by Debby Holt
‘We can talk about it later,’ Eva said. ‘Right now, we need to return to our tenth wedding-anniversary celebration. Perhaps,’ she added, ‘you might like to tuck your shirt in.’
She turned on her heel. Neil attended to his clothes, glanced briefly at Tess and Jamie, murmured, ‘I’m so sorry,’ and then went to the door. ‘Jamie,’ he said, ‘you won’t be long, will you? I would appreciate some support up there. Perhaps you could speak instead of me?’
‘You want me to say something? For God’s sake, Dad…’
‘Please.’ Neil said, ‘you’re good at speeches.’ He opened the door. They could hear him calling to Eva in the hall.
‘Can you believe them?’ Jamie asked. ‘They both still want speeches!’
‘I must go after Mum,’ Tess said. ‘Ring me tomorrow evening. I’d like to know how the meeting goes.’ She hesitated, then gave him an awkward kiss on the cheek before racing across the hall. She only just remembered to collect her mac before going out into the night. She could see her mother in the distance, an elegant figure in her grey jacket, pink dress and heels. Tess couldn’t help admiring the way she’d handled her exit. It had been a lot more dignified than that of Jamie’s father.
She caught up with her on the corner of the road and said breathlessly, ‘Mum, can we stop for a moment?’
Her mother halted. ‘Go back to the party, Tess. I think I need my bed.’
‘I wouldn’t go back to that party if you paid me a million pounds. Mum, what were you doing?’
Freya started walking again. ‘You could see what I was doing.’
‘You know what I mean. How could…? You’d only just met him!’
‘I know.’ They were almost at the hotel now. ‘I need to go to my room and have a very large glass of water.’ She put a hand to her forehead. ‘Would you care to join me?’
‘Yes,’ Tess said. ‘Yes, I would. But I don’t…’
‘Tess, I’m sorry but I can’t say any more until I get that water. My throat feels like sandpaper.’
A woman in a cocktail dress stood at the reception desk, quizzing the man behind it about a message he’d received from her husband. ‘Are you sure he said he’d arrive in the morning? Did he not say what time he’d arrive?’
The receptionist said he hadn’t and the woman shook her head with impatience before going over to consult her male companion. ‘You see, we’re all at it,’ Freya murmured to Tess, before asking the man behind the desk for her room key.
In the lift, it was Freya who broke the silence. ‘What happened when I left?’
Tess made a face. ‘Eva was an ice queen and returned to the party. Jamie’s father looked like he wanted to die. He asked Jamie to make his speech for him…’
‘Speech?’ Freya murmured.
‘It’s their tenth wedding-anniversary party. They were all supposed to be making speeches.’
‘Of course! Oh God!’ Freya hit her forehead with her hand. For a moment her eyes sparkled. ‘I’d love to be a fly on the wall when they start.’
‘You wouldn’t,’ Tess said. ‘Eva would swat you with one blow.’
Once in her room, Freya kicked off her shoes and made for the water bottles. She poured out a big glass of water and drank long and hard. Tess walked over to the window and looked out towards the big houses on the edge of Kensington Gardens. She wondered if Jamie was making a speech. What would he say? Here’s to the happy couple?
Behind her, Freya said, ‘Felix has left me.’
Tess turned at once. Her mother sat at the end of the bed, hands round her glass. Tess stared at her in blank incomprehension. ‘He’s left you? What do you mean?’
Freya shook her head, as if trying to dislodge a fly from her hair. ‘He’s left me. He wants us to live apart.’
‘He loves you!’ Tess protested. ‘He’s always loved you!’
‘And now he’s stopped,’ Freya said. ‘He told me before he went to Spain. He hasn’t rung, he hasn’t made any contact at all. He said he’d find somewhere else to live when he came back.’
‘But…’ Tess felt she had been hurled into some strange alien landscape. ‘It’s ridiculous. He must have a reason. Has anything happened lately? Perhaps he’s unhappy at work, perhaps he’s depressed…’
‘He does get depressed. I always thought it was a sort of illness but now I wonder if he hasn’t felt like this for ages. He should have said something before. It’s not fair. He just announced it and then he left for the airport. I don’t… I don’t deserve this.’ She finished her water and went over to the dressing table to refill her glass. ‘After tonight, you probably think I do deserve it but…’
‘Of course I don’t.’
