by Jill Kemerer
“Um, yeah, so Macy’s staying the night at Bea’s. Are you busy?” She turned. “Sorry, I should have called.”
“Come in.” He gestured her inside.
“Are you feeling all right?” She shrugged her coat off and followed him down the hall to the living room. Set her purse next to two empty pizza boxes on the kitchen island.
“Yeah, why?” He padded barefoot to the couch.
“I don’t know. You look a little tired.”
“Rough day,” he called from the other room.
“I’ll make you some tea and honey.”
“I don’t own any tea.”
“Well, you must have something.” She rummaged through the pantry, not seeing anything suitable for a cold or flu. “What about warm milk?”
“I’m not sick. Come in here. Did you bring a movie?”
She pulled the DVD out of her purse and joined him, careful to sit on the other end of his enormous sectional. “You don’t mess around when it comes to big furniture, do you?”
“What? I can’t hear you. You’re too far away.” A grin lit his eyes and he patted the cushion next to him. “I won’t bite.”
She held back a smile and scooted closer. “Seriously, I think you should go to bed.”
He put his hand around her wrist and tugged. “How many times can I tell you? I’m not sick. Now, what movie did you bring? I hope it’s nothing too mushy. You know, Valentine’s Day and all.”
She lifted the cover for him to see. “I don’t know, it might get mushy in parts.”
He busted out laughing. “Iron Man? Really? Brilliant.”
The compliment spread through her body. Or maybe it was their proximity. He snatched the movie from her hand and got the DVD player ready, and then he resumed his spot next to her. He smelled good. As if he’d taken a shower.
“You know, you’re looking brighter now. Funny what a good movie can do, huh?” She nudged him with her elbow.
“Yeah, this is one of my favorites.” His cockeyed smile slid into something less teasing, more romantic. “Thanks for bringing it over.”
“You’re welcome.” She blinked, smoothing her jeans, anything to keep her hands busy and her gaze elsewhere. How else could she dismiss the sudden yearning pooling in her stomach? “You’re sure you don’t mind me showing up without Macy?”
“I’m sure.”
His breath scorched her neck. When had he gotten so close? And why wasn’t he even closer? If she shifted her face a smidge, his lips would be right there.
Stephanie almost jumped up. “Oh, look. It’s starting.” The copyright message displayed across the screen. And it lingered. For a solid fifteen seconds.
“Is it?” He trailed his finger over the back of her hand. She jumped this time.
“Um, I thought I saw popcorn in there. I’ll go make us some.” She hurried to the kitchen, her heartbeat thrumming. Why had she come tonight? Her nerves were all over the place, but isn’t this what she wanted? So why was she acting like such a twitchy imbecile? It wasn’t as if she’d never been kissed.
But this was Tom.
And Tom’s kisses left her defenseless. Always had. Always would.
She tore open the plastic seal on the bag of popcorn and pushed the microwave button. She’d stay on her side of the couch. Yes, sir, she would. The popping built to a crescendo and the machine beeped. Too soon. She wasn’t ready to go back in there.
“Want me to start it?” Tom called.
“Yes, be right there.” She grabbed the bag, careful to avoid the steam, and returned to the couch. She handed him the popcorn and sat three feet away.
“Don’t you want any?” He nodded at the bag. “We can’t share with you over in Siberia.”
It smelled really good. She inched closer. Took a small handful.
When Tom put his arm around her, she let her cheek fall into his shoulder. It fit just right. Like before. Except this wasn’t like before.
“Hold on—this part’s intense.”
Intense? Yeah. Five years of dormant attraction flooded her at his nearness.
She could get used to this.
But should she?
She snuggled into his embrace. Who cared? She’d enjoy it for the moment. A moment might be all she got.
Chapter Fourteen
Stephanie waved goodbye to Bea as she crossed the parking lot. For once the temperature was above freezing. A fluke for March. Birds even chirped in the air. Maybe she could don one layer of clothing tonight instead of three. It would be great to wear something feminine, something pretty for Parents’ Night and not because Tom was joining her.
Well, maybe because Tom was joining her.
Oh, who was she kidding? She hadn’t cared about dressing up or doing her hair for any guy but Tom. He’d been the one man to make her stomach flip-flop. The urge may have rested quietly for a few years, but not anymore.
She drove home to get her books and change before class. The past three weeks had made her happier than she’d been in years. Tom had been spending twenty minutes talking to her after his time with Macy. He told her about how the dealerships bounced back from the recession, explained the training involved with the IRONMAN and made her laugh with his insights about life.
She, in turn, showed him the projects she was working on for school, bored him to death with a breakdown of dental insurance woes and made him laugh about Macy’s antics.
They’d settled into an easy friendship. The one she’d wanted when married to him.
After skipping up the steps to the apartment building, she almost dropped her keys unlocking her mailbox in the hall. Swiping the bulky stack of mail, she jogged to her apartment, tossed everything on the table and sped to her room. Minutes later she returned, wearing her favorite jeans and a navy T-shirt. She crouched near the dining table to lace her athletic shoes.
