He had been so angry, had lashed out at her with harsh and hurting words. He viewed her as a selfish woman who intended to satisfy her maternal needs at the expense of an innocent baby who had no voice in the matter.
Darn it—no, damn it, it wasn’t fair. Andrew had, apparently, been comparing her baby’s upbringing with his own and found it terribly lacking due to Kara not having a husband, a father for her son.
Kara raised her head and gazed at the sleeping baby again.
Andrew had the right, she supposed, to his opinion regarding her, a single woman, adopting a baby boy. But Andrew was the one who was wrong. Her son would be surrounded by father figures, would never lack for role models or—
Oh, what sense was there in rehashing it all? Constantly reliving that ugly scene wouldn’t change the ultimate outcome.
Everything she had shared with Andrew was over. She would never again be the recipient of his touch, his kiss, never again make sweet love with him.
They would cross paths at MacAllister-family functions, and they’d nod politely, inquire after the other’s health or some mundane thing, but that would be it.
From across a room or a backyard, when the MacAllisters gathered, she’d watch Andrew and view the distance as being a world apart, never to be united again.
“Oh, my baby,” she whispered, tears brimming in her eyes. “I love Andrew Malone so very much. I want to marry him, spend the rest of my life with him. I want him to be your father.”
Tears spilled over onto her cheeks.
“Andrew gave you your spiffy baseball uniform, do you know that, sweetheart? I’m going to keep it for you, and when you’re old enough, I’ll tell you about the magnificent man who sat in this very chair and held and fed you. The man who went shopping and bought you that baseball outfit because it represented a message about life that he wanted you to know.”
Kara sighed.
No, she guessed she couldn’t tell her son about Andrew Malone, because he would be at MacAllister gatherings and her son would question why the man who had given him a present as a baby paid little attention to him now that he was a big boy.
Her baby would never know who gave him the cute little uniform.
And Andrew Malone would never know that she loved him more than she would ever be able to describe, because of the limitation of words.
Andrew, who would continue through life as the solitary man he proclaimed himself to be, allowing family love into his existence, but never the committed forever love of a woman. Oh, no, never that. He was alone and liked it that way just fine.
As fresh tears stung Kara’s eyes, she shook her head in self-disgust and got to her feet.
It was time to go home and attempt to get some sleep, she thought, crossing the nursery to the baby’s bassinet. In her bed. Alone. With no Andrew beside her to reach for her and draw her into his strong but gentle embrace.
No, Andrew wouldn’t be there.
Not tonight.
Not ever again.
Chapter 17
Andrew’s days fell into a pleasant routine. He slept late in the morning, then spoke with Harry on the telephone to get an update on the Malone Construction projects in Santa Maria.
After a leisurely breakfast in the hotel coffee shop, but before he went for his daily visit with Robert, he drove to MacAllister Architects, where he spent time talking to Michael, Forrest and Jack, who were more than willing to show Andrew the plans they were contracted to draw up.
On more than one occasion Andrew was able to make suggestions from the builder’s point of view that would save the client money, a fact that would be very much in the architect’s favor.
“You know,” Michael said, on the fifth day since Andrew had returned to Ventura, “I was thinking. Suppose we had a construction expert as a consultant, as in you, Andrew, to see ways to get the results the client wants but shave off some bucks while doing it. Talk about a full-service outfit.”
Forrest nodded. “I like it. Andrea has a degree in landscape architecture, Andrew. I don’t know if you knew that. If the client wants us to, we can include Andrea’s presentation for the landscaping.”
“Smart,” Andrew said, nodding in approval. “That would make a very neat package.”
“Yep,” Jack said, “and I like Michael’s idea that we could also say we have a construction consultant on standby to confer with to enable the customer to cut costs. Dynamite.”
“Interested, Andrew?” Michael said.
“I definitely would be, but…” Andrew shook his head. “No, it’s not very practical. I live a hundred miles away, remember?”
