‘I’d better go.’ Josh started moving but it felt like he was walking away too soon. That he hadn’t touched on whatever it was he’d wanted to achieve by coming here.
‘I forgot.’ The words came out in a kind of a growl as he swung back to face Megan. ‘We’re doing a test run of the technology in Paediatric Resus tomorrow. X-ray and monitoring and so forth. You might want to be there to see how it comes together.’ He tried, and failed, to smile. ‘It doesn’t matter, of course. If you’re busy.’
The look that passed between Megan and Charles was palpably significant but Josh couldn’t read the message. His gut was forming an unpleasantly rock-like mass inside him.
‘I’ll be there,’ Megan said quietly. ‘What time?’
‘Three p.m. We’re hoping that a Sunday afternoon might be a quieter spell. There are a lot of people who want to see if it’s going to fly.’ Josh forced himself to acknowledge Charles with a smile. ‘You’d be most welcome to come too, Charles. You might want to see what Megan’s been up to while she’s been here.’
‘Thank you, but I’m due back in London early tomorrow afternoon.’ Charles was smiling back at him. ‘And I’ve got a pretty good idea of what Megan’s been up to. She knows I approve.’
Had there been some kind of hidden meaning there? Josh had arrived at Megan’s cottage feeling agitated because he’d known something had changed. Or hadn’t changed, more to the point, in the wake of that kiss. He was driving away feeling like he’d found more questions than answers.
There was a part of Megan he didn’t know. The part that was bound up with Africa. That was friends with Charles Cartwright. A very important part. But he was missing something here, and he had no idea what it was.
Josh was still feeling agitated. And confused.
Totally at a loss as to what he could do about any of it, in fact.
* * *
The new paediatric wing of St Piran’s emergency department was not quite finished but it was still crowded on this Sunday afternoon. The scenario being run of dealing with a child with multiple trauma after being knocked off his bicycle might be a pretence but to the medical staff involved this was no game.
From where she was standing in the second resuscitation area, Megan was close to the junior star of the show who was getting ready to play his part. Thirteen year old Jem, the son of Nick Tremayne, who was a Penhally Bay GP, had volunteered for the role.
‘I’m going to be a doctor when I grow up,’ he told Megan. ‘Just like my dad. I’m already learning first aid. And I’ve done this for real, too, when I had my accident.’
‘I remember.’ Megan nodded. How could she forget? That had been when her path had crossed that of Josh’s again so unexpectedly. A route that had only led, again, to an emotional disaster.
‘I don’t remember this bit of it, though,’ Jem said sadly. ‘I was unconscious.’
‘That’s what you have to pretend to be now.’ His father was helping one of the volunteer ambulance crew to fasten a collar around his neck. ‘And no giggling. This is serious stuff.’
‘OK.’ Jem lay flat on the stretcher, closed his eyes and groaned. He tried it again, obviously hoping for a more dramatic effect.
Josh appeared though the doors leading to the main resus area. ‘The paediatric trauma team have been summoned by pager,’ he announced. ‘On my count these doors will open and we’ll take it from there in real time.’
He looked extremely tense, Megan thought. Not surprising, given that there were so many observers here. Word had spread fast. Albert White was here as CEO. There were quite a few of St Piran’s consultant staff present, including Luke and Anna Davenport, and Nick had brought some of the other local GPs with him. There was also a reporter from a local newspaper accompanied by a photographer.
The tension was instantly contagious. Never mind any personal issues between them, if a major glitch showed up in this scenario, it could be due to a poor choice she had made about the design and predicted flow patterns.
It wasn’t like Josh to be grim, though, even if he was stressed. He didn’t smile at Megan when he spotted her. He practically scowled at her, for heaven’s sake. So she’d arrived a little later than she’d intended. Did it matter that much? He was also looking less than amused by Jem’s acting.
‘Cut the sound effects, Jem,’ he said briskly enough to sound like a reprimand. ‘We can do without the groaning, OK?’
