He doesn’t say anything. He looks at me intently, until I think I’ve said something wrong, but then his lips part.
It like he’s about to say something, and he stops himself. He must still be really upset about Bree and the maintenance man. It’s unoriginal, but still shocking. I said I would be here to talk to him, and talking things through makes almost everyone feel better. And he will for a few minutes anyway, along with the special something in this box.
“It’s been a sucky day for you. Talk to me, Landon; are you still as upset as this morning?”
“No. I was shocked and surprised, but Bree and I have been over for a while. I’m really just upset for Jackson, that he saw what he did, and that it started this whole conversation about his mother and me not being together.”
“How is he doing?”
“He says he’s fine, that he didn’t feel like talking about it anymore. His mom and I had a talk with him about us not being together anymore. He didn’t really say anything but ‘Okay.’ He showed more interest in his team’s win today. He wanted to talk about that.”
“It’s okay. He’s had a bit of a shock. He needs time to process it all and work through it in his head.”
“I know. It’s a lot for a kid in one day. Extreme highs and lows for him today. I don’t want him to shut down. We’ve always been close, and usually whatever is on his mind is out of his mouth.” He chuckles.
“I’ve noticed. That little one speaks his mind. Give him a little time and keep an eye on him. You’re a good dad. I see the relationship you have with him, and how you treat Jacob. He’ll open up to you, and if he doesn’t, you’ll know what to do ‘cause you’re his dad.”
“I hope so.” He sighs, and I tap the box in my hand.
“How’s Bree doing?” Maybe I shouldn’t ask, but she seems like a nice person. She’s a mom, like me, and ouch—tough position to be in. Almost caught in the act by your child and your separated spouse, yikes.
“Mmm.” He takes a breath. “She’s there.”
“I know that. How’s she taking this?”
“She feels horrible. Having to tell Jackson about us like this and answering his questions for her hasn’t been easy. She’s doing better than this morning, though. When I checked in on Jackson, he was helping her make dinner.”
“That’s good. Now, how about you?”
“I’m fine. I’m in the company of a beautiful woman I get the privilege of escorting home. What more could I want?” He smiles, giving me tingles I haven’t felt in God knows how long.
“There’s fine, and then there’s fine.” I open my mouth wide, a big smile spreading.
“What’s the difference?” he asks, amused.
I pick the box up, put it in the palm of my hand between us. “What’s in this box will make you fine, lose-your-mind good.”
“Oh, yeah? That good, you say?” he says with mock excitement.
“Better. Take it.” He looks at me and the box dubiously. He does not know the greatness that is in this box. “Joy and happiness is in here. All you have to do is open it.” I purse my lips, nodding, until he nods along with me.
“In this little pastry box, you say?”
“Yes, but that’s not all,” I say in my best game show host voice. I reach into my bag on the floor and whip out a serving spoon with jazz hands. “Tada! This comes with it.”
He presses his lips together, and his shoulders shake. “You make it a habit to carry abnormally large utensils?”
“Only for extreme cases of near-miss crises. Which in your case, unfortunately, wasn’t. Now be quiet and take the box and open it.”
“Okay bossy pants.” He doesn’t take it from me. Instead, he opens it, and his brows furrow. “You’re giving me pie?”
“It’s not much, but I wanted to cheer you up, and you know, when in doubt...”
“Bring pie,” he finishes with a lopsided grin.
I love that he remembered that. “It’s one of my specialty pies. Sam puts them on the menu from time to time. This one is Jacob Peekaboo Surprise.”
“I love it already. Can’t be bad, with that name. Gimme my big-ass spoon,” he says, all serious, like he’s about to judge my pie for a blue ribbon. He digs in, scooping out a hunk and bringing it to his lips. His mouth closes over it, pulling out with a smooth tug and a toe-curling moan of appreciation.