Freya shrugged. ‘There’s no excuse. I mean I drank too much but then I set out to drink too much. And Neil Lockhart is a very good-looking man and I thought at least there’s someone who still finds me attractive…’ She took a deep breath. ‘I shall write to Eva tomorrow, I shall explain about Felix and tell her I jumped on Neil, which by the way isn’t true…’
‘I didn’t think it was, and anyway, none of that matters. What matters is you and Dad. You should ring him. Would you like me to ring him?’
‘Absolutely not.’ The words shot out. ‘Felix would hate that. You can talk to him once we’ve talked to each other. You never know, he might feel quite different when he comes home.’
‘I bet he does. I bet he’ll come back and you’ll find it’s all some huge misunderstanding.’
‘He as good as told me he’d stopped loving me. It’s pretty difficult to misunderstand that.’
‘Look,’ Tess said, ‘you’ve drunk a lot, you’ve had a traumatic evening and… Perhaps you should go to bed now and we can discuss things in the morning. I’ll come over and…’
‘Tess?’ Freya held out a hand. ‘This bed is huge. Would you like to stay the night?’
‘Would you like me to stay?’
‘Yes,’ Freya said, ‘I’d like that very much.’
Anna was meeting Tess and her mother at a place near Embankment. She had decided against cycling. Knowing her mother, there’d be wine and champagne which suited Anna just fine. She was crossing Waterloo Bridge when her phone rang. She pulled it out of her bag and clamped it to her ear. ‘William! Thank you for calling!’
He said, ‘I don’t see the point in…’
‘William, listen!’ She was terrified he’d change his mind and ring off. ‘I want you to know, I hate myself for letting you down over Trevor’s engagement party. I shouldn’t have done it, I don’t know why I did, I had some stupid idea I needed to sort out stuff and I truly regret it. You’re such a good friend, I can’t afford to lose you. Please say you forgive me and let us be friends again. Please?’
‘Look,’ he said, ‘I’m only ringing to explain. I was hurt about the Trevor thing, I admit I was hurt. But when I thought about it, I knew it was because I’d got you wrong, I hadn’t understood you…’
‘You do understand me, you understand me better than anyone!’
‘No, no I don’t, or rather, I didn’t. You’re not who I thought you were and – I don’t know how to say this but the truth is, I don’t like you now.’
He might as well have hit her. She felt her eyes sting, and she bit her lip hard.
‘I appreciate your apologies.’ His voice was careful and deliberate. ‘I’m sorry I haven’t rung you before. I hoped you’d give up calling me. I’m sorry, Anna, but I don’t want to see you again.’
She swallowed hard and took a deep breath. ‘Right. I won’t bother you again. Goodbye.’
He didn’t like her. William didn’t like her. She started crying now and stumbled along the bridge, aware of curious glances from those about her. She found a Ladies’ at the station and washed her face and put on new make-up. William said he didn’t know her. Well, she didn’t know him. She’d messed up once, just once, and he’d showed himself to be a pious, judgemental prick. She wouldn’t be his friend if he paid her. And he’d
made her late for the anniversary lunch.
When she arrived at the restaurant, she stood on the pavement for a few moments, trying to catch her breath. She caught a glimpse of her mother and sister through the window. They were the only customers and sat at a table in the centre, their heads close together. Tess talked earnestly and Freya listened. Anna stood, unseen, and watched them with rising curiosity. Tess never talked earnestly to Freya and Freya was not a natural listener. She was one of those people who wait with barely suppressed impatience for a brief hiatus in which to interpose her own opinion. Possibly, Anna thought, that was a little unfair, but certainly she could not recall an occasion in which her mother had ever behaved with such apparently mute docility. When Anna walked in, they both sat up straight as if they’d been told off for slouching.
She glanced at their tumblers of mineral water. ‘Where’s the champagne?’ she asked. ‘I thought this was supposed to be a celebration.’
Her mother stood up and kissed her cheek. ‘Tess and I rather overdid the alcohol last night.’ She did indeed look grim, with puffy eyes and a pale complexion.