A minute or two later and they could hear Josh’s count. ‘Three, two, one...’
The doors swung open. Megan followed the stretcher that was supposedly arriving from the ambulance bay and pressed herself into a corner, out of the way. The paramedic who was helping started his handover, describing a serious incident in which a child had been struck by a car at speed.
‘GCS on arrival was fifteen. Blood pressure was one-three-five on ninety. Resp rate thirty-six. Oxygen saturation ninety-nine per cent on air.’
As airway doctor, Ben Carter was leading the paediatric trauma team, consisting of other consultants, registrars, nurses and technicians. He requested another primary survey as soon as their patient was transferred to the bed.
The angle of the lights was checked, monitors switched on and trolleys moved closer. Megan could see the way Josh was following the movement of every person involved. He stood there, completely focused, looking tense enough to snap.
Findings were relayed via Josh, who was directing the scenario.
Strong peripheral pulses.
Pupils equal and reactive.
Tender abdomen.
Obvious midshaft, femoral fracture.
‘IV line in and secured.’ A registrar had taped a tube to Jem’s arm. ‘Hanging normal saline. Oh...where’s the hook?’
An impatient sound came from Josh’s direction as the minor missing detail was noted and fixed.
Ben was ordering blood tests and then X-rays. ‘Neck, chest, abdomen and pelvis. We’ll need CT on standby given the mechanism of injury.’
A nurse moved to test the phone lines. The X-ray technician manoeuvred overhead equipment. The staff were already wearing lead aprons, although no real X-rays were going to be taken. This was about testing the ceiling tracks and making sure that they could get the images that were needed quickly.
Josh stepped closer as soon as the process looked like it was not going to present any problems.
‘The pelvic X-rays have shown fractures,’ he announced. ‘Your patient’s now becoming restless and confused. He’s vomited twice and his GCS has dropped below nine. Heart rate is rising and blood pressure is dropping.’
Ben nodded. ‘We’ll intubate prior to moving him to CT, then.’
Now they would all be able to see how well Megan’s choice of positioning for equipment would work. The team had to pull in a ventilator and suction equipment, find ET tubes and laryngoscopes and draw up the drugs.
Megan didn’t realise she was holding her breath until it became clear that everything was going like clockwork and then she released it in a long sigh. This was great.
The reporter thought so, too. He was scribbling madly on his notepad. The photographer was actually grinning as he took shot after shot.
Why wasn’t Josh looking happier?
He almost seemed to be brushing off the congratulations that came in the wake of the successful test run.
‘There’s still a bit of fine tuning to be done,’ Megan heard him tell someone. ‘It has to be perfect before we officially open for business.’
‘When’s that going to be, Dr O’Hara?’ The reporter pressed forward as people began to disperse.
‘As soon as possible. You’ll have to ask Dr Phillips. She’s the one in charge of the project.’
The reporter nodded. ‘And is it true that we’ve got a member of the Royal family coming to cut the ribbon? The Queen, even, or William and Kate?’
Josh managed a smile. ‘You’ll have to ask Dr White that one.’
But the reporter was distracted now. Behin
d Josh, Jem was sitting up on the bed, peeling off his neck brace.
‘That was so cool!’ he exclaimed. ‘I could open my eyes just a crack and see through my eyelashes. I still looked unconscious, didn’t I, Dad?’
‘You sure did,’ Nick told him. ‘Good job. It wasn’t scary, was it?’
‘Nah.’
‘What’s your name, son?’ The reporter asked. ‘And how old are you? Can we get a photo?’
‘Cool. I’ll put this back on.’ Jem lifted the neck brace.
‘No, just hold it. Let’s get your dad in the photo, too. You’re Dr Tremayne, aren’t you? What do you think of this new development at St Piran’s?’
Megan decided to escape while she could. Why had Josh tried to deflect credit onto her? This whole project was his baby, everyone knew that. He’d been dreaming of it coming together for years now. Was he not happy with how things had gone today?
Where was he, anyway?
