by Téa Cooper
‘Tiddalik. I’d forgotten all about that cave. Good job the girls hadn’t.’
‘Good job that girl of yours had drummed some sense back into their heads. Otherwise, the ending wouldn’t be so happy.’
That girl of yours.
He liked the sound of it. Warmth flooded through him, and he smiled widely for the first time in days.
The black stockman looked him straight in the eye, ‘Yeah, well you make sure you don’t stuff it up this time.’ He turned to leave.
‘Cup of tea, Jem?’
‘Thought you’d never ask.’ He sat down at the kitchen table. ‘You want to get to Bonnie’s quick smart and tell Matilda what a fool you’ve been before it’s too late.’
Kit was at a loss. Apparently everyone—with the exception of Christopher Matcham—had known the exact state of his relationship and how stupid he had been.
‘I’ll take this tea up to mother, tell her the good news, and then get over to Bonnie’s.’ He grabbed the tray and headed for the door.
‘Might be a good idea if you took some sugar. And don’t forget your pinny.’ Jem’s laconic laugh echoed around the kitchen. Kit threw a look that was supposed to convey something rude, but it was soon lost to an uncontrollable grin.
Patience is the bane of my life.
Sitting astride his horse, he followed Jem’s broad back across the billabong. How the man had managed to find the path without even getting off his horse, Kit had no idea.
‘What’s the road like, Jem?
‘Pretty clear so sit tight. Won’t be long now.’
Inevitably, it was far longer than Jem had promised, but eventually they found themselves skirting the Mill Pond and making their way towards Bonnie’s house. The girls and Bonnie were standing on the veranda, waving wildly and looking none the worse for their adventure. Search as he might, however, he could see no sign of Matilda.
‘Are you sure Matilda’s there, Jem?’
‘She’s there. Leastways, she was when I last saw her.’
That would have to suffice until they reached the house. He could hardly wait to see the look on her face when he told her of his decision. They had a shared past and that boded well for the future. He would ask her to marry him, and she would be thrilled. He would take care of her now. All her problems would be solved, and she would have no further need to worry about her family property. Kit would send Jem and some of his mates up there, and they would knock the place into shape in no time.
And how thrilled would the girls be at the prospect of a wedding? He looked over the hill at the newly finished roof of St John’s church. They’d get married there—a Wollombi wedding. It would be held in the newly completed Anglican Church at Christmas. They’d invite everyone and then have a huge gathering at The Gate. The Bainbridges would come, as would Bonnie and Will, and John Portus and his sons, and also the other wine growers in the area. Maybe he’d even invite the Ramsbottoms.
He reined in his horse and jumped down. Hannah and Beth chatted excitedly, both vying for his attention and keen to tell him of their adventure.
‘Bonnie, I have to thank you so much for caring for the girls and Matilda. We owe you so much. Mother was thoroughly relieved to hear you were all safe and sound.’ He looked over her shoulder and along the veranda, searching for a glimpse of his love.
‘She’s here and quite safe, Mr Christopher, but she wants to talk to you alone once you’ve seen the girls.’ The last piece of tension in him slipped away as he imagined talking to her alone and holding her in his arms again. Impatient, he listened to the girls’ tale of their adventure up to the cave and how happy they had been that they had known where to go to stay safe and dry. Then they explained how Matilda and Jem had found them after they’d taken care of their horses and lit a fire.
‘Well, I’m glad to see you both safe. If you will excuse me girls, I would like to see Matilda.’
Kit looked quickly at Bonnie. ‘She’s inside. We’ll wait out here.’ There was something in the tone of her voice that made his skin prickle, but he wasn’t sure exactly what. Extricating himself carefully from Beth’s tight grip, he walked through the door and into the little house.
She stood next to the fire, looking pale and dishevelled.
‘Matilda! Thank God you are safe. I was so worried.’
‘What are you doing here?’ The aggression in her voice startled him.
