“What if I’m not ready to be anyone’s exception?” I asked on a whisper. Most women in my shoes would’ve been giddy with excitement at having landed a man like Micah. But after everything that happened with Alex, I had a built-in defense mechanism that wouldn’t let me spiral too far into hope like that. I had to remain realistic.
“Mac, my marriage only just ended. A few months ago, I was with the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I spent years thinking Alex was the love of my life. I’m barely over the shockwaves of my whole life crashing down around my feet, then bam! I meet this guy, like a minute after my world implodes, and the connection to him is so intense it scares the living hell out of me. What will people think if I jump headfirst into something else that fast?”
“Who gives a shit what anyone else thinks?” she exclaimed passionately. “Babe, I hate to break it to you, but your friends back in the city were a bunch of stuck-up assholes, and from what you’ve told me, your snobby-ass family isn’t much better. The people who truly care about you just want you to be happy, however that comes about. Let those dickheads from your previous life stand in their glass houses throwing stones. You be happy and leave them to their miserable existences. Karma comes around for people like that in her own time. Trust me.”
The knot of tension that had begun to form in my shoulders slowly started to loosen. But I wasn’t quite ready to throw in the towel just yet. “It’s not only me I have to take into consideration, Mac. I’ve got a little girl who has to live with the consequences of every decision I make.”
Her head jerked back and her brows furrowed incredulously. “You act as if you’ve made one bad decision after another. You haven’t done anything wrong, Hay. Your marriage ended because of him, not you. Stop shouldering the blame for that. You’re a fantastic mother. And as far as I can see, you can do no wrong in that little girl’s eyes. She sees your strength and resilience, and she’s wild and crazy and jumps head first into every single day because she knows without a shadow of a doubt, that her mom’ll be right there to catch her if needed.”
Leaning forward, she placed her hand on top of mine and gave it a squeeze. “I know you got knocked down in a really big way, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay down. And if you’re waiting for the ‘right time’ to put yourself out there, I’m telling you now, there’s no such thing. So if Micah makes you feel good, I say go for it.”
Flipping my hand over, I wrapped my fingers around hers and held tight. “You’re really smart. You know that?”
She shrugged, the apples of her cheeks growing pink at my compliment. “I’ve been where you are. I’d been knocked down so much I did like you and pushed a good man away when all he was trying to do was help me get back up again.”
My heart clenched at the thought of this magnificent woman hurting in any way. “So what did you do?”
“Well, it took me a while, but I finally pulled my head out of my ass and saw what was standing right in front of me.” She smiled so big and bright it lit up her entire face. “Then I dragged him down the aisle and made that shit official so he could never get away.”
At that, I threw my head back on a deep laugh. I’d seen her with Bruce on multiple occasions now, and every single time, he looked at his wife like she was the very thing that gave him a reason to get out of bed each day and keep breathing. She didn’t need to drag him anywhere. He probably charged down that aisle himself, body-checking anything that stood in his way.
“You know, I didn’t know what it meant to have real girlfriends until I met you guys,” I informed her once my laughter had tapered off. “I’m so glad I met you, Mac.”
She fell into me, wrapping her arms and my shoulders and giving me a big hug. “Feeling’s mutual, babe.”
“But I’m still not sure I’m willing to attempt a second pole lesson.”
Chapter Nineteen
Hayden
I pulled into the driveway and came to a stop, tipping my head to the side in confusion. For some reason, Micah’s truck was backed into my drive instead of parked in his.
It was the Thursday after the cookout, and with Micah working odd hours because of a case he was on and me having Ivy and working at the shop, it had been two days since we’d seen each other, and before that, it had only been in passing. There were a lot of texts, and some pretty hot late-night phone calls, but the relief I’d gotten the weekend before was starting to wear off. Tension had returned to my limbs, and the more time that passed without us physically connecting, the more agitated I became.
