by Bonnie Vanak
“It doesn’t have to be that way.”
Turning from him, she hugged herself. “Please leave me now. I’d like to be alone.”
Ryder sighed. “Rest a while. I’ll be back soon to take you downstairs to eat. Tonight everyone’s dining on their own.”
As the door closed softly behind him, she finally surrendered to the tears forming in her eyes. But she cried, not for the father she’d known, but the male he could have been, who’d locked away his life and his love in a cold, dark place forever.
Chapter 7
After giving her a short break for privacy, Ryder came to fetch Kara. Determined to wipe away the sadness in her eyes, he didn’t know how to erase the painful memories. He only had instinct to guide him, and the depth of his feelings.
Kara accompanied him downstairs. Instead of heading for the large dining room, he hooked a right and went into the kitchen. She frowned.
“We’re eating here?”
“I haven’t planned a menu yet. Thought you’d like a treat first.” Ryder opened the pantry doors, gesturing to a wire shelf filled with plastic tubs of her favorite treat.
Her eyes widened. “Peanut butter?”
“Ever watch a wolf eat peanut butter?”
She laughed.
“I remembered how much you enjoyed it. So I cleaned out the store.”
Her smile transformed her entire face, lighting it like sunshine spilling upon a sparkling lake. The darkness inside him peeled back a layer.
“Why did you do it?”
Alpha Lupine males didn’t admit weakness. He must appear strong before the pack. But hell, Kara always had been his favorite weakness. And if it meant the pack thought he was vulnerable, so be it.
“Because I wanted to make you smile again like you once did. The memory of your smile kept me warm all those cold nights in the cell. If it meant buying every jar of peanut butter in Colorado to make you happy, I’d do it.”
Her expression softened. “Thanks Ryder. That means a lot to me.”
Ryder screwed open a jar, found a spoon. He dug into the peanut butter and handed her the spoon. “Taste.”
Kara closed her eyes, making a humming sound as those perfect and wet red lips closed over the spoon. She licked it. Slowly.
He stared, hot and hungry and feeling as lusty and out of control as a stripling Lupine male facing his first naked female.
“I don’t know what we should have for dinner. But this…” She smiled wider, opening her eyes. “Is dessert.”
Enough already. Ryder pulled her into his arms. Spoon and jar tumbled to the floor, bounced and rolled. He kissed her, his tongue tasting the peanut butter, sweetness and the flavor that was exquisitely Kara, the taste he’d dreamed about for years. The kiss turned desperate and pleading and burning. He gave her no time for thought, words or protest. He merely took and claimed because he must. If he did not…
I’d fucking die right now.
Never again was she leaving. He didn’t care if he had to fight every male in Aiden’s pack. He’d fight them all, one arm, hell, one paw tied behind his back simply to keep Kara here. If she walked out that door, part of him would crumble and wither. The pack would falter, too, for in some mystical way, Kara was the pack, the invisible umbilical cord that fed them purpose and strength. He was the head of the pack, but she was their heart.
When they both surfaced for air, panting heavily, he tugged her hand. “Come, meet your people.”
Panic replaced her passion-glazed, smoky look. “I can’t, Ryder. You can’t march me in there to meet all of them at once. They probably hate me for leaving like I did. Sneaking out like a thief.”
He caressed her wrist, circling it with his thumb. “They don’t hate you, sweeting. They miss you. They need you.”
Like I do, he almost confessed.
Kara did not answer. Instead, she examined the nearest shelf, her slender fingers combing over the canned preservatives and jellies. She picked up a jar of honey and unscrewed it, sniffing.
“I remember growing up with the beehives on the ranch, taking the fresh honey from the comb. It tasted so good, so sweet. But there was always that risk when taking the sweetness, because I’d get stung. At first it seemed worth it for a few moments of pleasure. But the pleasure was fleeting and the hurt always lasted longer.”