‘That’s all very well but while you two were partying I was saving babies…’
‘Were you, darling?’
‘Not exactly, but I’m ready for wine even if you aren’t.’ Anna took her seat and raised an arm to the waiter who’d been standing listlessly by the aspidistra plant; he seemed grateful to be called.
‘Please,’ Anna told him, ‘I’d like a glass of house white. In fact, bring a bottle. I can always take it home with me.’
‘Certainly,’ the waiter said. ‘Would you like to hear our specials?’ Encouraged by Anna’s nod, he rattled off a choice of four dishes.
‘Have you two already decided?’ Anna asked. ‘Are we having starters?’
‘Do have one if you like but…’ Her mother’s voice faded into nothing.
‘We’re not terribly hungry,’ Tess said. ‘We’re having spaghetti Bolognese.’
‘Some celebration this is turning out to be,’ Anna said. She glanced up at the waiter. ‘I’ll have the seafood special, please.’
He nodded with apparent satisfaction at the excellence of her judgement and walked through to the kitchen. For a moment as he opened the door, there was a burst of laughter from one of the staff and then the place returned to its quiet, hushed atmosphere.
‘So,’ Freya said, ‘how are you, Anna?’
‘I’ve had a rubbish week, thanks for asking, but at least I don’t have a hangover. You both look like zombies. I presume the party last night was a success?’ She caught a brief, fleeting glance between the two of them which annoyed her – but then, everything annoyed her at the moment. ‘Did your friend come?’ she asked Tess.
‘Jamie? Yes, he did.’
‘That was nice. Did you meet him, Mum?’
‘Yes. He was charming.’
‘And what was the party like?’
‘It was in a very grand house in Kensington.’ Freya made a visible effort. ‘Tess and I had margaritas before the party. That was probably a bad idea but they were delicious, weren’t they, Tess?’
Tess nodded.
The waiter brought Anna’s wine, opened the bottle and poured a little into her glass, waiting expectantly for her approval.
‘I’m sure it’s fine,’ she said, and then took a quick sip. ‘It’s very nice,’ she murmured and he nodded his pleasure before going off to greet three newcomers. Anna raised her glass. ‘I suppose I should make a toast, Mum. Happy anniversary and here’s to the next thirty years!’ She caught another of those odd conspiratorial glances. ‘Is something wrong?’ she asked. ‘I mean I was expecting a jolly party and you two act like someone’s died.’
‘There’s something I should tell you.’ Freya took a sip of her water and then tried to speak. She opened her mouth, shut it again, and bit her lip.
Tess spoke for her. ‘Dad has left Mum,’ she said.
It was, literally, an incredible statement. Anna must have misheard it. She stared first at her mother, then her sister. Tess sat biting her fingernails. Freya’s face looked tight and taut.
‘I don’t understand,’ Anna said.
Freya gave a small shrug of her shoulders. ‘Join the club. He told me on Thursday afternoon.’
‘Why?’ Anna asked. ‘What did you do?’
The words were out before she could stop them. They were gratuitously offensive and she didn’t need Tess’s furious protest – ‘For God’s sake, Anna,’ – to point that out.
Freya took her hands from the table. She bent down to pick up her bag, took some notes from her wallet and placed them on the table.
‘Mum,’ Tess said, ‘what are you doing?’
‘The money should cover your meal. I have to go home now. I don’t feel well and I can’t face Anna today…’
‘Mum, please,’ Anna said, ‘I shouldn’t have said that. It just came out. Please sit down.’
‘I don’t want to sit down. Tess, I’ll talk to you soon. Goodbye, Anna.’
‘Look, I’m sorry,’ Anna said. ‘It’s all such a bombshell. I didn’t mean…’
‘Of course you did.’ Freya’s voice was hard and certain. She walked across to have a word with the waiter before collecting her small suitcase from its place by the coats. Anna watched her mother walk out onto the pavement, head held high and her face carefully devoid of expression.
Tess sat back and folded her arms. ‘Well, that was amazing. Even by your standards that was amazing.’