Killing the ignition, I climbed out of my car and started toward the front door. “I’m home,” I called as I stepped inside. I hung my purse on one of the hooks on the wall by the front door and unwound the thin scarf from around my neck before doing the same with it.
I expected Ivy to come barreling out from wherever she was to give me one of her signature big, body-rocking hug, but I got nothing. “Hello? Where is everybody?”
Sylvia’s head popped out of the kitchen. “Hey, lovely. Good day?”
I’d run the shop by myself because Ivy’s daycare was closed for the day, so my aunt had offered to stay home to watch her for me, claiming I needed to get used to running things without her there. I knew my aunt, and she had no intention of stepping away from Divine Flora, at least not fully. She was too active, and a full retirement would have driven her insane, but it was her attempt at giving me something of my own, and I appreciated the gesture enough not to call her out on it.
“It was good,” I answered as I entered the kitchen. “Busy, but good. People are starting to decorate for fall, so we sold out of all the themed arrangements.”
Sylvia was standing at the stove, browning meat in a skillet, as she said, “That’s great, dearie. Now’s about the time to make the shift fully into the new season, anyway.”
“Smells good in here,” I said, peering over her shoulder “What are you making?”
“Tacos. They’ll be ready soon.”
I looked around the kitchen, listening for the sounds of my rambunctious girl getting into something, but except for the sizzle of the meat, all was quiet. “Where’s Ivy? And why’s Micah’s truck in the driveway?”
At my question, Sylvia peeked back at me, her eyes dancing excitedly. “Take a look in the backyard.”
I turned my head to catch a glimpse out the back window, and what I saw made my feet started moving instantly.
Hugging my cardigan tighter to me, I exited through the back door and started down the garden path to the big stretch of yard behind it.
Ivy was out there, skipping and spinning around a massive pile of lumber like a little forest sprite. From the corner of my eye, I caught movement and turned to see Micah coming through the side gate carrying a stack of two-by-fours on his wide shoulder. My lungs nearly deflated at the sight of his thick biceps and roped forearms straining under the weight of the lumber.
“What--what’s going on?” I asked once I was finally able to breathe properly.
“Mommy!” Ivy stopped dancing and came running up to me, plowing into my legs. “Look at all of dis!” she practically yelled with excitement as she faced the pile and threw her arms wide.
“I see it, love bug. But what is it?”
Micah tossed the boards onto the pile and shifted direction, heading straight for me as he pulled a pair of worn work gloves from his hands and stuffed them into the back pocket of his jeans. It was the simplest of actions, but for some reason, I found the whole thing so rugged and manly a flood of arousal dampened my panties.
“Hey, Red,” he said casually as he reached out and hooked me around my waist. He pulled me into him, chest to chest, and planted a hard, quick kiss on my lips with such ease it was like he’d made this move every day for years. “You have a good day?”
“Y-yeah,” I answered dazedly. “Um, what’s going on?”
“Mike’s buildin’ me a treehouse!”
My head whipped back around to Mica
h—who was still holding me against him. “You’re building—that’s not—huh?”
“A treehouse,” he repeated. “She asked me last weekend, but I didn’t have a chance to get to the home improvement store until today.”
“Did she use The Look again?” I asked, ready to turn and lecture my daughter when Micah spoke again. And what he said left me speechless.
“No, she didn’t con me this time. She just asked. I remembered that my little sister and I had a treehouse growin’ up, and we loved that thing. Used to spend hours in there. I wanted to give Monster a little bit of that.”
“You—” I gaped at him, blinking slowly. “She just asked?”
“Yeah.”
“And you said yes? Just like that.”
“Well, not just like that.” He tilted his head down and gave my girl a very serious, very stern look. “And she had to make me a promise. Right, kid?”
She nodded enthusiastically. “Yuh-huh. I had to promise to never, ever kiss another boy for my whole life!”
I let out a giggle before getting serious. “Wow, Micah. This is just . . . This is really incredible.
