I knew immediately that I never wanted to find out.
That was four years ago. While we haven’t made it down the aisle yet, I know we will. So maybe it is crazy, or a little naive, to believe that we decided so young that life was, is, and will forever be better when we’re together—but we’ve gone against the grain of normal for this long, why not the rest of our lives? I’m ready to prove to the world that young love, stupid love, crazy love—it isn’t something to simply wax poetic about, it’s something to grab hold of, something to step into, something to wear...like a ring.
I’m still holding out for mine. I know a proposal is coming, I just have to find the patience to wait for it. It’s not as if I have a dress picked out, or anything. I don’t want to get too ahead of myself, but—
“Earth to Addie,” says Avery, snapping her fingers in front of my face.
“Hmm?” I murmur.
“We’re going downstairs to deliver pancakes to the love birds while the boys clean up. Claire just texted. Jack’s in the shower. Want to come?”
“Oh. Yeah, sure. Let’s go.” Any excuse to avoid dish duty is a good one, to me.
Beckham offers to buy me lunch after church, the both of us wishing to avoid our textbooks for just another hour or so. He takes me to Old Town Fort Collins, just a few blocks away from our apartment and campus. He finds parking where he can and we casually stroll past boutiques, specialty stores, and restaurants, letting our stomachs guide us. We end up at a salad place, because it sounds good to me and he isn’t opposed, and we take our time eating and talking.
Being with Beck is easy. I never have to worry about impressing him or trying to put my best foot forward—after five years of friendship coupled with romance, I feel free to be myself all the time. I know he feels the same way. While my Beckham isn’t perfect, his commitment to me and our relationship is pretty outstanding. He’s always willing to listen. I think that’s what makes him such a good guy. He’ll listen and absorb what I have to say and then respond accordingly; and if he doesn’t agree or he thinks what I have to say should be challenged, he’ll call me on it. He’s not an argumentative person, though…and he loves me, so he’s usually really gentle. We tell each other just about everything and I’m quite proud of our ability to communicate with one another—I think it’s one of our best qualities.
I won’t say that our relationship hasn’t been work. Learning to be with another person, figuring out how to understand them and how best to treat them, in spite of your own feelings—that’s always work; but the reward far outweighs the demand. I love him so much. He’s my partner. In fact, he’s so much a part of me that I don’t even remember what life was like before him.
“What are you thinking?” he asks, bringing my hand up to his lips.
The weather is beautiful, in that way only a Colorado spring can be, so after we finish eating, we decide to walk around a bit more before heading back to the car. Being beside him, our fingers laced together, I know without a shadow of doubt that no matter where I am, he is and will always be my home.
I inhale deeply and sigh happily before I answer. “Just thinking about how much I love you.”
“Oh, that’s nice,” he says, smiling down at me. “You’re not so bad, yourself.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Glad you think so.”
He pulls me under his arm and kisses the top of my head before telling me he loves me too. “Speaking of people who love you, I talked to Kenzie last night.”
“Oh, yeah?” I ask with a grin. Kenzie is his little sister. She’s sixteen and adores her older brother like no one else. Lucky for me, I get a share of some of that love. I try and keep in touch with her, via video chat or text messages, but we haven’t had a chance to connect in a while. “What’s going on in her world?”
“She was just calling to make sure we were still planning on coming home for the weekend. I think she’s got every moment of Saturday planned out already.” He shakes his head as if he is annoyed but the smirk that tugs at the corner of his mouth says otherwise. “I had to remind her that you have family you have to spend time with, too, and that mom and dad might want to see me at some point.”
“Not to mention we’ve got finals to study for, still.”
“Exactly. Yeah—we’ll see how things go. Let me know when you think you might be free to swing by on Saturday to hang out with us for a bit.”
“I will. Is Grayson going to come?”
“No, he decided to stick around here.”