Ben Carter had gone back to his duties in the main department with most of the registrars and nurses who’d been involved in the practice run.
‘Josh?’ He shrugged in response to Megan’s query. ‘Hasn’t come in here. He’s probably lapping up a bit of the publicity. Hey...it went well, didn’t it? Good job, Megan.’
She’d write a note, Megan decided, and leave it on Josh’s desk. If he had a problem, he could come and talk to her about it.
The last thing she expected to find was Josh himself in his office.
No. Maybe the last thing was that fierce glare she was being subjected to.
‘Sorry to disturb you.’ She knew her tone was cool. ‘I didn’t think you’d be in here. I was going to leave you a note.’
‘Why? Because you couldn’t bring yourself to talk to me face to face?’
Megan gave her head a small, sharp shake. ‘Don’t be daft. I thought you’d be busy talking to that reporter or something.’ The glare was getting on her nerves. She hadn’t done anything wrong that she knew about. ‘What’s up with you today, Josh?’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘You got out of bed on the wrong side or something. You’re...angry about something.’
‘Damned right I am.’ Josh stalked across the office and pushed the door shut behind Megan. He turned to face her.
‘You can’t do it.’ The words burst out of him.
Megan already knew what the answer would be. Her mouth went dry but she had to ask anyway. ‘Can’t do what?’
‘Marry Charles.’
She sucked in a breath. She’d known that herself last night, the moment she’d seen the two men standing side by side in her living room.
Her lover and her friend.
Her past and her future.
Safety...and danger.
Charles had known it all along, of course, bless him, but he’d been waiting for her to wake up.
Should she tell Josh why the engagement had been mooted in the first place? That it was no longer a realistic option?
No. Dammit. What right did Josh have to glare at her like this? To be telling her what she could or couldn’t do?
So she didn’t say anything. She just held Josh’s angry glare. Her heart was thumping so hard it was probably visible. She couldn’t move. Couldn’t even breathe right now. The sheer power of this man over her was unbelievably stunning.
The moment stretched until it was unbearable. Josh snapped first.
‘Why him?’ Josh took in an audible gulp of air. He was rubbing the back of his neck with his hand—a sure sign that he was deeply agitated. The expression on his face was...desperate? He opened his mouth again.
‘Why not me?’
CHAPTER NINE
MEGAN’S BREATH CAME out in an incredulous huff of sound.
‘You’re not available, Josh,’ she shot back. ‘And even if you were, you couldn’t give me what Charles could.’
The words might be cruel but they were true. It was the reason her plans had gone in the direction they had.
Josh had flinched. ‘Which is?’
‘Security,’ Megan said decisively. But then her voice wobbled and went quiet. ‘Love...’ she added.
Josh was gaping at her now. ‘How can you say that? You know how much I love you. I’m not the one who’s moved on.’
‘I...haven’t. I...’
But Josh didn’t appear to be listening to her. He’d stepped closer. Megan bowed her head as he took hold of both her shoulders. She could feel the strength in that grip. The tension. And yet the touch was still gentle.
‘Can you honestly say you don’t still love me, Megan?’
She had to lift her chin. To meet a gaze so intense it burned.
No. Of course she couldn’t say that.
She didn’t need to say anything. Josh had always been able to read her like an open book. She couldn’t look away. Neither could Josh. Not a word was spoken but it felt like a whole conversation was taking place. And the tension was leaving Josh’s hands. His fingers moved, skimming her neck to touch and then cradle her face.
‘Oh...Megan...’ The words were a groan. Josh tipped his head until their foreheads were touching and they stood like that for a long, long moment. And then Josh pulled her into his arms. So close she could feel his heart thudding against her own. She could feel his lips moving against her ear.
‘I can love you,’ he whispered. ‘If only you’ll give me another chance. I’ve been blind. Stupid. I need you, darling. I want you. I...I love you. So much.’
Oh...God...
