“That’s not an answer!” I cried in frustration. “That’s an avoidance tactic. Stop dancing around my question and answer me. Why can Dani know what’s going on, but I can’t?”
“Because she’s engaged to Leo!” he barked, throwing his hands up and raking his fingers through his hair. “They’re getting married and we’re just—”
He stopped himself from finishing that sentence, his eyes going wide like he only just realized how bad what he’d said sounded. But it was too late. I didn’t need him to finish his sentence in order to feel gutted by it.
“And we’re just fucking,” I finished for him, my words coming out hollow.
“That came out wrong,” he grated. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I’m not really sure how many other ways there are to take that,” I said snidely. “I mean, it’s pretty clear. Leo and Dani are getting married, so he trusts her with the big, important things like that. She’s in the inner circle and I’m merely the woman you’re currently banging.”
“That’s not the fuckin’ case, and you know it,” he growled.
“Do I?” I let out an incredulous laugh. “So then you’ve paid up on that bet you made with Trick and Hayes, then? The one where they said you’d eventually meet a woman who’d mean something to you?”
His torso rocked back in shock. “What—How did you know about that?”
God, this hurt. I wasn’t sure how it was possible, but this hurt even worse than when I caught Alex and Krista in that bistro together. “You’ve said it yourself, Micah, it’s a small town. So, if we aren’t just fucking, you paid up, right?” His hesitation was answer enough. “I see,” I whispered, nodding in sadness. I twisted, prepared to walk away when he cut into my path, taking me by my arms.
“We’re more than that, and you know it, Hayden. You feel it. I haven’t paid up on the bet because it’s more than just meeting a woman I care about. They were talkin’ marriage—”
He was just making this worse. I pulled from his hold and moved three steps back. “Oh, okay. I think I’m following. So, you do care about me, but you don’t see a future with me.”
He took another step toward me but stopped when I moved back. “It’s not like that! I’ve never felt like this with any woman I’ve been with. I’m out of my element here, Hayden. I’m just tryin’ to keep you safe.”
“I don’t need you to keep me safe!” I shouted, throwing my arms wide. “I don’t need a protector, Micah. I need a partner. God, this sucks,” I lamented on a hollow laugh, “because while you’ve been keeping your secrets, holding yourself halfway out of this relationship this whole time, I’ve been falling in love with you.”
His eyes went wide, flashing with something I was too lost in pain to try and identify. “Hayden—” he choked out, but I wasn’t finished.
“You don’t trust me.”
“That isn’t—” I held my hand up, warding him off when he started for me again.
“I’m such a fucking idiot. I fell for you; meanwhile, you don’t trust me enough to give me anything.”
“That’s bullshit,” he argued angrily. “I’ve given you more than any woman has ever gotten from me.”
“Then I guess that makes me selfish, because I want more. I want it all.”
After laying it all out like that, I stood there silently, my heart in my throat as I waited to see what he’d say. Like an idiot, I waited and I hoped.
And he gave me nothing.
“I think it’s best if we call it a night right here,” I told him, feeling the cracks start to form in my heart and spiderweb wider and wider.
“No,” he declared vehemently. “We aren’t doin’ that. We can work through this. But you can’t shut me out. You have to talk to me.”
A humorless scoff bubbled up my throat. “You see the irony in what you just said, right?”
“Red, don’t—”
“Micah, I need to think, okay? I need some time to myself to figure out what I want, and I need you to give me that.”
His nostrils flared, and for a second I thought he resembled a pissed-off bull about to charge.
“This isn’t over,” he finally clipped seconds later. “You need some space, I’ll give it to you, but this . . . us, it isn’t over. You can’t tell me you’re in love with me then end it. I’ll give you some time, but we will talk this out.”
I didn’t bother saying anything to that, mainly because I didn’t have a clue what to say. So as much as it killed me, I turned on my heel and started toward the property line that separated his house from mine. In the time I’d been there, that expanse had never felt so wide.
And as I walked away, I made sure not to look back, knowing if I did, I’d cave.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Micah
It had been a week since Hayden announced she needed space. That was seven days in which I didn’t get to see her or touch her whenever the hell I wanted. Seven nights in which I’d slept in my cold, hard bed all alone. Seven miserable fucking days where I didn’t hear her voice.
It became blindingly obvious how much I needed her when my mood worsened with each passing day. There was no light to shine on the dark, no good to break up the bad. There was nothing to look forward to after unbearably long hours spent beating my head against a brick wall.
I’d been such a miserable bastard that everyone at work was giving me an extremely wide berth.
Stomping through the bullpen, I headed for my desk without making eye contact with a single person.
Yanking my chair out, I plopped down and reached out, hitting the button on my computer to boot it up. Nothing happened. “Son of a bitch,” I groused, mashing the button down again. When the screen remained black, I let loose a low growl and smacked the shit out of it.
“All right, that’s it,” Leo declared, tossing down the file he’d been looking over in an attempt to ignore me. “This shit’s gone on long enough. For Christ’s sake, just go talk to her already.”
“She said she needs space,” I grunted, keeping my gaze on the computer screen as it finally blinked to life.