I nod in response and then let my thoughts wander a bit. I’m looking forward to a weekend with my parents. Beck, Ave, and I decided to head down this weekend as opposed to next weekend in light of the fact that we’re all planning to pick up summer hours at our jobs as soon as finals week is over.
Avery doesn’t work during the school year, her schedule too demanding to warrant the time; but for the past two summers, since we stopped spending our breaks at home, she’s been the summer help at Dottie’s Bakery. It’s a small shop in Old Town that specializes in artisan and sweet breads. I love that she works there because of the delicious things she’s always bringing home. She also has a playing gig at the local Dinner Theater; she can be found in the pit orchestra every other weekend—as long as the score calls for a cello—for their various musicals.
Beckham has been working at the same bookstore chain since he graduated from high school; when he moved up to Fort Collins, he was able to transfer his employment. It’s a great benefit to me that he works there as he is constantly feeding my book addiction. During the school year, he only works a few hours when he’s needed on the weekend—but his hours will pick up considerably when he doesn’t have classes. He also spends a good chunk of time volunteering at the local hospital. It’s good exposure and preparation for his future.
Sarah and I work together at our favorite pub, Cooper’s. It’s one of the most popular restaurants in Old Town—attracting mostly college students. It’s a fun place to hang out whether you’re of age to drink or not. There are pool tables, foosball tables, and dart boards—not to mention the best pizza in town and a great selection of beers, half of which are locally brewed and the reason why most of the patrons dine in. To say that Fort Collins folks are snobby about their beer is an understatement, but I kind of like it. They’re just as picky about their food options, wishing to have the option to go healthier or meatless if they desire.
Anyway, Cooper’s has got a special charm that makes it a great place to work and hang out, without me getting sick of it. It’s also nice because sometimes the guys will come in to eat during Sarah’s and my shift and that always helps the time fly by. Like Beck, our hours are few during the school year, but we’ll be put in the regular rotation as soon as our finals are done.
Thinking of finals makes me think about the end of another year. I have one more semester of classes before I start student teaching—then I’m done. Done! Where life will take me from there depends on Beckham…
Just as that thought crosses my mind, I spot a jewelry store on the corner. I choke out a laugh, both amused and anxious about the coincidence.
“Are you okay? What was that?” asks Beck with a laugh.
I look up at him, back at the jewelry store and then back up at him. It’s not my intention to give him a hint, which is good, considering his smiling eyes don’t leave my face. At the same time, I’m not sure if I’m feeling brave enough to ask the question that has now successfully invaded my mind. It might be true that talking to this man is easy and that I feel comfortable with him and that I know he’ll listen no matter what I want to talk about—but I’m still human. Furthermore, I’m a girl.
Then again, my curiosity will nag at me if I don’t take this moment to ask the question that might just lead me to a few answers I’ve been waiting for. I push aside my nerves and clear my throat before asking, “Are you going to take me ring shopping or were you going to try and go it alone?”
Heat claws its way up my spin
e and latches onto my neck. Instinctively, I move my free hand to massage the anxiety away. That is definitely not a question I was expecting to hear just now; but when I look down at her, I see that she is patiently waiting for an answer and I know that I have to give her one.
“I guess, when the time comes, I’ll go it alone. I might ask Avery for her help.”
She pauses a beat before responding. “When the time comes? Does that mean you haven’t thought about it?”
I stifle a groan. I have this bad feeling that I’m about to get in trouble. The truth is, I haven’t thought about it. I mean, of course I realize that I’ll have to get her a ring eventually. I’m not ready to pick one out right now, so what is there to think about?
Obviously, I can’t say that. The last thing I want to do is hurt Addison’s feelings. I know that she’s probably thought so much about rings it would make my head spin. And why shouldn’t she? She’s the one who gets to wear the engagement ring…eventually.
“I’ve thought about us getting married. You know that.”
She flinches, clearly not satisfied with my answer, and I wait for the other shoe to drop. Suddenly, her pace is slower and I have to adjust my stride to match hers. I’m no longer apprehensive about getting into trouble—I’m there. Her mind is so busy, her feet can barely keep up.