The words echoed in her own heart. They stirred up memories of similar words spoken in the past. And more... So much more. They stirred up memories of those intimate moments. The touch of those hands on parts of her body that had lain dormant ever since. The feel of his lips...and his tongue...on her mouth and her breasts and...ohh...the feel of him inside her. The absolute perfection of that connection that she’d never found—never would find—with anyone else.
How could she fight that, if there was even a small chance that, this time, they could make it work?
She couldn’t. She couldn’t fight. Couldn’t protect herself any longer. She had to take this risk because if she didn’t, she would always wonder if it could have worked. If cowardice had made her miss her chance of true love and as happy-ever-after as this life could offer anyone.
‘I love you, too,’ she heard herself whispering back to Josh. ‘I always have. Always will.’
‘Oh, thank God for that.’
They loosened their hold on each other just enough to be able to see each other’s faces. Josh still had a worried crease on his forehead.
‘What about Charles? Your...engagement?’
‘Charles has known all along how I feel about you, Josh. The engagement was only ever a...a means to an end, I guess. He’s a friend, that’s all. We weren’t sleeping together.’
Megan’s heart skipped a beat as the words left her mouth. She could see the effect of them on Josh. The knowledge that there was no barrier there any more. Josh wasn’t married any longer. He was prepared to make a commitment. The children were being safely cared for by their grandmother.
He could take her hand and go home with her and they could go to bed together and make love. A fresh start.
The beginning of the rest of their lives?
‘But... Oh, hell...’ Josh groaned. ‘Everybody around here thinks it was a real engagement. They’ll blame me for breaking it up. There he goes again, they’ll say, messing with people’s lives.’
‘It’s got nothing to do with anybody else,’ Megan said. ‘Except for the children, of course. And your mum. And Tasha.’
‘They’ll all be thrilled that I’ve finally come to my senses. They all adore you. Especially Max and Brenna.’
‘And I love them, too, but...’ It was all too easy to get carried away by the heat of passion, wasn’t it? There were other people to consider here. ‘Maybe we can wait until the dust settles,’ Megan suggested slowly. ‘We don’t hav
e to rush out and tell anyone.’
We need to be sure about this was the silent message she was trying to send. So that nobody gets hurt.
Especially her? There was no doubt that Josh was genuine in wanting to make this commitment but was he actually capable of it? Maybe there was no way to protect herself any longer but, by keeping it a secret, she could keep a shred of dignity if it went wrong. Again.
Yes...the fear was still there. Easily dismissed right now but would it ever go away completely?
I am sure came back in that intense gaze, but then Josh seemed to take a deep breath. Did he want some kind of insurance policy too? Did he have that same tiny flicker of fear? Whatever he was thinking, he was clearly happy to follow Megan’s lead.
‘Things are crazy right now. We’ve got the official opening of the paediatric ED wing coming up and there’s still a lot to do.’
The fact that Josh was happy to agree to her suggestion made that fear flicker a little brighter but Megan doused it. She took a deep breath herself. ‘And there are all the donations to pull together and get shipped off. I’m supposed to go and talk to Albert about that tomorrow. He’s getting worried about storing all the stuff that’s coming in from other hospitals.’
‘And Mum’s going to be tearing her hair out in the next few days if she keeps tripping over all the cartons piling up at our place.’
Yes. There was a lot to do for the next little while. It would be best for all concerned to postpone that fresh start to their lives. Maybe they both just needed a little time. To trust completely.
Josh was smiling down at Megan. ‘We’ll know,’ he murmured. ‘And that’s what matters, isn’t it?’
‘Mmm.’ This was all they needed. A little time. And then the fear would burn itself out and things would be perfect. Megan’s breath came out in a sigh as Josh lowered his head to kiss her tenderly. ‘I...I can’t believe how happy I am right now.’
‘Mmm.’ Josh broke the contact of their lips for just a heartbeat. ‘Me, too.’
* * *
He hadn’t been exaggerating to say that life was crazy right now.
St. Piran's: The Wedding! Page 13
