by Jennifer Rae
It was his turn to be confused. He hadn’t said that. ‘No.’
‘Yes.’ She sat up completely now and pushed him right off. ‘That’s exactly what you’re saying. A couple of hours ago you were reminding me that this was my last show, but now, just as we’re about to have sex, you propose I do another show.’
‘It was a joke, Faith.’
‘A joke? A joke to try and get me to sleep with you?’ She stood up, her face red and her temper well and truly up. ‘I don’t think you’re very funny. How could I be so stupid...again? To think that a kiss meant something it didn’t. To think you could actually care about me when you don’t even believe in love.’ She jumped off the bed and started pulling on the zipper at the back of her dress. ‘It’s this dress, isn’t it? It’s turning you on, isn’t it? That girl Jess treated you as if you didn’t matter. She hurt you worse than anyone ever could, and yet you learned nothing. You still think sex is just sex and that it’s OK to treat me as if I don’t matter. To you I’m just another girl who doesn’t matter.’
Faith pulled at the dress, but it was futile; the zipper was stuck. She was angry and hurt and humiliated. Mr Turner had told her he’d make sure she had an A on the next exam. That had hurt her more than anything. As if she’d slept with him to get good marks. She’d slept with him because she’d cared for him, and she was mortified that she’d almost made the same mistake with Cash.
‘You’re blowing this all out of proportion. I tell the truth, Faith. I’m honest. Whether you like it or not—honesty is always better than lying.’
‘There’s honest, and then there’s what you do. Say everything out loud that pops into your ignorant head.’
‘I’m sorry. I told you before—I don’t believe in love and I know that’s what you want.’
Faith stopped. He was right: love was what she wanted. Was that so bad? Faith stopped tugging on the zipper. ‘I can do the next two fantasies on my own. Voyeurism and exhibitionism. I don’t need you for those. Just make sure you come to the burlesque club tonight. And, Cash...’ She turned and let her eyes catch his hard. The flash of green in his left eye stood out. She’d been so close to his eyes a moment ago. She’d felt herself falling moments ago. Watching him as he watched her, sure he finally felt what she did. ‘You win. I don’t believe in love any more either.’
FIFTEEN
The ironic hipsters in the room started to twitter and take their seats. The women adjusted their black-rimmed glasses and the men brushed the crumbs from their beards. The show was starting. Cash twisted his neck from side to side and resisted the urge to slip a finger in between his collar and his skin. It was hot and the achingly cool crowd around him were starting to make him itch. He’d debated whether to come at all. Faith wouldn’t want to see him after what happened this afternoon, but he’d promised her he’d help her and, whether she admitted it or not, she needed him. As her cameraman, and as her friend. He had to talk to her. He had to explain.
A blonde in a low-slung pair of jeans peered up at him through her eyelashes. This wasn’t his scene. All this obvious sizing one another up. All the discreet looks from underneath fake eyelashes. It felt contrived, planned and manipulative. Perhaps it was his cynical nature but the place screamed sham. This bar with its faux 1920s décor and its cheap chandeliers and sugar-laced drinks was nothing but a trussed-up strip club. A place where desperate men paid to watch desperate women take their clothes off. All lies.
He spotted Faith near the back, talking to a redhead wearing sunglasses and a short skirt. He watched as Faith settled into her seat. He watched the way she smiled and laughed and flicked her ponytail off her shoulder. He’d been thinking of her all afternoon. He missed her. Her laughing and her teasing and her moments of utter vulnerability. He missed all of it and he still didn’t know why. He wasn’t supposed to want her. He wasn’t supposed to like her, so why did her outburst this afternoon keep going through his mind? Over and over. ‘To you I’m just another girl who doesn’t matter.’ He hadn’t just heard her pain when she’d said that—he’d felt it. He’d treated her exactly like the dirty old teacher of her youth. He’d used her, the way Jess had used him, and it made him feel sick to his stomach.
Cash moved to the side of the room and set up the cameras. One was to be focused on the stage and the other on Faith—they could edit out everything they didn’t want later. He peered through the lens and watched her laugh. He zoomed in to her face, her smile, and his chest constricted. She had a beautiful smile. A smile that made him forget and eyes that made him focus. He stepped back. Away from the lens and away from the ridiculous thoughts coursing through his head.