‘I came to get you and the girls, and take you back to The Gate. Mother was beside herself with worry and can’t wait to see you all. The route around the billabong is clear now, so we can all go home. I have so much to tell you, and so does Mother. ‘
‘Home?’
It was only then that he remembered—she had believed he was on his way to Sydney. She’d had no knowledge of his return and was unaware that he had turned back for her.
‘I got back last night.’
‘Back from Sydney?’
He laughed then, wanting only to share his happiness with her and enfold her in his arms. Taking a step forward, he reached for her hands. She was looking up at him, her eyes a clear crystal blue that were fringed by thick golden lashes.
And then she stepped back.
Kit dropped his hands. He tried to summon the words to explain what had happened to him, as well as put her at her ease, but couldn’t. He couldn’t think straight when she was looking at him like that—like he was some bunyip that had come up from the billabong.
Dropping his gaze from her face, he stepped further away. He found himself staring at her long strong legs. They were encased in those divine breeches and highlighted every muscle, every sumptuous curve.
He cleared his throat and dragged his gaze back to her face. ‘No, I didn’t make it as far as Sydney; in fact, I only got as far as Horseshoe Creek before I realised the error of my ways.’
‘The error of your ways?’ Matilda was beginning to sound like a parrot.
To hell with it.
‘Matilda. I came back because I knew that it would be wrong for me to marry Eliza when it is you I want. I can take care of you, look after you, and provide you with funds so you will never need to worry about your financial position again. You can live the life you deserve here at The Gate—with me, the girls … and Mother. She has so much to tell you. I have so much to tell you—’
It was her hands reaching for her hips and the tilt of her head that alerted him. Something flashed in her eyes.
She took a step closer.
‘Mr Christopher … Kit.’ Her voice carried an icy calm. ‘I am quite capable of taking care of myself. I have no desire to live at The Gate with you, your sisters or your mother in any capacity, and I certainly have no need of your support, either financially or … in any other way.’ A pink blush tinted her cheeks at that last phrase, and he knew in an instant what she was remembering. ‘As I said then, and I say again—please leave! Take the girls back home to their mother. You have no need of me, so I intend to move on and will be leaving for Sydney as soon as the weather lifts.’
He stared at her, speechless. The silence that hung between them was long and awkward, but then the door flew open.
‘Kit! Can we go home now? Jem says we can get across at the billabong and I want to see—’ Beth froze in the centre of the room, suddenly aware of the crippling tension.
Bonnie called to her from the doorway. ‘Beth, come outside again. Mr Christopher will be ready soon enough but only once he has spoken to Matilda.’
‘It’s alright, Bonnie. I’m ready to leave now. Girls, I shall be there in one moment.’
The door closed quietly behind them, and Kit turned back to Matilda.
‘I know I have made an absolute mess of this, and—believe me—I would like us to discuss it, but obviously now is not the time. I shall return to The Gate with the girls, and if you can see fit to talk with me before you leave for Sydney, I would appreciate it. There is so much we need to speak about, so much we can do to heal the rift between us.’
And with that, Kit t
urned on his heel and returned to his responsibilities. He wanted nothing more than to scoop her into his arms and carry her away with him.
But it was not to be.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Matilda’s hand came down on the tabletop with a resounding crash. It was followed hotly by the clink and clatter of china as the cups and saucers on the table rattled against each other. Determined not to follow him through the door, she sank slowly back into the chair.
She knew full well that by tomorrow he would have remembered all the reasons she couldn’t return to the Gate. That would save her from having to explain to him face-to-face why she could never be his mistress. It had nothing to do with money, and everything to do with pride and selfishness.
After a few moments, Bonnie appeared by her side. She dropped her arm across Matilda’s shoulder, and the sympathetic touch of another human being proved to be her undoing. Tears swelled in her eyes and slowly trickled down her cheeks.
‘I’m sorry. I can’t help it,’ she sniffed.
‘You love him.’
Matilda took a sodden gulp and nodded. ‘I told you—more than life itself. But I cannot and will not be second best.’
