by Lincoln Cole
***
They drove in silence. Adam didn’t dare turn the radio on. Beth tried to study a couple times, opening the book and scanning a few pages, but it was useless. The words blurred together and she found her mind continuously wandering back to her fear and anger.
She also tried looking out the windows at the landscape around her. Trees and fields rolled into the distance, broken by the occasional farmhouse and power line. There weren’t a lot of cars on the road this late at night. Just them.
She wasn’t surprised. By any of it. Jason was unreliable, full of self-pity and self-loathing. ‘The world was against him’ had become his mantra. Arguing contrary to that opinion was an exercise in futility.
He tried to go to college. Twice. The first time on their parent’s dime and the second time on loans. Both had been a failure, and both times he ended up living with some new woman he cared nothing for who was twice his age.
And, now, both times he also ended up back in jail.
The countryside flitted past, unnoticed.
The only thing—at all—that set him above Rickie in Beth’s estimation was that he still talked to the family. He used them and took advantage of their generosity, but at least he loved them. Once in a while he even stopped being a self-absorbed little prick and showed it.
Rickie, on the other hand, had disowned them all. He moved to New York five years ago and cut all ties. The last she heard he got a job at a prestigious law firm.
It was because of a woman, Beth knew. Rickie’s girlfriend—wife, Beth reminded herself…they were married now, even though she hadn’t been invited to the wedding—poisoned him against his family. She was controlling and manipulative, making him pick between her and his parents. He finished his law degree, got hired into a firm, and hadn’t spoken to them since.
But at least he wasn’t in jail…
“How much farther?” she asked, her voice cracking. She cleared her throat, not sure if she’d been crying or not.
“Ten minutes,” Adam said, eyes forward. This was killing him, she knew.
“I’m sorry I dragged you into this.”
He smiled. His eyes were exhausted and he let out an exaggerated yawn. “He dragged me into this. You’re just the beautiful woman I get to ride up here with. And, to be honest, this was the perfect excuse to spend time with you before your test. I couldn’t have planned it better if I tried.”
“No offense,” she said, “but I would have much preferred to finish my exam in peace and spend time with you this weekend.”
“None taken,” he said, yawning. He glanced over at her and grinned. “You look terrible.”
“Me,” she asked with a snort. “You keep weaving back and forth on the road.”
“Then let me apologize now,” he said, “for when I crash and get us both killed.”
She punched him lightly on the arm.
“What?” he asked. “I might not get the chance after!”
She smiled. She was glad he was here, despite the circumstances.
They pulled into the lot in front of the police station and Adam parked his VW next to a police car. The station was a squat one-story affair made of brick and mortar. It was fading from too many frigid winters but still strong.
He flipped the ignition off and they sat in the silence.
Her smile faded.
“He’s going to get himself killed,” she said. “If he doesn’t stop using.”
Adam didn’t reply.
“I don’t know how,” she said into the silence, “to stop him.”
“It was just a little marijuana,” Adam said. “I don’t think it’s going to—”
“I found him a few months ago,” Beth interrupted. “Passed out in my parent’s bathroom.”
“When you went to visit?”
She nodded. “I found a syringe next to him,” she said, “and a bag of powder. Cocaine.”
“You didn’t tell me.”
“I didn’t want to admit it,” she said, “even to myself. I cleaned him off, got him in bed, and flushed the drugs. I didn’t tell mom or dad.”
She was staring down at her hands.
The silence grew oppressive.
“I don’t know how to help him,” she said. “I’ve said everything there is to say. I thought he was doing better, then I found the cocaine. I…” she said, her voice trailing off. She shook her head and looked up at Adam. “I don’t want to watch him die.”
“Bethany,” Adam said gently, taking her hand in his. “It’s not your fault.”
“I know…”
“You can’t fix his problems. He has to want to quit or nothing will change. Until then, the only thing you can do is be there for him. Support him, love him, and just be there. When he wants help, he’ll find you.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
“He will.”
“But what if he doesn’t?”
Adam smiled at her. “He will. In either case, there’s nothing we can do about it today. We need to take our problems as we get them: one at a time. All we can do today is solve what’s in front of us. Do you want me to go get him?”
Beth shook her head. “No. I would prefer to go in alone. Is that okay?”
Adam nodded. He leaned across the seat and gently rubbed his thumb across her cheek under the left eye. It was a tender, loving gesture. When he pulled his thumb back she saw it was moist from her tears. “I’ll be here if you need me.”
She nodded and opened the door, stepping out before she could stop herself. Suddenly she didn’t want to face Adam. All of her self-consciousness, her stress, her anxiety, was pouring in on her.
She wasn’t mad with Jason, she realized. She was scared for him. She hadn’t admitted it to herself, but when Adam came into the commons, she hadn’t thought of prison. Prison was bad enough, especially after he lied and manipulated away all of his good will.
She’d expected Adam to tell her Jason was dead.
And that terrified her.
She angrily brushed away another tear and strode to the front door of the police station. This was a small town station out in the middle of nowhere. They’d have a single cell and maybe two people inside it.
