“Wow.”
“What?” Beck mutters. “You think it makes me a sissy?”
“What? No!” I insist, shaking my head to emphasize my disagreement. “I think it’s a really good idea, actually.” His shoulders relax and he nods as he closes the pages of his new leather-bound journal. “Look, I don’t know if I’ve told you this yet or not—but what you’re doing? I think it’s really brave. I admire you for owning up to your feelings and doing something about them.”
A small, halfhearted smile tugs at the corner of his mouth as he stands. “Thanks.” He turns to leave and then stops, facing me once more while flashing me a smirk. “You know, you might try it—owning up to your feelings and doing something about them.”
He doesn’t have to explain what he means. I know he’s talking about Avery. I continue pouring my cereal, pulling my eyes away from him. “Yeah. I don’t know about that.”
“Come on, Gray—what are you so afraid of?”
I set the cereal down and meet his gaze once more. “Nothing. I just know she deserves better.” I don’t offer up any more of an explanation. Beck knows more than anyone about my past, but even he hasn’t heard everything. Yet, regardless of what he doesn’t know, he knows enough to be able to see that I’m right. Still, instead of agreeing with me, he shakes his head.
“You’re a good guy, Gray. It doesn’t matter who you’ve been, it matters who you are. Avery is like a sister to me; I love her to death—we all do—and I wouldn’t be standing in your corner if I didn’t think that you would take good care of her. Besides, there’s one giant flaw in your reasoning.”
“What’s that?” I ask, folding my arms across my chest.
“You might think she deserves better, but she wants you—you are her version of better.” He cocks an eyebrow at me, daring me to challenge him, but I can’t think of anything to say. His smirk returns as he claims his moment of victory. “I’ve got to get ready for work.”
I watch him walk away and allow his last comment to sink in. He has a point. Or, at least, I want to believe that he has a point, because I want to latch onto any excuse that allows me to throw caution to the wind and just pursue her and see what happens. But I’m so far from perfect; God knows, I’m so far from perfect.
Again, I wonder—shouldn’t she get to make the choice?
I push out a breath, resolutely, as I dump my bowl of cereal back into the box. I no longer have an appetite. My stomach is now full of anxious anticipation. Screw it. I’m going to give her the choice. But if I’m going to go for it, I need to dress the part. My appearance is actually something I can change and it's time I do. Today, I will start fresh. I don’t have to be to work until after dinner so I have plenty of time to set my plan into motion.
As far as summer jobs go, I hit the jackpot. I love working at Dottie’s. I will admit that the six a.m. reporting time always takes some getting used to, but it’s so worth it when I consider I get to spend the morning helping to bake and sell bread with the best boss ever; not to mention I’m done by three and I get every Sunday and Monday off.
I met Dottie at church my freshman year. There’s a little cafe in the foyer of the building, so people can drink coffee and mingle before service starts if they arrive early enough, and she supplies an assortment of bagels and breads every week. I fell in love with her butter croissants and then I fell in love with her. She’s amazing, wickedly talented, and super ambitious. She opened her shop in downtown Fort Collins at the young age of twenty-five. Now, five years later, business is thriving.
I remember the summer after my sophomore year when I started working for her. With Addie, Sarah, and me renting an apartment, we decided we would spend our summer in Fort Collins and I needed a job. Dottie caught wind of the fact and hired me for seasonal help without an application or anything—that’s how great she is. Working with her is so enjoyable that it’s almost like I’m not working. People love her and her regular customers are part of the reason why the bakery is so charming.
Today was my first day on the schedule and I’m feeling a bit tired as I pull into the parking lot of the apartment complex. I know I need to get a run in this afternoon, but maybe I could get away with a nap first. Before I step out of my car, though, I’m distracted by my phone. Sonny lights up across the screen and I grin as I answer.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Ave—are you off work?”
“Yeah, I just got home. Climbing out of my car now,” I respond as I do just that. “Why, what’s up?”
“We have an errand to run. Are you free?”