‘I said it before I could think. I swear I didn’t mean to upset her. It was shock, that’s all. I can’t believe she’s just left us. Do you think I should go after her?’
‘Multiply your shock by ten and you’ll have some idea how Mum feels. And no, I think you should leave her alone. You’ve done quite enough.’
‘I know. You don’t need to tell me. I feel terrible. I just don’t understand. Dad adores Mum. He’d only leave her if she’d done something…’
‘Right. So it would never be his fault…’
‘That’s not what I’m saying. But…’ Anna glanced rather warily at her sister. ‘Mum loves to be admired. I know she loves Dad but… She does have a weakness. We were never given a good reason for the move to Darrowbridge. You know that’s true.’
Tess threw up her hands. ‘I knew you’d bring that up. Elephants and Anna never forget. In your case, you never forget things you only think might have happened.’
‘That’s not fair. I have every reason to believe that Xander Bullen…’
‘I don’t want to talk about Xander Bullen…’
‘You never do want to talk about him.’
‘He has nothing to do with this. I stayed at the hotel with Mum last night. I woke up at three and found her sitting by the window. I don’t know how long she’d been crying. She kept asking me why Dad’s left her. She’s devastated. You must have seen how ill she looks…’
‘I was wrong to say what I did and I’m sorry I said it. I’ll ring Mum later and grovel. Have you spoken to Dad?’
‘No. Mum is very keen that we keep out of it for the time being. He hasn’t contacted her since he left. He gets back from Spain on Wednesday evening.’ Tess stared levelly at her sister. ‘He is not behaving well here.’
‘I agree,’ Anna said. ‘Of course I agree!’ She felt cross. She resented the fact that she had to play mea culpa to Tess’s righteous sister act. It was easy for Tess to be reasonable and rational. She’d had a night to get used to the news. ‘Did Mum want to go to the party last night? It seems such an odd thing to do in the circumstances. How could she possibly expect to enjoy it?’ She watched Tess reach across for the bottle. ‘I thought you said you drank too much last night.’
‘I didn’t drink as much as Mum.’
‘So… How was the evening?’
Tess poured wine into her glass.
Anna raised her eyebrows. ‘Tess? How was it?’
‘I don’t want to tell you. You wou
ldn’t understand.’
‘Now you’re being seriously annoying. You have to tell me. What happened?’
‘There was an…incident. I was with Jamie and his stepmother. We went into the library. We saw Jamie’s father kiss Mum.’
‘Oh my God! And you tell me Dad’s behaved badly!’
‘You see? Instant condemnation! You have no idea! She was in a state about Dad. She drank far too much. Jamie’s father comes on to her and she lets him kiss her.’
‘Oh well, that’s all right then. It’s quite understandable.’
Tess put down her fork and knife. ‘Why are you in such a foul mood?’
‘Possibly because I’ve just learnt that my parents are splitting up.’
‘You were in a foul mood when you got here.’
The two of them stared at each other and Anna was the first to speak. ‘You’re right. I’m sorry. It all seems so unimportant now. William and I have fallen out. I had a horrendous call from him on the way here. That’s why I was late. He was quite cruel.’
‘That doesn’t sound like William.’
Anna waved an impatient hand. ‘He was transferred to South Reading Hospital at the beginning of August. He’d asked me to go with him to his brother’s engagement party just before he left… I said I would but… But then I didn’t.’
‘Why not?’
‘It was silly. I’d bumped into Patrick Wainwright in May… Do you remember Patrick?’
‘Of course I do. How is he?’
‘He’s married with a daughter. They live a mile or so away from me which is weird.’ Anna took a large gulp of her wine. ‘Anyway, Patrick invited me over to supper and I suppose I thought William would understand.’
‘You went to supper with Patrick and his wife?’
‘Well, actually, his wife was away.’ She caught Tess’s eye and blushed. ‘I don’t even know why we’re talking about this.’ She let her eyes wander restlessly round the restaurant. ‘Nothing happened. Patrick kissed me and I realised I should leave. So I did.’ She finished her wine and stared defiantly at her sister. ‘Why are you looking at me like that?’
Tess raised her eyebrows. ‘It’s interesting, that’s all. You’re very quick to judge Mum…’