Marietta lived here: Jason’s newest thirty-five year old live-in girlfriend. She had two children over ten. Marietta was a nice enough woman when Beth had met her, but it was always awkward talking to her knowing she was only four years younger than Emily.
A welcome bell tinkled overhead as she walking in, alerting the room of her arrival. Not that anyone cared: all of the waiting seats were empty.
Beth strode up to the counter. An overweight blonde woman with a frumpy face and huge glasses was talking on the phone, leaning back in her chair. She held up a finger for Bethany to wait, but otherwise ignored her.
The only sound in the room—other than the blonde woman’s conversation—was a grandfather clock ticking on the left wall. A set of double doors led to Bethany’s right and a single door led farther into the station behind the woman. The décor was brown and drab and about five degrees colder than comfortable.
“So that was when we headed to the store…uh huh…uh huh…oooh, that sounds pretty…uh huh…what did he say? …mmhmm…”
Beth fought the intense—painfully intense—urge to reach across the counter and push the lever down on the phone. Pissing the woman off, though, didn’t seem like her greatest of plans.
Nevertheless, her patience was tested when it took another five minutes for the woman to finally hang up. She dropped the phone in the cradle and turned to Beth, jowls shaking. She smiled through her teeth. Beth didn’t punch her, but she did decide that she didn’t like her.
“May I help you?”
“Yes, hello, I…um…I received a call from my…brother…earlier today—” she started.
“You’re Jason’s sister?” the woman interrupted.
Beth nodded. “Yes, I’m the one he called.”
“It’s a good thing you’re here. Sheriff De
nnison just picked up two D and Ds and is going to need the tank.”
“It’s two hundred, right?”
The woman nodded. “That’s what the judge set it at. Let me get you a receipt.”
The woman got up from her chair—a laborious task—and disappeared through the double doors. She was gone a few minutes before she, a young man in uniform with a bushy brown mustache, and her brother reappeared.
Jason looked terrible. His face was smothered in the patchy growth of a few days’ beard, his clothes stained and full of holes. He smelled of body odor and something that reminded her faintly of cat piss, and his eyes had the strung out look of a junkie looking for a fix.
Beth had seen that look a lot in the last few years.
The frumpy woman held out her hand and Beth passed her the stack of bills Adam had given her. She counted it—thrice—and then deposited it into an envelope. Then she filled out another form, tore it from a perforated booklet, and handed Beth a copy.
“No skipping out of the city or we’ll put a bolo out on him,” the officer told Bethany. “Jason’s nice enough so we’d hate to have to do that.”
“Understood,” she said. The officer released Jason’s arm and Beth put her hand on his back, guiding him out of the department into the cool night air beyond.
They stopped on the landing just outside. Jason hung his head, unwilling to look his sister in the eyes.
She stood there, drinking in the night air, cold tears stinging her eyes.
“Jason,” she said, her voice soft. “This is the last time.”
“I know,” he said.
“No, you don’t know. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep worrying about you. The next time something like this happens will be the last time you ever hear from me. Got it?”
He bobbed his head and made a choking pathetic noise. “Got it,” he whispered.
She began steering him toward the car. Adam smiled at her but she didn’t smile back. She opened the door and Jason climbed into the backseat. She got into the front.
She tried not to cry.
Her eyes were wet within seconds.
“Where are we taking you?” she asked.
“Home,” Jason replied, studying the floor.
“Not to Marietta?”
“We haven’t…” he mumbled “…not for a few weeks.”
“Home it is,” Beth replied. Adam silently put them into motion.
“Thanks,” Jason said after a few minutes. “And thank you Adam. I appreciate it.”
Neither of them replied. Beth glanced over at Adam and offered him a smile. He smiled back, but his eyes were sad. She reached over, tentatively, and placed her hand next to his. Still staring ahead, he entwined their fingers and held onto her.
***
They parked on the street in front of her old house. She hadn’t been here in weeks. Months, actually. Everything, she realized, had changed.
Not with the house, per say. Rather she had changed. It was a somber residence now, quiet and lonely on its corner of the road. She’d outgrown it. It was nothing like the boisterous house where she’d grown up, so full of life and activity.
This was where she’d played tag with her brothers, thrown snowballs at her father, and played hide and seek in the dark of night. It used to be full of laughter and energy.
But not anymore. Now it was a forbidding structure, silent and still in the dim moonlight. Grass was overgrown, siding was peeling, and paint was fading.
Beth did not want to go in that house. It had been her home, but no more.
“They must be sleeping,” she said. “Do you have anywhere else to go?”
Jason shook his head. “I could sleep outside on the—“
“No,” she replied.
“I don’t have any money. Could I crash with you?”
“We both live in dorms with strict policies regarding visitation,” she said.
“Mine isn’t that strict,” Adam said. “He could stay with me for now.”
“You sure?” Beth asked.
Adam nodded. “If he doesn’t mind coming with me to get lunch with Jenny,” Adam said. He spoke to Bethany but looked at Jason as he said it.