“That’s what she said, but what she meant was she needed you to tell her the fuckin’ truth. So tell her already, for Christ’s sake.”
I looked around to make sure we didn’t have the attention of anyone else before leaning forward and lowering my voice. “I don’t wanna tell her because I don’t want that shit touchin’ her. She thinks I don’t trust her, but that’s bullshit. I’m tryin’ to protect her, for fuck’s sake. Why can’t she see that?”
“You ever stop to consider that maybe she needs you to talk about what’s happening because she needs to be there for you?”
My body locked up tight, because until that very moment, I hadn’t stopped to consider that.
“Look, brother, I get wanting to protect your woman, believe me. If I could shield Dani from everything bad out there, I’d bend over backward to make that happen. But life doesn’t work that way. And even if I could, she wouldn’t let me. She knows I need to lean on her just as much as she needs to lean on me.
“I had a woman who didn’t ask questions because she didn’t want my job to bleed into her nice, cushy life so I swallowed down all the shit I saw on a daily basis, keeping it to myself until I felt it eating away at my insides. From the beginning, Dani’s made sure I had her to talk to so I could get all that ugliness out instead of letting it fester. She gives me that so I know, when I come home, I got nothin’ but good waiting for me. When you find a good woman, man, she wants to be that for you. You want to protect her, but what you gotta realize is she wants to do the same damn thing for you.”
Leaning back in my chair, I exhaled most of the air in my lungs and reached to grab the back of my neck as I hissed, “Shit.”
Leo smirked like an asshole. “See it’s finally startin’ to sink in. That’s okay, man. It’s not like you’re used to bein’ in a real relationship. You’re on a bit of a learning curve.”
I
flipped him off and turned back to my computer, pretending to study whatever had just popped up on the screen. But the truth was, I couldn’t concentrate to save my life, because I was too busy trying to think of a way to win Hayden back.
* * *
Hayden
Sylvia had tried dragging me out of the bed earlier this morning to do yoga with her in the garden, but with Ivy at her dad’s for the weekend, I’d taken advantage of the rare quiet time to sink deeper into my pity party. I stayed in bed until after ten, burrowed deep into my pillows with the blankets pulled up over my head.
The only reason I’d dragged my mopey ass out and into the shower was because my stomach started to protest it’s lack of food, and I’d been too depressed all week to go grocery shopping, so there wasn’t a damn thing to eat in the house.
I’d put no effort into my appearance whatsoever, yanking on a pair of ratty yoga pants and a loose tee with an unidentifiable stain on the shoulder that I only wore while I was cleaning the house or gardening. I didn’t bother brushing my hair before throwing it up in a sloppy knot on the top of my head.
I drove to Muffin Top on autopilot, desperate for coffee and something sweet and full of calories.
When I got to the shop and saw who all was there, I nearly turned and bailed, but the smells of sugar and coffee kept me from running like a coward.
Dani was behind the counter, chatting with Tempie, Rory, and Nona, who were standing across from her. All four of them turned to me when the bell over the door rang, and the instant they spotted me, the conversation stopped. Their mouths fell open, and their eyes went wide.
“My God,” Rory stage whispered. “It’s worse than I thought.”
I ignored that and kept heading for the counter. “Hey guys. How are you?”
“Apparently, better than you, doll,” Nona replied, her features awash with concern as she looked me over. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, totally,” I lied. Looking to Dani, I asked, “Can I get a white mocha with extra whipped cream? And add caramel drizzle on top. I’ll also have a bear claw, a piece of coffee cake, and two bags of donut holes. If they’re fresh.”
Tempie moved closer to me, placing her hand on my arms. “Honey, what are you doing?”
I looked to my friend, my expression as blank as my voice as I replied, “What’s it look like? I’m eating my feelings.”
“No.” She shook her head. “You’re eating diabetes. This isn’t healthy, babe. How about we all sit down and you talk to us instead of eating and drinking your way to a massive coronary?”
“Fine,” I relented on a pitiful sigh, letting her take me by the shoulders and lead me toward a table. “But I still want that coffee.”
“Of course.”
“And the donut holes.”
“Why don’t we see how the chat goes?”
She guided me into one of the chairs, then she, Nona, and Rory took the other seats, all of them watching me closely, like they were afraid I was going to fall apart at any moment. They weren’t wrong.
“So, how are you really doing?” Rory asked, a weak smile on her face.
I waved my hands up and down. “How’s it look like I’m doing? I’m a freaking disaster. Even Alex looked at me with pity when he picked Ivy up yesterday. And Sylvia’s forced me to work in the back of the shop all week because she said I’d scare off the customers.”
Nona bobbed her head from side to side, her lips stretched into a grimace. “Well, you do kind of have this Bride of Frankenstein meets Carrie after the pig’s blood vibe going right now.”
Dani placed a coffee in front of me before pulling up an empty chair. I picked it up and slugged some back. There was no caramel, but it was still damn good, so I let it slide.
“What’s the point of basic hygiene when you’ve got no man to smell good for?” I lamented.