The slow wailing of a trumpet pierced through the air and the moustached host in his ironic bow tie and checked suit pranced onto the stage. He started with a pathetic comedy routine before introducing the upcoming burlesque dance as performance art. He outlined in excruciating detail the political satire that was about to unfold and Cash watched in bemused fascination as the audience lapped up every word of his patronising lecture.
Cash wondered if Faith really believed all this. Did she actually think this was art, or did she know it for what it was? An act.
Faith leaned over to whisper to the woman wearing sunglasses, then turned her head and looked around before catching his eye. Her expression went still before she flashed a hesitant smile and his gut lurched. Her white teeth glowed against her red lips and she beckoned to him to join her. He felt the familiar pull of desire for her. A desire he was finding it hard to quell. But he had to. Faith made him do things he would never do. Feel things he shouldn’t feel. She provoked him and distracted him and he was too busy to be distracted. And he was her boss. But he was finding it unusually hard to get her out of his mind and that was what was bugging him the most.
He glanced at her friend in those ridiculous sunglasses—now, she was more like it. Skirt too short, smile too wide, laugh too loud. Friendly. Easy. Uncomplicated. Trouble was, he felt absolutely no change in his physical condition when he looked at her, but his chemicals spun out of control every time Faith raised an eyebrow at him.
Leaving the cameras to do their work, he wound his way around the crowd and found himself standing next to Faith. She shifted so he could sit next to her. She didn’t say anything; he guessed she was still angry about this afternoon. He didn’t blame her. She was right. He did have a tendency to say everything that was on his mind—even if it meant someone was sure to get hurt.
A dinging bell made the host jump and finally shut up. Faith moved closer to Cash and he stopped himself just in time from slinging his arm around her shoulder and snuggling her in close. She had a way of looking at him with a playful expression on her face and making him think she was his, that they were there together. This was work. He was only here because he’d promised her he would see this through. He’d promised her a chance to prove herself. As he’d stolen her faith in love, he owed it to her to be there.
‘You made it,’ she whispered. She didn’t sound angry and that made him feel even worse. She was understanding and sweet and didn’t deserve to be treated the way he’d treated her. As if she didn’t matter. Because she did. He snuck another look at her, letting his eyes fall down her nose and onto her full lips. She definitely mattered.
‘I never miss the opportunity to see a woman strip.’
‘It’s not a strip club, it’s burlesque. They don’t take everything off and there won’t be any ping-pong balls here.’
He laughed at her expression and relaxed a little. He liked being with Faith. She was a little guarded but he liked the way she always stood up to him. Instead of making him angry, it made him feel as if she was listening. As if he mattered.
Something about that thought stung at him. He wondered if Jess had ever actually made him feel that way. She’d held his hand and looked into his eyes and made him feel important, but he hadn�
�t taken too much notice of what she said and what she did. It had been all about him and how it made him feel. About beating Charlie.
Being with Faith was different. He wasn’t competing with anyone. He didn’t need to win and she kept reaching for him and soothing him and he wondered why. Why didn’t she just give up and walk away? Why was she still here, talking to him, making him feel special? He certainly didn’t deserve it. He couldn’t think about Faith as someone he could matter to. That was dangerous. Trusting someone was dangerous and she shouldn’t trust him either.
The slit in her skirt fell away to reveal a nice portion of golden thigh and Cash’s mind buzzed. Pure lust, he told himself. A physical reaction to a beautiful woman, that was all this was. He shifted, moving away from her, but she shifted too and he found her thigh millimetres from his again and he realised he wanted her there. Not just because she was gorgeous, but because he wanted to know how she was. He wanted her to know that he thought she mattered.
SIXTEEN
‘Ladies, gentlemen and all you cats in between, the time has come to introduce you to the lovely, the gorgeous—the most mind-blowing woman alive—Miss Betty Boom-Boom!’
The crowd let up a wild cheer as the bongos started a regular beat. Faith smiled up at Cash and he looked away—at the stage, at the back of the head of the woman in front of him, anywhere but into Faith’s bright, trusting eyes.
The band chimed in with lots of trumpet, plenty of hip-shaking bass and a truckload of kitsch. A leg appeared and then the tall, curvy body of the dancer appeared and wolf whistles went up from all across the room to show their appreciation.
