by Roma James
And, thankfully, we weren’t really judged there. But a lot of people who came to Crave were more than used to alternative lifestyles. It was a different vibe than being out in public anywhere else.
Actually, there were a few people who judged me. Some of the girls who used to hook up with Diesel and had big crushes on him weren’t big fans of mine. But oh well. They were going to have to deal with it. He was all mine now.
People were shocked when he stopped trolling the club for hookups. The lack of his presence was immediately noticed. He had no desire for any other women anymore. He spent his time with me, and if he wasn’t with me, he sat back in his office with a couple of beers and got some work done.
“So, how are things going?” she asked.
“Pretty good… just trying to pluck up the courage to send this book to my editor.”
“Oh, you mean your autobiography.”
I rolled my eyes, even though she couldn’t see it. “Yeah, pretty much.”
She knew about my relationship, of course. I was so nervous when it came time to tell her, but to my surprise, she took it swimmingly. She thought it was going to be good for me, having all three of them. ‘You never did seem satisfied with just one man,’ she’d said.
“It just feels really personal and hard to put out there, so I’m just… I’m anxious.”
“Well, don’t be,” she said. “I’m sure it’s fantastic. You’re a great writer, you know you are.”
“I mean, it’s not really the writing skills I’m worried about. It’s more just… putting my life out there for everyone to read and judge.”
She sighed. “You’ve got to get over this obsession about what other people are going to think and how they’re going to react to you, Harlow. You’ve honestly just gotta do you. Put yourself out there and say, ‘hey world, this is who I am, and this is who I love.’ I mean… you're trying to do this long term, right? This isn’t a fling.”
“No, not at all,” I answered. “In fact, we’re all kind of talking about moving in together.”
“That’s amazing,” she chimed. “But if you’re going to do that, if you’re going down this road, then you have to be proud of your relationship. I mean, do you want kids one day?”
I was thinking about this a lot lately. The more serious things got with all of the guys, the more I thought… yeah, I did want to have kids. I really wanted to be a mom.
“Yeah, I do,” I admitted.
“Well, then what are you going to do? Be in a relationship with these men but hide your children’s fathers from the world? Do you want them to grow up with some sense of shame? With this idea in their head that their family isn’t normal?”
I hadn’t thought about that. “No, of course not.”
“So get over that now! Stop thinking that your relationship isn’t normal enough for the world. You’ve got an amazing life with three amazing guys that worship the ground you walk on. You need to own it, girl. Hell, I want three smoking hot guys of my own to date! I’m jealous of you! I think a lot of people would be.”
I laughed. “You’re right. You’re completely right. I mean, I’m not ashamed of my relationship at all. I don’t doubt it for a second. I love these men. There’s no right way to have a relationship.”
“Exactly! So get over this hump, press send, and own your damn life!”
I loved that she was always hyping me up this way. “Okay, I’m going to do it.”
“Good! Call me as soon as you get a response from your editor, okay? I want to know how it goes.”
“I will, I promise. Talk to you later.”
“Bye!”
I hung up the phone and took in a deep breath before clicking send.
I had to accept that whatever happened now was going to happen. And I needed to be brave for it.
Despite my insistence to myself that I had to be brave, I was pretty nervous over the next few days as I waited for my editor to get back to me. Thankfully, I had the boys to keep me calm. And they did a wonderful job supporting me.
They all knew how stressful this was for me, and they made it a point to constantly do adorable things for me. Just little things like making me tea, bringing chocolate home for me, giving me a massage…
At one point, they actually all grouped up together and joined in on a full-body massage for me. I was sure they did it hoping it would lead to some hot sex… and it did.
But I loved the hot sex just as much as they did, so of course I didn't mind.
It was only a few days later that I woke up to an email notification from my editor. I woke up alone, which was a rarity. All of the boys had a meeting this morning, though, so I was stuck at home by myself. Normally I would have used the alone time to write, but after just finishing a book, I was a bit burnt out.
My heart began to race as I waited for the email to load. The internet was slow on my phone, because of course it was the one time I was desperate to know what was in my inbox.
To my surprise, there was only one word in her reply to me: “Hot!!!”
Well, I guess I did something right.
I had to grin to myself. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting… but I don’t think I was expecting positive feedback. She didn’t even mention that she thought it was weird or unconventional or that it might not sell… no, she just said it was hot.
I excitedly went to my texts, where I had a group message going with the boys.
>You all better come back with a bottle of champagne! I wrote. We have some celebrating to do!
I added a winking emoji and sent it. Axel was the first to reply, immediately asking if this was about my book.
>Sure is, I answered.
>That’s fantastic! Ryker wrote.
>Good job, babe. We told you it was great. Axel said
Each one of them had read my book now, and they all loved it. It was our story, it was special. I couldn’t wait to get a hard copy to keep in the house.
I let out a loud breath of relief as my nerves began to fade away. Absolutely everything in my life right now felt positively perfect.