Michael leaned back in the high stool that was in front of a drafting table covered in paper and laced his fingers behind his head.
“What’s keeping you in Santa Maria?” he said.
Andrew laughed. “My company. The office is there and…” He paused. “Then again, we do build all over the state.”
“I rest my case,” Michael said. “You could set up a main office anywhere you want to. You must have a topnotch guy in charge up there now to enable you to be down here. Right?”
“Yeah,” Andrew said, nodding. “Harry is the best. Just steps in and takes over, and the men like and respect him. He’s in for the long haul, too, because he owns a house and his wife is expecting a baby. He’s a good man.”
“So there you go,” Michael said. “You bump up the guy’s paycheck, leave him in charge of the Santa Maria branch of Malone Construction and open an office down here. You’d get a consulting fee from MacAllister Architects for your input on money-saving options to our plans, and we’re off and running.”
“I’m really liking this,” Forrest said.
“Ditto,” Jack said.
Michael laughed. “I mean, hell, Andrew, how are we going to whip these guys’ butts in touch football if you’re not here to play on my team?”
“That cooks it,” Andrew said, smiling. “You’ve convinced me. I’ll move down here tomorrow.” His smile faded. “Seriously, I will definitely give this some thought.”
“Fair enough,” Michael said.
“There’s something else we need to do,” Forrest said. “Kara’s going to need a house in the not-so-distant future. She can’t raise her son in an apartment. The kid needs a yard to play in, make mud, climb trees.”
“Have a dog,” Andrew said, then frowned as he realized he’d spoken before he’d realized he was going to do it. He cleared his throat. “Never mind. Forget it.”
“A dog ki,” Michael said, nodding slowly as he looked at Andrew intently. “You think Kara’s son should have his own dog?”
“What kind of dog?” Forrest said, his gaze also riveted on Andrew.
“Big or small?” Jack said. “Mutt or pedigree? Male or female?”
“Hell, I don’t know,” Andrew said, very sorry he’d opened his mouth on the subject. “A dog is a dog, for Pete’s sake. I just figured it would be fun for the kid to have a…” He glanced at his watch. “I’ve got to shove off. Your—our father will be wondering what happened to me if I don’t get over to the house.”
“Okay,” Michael said, “but think about moving down here.” He redirected his attention to the plans in front of him on the drafting table. “And zero in on what kind of dog Kara’s son should have after we build her a house with a yard.”
“Cripes,” Andrew said, then strode out of the office, muttering under his breath as he went.
“Andrew is in love with Kara,” Michael said.
“Yep,” Forrest said.
“Yep,” Jack said. “And Kara is in love with Andrew.”
“Yep,” Forrest said again.
“Yep,” Michael echoed. “But Jenny said they haven’t been together since Andrew came back.”
“Jillian says there’s something off-kilter between Andrew and Kara,” Forrest said. “A glitch, a problem, a war zone, a trouble-in-romance-land thing, a—”
“We get the point, Forrest,” Jack said. “Don�
��t beat it to death.”
“Yes, well, they’d better get their acts together,” Forrest said. “I’m officially entering Andrew in that bachelor bet business of yours, Jack. I’m putting my money on him going down for the count with our Kara and marrying her.”
“I wonder what’s wrong between them?” Michael said thoughtfully.
“I don’t have a clue,” Jack said. “The thing is, having been down that road myself, it could be that they don’t know, either. Or maybe one of them doesn’t get it. Or…Love is very powerful complicated stuff.”
“No joke,” Michael said.
“Damn,” Forrest said. “What if Andrew and Kara never get it straight?”
“They will,” Michael said decisively. “They’re not dopes. After all, they’re both MacAllisters.”
The three men nodded, then got back to work.
Late in the afternoon of the sixth day since his return to Ventura, Andrew told Robert and Margaret that he was going back to Santa Maria the next day.
“So soon?” Robert said, frowning.
“I don’t even want to think about the paperwork that must be a mile high on my desk,” Andrew said. “I really have to go tend to things.”