‘You have no need to be. He has returned from Sydney without Eliza. The man is crazy for you.’
Tears threatened, but again she brushed them aside. Even if Kit had returned without Eliza, her secret, their secret, was suddenly too big for her to keep to herself any longer. ‘It is not that the man is crazy for me, but that I am crazy for him.’ As an afterthought, she added, ‘I made such a mistake. I did something so foolish and so selfish, and now I have ruined everything.’
‘I don’t believe there is anything you could have done that would have ruined everything.’
‘But, Bonnie, there is. When Kit told me he was leaving for Sydney, I was heart-broken. I knew all along that he could never marry me, but somewhere deep in my soul, I had fanned a little flame of hope. He would change his mind and we would be married. But Mrs Barclay is right—I have ideas above my station. A man like Kit could never marry a person like me, could never be with convict spawn.’ Matilda spat the words with every piece of anger and torment she could muster. ‘And I hate him for it. Not because he has rejected me, but because he makes me question my heritage and my past and, sadly, makes me wish for something different. He is destroying my belief in my parents and their dreams. He is destroying my own dreams and my sense of myself. I feel like a cow at a cattle sale. I was brought up to believe in myself, to believe in my ability to overcome all odds, and he has proved me wrong. And then I made everything worse.’
She lowered her voice and tried to ignore the heat filling her body. She was still so ashamed of what she had done.
‘Bonnie, I threw myself at him. Since I was leaving, I decided that I would take one thing with me. That something would be mine forever, something no one could ever take. When Kit came to me, our night together was better than I ever dreamed possible. I thought he felt the same way, but I was wrong. It was then that he asked me to be his mistress. Not his wife, because I am not good enough—his mistress. I can’t do that. I can’t be that person. I can’t sit by and watch the man I love with another woman. I would wait for a stolen moment with him, knowing that I am taking something that belongs to someone else and is not mine to cherish.’
Drained by her impassioned outburst, she lifted her head and stared at Bonnie. She expected to see outrage, disgust or even horror on Bonnie’s face, but instead the imperturbable woman patted her cheek and gently led her back to her chair.
‘Did you tell him about the letter from Richard Bainbridge?’
‘The letter? No, of course not. Why would I do that?’ Matilda shrugged her shoulders, her mind still fixed on Kit and the love she had lost.
‘Perhaps that would make a difference.’
‘How could it make a difference? What would he say? Oh, now she has a dowry and an inheritance, she is good enough to be my wife? That would make me feel as though I had ensnared him. I accused him of marrying Eliza for money. I told him he wasn’t the man I thought he was, that he was better than that, and now it has all come back to bite me. I am such a fool, such a stupid, stupid fool.’
‘But if he doesn’t know about it and you haven’t spoken to him about it, how can it affect his decision?’
‘Bonnie, I would know, and I would always wonder if I was truly good enough.’
‘Believe me, you are good enough, Matilda. You are good enough to be with the man you love and the man who loves you.’
‘You don’t know that and neither do I.’
‘For what it is worth, I think you have to ask him that question.’
‘I can’t, Bonnie. If it wasn’t for this wretched flood, I would leave today.’
‘Well, you can’t do that, so you will have to bide your time and think on it a little longer. Sometimes it is best not to make decisions in haste.’
‘And repent at leisure …’ She gave Bonnie a watery smile.
It all seemed like a lifetime ago. Had she really been so naive as to believe that the handsome man sitting across from her at the Bainbridge’s—with a flick of his oh, so elegant wrist—would be able to whisk away all her problems? She should have seen it for the coincidence it truly was.
Kit had offered a solution to her dilemma, and she had foolishly accepted it, hoping it might lead further. It was not his fault she had fallen in love with him. It was not his fault she harboured foolish, unrealistic dreams about love and marriage.
She thought about the kind of love and marriage her parents had enjoyed. Their love had been strong enough to withstand the ravages of separation and distance, the trials and tribulations of a new start, and the eking out a living in a barren land. They had pride, a belief in themselves, and—above all—love. That was a heritage that she had abused.