“Beckham…are you planning on marrying me before you go to medical school?” she finally asks.
An all too familiar knot of fear tangles in my stomach. “Babe, that’s more than a year away.”
She flinches again, pulling my arm from around her. She doesn’t drop my hand, though, which is a good sign—but the look on her face…
“Beckham,” I wish she would stop calling me by my full name, “do you plan on eloping? Because if not, that means we have a wedding to plan. Do you know how long it takes to plan a wedding?” I don’t know what to say so I lift my shoulders in a feeble shrug. “Beckham—”
“Addison…”
She stops walking and turns to face me. “I know for the past four years we’ve had nothing but time, but now we’re running out of time. We have a year left before you head off to whatever medical school you get accepted into and I start teaching. A year. That’s practically nothing. I’d prefer for both of those things to happen in the same place. I’d prefer to be married by then. Is it seriously a possibility that we won’t be? Are you going to ask me to follow you without marrying you? Or are we going to do long distance? I mean—what are you saying?”
She isn’t yelling, but I can read the panic in her eyes just as well as I can feel the fear in my gut. She is right. For a while now, time has been on my side. We could talk about the future and it was so far away that it was simply that—the future. I didn’t have to act on my promises just yet and that was okay, so long as I meant them. And I did—I do. I mean them. Looking down at my girl, I know that she’s the only woman that I want. I know that I want to marry her. All the conversations we’ve had about spending our lives together were genuine. But now that the future is all too quickly morphing into the present, I can’t help but feel a bit anxious.
Right now, I like the idea of the future being in the distance. I’m not ready for it to be here. I don’t know the first thing about being a husband. Yes, I’ve got a dad who has loved my mom for over twenty years, but his ability to keep his marriage together isn’t exactly something he can pass down to me. Sure, the Bible outlines the role of husband pretty specifically, but God’s commandments aren’t that easy. If they were, everyone would follow them all the time. But that’s not how it works and we aren’t perfect. Thank God perfection is not mandatory, because I’m so far from it. But, more importantly, I’m not ready to get married! And that truth scares me more than the future.
I can’t tell Addie this. I can’t. She wouldn’t understand. The last thing I want her to believe is that I don’t want her—because that’s not it. I don’t know how to say what I’m feeling while at the same time guaranteeing that she knows that she shouldn’t be insecure about my insecurities. Is that even possible?
“Beckham,” she whispers. The gentle way that she calls my name pulls me from my thoughts and I see that her eyes are pooling with tears. My heart rate speeds up. I hate that my hesitation is causing her pain.
I cup my hands around her cheeks and step closer to her, eliminating even the slightest bit of space between us. “Addison Jane—I love you so much. Right now, right here, in this moment, I don’t have answers to your questions. That doesn’t mean anything, though. It doesn’t change anything. I love you. I want you. You. Always. Okay?”
She nods, the act causing a couple tears to spill from her eyes. I wipe them away with the pads of my thumbs before leaning down to press my lips against hers. I kiss her hard, needing her to know that I mean what I said—that I love her with all of my heart. She reciprocates my affection and my nerves relax, my fear and anxiety deflating as I hold onto this kiss. When I open my mouth to kiss her deeper, she does the same, her hands finding their way to my waist. It isn’t until we hear a wolf whistle from a passerby that we pull away from each other. When we do, I pay the pedestrian no mind, but align my gaze with hers.
“Are you okay?” She nods and offers me a small smile. I search her big brown eyes, seeking her genuine assurance that she’s with me, that she trusts me. “I love you,” I murmur.
“I love you, too.”
“I don’t want you to worry, alright?” She nods once more.
I don’t tell her that I’m already worried enough for the both of us.
Since Avery and I both wanted to do a little studying before our movie night, I invite her over to work at my place, bribing her with grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch. Not that I really had to convince her. We might not be dating, but we do enjoy each others company quite a bit.