I scowl in amused confusion as I head for my apartment. “What kind of errand?”
“I’ll fill you in when you get here. Are you free?” he asks again.
“Sure. Just let me change first.”
“Great. Come down when you’re ready.”
“I will.” We disconnect our call and I hurry up the stairs to my door, anxious to know what Sonny’s up to. When I’m inside, I notice that Addie’s bedroom door is ajar. I pause for just a second and listen to see if she’s around. She must be. She’s shown zero interest in leaving her room, let alone the apartment, in two days. The shower is running. My heart floods with hope. Good. She’s finally decided to shower. Progress.
Satisfied that she’s at least up, I leave her be and head to my room to get changed. The weather is on a roll and today we’re graced with another beautiful spring-like day. I decide to slip into a pair of jeans and a pink tank top, accessorizing with my floral print scarf and a matching navy blue cardigan. I tuck my feet into a pair of Toms and then I’m gone.
Out of habit, I lock the door from the inside. It isn’t until I’m half way down the stairs that I wonder whether or not I actually put my keys in my purse. I don’t turn back, knowing that if I locked my keys inside, no one is readily available to let me in right now. Instead, I continue to my destination and knock on the door before I begin digging through my oversized purse to see if, by chance, I do have my keys.
Sonny answers a second later and as I spot his shoes in front of me, I feel my keys. I smile, satisfied that I found what I was looking for and excited that I’m about to find out what errand Sonny has in mind for us. Then I look up.
Oh. My.
His hair is gone. Well—not all of it, but most of it. His burnt auburn waves are cut short on the sides, but a bit longer on top; it’s stylishly disheveled in that way that makes him look like he just got out of bed and someone is paying him to look sexy. I can’t help but stare. In fact, I can’t really do much of anything. My limbs are numb and I’m vaguely aware that my jaw has gone slack as I gape at him. I drop my purse—I know this not because I feel it slip from my fingers or fall on top of my toes, but because I hear it when it hits the ground.
Sonny grins at me and I’m suddenly afraid I may be so out of control of my body that I might actually wet myself.
He bends down to retrieve my purse, at least I assume that’s what he’s doing—I’m distracted by the smell of his hair. Product; his new haircut calls for some kind of product and it smells amazing. Oh, and it feels soooo soft.
Soft? Yup—soft. My fingers are in his hair. It’s official, I have absolutely no control of my body right now. I’m aware that I should be mortified in this moment, but I’m not. I’m so far from embarrassed that I bring my other hand up and run my fingers through the hair just behind his ear as he tilts his head to face me.
So soft.
My eyes jump from his hair to his mouth. His lips are curled up into a smirk. I look into his eyes and I can tell he’s amused—but there’s something else there, too. Before I can figure out what it is, he eradicates the space between my mouth and his. I can move my jaw again and I instinctively close my lips around his as my eyelids flutter shut.
He pulls away a second later. My heart is pounding. I can hear it. I’m sure he can hear it, too. Or is this a dream? Am I dreaming? Oh, sweet Jesus in heaven, please don’t let me be dreaming.
�
�You’re not dreaming,” Sonny whispers as his mouth claims mine. I gasp, sucking in the breath he exhales as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me from my feet. I feel my purse resting against my side, I feel his muscles constrict as he holds me close, I feel the warm skin of his neck underneath my hands, and I feel his lips—silky smooth and damp from our ongoing kiss—and my stomach is rolling around like it’s on the gentle cycle in the dryer.
When he pulls away from me again, my eyes fly open, desperate to look into his—but they’re closed. “Be my girlfriend,” he says, resting his forehead against mine.
“Yes,” I answer without thinking. Then it hits me—he just asked me to be his girlfriend. “Wait—what? I mean, no. I mean—I can’t?” He pulls away from me just slightly and looks into my eyes. I still don’t understand what I see as I gaze into his green stare, but I’m aware that it’s very distracting.