All sensible thoughts have evaporated from my brain. I’m thinking damn that’s a good pie and I made it. Hell, I wish I was the morsel of pie being licked in to his mouth, scoop by scoop. There was a time I would be able to taste that pie on his lips, and feel exactly what he’s feeling, with his moan shaking through me. Oh, damn, too much alone time with Landon isn’t good. I’m lusting after a man whose marriage is ending, and I’m supposed to be supporting him in this terrible moment. Bad, Lacey, bad.
“This is amazing. What's in this pie?”
“If I tell you I'd have to kill you. It's a secret, but maybe one day I'll tell it to you.”
“You have to taste this.” He holds the spoon out.
I laugh . “I have, and I will again, because I’m that much of a pie head.” I take the offered spoon and dig it into the pie, searching for a bigger piece. I stuff the bite in my mouth and try to chew with my mouth half-closed.
“Yep, you’re a pie head. Why a spoon?”
“Do you think I could fit all this into my mouth with a fork?” I mumble through my mouthful of food.
“Good point.” He takes the spoon back, scooping out another monster bite. Within two minutes we finish the pie, taking turns with the spoon.
He turns on the music, and I don’t know if the pie was that good, but we smile all the way to my house. He tells me funny stories about his job and Trigg’s antics. We reach the corner of my house, and I’m disappointed we’re here already. The bunny project will soon be finished. This may be the only time I have an excuse to be alone with him. I missed this easy talking and laughing, feeling good for no other reason than the person next to you. It’s been a long time—since I was with him, if I’m being honest.
In the middle of the turn to the front of my house, he stops and reverses the car, putting it in park. I look at him, brows raised, and wait. Maybe he has more to say about Bree and Jackson. Whatever it is, I’m here to listen. Our time may have come and gone, but if nothing else, I want to be friends with him. I like the way it feels when he’s around. I know that’s hard to come by. I want to keep it around as long as I can.
He looks at me and holds my hand. I squeeze, waiting patiently. His words jolt my eyes wide setting my heart beating. “I’ve missed you so damn much, Lacey. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about you. That’s a lot of fucking thinking about one person for six years.”
I’m struck dumb. “You got married; you have Jackson. Why would you?”
“Come on, Lacey. Did you think I would stop thinking about you because you weren’t near me? The feelings I had for you wouldn’t allow that. It killed me, walking away from you. I would have done anything for you, didn’t you know that?”
Damn. Damn. Damn. My eyes. I don’t want to cry. When the guy you’ve never gotten over says things like that...I’m afraid to say anything, so I stay silent, and my shoulder goes up in the safest way of explaining without words. His eyes are steady, almost piercing, as a tide of feeling I’ve learned to manage rolls back over me. I know what he did for me. He never told me—instead, he walked away.
“You walked away.”
“Lacey baby, I know what I did. I’m sorry I hurt you. You were everything to me. I wanted to save you, but I couldn’t. You don’t know what it did to me, watching you suffer. Can you tell me you’ve never thought about me? If you do, I’ll say you’re lying. This proves it.” He gently shakes my hand then holds it to his chest. “When we’re together, do you feel like you’ve melted back into time? Your feelings are there, waiting for you, as if no time has passed? You’re Lacey, and I’m Landon—you’re the greatest love of m
y life.”
Those words. When he looks at me and touches me, how can I deny it? I take the deepest breath imaginable and release six years of feelings in three words. “I feel it.”
He sighs, squeezing my hand, and places his other hand on my face. “Thank God. I thought I was insane, not being able to let this go. Not that I would want to.”
I rest my hand on his forearm, my eyes misting. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this. Let the past stay in the past. We’ve both moved on. You’re married and about to go through a divorce. Let’s not make things messier.”
“Messier? It doesn’t get messier than us. We were cheated out of everything. We were supposed to be together. We were supposed to have a life together, with kids, a house, the dog, the trees, the whole fucking deal.” His jaw clenches. “I’m not going to lie; I’m damn sure bitter about it.”
“What good is that going to do us? Life doesn’t wait for us to get ourselves together. It moves on, as it did with you and Bree.” There’s a sting of pain in that. He moved on, but I couldn’t. I’m not mad. I just wish I was the one he moved on with.