She shook her head. “You say the pack needs me, but they’re like the bees in the hive. They function as a unit, and as Lupines, will destroy those who threaten their home. There’s no going back for me, Ryder. You represent the new life of the hive, and I’m the ghost of a painful past they won’t want to remember. We have no future together. Alastair was right.”
Touching her scarred cheek with a trembling hand, she looked so damn lost and sad, it kicked him in the guts.
“Even if Alastair hadn’t done this.” She dropped her hand and set down the honey jar. “Because the damage he did inside was much worse. You and I weren’t meant to be together. He said as much.”
Damn her sire. Damn him to hell. What had caused a once good, noble Lupine to turn into a mean-skinned bastard who’d ripped his daughter’s heart to shreds and killed all her hope?
Ryder gazed deep into her eyes, knowing what he must do. He only hoped it worked…
“The hell with what that crazy bastard said. Half the time he thought the sheep and cows were spying on us. You going to believe someone like that? Damn girl, I thought you had more sense than that.”
Temper rising, Kara stared at Ryder. “He was my father.”
“He was a fucked up alpha who must have been on something. Too much bad meat. And you’re still letting him run your life. I thought you were stronger than that.”
Ryder gripped her upper arms. “The Lupine I remember was a fighter. The Lupine I remember was the female who snuck me food and water, risking her own hide, when I was imprisoned. I thought she returned when I saw her in the forest, fighting off a pack of trolls so she could get money to save her brother’s ranch. Who the hell are you?”
Anger kicked hard and fast. “I’m the one who’s stopping you from making a big mistake like the night when you kissed me. That was a huge mistake. Look where it landed us.”
“I’ve made mistakes before, Kara. Plenty of them. The biggest wasn’t kissing you, for sure. My biggest regret? I should have thrown you over my shoulder and ran away from this place to protect you until I could deal with Alastair on my own.”
Breathing deeply, he released her, fury crackling in his eyes.
She suddenly realized his tact. Shake her free from the cobwebs of self-pity and get her angry enough to stop believing the words Alastair drummed into her mind. All the emotion drained out of her like a plug pulled on a filled bathtub and she sagged against the shelves.
“He would have killed you, Ryder. He was just looking for an excuse. He wanted to hurt me simply for being close to you.”
“Then I should thank Aiden for having the courage and common sense for doing what I should have. I failed you, Kara.”
How wrong he was. Ryder had sacrificed everything time and again to keep the ranch operational and keep the pack cohesive. He could have run off, quit, like other Lupines had. But he stuck it out. And to see him blame himself for her father’s actions…
She laced her fingers through his. “You saved me. Before that kiss, I had forgotten what it was like to be cherished and loved. And you fed me hope that maybe I could find some happiness after all.”
Ryder squeezed her hand, his touch warm and comforting. “We need you, Kara. We need you because you’re a part of our family. No matter where you go, how far, this will always remain your home. And you’re meant to be with me, hell, we’re meant to be together after all the crazy, fucked up crap your sire did to tear us apart.”
“Mating is for life, Ryder.” She stared at their interlocked fingers. “I want to be happy, I want the promise of what it’s like to laugh again, and feel good.”
“Then let me make you happy,” he sai
d, his deep voice growing huskier. “I want to give you a pleasure you’ve never felt before, Kara. The kind of pleasure a woman feels when a man slides deep inside her and she screams and begs and claws. The pleasure our people were meant to feel when we mate.”
Mesmerized by the burning heat in his eyes, she watched him dig into the honey jar and withdraw a dab. He brought it to her lips, hesitating a moment. Ryder seemed to test her, an unasked question if she were willing to take the sexual challenge he presented.
Mate with me.
As Ryder pressed the honey against her mouth, Kara parted her lips. She flicked her tongue daintily over the offering. Then she took his wrist and guided his finger into the moist cavern of her mouth, and sucked hard.
The blue of his eyes turned indigo, then darkened further. Ryder then closed his eyes and groaned, every muscle tensing. Her lips closed around his finger and she swirled her tongue, flicking it around his trembling digit. With exquisite slowness, her tongue gave both one last teasing dance, and then she pulled back, forcing his finger from her mouth.