He kisses me again and I moan when he pulls away. I open my eyes to find him grinning. “Be my girlfriend,” he whispers.
“I—I—I…”
He kisses me again. As his mouth gets to know mine, my fingers find their way back into his hair.
What am I doing? I yank away from him and shake my head as I try and gain some semblance of control. “You can’t keep doing that. I can’t…I can’t think when you do that.” He laughs, the low rumble vibrating his chest. My stomach does a somersault and my breath gets caught in my throat.
“Avery—will you be my girlfriend?”
I pull my fingers from his hair in order to run them through mine. I need to get myself together. I feel like I’m in a state of sensory overload. I take a deep breath and try and find a coherent thought. That’s when I realize, Grayson doesn’t like me…does he? “You—you like me?”
He laughs again and the sound makes me smile in spite of myself. “Avery, isn’t it obvious?”
“Um, well, until this moment, no.”
“Hmm,” he hums. He knits his eyebrows together as he nods in understanding. “That’s my fault. I’m sorry. You should know that I’m crazy about you.”
A wave of shock rolls over me. I know that he just kissed me—like four times—which is a clear sign of his feelings, but hearing him say the words to me—words that I’ve only ever dreamed of hearing—it pushes me over the edge. My eyes pool with tears and his face falls instantly.
“Are you crying?”
I laugh—because why not? It’s only fitting. I’m all over the place. “I’m crazy about you, too.”
His smile returns and I melt in his arms at the sight of his barely-there-dimple. “I’m glad,” he murmurs. “So, will you be my girlfriend?”
“Sonny, we’ve never even been on a date,” I tease, suddenly feeling playful in my overwhelming state of happiness.
“You’re right. Well, at least not a proper date. If you ask anyone else, they’d say we’ve been on a million dates. I’ll make it up to you, I promise—but I want you to be mine and I see no reason why I should beat around the bush about it.”
“I—” I love what I’m hearing and every fiber of my being is screaming for me to just say yes. But there’s this tug I feel on my heart. I look up as I remember Addie and her current heartbreak and I know that I can’t say yes. Not right now. “I can’t, Sonny.”
A thoughtful scowl pulls at his brow as he studies me. For a few seconds we neither speak nor move, and then he scoops my legs up into the crook of his arm and carries me inside.
I hadn’t planned on kissing her. Or asking her to be my girlfriend. At least, not yet—but then her fingers were in my hair and it was practically a written invitation for my lips to become acquainted with hers. Now that I have her in my arms and we’ve both been honest about how we feel, I don’t think I’ll be able to let her go until I convince her to be mine. One taste. That’s all it took was one taste and now I don’t think I can stand being in the same room as her if I’m not allowed to kiss her.
I shut the door behind us with my foot and then carry her to the couch. I sit, settling her into my lap before circling my arms around her waist. She keeps her hands curled around the back of my neck and her touch makes me want to kiss her, but I fight the urge and ask her, “Why not?” instead.
She sighs and the sadness that fills her eyes makes my stomach knot up in worry. “Addie. She’s hurting so much right now. Yesterday Sarah had to cover her shift at Cooper’s; today, I think Marla is filling in for her. I’m hoping that she’ll pull herself together enough to go to work tomorrow, but I don’t know. When I went upstairs, she was in the shower—that’s the farthest and longest she’s been away from her bed since Sunday.”
“Hmm,” I murmur. After being in this apartment with Beck for the past two days, I have an idea of what Addie might be going through. I imagine she's still in a bit of shock and I feel for her, I do. I don’t really understand what this has to do with us, though—or the us that I hope to become. I mull it over for a minute in an attempt to figure it out. I shake my head when I come up short. “I don’t get it.”
She gives me an endearing smile as she rakes her fingers through my hair. I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that we’re in the middle of something important so that I don’t kiss her. She really shouldn’t do that in the middle of any conversation that is supposed to involve words. “I know this might sound crazy,” she begins to say, pulling me from out of my head, “but she’s so much a part of me that if her heart is broken, my heart is a little broken, too. Just the thought of being with you makes me so incredibly happy that I feel a little guilty that I get to indulge in such bliss while she’s feeling so broken.”