“Lace.” He shakes his head. “Our lives took a sharp, painful detour in different directions. There is no way on God’s green earth it’s a coincidence that after so many years with no contact, our sons—sons—end up in the same class, inseparable friends.”
A freaking amazing, life-altering coincidence? The best and worst.
“Say it’s a coincidence. I’ll turn the corner, drop you off at your house, open the door for you, wish you good night, and watch you close the door. I won’t bring it up again. I’ll go on living my life, going through the motions.” He bends his head, bringing us eye to eye. “Lace, do you believe it’s a coincidence we’ve been thrown back in each other’s lives, after everything and the feelings we had for each other remain, unchanged in time? I’ll honor whatever you say.”
I know he will. I’m not sure, but I’m not ready to lock away what this is. “It’s not a coincidence.”
“Good, because I want to get to know you all over again.” His dark eyes take on an intense glow, utterly focused on me, sincere and warm. “I know the girl. I want to know the woman. And her child.”
A tear slips out, and he wipes it away. I lean into his touch. “Yes.
“Yes?” His lips part in an uncertain smile.
“Yes, but what am I saying yes to? You’re still married.”
“On everything I am, I promise that Bree and I have been long over, way before you came back into my life. We haven’t been together physically for a year. We told Jackson today we were going our separate ways. I’m not pushing. I just want to get to know you; we’ll take it as slow as you want. Go out with me?”
“Our idea of slow is different,” I smile. “What would be fast?”
“You saying yes again.”
I want to play it safe. That’s what I do. I don’t take risks. I stick to the same routine, day in and day out. And what have I got to show for it? A safe life and a lot of loneliness, afraid of what people might see and find, and most of all, their judgment. All things out of my control.
I’ve been protecting Jacob and me for so long from that judgment that I didn’t notice how many of the little joys in life I was letting slip away. Like the joy of hanging out with an old friend and sharing memories, and laughing at those pure memories, which make us feel good. In the short time Landon has been back, I’ve laughed more than I can remember in a long time. It feels good. I see a change in Jacob; he was happy enough before, but now, with Jackson and Landon around, he’s learning to be more confident and less shy. They’re a good influence on him.
Shay would kill me if I admitted this out loud, but they give him something that we as McQueen women can’t. I guess every little boy needs that father figure to look up to. Who better than Landon? He’s a good man.
“Yes, I’ll go out with you. I don’t want to complicate things on your end, so I’ll go out with you as a friend.”
“Good. We’ll go out on a friendly dinner date, and I’ll pick you up.” He smiles, his thumb brushing across my cheek, my hand rubbing his arm. Just sitting, eyes focused on each other, pitched back in time when it was all so innocent and right. Nothing and no one could break our connection.
I remember those feelings of love and need. Of wanting him and only him so badly that every time I was with him, all I had to do was look at him, and he would reach out and touch me like this. One exquisite kiss, and I was his. One kiss. The only ones I’ve ever wanted. The one I want now, but I’m too afraid to ask for.
“Landon—” I don’t finish that sentence, because he gives me what I can’t ask for but I need, and my heart soars.
His thumb brushes across the center of my lips, gently stroking as he leans in with our hands locked against his heart. I willing open for him, and the sweet taste of him hits me at the first wet slide of his tongue over mine, sending a warming tingle of heat to all my senses.
I lean into the kiss, his hands framing my face, and my fingers slide over his shoulders, savoring every bit of this closeness, until I’m startled by a sound that I scarcely remember: my own rumbling moan. God. Too soon he pulls away, and he rests his forehead against mine.
“Is that okay?” he sweetly asks through a shaky breath, worry lacing his tone.
I laugh. “It was more than okay.” My memory didn’t hold up to what it was. It was better than it ever was.