If someone had told me three months ago that this was going to be my life, I would have laughed in their face. But I could not have been more grateful for the way that things were turning out. I was so phenomenally happy that I couldn’t even contain it. I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, smiling like a lunatic.
A very happy and also very sexually satisfied lunatic.
Life was so damn good.
Epilogue - Harlow
Two Years Later
I sat down at the front of the crowd, in the row that was intended only for VIPs. I had baby Xander in my arms and little Isaiah sitting up next to me. It was a delicate thing trying to get him to keep still, but I’d given him a juice box and that was going to have to do for now.
Oh, well. If he interrupted and made a scene, at least it was only his father he was interrupting.
Ryker was on the other side of him, with his arm on the back of the chair to make sure he didn’t hop out of his seat or anything. He glanced over at me with a smile as I gently rocked the baby, ensuring that he wouldn’t wake until the ribbon cutting was over. Once it was, people would go back to talking, and things would get loud enough that it wouldn’t matter too much if he cried.
Diesel had nearly finished his speech. Admittedly, I’d zoned out for a little bit of it, but I’d heard it enough times since this was our third grand opening. I did focus in on the last part, though.
“…and welcome to Crave!” Diesel said loudly, as he took a pair of giant scissors and cut the red ribbon off the doors to the new building. This new club was about an hour away from home, but it was going to open us up to a whole new customer base and a new stream of revenue.
Everyone behind me cheered as the red ribbon fell, and little Isaiah began laughing and clapping wildly. He didn’t know what for, of course. He was far too young to understand the concept of Crave. We just told him that we were going to a party for his da
ddies’ business. It was enough to get him excited.
People began to raise their glasses and toast, and although I saw Diesel and Axel on stage looking straight at us in the crowd, several other businessmen in the area had walked up to shake their hands. They’d both have to wait to talk to us.
I looked over at Ryker. “Do you wish you were up there on stage?” I asked him.
He shook his head. “Nah, you know I don’t like a lot of attention. I’d much rather be in the crowd helping you with the kids than making small talk with a bunch of strangers.”
That was exactly how I expected him to answer. He was my introvert, Ryker. Axel and Diesel both seemed to love the spotlight and reveled in it.
Not that they didn’t love being with the kids too, though. They most definitely did. Each and every one of them seemed to enjoy it.
They were all amazing fathers. They had been since the moment I got pregnant. Perhaps a little overprotective… okay, a lot overprotective. They didn’t let me lift a damn finger while I was pregnant. But I appreciated how deeply they worried about me and the babies. All three of them were a damn mess for each of their births, though. Both times, they were all in tears as our sons were born.
We didn’t know which child was whose, technically. We never would want to know. During my ovulation, we often all had sex together specifically so we wouldn’t be able to tell by the day who was the dad.
In our family, there was no concept of “real dads.” The boys would grow up knowing all of them as their real fathers. Isaiah already thought of them all as his daddies, and that was all that mattered.
We were open about our relationship, especially because we were big faces in the community with the boys owning three Crave clubs now. Most people were totally kind and accepting of us, though I wouldn’t deny that we got some negative reactions here and there. In the beginning, whenever anyone seemed to disapprove, it would really hurt me. But I had long since learned to get over that.
You couldn’t please everyone, that was just a fact. Not everyone was going to be happy with us and our lifestyle, and I knew that. It was a fact Liza had reminded me of a lot. I’d had a lot of late-night phone calls with her as I adjusted to my whole new life.
Especially after our home was built and I had to sell my old house. It was a huge change, and I felt like I was making so many wild moves at once that Liza had to talk me down and remind me that being with the boys was the happiest that I’d ever been. That being spontaneous didn’t mean I wasn’t doing the right thing.
She was right, as always. My spontaneous decision ended up being for the best. As I looked down at my wedding ring, I was reminded of the fact that I really needed to thank her for always pushing me forward to make crazy but worthwhile decisions.
It really was a gorgeous wedding ring. We all wore wedding rings, actually, even though we weren’t all technically legally married. It was just Diesel that was my official husband. We had, as a group, decided it should be Diesel I married officially just in case anything bad ever happened. He was the one with the most assets to leave to our children, and we wanted to be sure they would be taken care of.
I didn’t like to think about anything bad happening to any of them, though. I couldn’t bear it. In my mind, we were all going to grow old together, watch our children grow up, and live to be a hundred years old.
Despite Diesel being my official husband, we had a wedding ceremony with all four of us. It was beautiful, actually. It wasn’t a traditional wedding, and really, why would it have been? We didn’t have a traditional marriage.
We hired an officiant and we all went to the beach. I wore a simple, knee-length white dress. The boys had somebody set up the beach beautifully with a gorgeous white alter covered in red roses, and rose petals were scattered along the sand. We were all barefoot and we said our vows to each other, reaffirming what we’ve all known pretty much from the beginning: this relationship was for life. And we all planned to stay in it until death do us part.
My phone began to buzz in my pocket, and I turned to Ryker. “Oh, no… you better grab the baby,” I told him. He still hadn’t woken up. “I don’t want my phone to disturb him.”