The mail caught her eye, but she didn’t have time to go through it. Probably a bunch of bills, anyhow. Two manila envelopes were wedged between a catalog and pizza coupons. She finished tying the other shoe, stood and stretched her arms over her head.
Maybe she should call Tom. Remind him about tonight.
She dug through her purse until she found her cell phone. Her finger paused midair.
No.
She’d made it clear she would not be leaving him reminders.
Just because she wanted to hear his voice did not excuse her from playing a role she’d repeatedly told herself she would not play. She had no desire to be the designated cruise director for their co-parenting gig. No one texted her about important dates. Either Macy meant enough to him to write it down in the first place or he’d miss the event.
He hadn’t let Macy down yet.
But what about all the nights Stephanie had spent alone when they were married? The planned Friday-night movies he hadn’t shown up for? The broken promises? Exactly like her mom.
A ripple of hurt slid down Stephanie’s spine at all Mom had missed after marrying Jim, husband number two. Stephanie had been eight years old. Mom was in love, again, which meant Stephanie spent her afternoons and evenings with the eighty-year-old lady next door, who slept the entire time. Alone, in front of a television, Stephanie ate a peanut butter sandwich while Mom and Jim enjoyed a honeymoon phase of late nights out. Their honeymoon phase mirrored their dating phase.
Over the years, Stephanie had overheard her dad on the phone reminding Mom about her upcoming dance recital, then her volleyball games, awards nights and on and on. Sometimes Mom came; sometimes she didn’t. By the time Stephanie had turned fourteen, it didn’t matter anymore. She enjoyed her mom when she bothered to show up, which wasn’t often. Stephanie pretended Mom didn’t exist the rest of the time. It was easier that way.
The last time Stephanie saw her was
after Macy was born. Mom waltzed into Dad’s house, tossed one look at the baby and crumpled into a chair, declaring, “I’m too young to be a grandmother.”
She’d since married husband number five.
Stephanie stared at her purse and teetered between the past and the present. Tom wasn’t like her mother. He’d be there tonight. She’d emailed him the details last week, and the preschool had sent them both postcards.
Hitching her backpack onto her shoulder, her gaze fell on the pile of mail again, and she quickly sorted through it.
One of the manila envelopes held her health insurance resource book. The other was from the University of Miami. She ripped it open.
Sliding the cover letter out, she scanned it.
We’re pleased to...
She did it! She was accepted!
She skimmed the rest, her heart tripping overtime at the second-to-last paragraph.
A scholarship. Not for the full amount, but it would cover some of her tuition. Her money problems were disappearing before her eyes.
Hugging the packet to her chest, she closed her eyes and imagined it all. The beach, the turquoise water, the sun beating down on her and Macy as they held hands and raced into the waves. Dad’s condo with its loft for Macy and an extra bedroom for her. Dad. Always providing for her. Always there for her.
A new life. A better life.
But...a life without Tom.
Her spirits fell.
When had he become so important to her? Just the thought of Miami made her feel as if she was ditching her best friend.
Maybe she was.
She flung the manila envelope onto the coffee table and raced out of the apartment. She’d have to think about it later. She was late.
* * *
At mile fifteen, Tom jogged the hill leading to the park. He’d skipped out of the dealership early when he realized the thermometer read fifty degrees. Calls and invoices could wait. The sun, blue sky and clean air made it the perfect day for a long run outside. Even robins flew back and forth overhead in excitement, a sure sign winter was almost over. The only other sound was the slap, slap of his shoes hitting the pavement.
Monday night, he’d bought a bike attachment for Macy to pedal behind his when the weather got nicer. He wouldn’t be able to ride as fast or as far as he would solo, but any bike time was better than none. Plus, he wanted her to enjoy being active outdoors the way he had as a kid.
At the top of the hill, he slowed a moment to appreciate the glimmer of the lake in the distance. In less than two months this view would come alive with pink apple blossoms, yellow daffodils and red tulips. Spring in Lake Endwell was almost as nice as fall.
Checking his watch, he calculated how much time he had. Enough to finish his run, take a shower and drive to Macy’s preschool. He had no idea what they did at Parents’ Night, but he’d soon find out. Pride filled his chest. Being a dad never got old.
For the rest of the run, he mentally went over upcoming tasks at work and the groceries he needed to pick up later. He’d forgotten to call Claire. She kept insisting on throwing him a housewarming party, but the family had been so busy, they hadn’t been able to set a date.
He made the first turn into his subdivision. Next Saturday would work. He slowed to a walk to cool down. Bryan stood on his porch.
“Haven’t seen you in a few weeks.” He brushed past Bryan and let them in through the front door. “Have a seat while I grab a Gatorade. You want anything?”
Bryan shook his head, continued through the foyer to the back of the house and sat at the table. Tom chugged the orange drink and joined him.
“I’ve been thinking a lot.” Bryan’s dull eyes were downright depressing. “Talked to Claire.”
Tom wanted to reply. To joke and say something like, “Well, that’s your problem right there,” but too much time had passed since he’d thrown Bryan out and too many things had been said that night.
“You were right—I’ve been a jerk. And it wasn’t about you.” Bryan thumped his knuckles on the table and peered out the window. “I give you credit. You really shook up your life and changed it, didn’t you?”