Hearing how happy the idea of being together makes her has me thinking about kissing her. Again. We need to be done talking. “You have to know that she would want you to be happy.” She nods her agreement but pulls her hands away from me and rests them in her lap, where her eyes follow. The two actions contradict themselves and I know that I haven’t convinced her, yet. “Just this morning, Beck told me to make a move.”
Her head shoots up to look at me. “He did?”
“Yeah. He’s sad and hurting, too, but that didn’t stop him from pushing me to pursue you. I think they’ll be happy for us.” A hint of a smile pulls at each corner of her mouth and I want to kiss her so badly I can hardly think straight—but I’m so close to convincing her that we should be together that I can’t give up now. “If it will help, we don’t have to tell them right away. We can give ourselves a chance to get used to this—us—while they get acclimated to the shift in their relationship.”
“That’s not a bad idea,” she says, softening up a little more.
“Avery Jade Grant, any excuse that stands in our way, I'm willing to fight it. I realized today that nothing means more to me than your happiness. I've been selfish, keeping my feelings from you and robbing you of the chance to choose me if that's what you want. So if you want me, I'm yours.” The blush my words bring to her face makes me smile and I reach my hands up to cup my palms around her warm cheeks. “So what do you say?”
“Yes. I want you,” she whispers.
My lips find hers almost as soon as the words escape her mouth. She giggles and the sound makes my heart swell. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy before. I pull away from her only because I’m afraid I might overwhelm her with my affection and the last thing I want is to scare her away. “Sorry,” I mutter, propping my forehead against hers. “I’ve just wanted to kiss you for so long…”
“You have?” she coos as she pulls her face away from me so that she can look into my eyes. I nod in response, willing my eyes to not wander to her sweet, full lips. “Grayson O’Conner—you can kiss me any time you want.”
I flash her a sly grin and cock an eyebrow teasingly. Her cheeks turn rosy again. “Is that a promise?” I murmur. She answers me with a chaste kiss and I know already I’m in so much trouble. I slip my hand into her hair and keep her close, turning her chaste kiss into an exploration. She hums a pleasant sigh int
o my mouth as she relaxes against me. She’s got me wrapped around her little finger and she doesn’t even know it.
“Hold on a second,” she says, pulling away from me abruptly. “Was this errand you told me about just a ruse to get me down here? Or,” she gasps, “are you going to take me on a date now?”
“Oh.” I completely forgot. Seeing how excited she is about the possibility of a date, I feel bad that I managed to lead her on. “No. I mean, I can't take you on a date tonight. I’m sorry. I have to work. How about Thursday?"
“Okay,” she agrees with a grin.
“Perfect. As for the errand—I was actually serious about that. It’s for Addie.” Noting the time, I recognize that it would be best if we left now. If we don't go, I'll probably kiss her until our lips are chapped and numb from exertion. That won't do for two reasons: first, I really think we should do this for Addie; second, it won't be long until either Jack or Beck walk in and I just told her we could keep our relationship to ourselves for a bit.
“Come on,” I insist, standing and placing her on her feet. “I’ll explain on the way.” As we head for the door, she laces her fingers with mine. The connection causes me to stop for a second. Her hand is so small in mine—it makes me want to protect her. In this moment, I vow to myself that I will. Always. I lift our joined hands to my lips and kiss the back of hers. She blushes, I grin, and then I grab my keys and we go.
I notice when I wake up that my hair is still damp from the shower I took earlier. I usually blow-dry it; I don’t like the weight of it when it’s wet or the way it makes the back of whatever shirt I’m wearing stick to me. Today, though, I can’t bring myself to care. Worse, even, I fell asleep before it had a chance to dry. I forgot how long it takes my thick head of hair to dry when I let it do so all on its own.
The Promises We Keep (Made for Love Book 1) Page 10