Matilda twisted the velvet ribbon that hung around her neck, wrenched it free and flung the love token across the floor. None of this was Kit’s fault. He hadn’t led her on. He hadn’t given her unrealistic expectations. No, it was a rather strange and puzzling attraction they had for each other that had drawn her to him in like a moth to a flame.
Bonnie walked across the room and picked up the copper disc, turning it over and over in her work-worn fingers. ‘I think you need to have a little more faith in yourself and the power of love.’
‘I have no faith in the power of love. I have thrown away any right to love.’
She had thrown herself into Kit’s arms in the same way her father had thrown himself into the path of the fire, in a vain attempt to save the property he had worked so hard for—and what had she done? She’d thrown herself into the arms of a man to save the very same property her father had died for.
It was a nasty and vicious circle, and she intended to break it.
‘Rain or no rain, I really need to leave. The thought of Kit coming back here and me having to go through this all over again is more than I can bear. Are you absolutely certain there is no way out of the valley?’
‘There isn’t. We’re all locked in until these waters drop. There’s no safe path over the hills, and the three creeks have form a barrier. Wollombi isn’t called “meeting place of the waters” for nothing.’
‘Can’t I go back up to the cave and then cut over the top? From there I can drop down onto the Great North Road and go through to St Albans.’
‘Even if you could do that, it’s out of the question. You’d never get across the common, and the Hawkesbury River will be flooding after all this rain. I wouldn’t recommend anyone try swimming that. I’ve done it once, and once was enough. We were lucky to get away with it.’
‘I’ve got to go. I can’t sit around here doing nothing.’ Matilda paced backwards and forwards like a caged dingo. Her outburst had stripped her of all emotion, and she needed physical activity.
‘I am going to walk down to the town,’ Bonnie said, ‘to see what is happening and to find out how everyone has fared
. Hopefully, I can help. Would you like to come with me?’
‘No, Bonnie. Thank you, but if you don’t mind I would like stay here. I have a lot of thinking to do.’
Matilda would consider the situation, but she had no chance of coming to any rational conclusion. Not with the memory of Kit standing in front of her, in this very room, uppermost in her mind. She had to get away.
Kit sat astride his horse and watched the girls as they followed Jem to the edge of the billabong. He knew he ought to escort them back to the house, but he trusted Jem and he could not leave the situation with Matilda in such an unsatisfactory fashion. He had to go back and speak with her, away from the prying eyes and ears of the rest of the world.
How their conversation had gone so very wrong, he didn’t know. Everyone else recognised that he was in love with her, so why didn’t she?
Sidestepping the potholes, he wheeled his horse around. Kit no longer railed against the floodwater—it was now his ally. As long as the roads stayed blocked, Matilda would not be able to leave.
‘Jem, take the girls back to the house. I am returning to Bonnie’s to talk to Matilda. I can’t leave things between us like this.
‘No point in goin’ back, boss. She’s not there.’
His stomach sank. How could she have left? There was no way out.
Jem’s pointed finger indicated the top of the ridge. Kit squinted and stared up at the tree line. High on the ridge, he caught a flash of white between the trees.
‘She’s goin’ up to Tiddalik by the look of things.’
Pushing his hat back off his head, Kit gazed up at the hill and followed the glimpses of her white shirt as she wove through the trees. Why in heaven’s name would she be going up there?
‘Better get yourself up there if you wanna talk to her.’
‘I want to talk to her, but it looks she doesn’t want to talk to me—or anyone else for that matter. I told her I would be back at Bonnie’s as soon as I had the girls safely home.’
‘You get yourself up there and stop all this muckin’ around.’ As he spoke, Jem slid off his horse. ‘Take my horse and the saddlebags. That way you got some supplies and some light if you spend the night up there.’ The disappearance of the Aborigine’s eyebrow beneath the brim of his hat was the only sign that he offered anything other than sound advice. Kit took that offer as it was intended.