“I’m still me. Still here. The same old brother you’ve always had.”
A hint of a smile crossed Bryan’s lips. “You moved on. And I’m jealous. I didn’t know that when I yelled at you, but...”
“Claire?”
“Yeah. She helped me see it. Asked me all kinds of Claire-questions. You know, about how my life has changed since you moved out.”
Tom had been busy thinking of his own life, wants and dreams. He hadn’t given much thought to how it would affect Bryan. “Is living with Sam so bad?”
“No,” Bryan said with a laugh. “I’m getting to know him better. He’s not such a pest now he’s grown up.”
A pang of longing hit Tom—for the past, for camaraderie he only had when he was with Bryan. They’d been best friends their whole lives. Knew each other better than anyone.
Well, except Stephanie. The past month had drawn Tom closer to her. Close enough to understand her, respect her, to know her.
“I’ve got to do something,” Bryan said. “You know how you said you were just sitting there these years? Well, at least you found a goal. I think I’ve wasted my life since my divorce. I have nothing to show for it and no idea how to fix it.” Bryan opened his palms. “I can’t spend the rest of my life like this.”
Tom understood. He’d sunk to his lowest point at the end of last summer. “I know. I get it. I’d been coasting along fine until one day last August. I was in Granddad’s fishing boat and I looked up. Saw his cottage perched up there, just like I’d seen it a million times before. And I snapped. I couldn’t take another minute of the same old, same old. That’s when I started researching the IRONMAN. Signed up that night.”
“But I don’t want to compete in a triathlon. I have no idea what I want to do.”
“You’ll find your own way to get out of the slump. What do you like? What have you always wanted to do?”
“I don’t know.” Bryan’s eyes shimmered a moment, then dimmed. “I just don’t know.”
“You always liked baseball. Why don’t you join an adult league?”
He made a sour face. “I’m not twelve anymore.”
“Coach a team, then.” Tom put his hand on Bryan’s shoulder. “You’ll figure it out.”
“Maybe I should haul out Granddad’s fishing boat. Lightning might strike twice.” Bryan held his gaze. “I’m sorry for all the stuff I said about Stephanie. If you think you can trust her, then go for it.”
Trust. Something he used to believe he’d never be able to do again where Stephanie was concerned.
“I needed to blame her,” Tom said. “It helped me cope.”
Bryan hesitated. “Why don’t you blame her anymore? What changed?”
“When I look back, I see the ways she tried to reach me.” He met Bryan’s gaze. “You know the day I saw her walking around the park with that guy? She wasn’t smiling or laughing. She was miserable. Even with him.”
“Maybe she’s an unhappy person. Maybe nothing and no one will make her happy.”
The view from the window showed the dead grass, dark green pines and gray branches. Dormant before spring. He knew the feeling.
“I don’t think so, Bryan. I think we both changed.”
The faint ticking of the kitchen clock filled the room.
“Tommy?”
He turned his attention back to Bryan. “Hmm?”
“Are you really willing to risk it again?”
That was the question. He’d been flipping it over for weeks.
Was he willing to risk his heart on her again? Without any guarantees this time would be different? She’d given him a few hints she was interes
ted, like stopping by on Valentine’s Day. If he offered her a place in his life, would she take it for herself or for security? He didn’t want a future without love, without passion.
“I don’t know,” Tom said.
Bryan lifted one shoulder. “At least she’s being mature about Macy.”
Macy! “I’m late for Macy’s open house. I’ve got to take a quick shower and get out of here. I’ll call you when it’s over.”
Bryan stood. “That’s okay, man. We can talk another time. You’d better hurry. Your kid’s special.”
“You can say that again.” He grinned. His kid was special.
* * *
“Where’s Daddy?” Macy craned her neck while tugging on Stephanie’s sleeve. “Where is he?”
Stephanie put her serene mask on as her gut churned. Don’t do this to her, Tom. Don’t get her hopes up if you’re going to let her down. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s running late.”
He’d better get there. She clutched her purse to her side. The pain of being an afterthought never went away. Shouldn’t a parent put their kid first? She was certainly trying her best to do just that with Macy, and here it was, the first mutual parent event, and Tom hadn’t arrived.
“Why don’t you go say hi to Tatum?” Stephanie pointed to the wall where Tatum and her parents stood. Her mom held a baby wrapped in a blue blanket. A stab of pain pierced Stephanie’s heart.
A baby.
Two kids. And a husband. A family.
“I don’t want to see Tatum. I want Daddy.”
Stephanie closed her eyes a moment. The uncertainty, the bravado and the desperation in Macy’s tone reminded her all too much of her own hours waiting on Mom. The nervous watching of the door. The minutes ticking down. The desire to show her friends she had a mom who cared just as they did.
“Hi, Macy!” Tatum ran over, hugging Macy and spinning her. “You wanna go see my brother?”
Stephanie bent and smiled. “Hi, Tatum. What’s your brother’s name?”
“That’s Jaden.” Tatum grabbed Macy’s hand. “Let’s go see him and get cookies!”