He nodded and very gently and slowly took Xander from my arms. Once he did, I pulled out my phone and saw it was a call from my agent.
“I had better take this,” I told him.
“Yeah, of course. Go do your thing, honey,” he answered.
I hurried off to the side, so as not to disturb anybody. “Hello?” I picked up the phone.
“Good news!” my agent chimed in a sing-song voice. “I’ve got all the dates set for your book tour. It’s going to be from September 12th to the 30th, all around the country. How does that sound?”
“It sounds great,” I half-lied. I mean, it did sound great, but it also sounded like half a month away from my children and my husbands.
The guys had really encouraged me to do this. It was the third book I was publishing since we got together, and all were part of a polyamorous romance series.
It was hard to imagine there was ever a time where I was panicked about how my poly love story was going to be received. It ended up being my best-selling book ever. As it turned out, people were dying for a new kind of love story. The series had really taken off.
With my first two books, I’d been unable to go on a book tour. The first didn’t have a book tour because we didn’t know how well it was going to do, and the second, I had been pregnant and too exhausted to do it. Though the boys probably wouldn’t have let me travel anyway… They were too protective for that.
Now that I wasn’t pregnant, though, they really wanted me to go. They kept saying I should enjoy the fruits of my labor and have my time to shine. I really did want that. But I’d be sad leaving them for a few weeks.
“I’ve got all your hotel rooms booked, so you’re already good to go. You just have to make sure you’re packed, alright?”
“Right, of course.”
“And you know that you’re probably going to get a lot of questions about your personal life on this tour,” my agent warned. She knew I was in a polyamorous marriage. “You’re prepared for that, right?”
“Oh, absolutely.”
I was more than prepared for it… I was excited for it. My fans were clearly people who approved of my lifestyle, and I couldn’t wait to be surrounded by people who I knew would accept me exactly as I was and who appreciated the art that depicted my life.
“Great. I’ll be in touch soon,” she answered.
“Great, have a good one.”
I hung up the phone and heard the familiar, high-pitched, squeaky little voice of my oldest son. “Daddies!” he yelled.
I turned around to find that Axel and Diesel had come off the stage. Isaiah ran into Axel’s arms, and Axel scooped him up and spun him around as the other two laughed. Ryker stayed seated because the baby was still quietly sleeping in his arms.
I had to stare at them for a moment before I walked over. I always wanted to soak up moments like this. Moments when we were all together, enjoying life, making the best of the beautiful gift of our marriage.
Diesel caught my eye and smiled. I walked over to all of them, and he immediately pulled me in and kissed me on the forehead.
“You know, we couldn’t have done this without you,” he said softly as he put his arm around me.
I laughed. “Oh, come on. I didn’t do much.”
“You motivated us,” Axel said. “Without you, we never would’ve cared about expanding.”
“He’s right,” Ryker added in a soft voice. “You’re our muse, our motivation. You and the kids, of course.”
I grinned. “Well, you guys are my muses too.”
“Who called?” Ryker asked.
“That was my agent. She was letting me know my book tour dates are confirmed.”
“That’s awesome,” Axel said excitedly. He was tickling Isaiah, who was laughing in his arms.
“It’s exciting, bu
t nerve-racking. I haven’t been away from any of you since we began our relationship. It’s been years. It’s a little daunting.”
“Daunting? For you?” Diesel scoffed. “Please, girl, you’ve been through an insane amount of crazy shit. You’re a rock. You’re going to do just fine traveling the country. But we’ll miss you every second.”
“We’re really proud of you, Harlow,” Ryker said to me. “You have no idea.”
“I think I have some idea…” I smiled.
It was crazy how happy they all still made me. For me, I had never exited the honeymoon stage of our relationship. I was still just as passionate and just as in love with them now as I had been from the very start. Every day was a new joy.
Sometimes I thought about how different my life could have been if I’d done things differently. What if I’d been stubborn the night Liza asked me to go to Crave? What if I’d refused to go? I never would’ve met any of them.
In my heart, I wasn’t so sure I would have ever found love otherwise. I knew for some people, that probably sounded silly. Not everyone believed in soulmates. Before I met these guys, I myself didn’t even believe in soulmates, so I understood the notion.
I believed in them now, though. The boys were all meant to be mine. If I hadn’t found them, I’m convinced I never would have found happiness. At least, not true happiness. I wouldn’t have ever been as happy as I am right now.
I had everything I’ve ever dreamed of. A beautiful house that I designed with my husbands, two beautiful, healthy sons, the loves of my life, a career as a writer that was really starting to take off… there was nothing more I could possibly have asked for.
“Daddy, when do we leave?” Isiah blurted out, and we all laughed.
“You wanna go home?” Axel asked him.
“Yeah, let’s go home!” he answered excitedly.
I rolled my eyes. Of course, he wanted to go home just as the party was getting started.
“I'll take him, don’t worry,” I said, reaching out to Axel for him to hand him to me. He did, and Isaiah wrapped his chubby little arms around my neck. “One of you just help me load them both into the car.”