Sweat beaded on his forehead. Ryder gazed at her with a different, fiercer hunger than a need for food.
“That was delicious,” she purred. “I want more.”
“No,” he said hoarsely.
Kara gave an innocent smile. “Why? I’m hungry.”
“Because if you don’t stop, sweeting, I’m going to tear your clothes off, press you against the wall and fuck you so hard the shelves will rattle. So put down the honey and let’s go out to meet the pack.”
Her heart beat harder at the fierce intensity on his face. “Right now?”
“Soon as I get my dick to go down.”
Not going to look, not going to look…oh hellfire and brimstone.
She looked.
And licked her lips again. Grim-faced, he turned around, unzipped his jeans and made an adjustment. She heard him swear softly before he turned back.
Ryder Carrington wasn’t the low-bred animal her father had called him. A shiver raced through her as she remembered Alastair’s angry shouts.
“You are the daughter of an alpha, not a lowly slut. He’s a common cowboy who just wants to fuck the alpha’s daughter! His dirty, manure-covered hands aren’t worthy enough to touch you,” he’d screamed.
Emotion clogged her throat. Kara struggled to speak, but could not form the words. She took his hand, scarred and calloused, and rested it against her cheek.
“You are fit to touch me,” she told him. “More than worthy.”
Ryder closed his hands, leaning into her touch. Lupines craved touch. They needed it as much as they needed fresh meat to shift. Touch gave them reassurance and comfort, a sense of home and family.
“I’ve walked alone for so long. I need you,” he whispered.
The proclamation tightened her chest. They needed each other, it seemed.
When Ryder had first kissed her, he unleashed an explosion of passion. But the kiss had done much more. It had anchored her, provided reassurance in the uncertain, tumultuous tempest that had become her home.
Opening his eyes, he looked down at her, his expression tender. “You okay? Ready to do this and meet the pack?”
“Okay.” She drew in a deep breath. “Let’s do this.”
About 50 Lupines gathered in the great room, lounging on the white leather couches and armchairs near the fireplace. Despite the gathering dusk, only one lamp blazed with light. In a corner, sectioned off from the adults, younger Lupines stared at a television set showing a movie. The sound was turned all the way down. When she entered the room, they looked up. Fear clouded their gazes, the smell so thick she could drown in it.
Was it always like this, she wondered? Was that me long ago, always quiet, afraid to make noise lest my sire would roar with rage?
Ryder nuzzled her neck, rubbing his nose along her pulse point, putting his scent on her as an obvious public claim. He held up his open palms.
“Everyone. Kara has returned home to us.”
And then they recognized her, and the anticipation in their expressions wrenched her heart. Excited murmurs swept the room as they began to smile.
He gestured to the floor lamps. “I’ve told you, it’s not necessary to save on electricity anymore. Turn the lamps on.”
Several bounded up to obey. Others jumped to their feet and approached, hesitant, yet hopeful.
“See? They’ve waited, hoping, as much as I have,” Ryder said softly. Releasing her hand, he stepped back. “They want you back, Kara.”
One by one, they embraced her, and the terrible scent of fear evaporated. And then a young Lupine pushed his way through the crowd. The others parted to make room.
“Kara!”
She turned at the eager, young voice and her heart turned over. Jason. The youngest pack member, he’d been only 5 when she’d left.
Thin and lanky, he wrapped his arms around her and squeezed tight. Kara hugged him back, emotion a thick lump in her throat.
“I’m so happy you came back to us! We need you.”
I’m not staying.
The words died in her throat at their expectant expressions. How could she let them down again?
A knot formed in her stomach. Gently she disentangled herself. “I’m here, for a little while.”
“But we need you, Kara.” Jason’s dark gaze grew troubled. “Ryder needs you, too. Everyone remembers how good you were to us.” Murmurs of assent rose in the room.