As soon as Beck drops us off, she walks with Sarah back to their apartment to grab her things while I hurry back to my place to get lunch started. I kick my shoes off at the door, like we always do, and pad my way to the kitchen. I’m pulling out bread, cheese, and butter when I hear Jackson’s bedroom door open. I look up to find Claire quietly making her exit.
She’s being swallowed by one of Jack’s t-shirts and I can barely make out the hem of the tiny sleeping shorts she’s got on underneath. She has legs for days and olive skin that always looks really soft. Her honey, brown hair, which usually lays straight and loose just above her shoulders, is pulled up into a messy ponytail. As she closes the door, her sleepy hazel eyes meet mine and she shoots me a small smile. I nod my greeting as she makes her way towards me. She pulls out one of the barstools, on the other side of the island on which I work, and takes a seat.
“Hey,” she murmurs, her voice groggy and endearing.
“Hey.”
Jack and Claire have been together for almost a year and a half. They met at a party over a keg of beer—Jack had been doling out drinks. Let him tell the story and he’ll swear it was love at first sight. I doubted the validity of his statement in the beginning, but now it seems irrefutable. They’ve been together ever since.
Claire is pretty great. She’s studying to be a nurse, which fits her personality really well. She’s kind and sweet, laid back and fun, and generally mild-mannered yet strong and opinionated. I say generally mild because she has her moments when she can be pretty vocal…mostly in bed. Yeah, that’s information I’d rather not know, but Jackson’s room isn’t sound proof.
It took Beck a while to be comfortable with Claire staying the night in our apartment. She’s not over every day but weekends are pretty guaranteed. It never really fazed me. In fact, I appreciated that the sleepy girl who I’d run into some mornings was familiar. I knew her name and her favorite kind of ice cream—because Jack always makes sure we’ve got some in the freezer—and her presence in our space was normal. It’s definitely better than the nameless strangers I sometimes ran into in my father’s house. Anyway, Beck got used to Claire and we’ve all become good friends.
>
“Late night?” I ask with a smirk as she rubs her hands over her face.
“Yeah. I think it’s safe to say that last night was the last night we’ll be going to a party before the end of the semester. I think we got in around three? But I’m not sure when we actually fell asleep.” She shrugs before she stands and heads into the kitchen, grabbing herself a glass of water. “How was church?”
“It was good. Pastor Doug is starting a series on relationships.”
“Like, romantic relationships?” she asks, taking her seat once more.
“No. Well—yes, he will touch on that; but he’s also going to talk about other kinds. You might want to check it out.”
“Mmm,” she hums as she swallows a mouth full of water. “I might just let you tell me about it, instead.” I shrug as if to say, suit yourself. I’m not surprised she turned me down but it’s always worth a try. “How many grilled cheese sandwiches are you planning on making, anyway?” she asks, nodding toward my growing stack.
“Oh, Ave will be here in a sec. Would you like one?”
“I’d be a fool to turn down a famous O’Conner grilled cheese,” she insists with a grin.
I shake my head with a laugh as I prep for one more sandwich. I wouldn’t dub my grilled cheese famous, but they are pretty popular amongst our group. Not that they couldn’t recreate the same thing. It’s just a slice of cheddar, a slice of pepper jack, and another slice of cheddar between two pieces of pumpernickel bread. I always make sure to have the ingredients on hand.
“Sooo, you’re making your girl lunch, today, huh?”
I roll my eyes at her. “Are you guys ever going to stop?”
“Yup. As soon as you finally ask her out.” When I look over at her, she’s taking another sip of water. Her eyes meet mine and she lifts her eyebrows at me in a sort of silent challenge. I can’t seem to find the words to say, so I simply shake my head. “God—no wonder you and Beck are best friends. You two are just alike. You both seem to be scared of the inevitable.”
The Promises We Keep (Made for Love Book 1) Page 3