His arm squeezed, giving me a little shake as those leafy green eyes began to smile. “It’s not a big deal.”
On that, he was very wrong. This was a big deal. Maybe not to him, but to Ivy and me it was everything. This and how he acted last weekend when he turned all Papa Bear. That he didn’t seem to notice, that he wasn’t just doing something for my girl in order to win brownie points, was a massive blow to any defense mechanisms I’d put in place.
The warmth overtaking me melted the rigidity in my muscles, and I slowly sank deeper into him. I lifted my hands and placed them on his chest, lowering my voice to a whisper as I said, “Thank you, honey. This is incredible.”
His expression changed, his features growing tender as his gaze heated. “I see you like that,” he rumbled softly.
“Very much.”
“Good. Then gimme a kiss so I can get back to work.”
Lifting up on my toes, I did just that. Mindful that my daughter was still standing right there, I didn’t take it too far, but I wasn’t exactly in a hurry to end it either.
Finally, I pulled away, giving him a smile I hoped reflected my appreciation.
He leaned in for one last peck before letting me go and moving toward Ivy, giving her hair a ruffle. “Come on, Monster. Let’s get started.”
My baby girl let out an enthusiastic whoop as she ran to keep up with Micah’s long strides, and I headed back inside the house.
Silvia was standing at the counter in front of the window when I reentered the kitchen. She looked up from the cutting board where she was dicing tomatoes, her sharp-witted gaze pinning me in place, and I knew I was about to be hit with her wisdom.
“There are men in this world too ignorant to appreciate when they’re holdin’ somethin’ beautiful in the palm of their hands, so instead of takin’ care of it so it blooms to its full potential, they neglect it, letting it wilt to nothing. Then there are men who know exactly what they’ve got, and they use all the breath in their body cultivating and caring for it so each day it’s more beautiful than the one before, even if they don’t realize they’re doin’ it. Alex was an ignorant ass. But that man out there, he knows what he’s holding in his hands, my precious girl. Don’t let fear hold you back from getting what you deserve.”
Moving across the kitchen, I came up behind my aunt and placed my hands on her shoulders before bending to press a kiss against the papery skin of her cheek. “I love you, Sylvia. You know that?”
She reached up and gave one of my hands a pat. “Of course I know. And I love you too. Now go start fryin’ up some shells so we can eat.”
On a laugh, I let her go and moved to the stove. Then I started frying up shells just like she’d ordered.
* * *
It was hours later . . . after a dinner with the four of us where, between Micah and Ivy, I’d laughed until the muscles in my stomach ached . . . after Micah called it a night with a scorching kiss that left me starving for more and went back to his house . . . after Sylvia had gone back to the carriage house and Ivy had fallen fast asleep in her bed.
I hadn’t been able to turn my brain off to find sleep for myself. Instead of tossing and turning, I’d slipped a long cardigan on over my nightgown, put on a pair of thick, fuzzy socks, and with one of the soft, fluffy afghans Sylvia had knitted years ago draped over my shoulders, I headed out to the back garden.
Silva had put a loveseat out here years ago that I’d always favored, the cushions were faded from sun and age, but they were so fluffy you felt like you were sitting on a cloud. I headed right for it, curling up and laying my head back to stare up at the sky. The moon was full and bright, and millions of stars speckling the inky black. It was the kind of sight that took a person’s breath away. Sheer beauty, and it was available to me, right here in my own backyard.
I wasn’t sure how long I’d been out there when the crunch of footsteps let me know I was no longer alone. Tilting my head, I was able to make out Micah’s tall, solid frame from the bulb illuminating the back porch as he headed my way. The short gate let out a creak as he opened it and stepped into the yard.
“Hey,” I said softly, not wanting my voice to pierce the peaceful silence. “What are you doing out here?”