Jason shrugged. “I don’t mind at all. I haven’t seen Jenny in years. How is she?”
“Better, but she doesn’t like to be with my parents at home. It just isn’t a happy place for her. We’ve been looking for somewhere that will take her in but…” he didn’t finish, but instead held up his hands in a dismissive gesture.
Bethany could understand: Adam had been trying to find a clinic or program to accept Jenny for years, but there wasn’t enough money and she kept getting denied. It was straining the family, who both didn’t have the resources and was losing ambition to care for her.
Adam put the car into gear and they pulled smoothly back onto the road. Beth glanced out the window, willing and able to worry about her test now. But it was a hollow worry now, lacking the same emphasis. She was glad that Jason was okay.
She was glad he was alive.
The nightscape rolled past her window, dark and forbidding.
***
“How’d your test go?” Edward asked. She jumped a little, both surprised that he had gotten so close without her noticing and that he was here on campus at all. The last she’d seen him was four months ago at the end of her summer break.
“Edward?” she asked, turning around. He was standing a few feet away, grinning. Where his brother had broad shoulders and strong jaw, Edward was a little taller but quite a bit lighter. He was tall and lithe, handsome with intelligent eyes. Beth had developed a crush on him growing up that she’d never quite shaken, even after she knew he didn’t return her affections. “What are you doing here?”
“Just came to visit,” he replied. “And I spotted you across the street. How’d your test go? Adam said you were finishing the last one today.”
“It was easy,” she said. “Not like my economics one. This one was just geometry.”
“Ah,” he said. “Adam told me about the Econ one. He said you were pretty upset about it.”
She had been. The test was horrible, worse than she ever could have expected. Professor Melkin had managed to become her single least favorite professor on campus during that two hour exam.
Adam kept insisting it would be fine. In his world, everything would always be fine. She found that distinctly irritating, but also endearing.
“It’s over,” she said. “There’s nothing I can do about it now.”
He nodded.
“So why are you here?”
“Visiting,” he replied, scratching his chin. “Came to see Adam.”
“Oh? He hadn’t told me you were coming,” she said. Actually, he hadn’t told her much of anything in the last few days. They’d brought Jason back to campus five days ago, she’d taken her test, and he’d consoled her afterward when she had a mini breakdown. But that was four nights ago. She hadn’t spoken to him since.
She had the distinct impression, in fact, that he was avoiding her.
“He’s been busy,” Edward replied with a shrug.
“I see,” she said, her words clipped.
He frowned. “You don’t believe me.”
She shrugged. “I get the feeling you didn’t just spot me out here. Chances are you were waiting for me.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Adam hasn’t spoken to me and suddenly you show up out of the blue? I’m guessing you’re here to…”
He just stared at her. “To…what?”
“Tell me that Adam wants to break up with me,” she said, exasperated. She threw her hands in the air. “I’ve been expecting it for a while. He’s been avoiding me and after what I put him through where my brother was concerned…”
She trailed off when she saw Edward’s expression.
“What?” she asked, folding her arms. “What is it?”
He burst out laughing.
She didn’t find it very funn
y. “Edward. What?”
“Break up with you? That’s hilarious,” Edward said, clutching his stomach. “Nothing…could be…further…”
She felt her face heating up and fought the urge to shove him. She did fold her arms and tap her shoe against the pavement. “Edward…” she said.
“Sorry,” he said, gasping for air. “Sorry.”
“I’m going to hit you if you don’t start talking.”
He took a few steps back, holding up his hands and grinning. “No need to get violent. I was actually coming by to…”
“To…” she prompted.
He sighed. “Hang on, I need to come up with a good lie.”
This time she did punch him, lightly, on the arm. “No lies,” she said. “You’re terrible at it anyway.”
“I know,” he said, shaking his head. “Fine. The truth. I was here to make sure you were willing to act surprised. For his sake. I knew there was no way you were so clueless to not know what he was up to, so I just wanted to make sure things went well for him.”
“Ask me what?” she asked.
“Exactly,” he said, sighing again. “I think I blew it.”
“Oh,” she said, the bottom falling out of her stomach.
Edward nodded grimly at her. “So…um…shit…”
“Yeah,” she agreed, suddenly finding it very hard to pay attention. Edward patted her shoulder and headed across the street, waving back at her. He said something, but she wasn’t sure what. Nor did she really care.
“Yeah. Shit.”
***
She wasn’t surprised when Adam asked her to dinner.
She also wasn’t surprised when he informed her that he’d reserved a table at their favorite restaurant. It was elegant and beautiful with dim lighting and candles. It was also expensive so they’d only been there twice. It had a shooting fountain out front with wooden benches and soft lighting. On one of their first dates they’d spent an entire night out there just talking on one of those benches.
“…paying any attention at all, are you?”
She came out of her daze, blinking her eyes. She was in her dorm, but not really sure how she’d gotten there. She shook her head and glanced up, noticing Sarah hovering over her. Sarah was wearing a blue blouse with her hair done up. Probably going out again.