Robert nodded. “I can understand that. Michael told me about the proposed plan of your moving down here permanently, Andrew. Have you given it further thought?”
“Some,” Andrew said. “I’ll really tackle the idea when I get back to Santa Maria. I’ll have to talk to my main man, Harry, and…There’s a lot of things to consider.”
“Oh?” Margaret said. “Such as?”
“Just…things,” Andrew said, not looking at her directly.
“She misses you, Andrew,” Margaret said.
Andrew’s head snapped up and he stared at Margaret. “What?”
“Kara misses you, dear, as much as you miss her,” Margaret said.
“I never said that I…” Andrew shot a pleading look at his father.
Robert laced his fingers over his chest as he smiled and shook his head. “Sorry, son, you’re on your own. The bee is in Margaret’s bonnet and I’ve learned—the hard way—to keep my mouth shut.”
“Robert, hush,” Margaret said. “I’m simply chatting, that’s all. Have I made a major production out of the fact that Kara is bringing the baby home tomorrow? That the big event is at eleven o’clock in the morning, and Kara declined the offer to have someone from the family with her, wishing to take her son home herself, just the two of them? No, I certainly have not. Have I—”
“Wait a minute,” Andrew said, leaning forward in his chair. “She’s bringing the baby home? The little guy is up to five pounds? Are you sure? Is the hospital scale right? I mean, hell, what if he comes home too early, is too small and…No, I guess a scale in that place would be on the money, wouldn’t it?” He smiled. “I’ll be damned. The champ made it in record time, didn’t he?”
“Indeed.” Margaret picked an imaginary thread from her skirt. “I believe Kara said something about the baby wearing a…oh, what was it? Yes, a tiny baseball uniform as his going-home outfit. She said it was very special to her, that tiny suit.”
Andrew sank back in his chair. “She did? Kara said that? Are you sure?”
“Yes,” Margaret said, an expression of pure innocence on her face as she looked at Andrew again. “Is that information important for some reason, dear?”
“What?” Andrew said. “Sorry. I was off somewhere for a moment there.”
“Have you decided yet what kind of dog you’re going to get the boy once Kara has her own house with a yard?” Robert said.
“You know about the dog?” Andrew said, his voice rising along with his eyebrows.
“Of course,” Robert said. “The dog would be a MacAllister dog. Therefore, I know about it.”
“Oh, man,” Andrew said, chuckling. “This family is something else.”
“This family,” Margaret said, “cares deeply about its members. This family, Andrew, is also yours. It’s heartbreaking to know that there is something keeping you and Kara from having the happiness together that you both want and deserve.”
Andrew frowned. “You sure don’t pull any punches, do you?”
“Not where my loved ones are concerned,” she said, lifting her chin.
“Are you aware,” Andrew said, his jaw tightening slightly, “that Kara wants no part of a serious relationship? Isn’t interested in marriage, forever and ever, the whole nine yards?”
“Nor are you, Andrew,” Margaret said. “I had this very same conversation with Kara, and she informed me of that fact. Loudly and clearly, I might add.”
“I used to feel that way. People change, you know,” Andrew said none too quietly, then cringed as he saw both Robert and Margaret lean forward to stare at him. “Oh, hell.”
“Do tell,” Margaret said.
Andrew dragged a hand through his hair and shook his head. “You’re implying that Kara may have changed her views on the subject of a lifelong commitment. I believe that you’re wrong.”
“You no longer feel as you did on the subject,” Margaret said. “Why isn’t it possible for Kara to have given it second thoughts, too?”
“Have you heard from Clara?” Robert said.
“What?” Andrew said. “Where did that come from?”
“Have you?” Robert said.
“Sort of,” Andrew said. “There was a message from the head honcho of a clinic is Northern California on my answering machine at my apartment. Clara has checked in there for an extensive rehabilitation program and has listed me as the person to be kept informed of her progress. Why are you asking about Clara?”