“Could ask you the same.” He wound his way easily through the paths like he’d walked them so many times they were committed to memory. “It’s the middle of the night. What’re you doin’ out here in the cold all by yourself?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” I answered as he sat down on the loveseat beside me. He reached across the cushions and plucked me up like I weighed next to nothing, pulling me over to him so we were snuggled together. I adjusted the blanket so it covered both of us as he settled us in and wrapped me up in his arms. “What’s your reason?”
“Sleep comes and goes for me. Always has. Got up to take a piss and saw my woman sitting all alone in the dark through my window.”
I let out a little snort before giggling and burrowing against him. “Your woman, huh?” There was a tiny voice in the back of my head, warning me that I shouldn’t like that, but I ignored her. Sylvia and McKenna were right. I deserved some happiness.
“Yep. Got a problem with that?”
I scrunched my lips to the side, pretending like I was giving that some serious thought before replying, “Nope. I’m actually really okay with it.”
That seemed to surprise him. He tilted his face down to mine, the thick slashes of his brows lifting on his forehead. “Yeah?”
“Mmmhmm.”
He didn’t look convinced. “So you’re not gonna keep arguing with me about bein’ in a relationship?” he asked skeptically. “I’m not gonna have to kiss you or fuck you into agreement?”
I tipped my face up, smirking seductively as I gave him a wink and replied, “Oh, you’ll still have to kiss me and fuck me plenty. Just not to get me to agree that we’re in a relationship.”
His hands roamed under the blanket, the pads of his fingers finding my ribs and digging in to tickle me. I jerked against him, begging him to stop as tears of laughter started spilling from my eyes.
I collapsed against him, out of breath and still giggling when he finally stopped and curled me back into his warm body. “So why the change of heart?”
“Well, first, how upset would Ivy be if she found out I dumped her best friend in the whole world?”
“Valid point,” he said, humor dripping from his words. “She’d take it hard. We’re basically each other’s favorite people.”
Man, that was nice to hear.
I stopped teasing and shrugged, trying to play it cool as I gave him the real answer. “I like you,” I answered simply. “And I’m discovering there’s a whole lot to like. But mostly, it’s because I like being with you. I like how you make me feel and who I am when I’m with you. And that’s important to me; I haven’t felt that in a reall
y long time.”
His words were laced with concern and genuine curiosity as he asked, “You didn’t like yourself when you were with him?”
I inhaled deeply. “It was more like I didn’t actually know myself when I was with him. I became someone else when we were together. It started off so small that I barely noticed it was happening. He’d make a comment about my hair or an outfit I was wearing, and I wouldn’t think anything of changing it. Before I knew it, I was a completely different woman. Everything I did or said centered around making him happy, but I’d packaged it so I could convince myself and everyone else it wasn’t just for him, it was for us, for our life and our family.
“I lost who I was, but then I had Ivy, and I started to gain some of the old Hayden back. That woman who’d been fierce and opinionated. I think motherhood does that to a woman. In order to protect my daughter, I needed a bit of that old fire, and Alex didn’t like that. Our life no longer centered around him. I didn’t do what he wanted at the drop of a hat, without question, so we started to fight more and more. I thought it was a hurdle, and that we’d eventually get past it.” I let out a sigh and shrugged against his chest. “I was wrong.”
His arm tightened around me as he grunted, “Fuckin’ idiot.”
Lifting my head off his shoulder, I looked up at him with my brows drawn down. “Huh?”
“Him, Red. He’s a fuckin’ idiot. That fierceness you mentioned . . . Christ, it’s one of the sexiest things about you, baby.” One corner of his mouth hooked up as he added, “Even when you’re bein’ a stubborn pain in my ass. That first night we met, I liked that you spoke your mind. And after, I liked that you didn’t take any of my shit when we fought, that you threw attitude, giving back as good as you got. All of that’s what drew me to you in the first place, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”
Warmth hit my chest again, spidering out until it entered my bloodstream and coursed through my body. “Really?”
Love to Hate You: a Hope Valley novel Page 15