“Oh, wow. Okay.” Tempie twisted in her seat to face me full on. “I didn’t realize we’d fallen this far down the rabbit hole already. We should have intervened sooner.”
“There’s nothing any of you could have done.” I sighed forlornly and chugged more coffee. “Micah and I are done. That’s all there is to it.”
“But”—Dani’s expression turned quizzical—“he said he was just giving you some space. That you guys were on a break.”
I snorted loudly. “Who are we, Ross and Rachel? This isn’t an episode of Friends. A break means break up.”
“Uh, honey, I don’t think he sees it that way,” Nona said gently.
I didn’t want it to, but at that comment, hope took root and sprouted in my chest. “Why do you say that?”
“Well, yesterday he paid up on this crazy bet he made with Trick and Hayes forever ago.”
My back went straight and my belly began doing somersaults. “What?”
“Yeah,” Tempie added, explaining further since she didn’t know I was aware of the bet already. “They bet him that one day a woman would come into his life who would make him start thinking about marriage and kids and that sort of thing. He was so sure that day would never come, he said he’d split his paycheck between them if it happened. And, well . . . yesterday, he split his paycheck between them.”
“Wait, so . . .” I couldn’t bring myself to say the words, afraid that putting them out into the universe would jinx something.
Dani went there instead, smiling bigger than I’d ever seen her smile before. “So . . . I think it’s safe to say the man loves you and is all in. Maybe you should rethink this break or breakup or whatever it is?”
I shot out of my seat so fast the chair screeched across the floor. “I have to go.”
“What about the donut holes?” Rory called after me, humor coating her words.
I threw my hand up and waved. “No time! I’ll come back for them tomorrow!” Then I ran out of the coffee shop to my car, desperate to get to Micah.
* * *
The tires let out a little squeal as I slammed on my brakes and threw my car into park. I tried to calm myself as I shoved the door open and climbed out, breathing deep and taking my time as I walked across my yard to his.
I wasn’t even sure he was home, but I had to try.
I inhaled slowly, counting to three before letting it out and lifting my hand to knock on his front door.
I waited, anxious and nervous, as I heard the sound of the lock sliding. The door opened and Micah stood before me in nothing but a pair of light gray sweats that hung deliciously off his tapered hips.
“Hayden?” His voice pulled me from my perusal of his sinful chest and abs. “Is everything okay?”
“No, actually,” I answered, my chest heaving. “It’s not.”
His brows arched down in worry as he stepped to the side. “Do you want to come in?”
Instead of answering his question, I asked one of my own. “Did you pay that bet to Trick and Hayes because I knew about it, or because you really lost?”
“How’d you hear—” He shook his head, already realizing the answer to that before he even finished the sentence. “Never mind. Small town.”
“Just answer the question. Did you really lose or did you pay them for my benefit?”
He studied me for a beat before nodding. “I lost, Red. And I’ve never been so glad to lose a bet in my fuckin’ life.”
My breath stuttered and my eyes began to burn. “So, you see the prospect of a future with me?”
“Baby,” he said tenderly, “come inside and let’s talk about this, yeah?”
“Answer the question first,” I whispered. “Do you see the prospect of a future with me, Micah?”
He huffed out an exhale and reached up to scratch the back of his neck. “If, by prospect of a future, you mean do I have every intention of putting my ring on your finger and makin’ you mine for life, then yeah, I see that for us, Red. And I can’t fuckin’ wait.”
A choked sob burst from my throat a moment before I lunged for him. He caught me easily, lifting me off my feet so I had to wrap my legs
around his waist and loop my arms around his shoulders as we kissed so hard and so fiercely, you’d have thought we’d been separated for years.
I vaguely registered his front door slamming before I felt him lower me onto the sofa.
“I planned on comin’ to see you tonight,” he said against my lips between kisses. “I was done giving you space. I was gonna tell you everything, Red, ’cause I couldn’t go another day without this.”
He hovered over me, resting his hips between my spread legs as we fed from each other’s mouths. “I love you, Hayden. Besides my family, I’ve never said those words to another person until now. But I do. I’m so fuckin’ in love with you it hurts.”
I felt a single tear break free and slip down into my hair as I whispered, “I love you too.”
“No more secrets, you have my word. From here on you, you get everything.”
I was so giddy I felt like I could have floated away had Micah’s weight not kept be grounded.
“Good.” I dragged my fingers through his hair, scraping my nails along his scalp as I told him, “I’m so happy about that, honey. But I need you to do something first.”
He pulled back and stared down at me, those green eyes shining bright with love. “Yeah? And what’s that?”
“Take me to bed.”
My man didn’t have to be told twice.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Hayden
The sound of Micah’s heartbeat echoed in my ear, a comforting, steady beat that would have lulled me to sleep if my brain wasn’t so busy trying to wrap itself around everything he’d just confided in me.
He’d carried me to his room hours ago, and we’d spent the entire day making up for losing a week together. We had sex and napped and woke up to do it all over again. At some point that afternoon, he’d called and ordered pizza from Momma Gianna’s, which we’d eaten in bed before going at it once again like horny teenagers.
Love to Hate You: a Hope Valley novel Page 20
