an Argoran may not participate in case a male Argoran goes through his muata and they void the Chosen.”
As if Sasha would ever want any one more than Jaron.
“Mmmm.” Trelia pulled up the hood of her cloak about her face, preparing to leave.
Sasha hesitated. “Wait. That’s all you’re going to say? Can’t you…can you read the future?”
Trelia smiled softly as she headed toward the door. “As a matter of fact, I can.”
Sasha swallowed then asked, “You’d know if Jaron and I end up together, right?”
“Yes.” Trelia waved goodbye over her shoulder and closed the door behind her.
Stunned, Sasha remained where she sat. That didn’t go at all how she imagined.
Chapter 27
Jaron squared off against Gregir on the center mats, flexing his fingers at his side. The long sticks they used to train lay broken on the floor between them.
“What is your problem, Jaron?” Gregir’s shout drew the attention of the others and Torkel who’d been using the room to get in a workout session.
“Jaron!” Torkel snapped. “My office now!”
Without offering an apology to Gregir, Jaron walked away, his lips pressed tight together. He went down the hall and up a level, frustration brewing like a toxic mix
When he reached the designated door, Jaron slammed into the office and threw himself into the nearest chair. Torkel stormed in behind him.
“Do something to get yourself together, Jaron or I will have Arak cover the team and put you on forced leave.”
It wasn’t an empty threat. Torkel’s irritation with him was obvious.
“I will work on it.” Jaron breathed out harshly and braced his elbows on the table. Not sure how that would happen. His temper raged no matter what he did.
“Have you talked to her?” Torkel took the seat across from him.
There was no need to guess who she was. “No. Sasha’s vanished.”
Again. Except this time, he couldn’t hold out hope she’d call him. Her words rang with pain and honesty that day. She was done with him. Jaron’s throat locked.
“Have you asked Bane to help?”
Jaron dropped his head to study the plain surface of the table. “Bane looked, Vee looked, Kyele searched until sickness forced him to come back.”
No one had any sign of Sasha. Jaron had gone so far as to hack the Retriever Association records, but Sasha hadn’t claimed a bounty in the time since he’d seen her last. Her finances which Jaron had yet to break were a mystery to him. If her words were to be believed, she didn’t need the credits from future bounties.
“It has been three years. Maybe you need to let her go.”
Jaron’s head snapped up and he glared at Torkel. “We didn’t get anything out of Arlo.”
The Marenian hadn’t revealed Lothar’s secrets or whereabouts, making his arrest a complete waste in Jaron’s mind. The Jutak commander had refused to let them keep him longer than a few days and sent another team to escort Arlo for sentencing. Currently he was three years in on a twenty-five year stint at a prison colony.
They were no closer to stopping Lothar. He’d lost Sasha for nothing. Torkel’s comm buzzed and he excused himself. “Do not leave yet, Jaron.”
There was nowhere he wanted or needed to be. Jaron sighed and pushed back in the chair, his legs spread beneath the table. He drummed his fingers on the surface in an uneven beat, trying to block out the overwhelming wave of grief that sought to drown him whenever he remembered the betrayal on Sasha’s face.
It wasn’t easy. Lately he’d been spiraling. He didn�
��t sleep well most nights. His patience was shot and he took every opportunity possible to spark a confrontation with those in the Unit. It had to end. At some point, Jaron had to regain control. He just wasn’t sure how.
Torkel came back in, brown eyes shadowed. “You have a visitor, Jaron. I have her waiting in the lobby.
Her? Torkel offered him a smile now. There was only one her Jaron wanted to see. He jumped to his feet, knocking his chair back and blasted past Torkel. He bypassed the lift and banged open the door to the stairs. He took them two at a time, heart pounding out a driving rhythm.
It didn’t matter how or why. He wouldn’t ask questions. When Jaron saw Sasha, he was going to grab her and not let go.
He hurdled through the lobby and came to an abrupt halt. The woman standing there turned, her look one of welcome and love. Disappointment hit like a punch to the gut. He wiped his hands on his pants then jammed his fingers through his hair. “Maman, what are you doing here?”
Trelia hugged him and Jaron automatically wrapped his arms around her to return the embrace. His chest ached, but he tried to hide his crushing disappointment.
His maman leaned back, her hands cupping his elbows. “I would speak with my son.”
Since she rarely visited him at the Jutak facility, Jaron knew she wanted to speak privately. If she had called him home, his sisters would have intruded or eavesdropped. They were not known for their discretion. “Come. I will take you to my rooms.”
She dug her heels in and despite her slight weight, Jaron stopped immediately. “You never spoke of her to me or your papan.”
Jaron stiffened. “What do you mean?”
His maman reached up to stroke his jaw. Jaron leaned down to ease the stretch on her arms. “Your heart has been broken for far too long and you have not once come to your papan and I for help.”
Sasha. Why had he thought his maman would not know of Sasha? He’d never so much as mentioned her to his family. His maman and his sisters possessed precog abilities. It was a dangerous gift and not to be taken lightly. His maman never shared her visions and only acted on them if her loved ones were in danger. If she knew of Sasha, it meant she’d seen something.
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