“Because,” Robert said, “nearly forty years ago the direction that lives would take was determined by Clara’s intervention. She’s no longer in the picture, can’t be blamed anymore. The responsibility for the future rests entirely in your and Kara’s hands. Think about that, Andrew. Think about it long and hard.”
Andrew got to his feet, and his voice was low and weary-sounding when he spoke. “There’s something…hanging over me, tearing me up, and I can’t get a handle on it. I’m aware of what it’s centered on, but I don’t have a clue why it’s there. Until I do know, there’s no point in my talking to Kara about…about anything.”
He drew a shuddering breath.
“I’ve got to go. I’ll speak with you before I leave for Santa Maria tomorrow. Thank you for…everything.”
Andrew covered the distance to the front door of the house in long strides and closed the door behind him with a trembling hand.
When Andrew started off on a nocturnal trek that night, he was immediately aware of how many people were out walking their dogs. He slid glances at the canines, attempting not to appear like a potential dog-snatcher.
Choosing a dog for Kara’s son, he thought, required a great deal of research. You had to be assured it was the proper breed to play in a yard, then later sleep next to the bed of a special little boy.
You know about the dog? he’d asked Robert incredulously.
The dog would be a MacAllister dog, Robert had answered. Therefore, I know about it.
Andrew chuckled and shook his head, earning him a wary look from a woman who was walking in the opposite direction on the sidewalk. Andrew turned the corner and slowed his pace.
Robert’s having been informed of the conversation about the dog was the type of thing that he’d convinced himself would make him feel smothered, cornered by the large MacAllister family, unable to breathe.
The same held true of Margaret and Robert’s unsolicited remarks about Kara and his relationship with her.
Those two incidents, as well as others, should be prompting him to hightail it back to Santa Maria, then find excuses for why it wasn’t convenient to make a return visit.
Andrew shoved his hands into his pockets and trudged on, his way lit by a multitude of stars twinkling in the black-velvet sky.
The truth of the matter was, he was soaking up the ca
ring and sharing exhibited by the MacAllisters like a thirsty sponge.
Those people really understood, truly knew how to make someone know that he mattered.
Andrew nodded and continued walking along the quiet street.
Although the MacAllisters were obviously quick on the draw to pass along newly acquired information, he also knew, somehow, that if he ever told one of them something in confidence, it would go no further than the person he was speaking to.
The clan, when gathered, was a formidable force, prepared to lay it all on the line for one of their own if need be. It would be done without question, because that was just the way it went if you were a MacAllister.
And he was.
He was now as proud of that half of himself as he was of the Malone part.
He could easily understand why Kara had felt honored when asked if she would legally become a MacAllister, and why she changed the name on the headstone at her baby daughter’s grave.
Kara, Andrew thought. This was the first time when envisioning her in his mind that he wasn’t consumed by loneliness and despair.
Tonight there was a small glowing ember within him that he realized was the wondrous emotion of hope. It was due to what Margaret and Robert had said about Kara missing him as much as he missed her, and the theory that Kara could very well have changed her negative views on commitment, on forever love, just as he had.
It’s heartbreaking to know that there is something keeping you two from having the happiness together that you both want and deserve.
Margaret’s heartfelt words echoed in Andrew’s mind and he sighed.
That something was encased in the dark shadow that hovered over him, refusing to allow him to see it clearly, understand what it was, deal with it. It was focused on that baby, who had staked a claim on Kara’s heart and wrapped tight little fingers around Andrew’s heart, as well.
Even if Kara did love him and had, indeed, freed herself of the ghosts of the past as he had done, was ready to embrace a future with him, that unknown something definitely stood between them.
He could apologize to Kara for his harsh words regarding her adopting the baby, for calling her selfish for intentionally creating a childhood without a father for that little boy. He could ask her to forgive him for what he had said, assure her that he no longer felt that way, realized that her son would have a rich and full life with her, even if she was a single mother.
The Baby Bet: His Secret Son (The Baby Bet #5) Page 21