The pack didn’t hate her after all. Kara gazed at the children. Gods, she’d missed this, missed the closeness of pack and being surrounded by young, and their exuberant hope and joy. Aiden’s pack was mostly male, with only one mated couple who remained childless.
“You’re growing fast, Jason,” she murmured. “Getting older.”
His face fell. “Today’s my birthday, but I’m not supposed to say that. Today’s the official mourning day.”
Glancing around at the solemn expressions, she didn’t understand. And remembered. Her parents had formally mated this day, and Alastair declared it a day of mourning after her mother’s death. No one was permitted any celebrations.
For every hellish act Alastair had done to her, the pack had also suffered.
It’s not only you who bore scars from his wrath.
Their scars are equally deep, only hidden.
She turned to Ryder, whose expression remained carefully blank.
“You’re continuing to follow this tradition?” she asked him.
“It was meant to honor your mother. I’ll leave it up to you if the tradition should continue,” Ryder said softly. “What is your wish, Kara?”
The pack turned toward her expectantly, and the faint, damnable hope on their expressions made her fingers curl into fists. Anger burned through her, along with hard resolve. These past two years, she’d focused solely on the damage her father had done to her shattered spirit.
Kara now realized she’d been selfish, thinking herself the only victim. She hunkered down and clasped Jason’s arms. “Today we’re celebrating your birthday. You’re 7, right?”
Doubts filled the boy’s eyes. She straightened and looked at Jason’s mother. “Go into town. I want the biggest birthday celebration this pack has ever seen. I want ice cream, cake, you name it.”
Kara beckoned to David and Marcus. “Both of you go with her, help her out. And get presents. Maybe even a piñata. Is the restaurant that served those awesome chicken wings still open?”
Seeing several nods, she decided. “I’ll call and order platters, they should be ready for you to pick up when you’re done shopping.”
Something flickered in David’s eyes that could have been approval. For a moment they seemed to shift from dark brown to vibrant blue.
“Money, it’s a little tight right now,” Marcus began.
“There’s twenty $100 bills my father always kept as emergency cash behind my mother’s photo on his desk downstairs. Use that.”
“I’m really
going to have a party?” Wonder filled the boy’s eyes.
Kara struggled with the thick knot clogging her throat as she hugged Jason. “The best damn party this pack has ever seen. I think it’s about time for a celebration. Long past time.”
Glancing up, she met Ryder’s gaze and saw tenderness shining there, mingling with a raw, fierce heat.
He was right, and she was home.
Never one to sit idle, she joined the others in decorating the basement, then sped upstairs for a quick shower. When she returned to join the party, Kara smiled with delight.
Blue and yellow streamers hung from the ceiling, tangling with dozens of colorful balloons. A cake the size of a truck tire saying “Happy Birthday Jason!” sat on a table near the bar, along with enormous platters of chicken wings, hamburgers and other food. Several pack members crowded around the bar, drinking beer or wine. Lupines sat at tables scattered around the room or curled up on the sofas and armchairs. Children shrieked with laughter as Jason hit a blue donkey piñata.
This is how it was supposed to be, she thought. Not sadness and strictness and fear.
Sitting at a dining table, munching on a chicken wing, Ryder talked with Jason’s parents. Their expressions brightened upon seeing her and Alyssa, Jason’s mother, moved over to make room on the bench.
“Thank you for everything.” Alyssa squeezed Kara’s hand and Jason’s father piled a plate with food and set it before her.
Kara ate, listening to the light banter between the mated couple, but keeping her gaze centered on Ryder. Stubble shadowed his jawline and his blue eyes sparkled with life. He was so damn sexy, even when he drank beer. Watching his mouth close around the bottle’s lip, she shivered with awareness. An ache pulsed in her sex as she imagined his perfect, wet mouth on her intimate flesh. Kara clenched her thighs together.
When Jason’s parents finished eating, they excused themselves and joined a game of darts.
She was left alone with Ryder.
He thumbed his lip, slowly. Ryder squeezed his beer bottle, rolling it in his hands.