“I know.” He gently rubs his forehead against mine. “This deserves to be asked in the proper way, with your full permission and consent.” He takes a deep breath, making me tense at that one word, consent. I swallow, waiting for his next words. “Will you please go out on a date with me and—for God’s sake don’t say no—can I kiss you again?”
A wide smile spreads across my face as I give the only answer I could have. “Don’t ask. You have my full permission to just do.”
And oh God, he does.
Are you sure about this, Lace?”
“I don’t need to be sure about anything. We’re friends, going to eat dinner together.”
“You’re obviously out of practice—that’s called a date,” Shay says.
Ignoring her, I keep applying my makeup. “A date is just eating and talking.”
She snorts. “For some. Not for you and Landon.” She crosses her arms, leaning back against the bathroom sink in front of the mirror I’m using, thoroughly annoying me, making me nervous when I wasn’t before.
“Shay, please go away. You’re making me twitchy. Why can’t you do like Mom? Go upstairs with her and Jacob. When I leave, you can take him home with you, until mom picks him up in the morning from your place.”
“Speaking of, why isn’t she down here? Why am I the only voice of reason? This is her job. She’s the mom. You know things are bad when I’m the one who has to talk sense into you.”
“I know you’re not on board with us hanging out, but you’re being ridiculous. It’s just dinner.”
“It’s just dinner before you leave. He’s Landon.” She emphasizes his name like it has magical powers.
“I know who he is. I’m Lacey, in case you didn’t know. Nice to meet you, Shay.” I make light of her ridiculousness. I turn around to face her after fixing my lipstick.
“I’m worried about you. You guys have so much history. It’s painful. Do you want to dredge it all up? You’re fragile. And what about Jacob?”
Okay, I’ve had enough of this. I know she’s worried about me, but she’s making me feel like a girl, and one not capable of making her own decisions. This is the problem— sometimes she doesn’t see how far I’ve come, how much I’ve overcome, to be able to stand in front of her getting ready to go out on a date. Three years ago, I wouldn’t have been capable of attempting to face him. Not now. I’m stronger. The fact that Mom’s not down here to talk me out of this is proof. But Shay can’t see that.
“Shay, I’m respectfully asking you to butt out.” Her face drops, and her eyes op
en wider, which has me softening my tone to take the bite out of my words. “I know you care about me. I know you’re looking out for me because you don’t want me hurt, or Jacob. At some point, you’re going to half to loosen your hold and realize I’m not the same girl from six years ago. I’m stronger. It’s mostly because of you. And Mom. And me. I learned how to stand on my own and reclaim my life.”
She grabs my hand, pulling me into her arms for a hug I wholeheartedly return. “You’re my sister. I love you. I haven’t always been the best sister, but I’m trying,” she says in a sullen voice.
She’s always too hard on herself. She doesn’t realize how great she is. She’s been everything to me and Jacob. God, I wouldn’t have survived without her by my side. She was my touchstone, keeping me grounded amidst the turmoil. She was my shoulder to cry on when I needed it.
I hold her face in my hands. “You’re the best sister a girl could have, and the only one I want.” My voice slightly wavers, telling her the absolute truth. “Don’t you forget that. You helped save us, Jacob and me. You listened and stood up for us, when I couldn’t do it. I’m forever grateful for it and the way you love us.”
“You’re exaggerating now—that was all you and your strength.” She tries to laugh it off, turning the moment light, moving my hands away.
I don’t let her, though. “Thank you, Shay. But it’s time to let go, some.”
“You and Jacob—”
“I’m good. Jacob is great. He really likes Landon.”
“I noticed. But how does Landon feel about your son?”
“He cares about Jacob. He knows we come together. Jacob is the number one priority in my life. Always. If I even thought Landon had uncertain feelings toward him, I wouldn’t allow him into our lives for even a moment.”
“I know. I’m sorry I’m being unsupportive and negative. You have come a long way.” She sighs. “Be careful.”
“I will.” I smile at her, grateful for the acceptance and reluctant approval. “How do I look?”
Cry For You_A Second Chance Romance Page 13