Cash shifted again. Faith was moving, wiggling and straining her neck to get a better view and her bare calf met with his leg. When he glanced at her he could see the pulse beating in the hollow of her throat. Her skin glowed and he wanted to touch her. To press his lips right to that spot. To make that smile disappear and a moan escape from her lips. Everything inside him prickled with heat. His whole body was tense. He needed to calm down. He had to stop noticing every little thing about her. He had to prove to himself he was still in charge, which was why he did what he did next.
Leaning in close enough for his breath to touch her ear, he lowered his voice until it resembled gravel and murmured suggestively, ‘Are you excited yet?’
The atmosphere between them changed in an instant. The smile disappeared from her lips and she went still. Even the way she was sitting seemed to change. She curled her spine up until she was sitting stiff and still, lifting her chin so he could see the long column of her neck. His plan had backfired. Now, rather than being in control, he felt it slipping.
He was aware of her in a way he’d never been before. He wanted to be next to her. He wanted to touch her and hold her and keep her close and he knew that she wanted to touch him. He couldn’t miss it. The way her breathing changed, the way her cheeks went pink, the way she deliberately kept her eyes forward. She’d felt the hot hit of connection between them but he wasn’t sure what she was going to do with that information. Would she walk out? She should. That was exactly what she should do.
His words had been meant to disarm her—make her nervous so he could gain some control—but now everything seemed to be spiralling dangerously. His eyes travelled down to her chest and his eyes snagged on the perfect curve of her breasts. They curved and tipped up, her nipples were standing erect and she wore a bra that pushed them up over the top of her dress. His eyes continued their journey, past the slight curve of her belly and over her hips to her legs. His collar rubbed against his skin. She shifted and leaned in closer—her eyes not leaving the stage. Probably to tell him off again. Good. He deserved it. He tried to turn his head to the stage and not look at her but he couldn’t. He was only interested in watching her.
‘Watch,’ she whispered, her voice low and husky and shooting heat straight to his groin. ‘Watch the way she moves, the way her eyes and hands tell you what she wants you to do. She leads you to where she wants you to look.’
He dragged his eyes off her full red lips and onto the stage. The woman was dressed in a long, tight dress covered in sequins. Her hips moved when she walked and her gloved fingers ran trails over her body. As he watched his pulse thumped in his wrists. Faith’s thigh was so close to his. He wanted to shift his leg to feel her against him. He wanted to lift his hands and place them on her skin, relieving the thumping ache that was now spreading through his body. She’d want more and he couldn’t give her more. He knew that but right now he didn’t give a damn. He just wanted her.
‘She wants you to pay attention to how feminine she is. See the way she walks across the stage? Moving her hips so you look. Then she runs her hands up her body, over her breasts.’ Breathing got harder as he listened to Faith’s voice. Every pulse point he had was pumping blood faster than it ever had before. Her words skated over his skin like a cold breeze. Everything was standing to attention. Cash shifted his legs wider apart to make more room. His leg finally touched her thigh and he sucked in a breath; it felt as good as he’d imagined. Electric.
Sparking with someone was rare. Normally he saw their face, their body, their breasts. He wanted them physically. But this was different. There was a caution in the air between them. Something forbidden. Something he couldn’t resist. He flicked his eyes to her, to see if she noticed it too, and she was looking at him. Right at him. Deep into him. He didn’t want her to look at him like that but in that second it was exactly what he wanted. Her small pink tongue darted out to sweep across her bottom lip.
‘Then she touches her face, her lips. She wants you to look. She wants you to notice. That’s why this is the number one fantasy. Stripping for your man means he is only thinking about one thing. You.’
Faith drew her bottom lip in between her teeth and sucked. Cash couldn’t move. His hands itched to touch; his body burned with the desire to be on top of her. Despite the knowledge that she was going to hate him when this all went pear-shaped. The way she let her lip bounce back out and the way her eyes moved ever so slowly to his lips made him forget everything except her. And his own body, which was now raging out of control.
‘All women want to feel desired and valued and respected.’ Cash looked into her eyes. Her lashes were dark and the navy irises were now almost black. He clenched his gut, holding on, waiting. Faith moved closer, her breath leaving heat marks on his chin. She was going to kiss him. And he wasn’t going to stop her. Even though somewhere in his brain he knew he should.
‘Sex is never just sex for a woman. Sex is about how you make her feel.’
Faith moved back, suddenly. ‘And if you make her feel used, you better watch out because there’s nothing more painful than dealing with a woman who’s been hurt.’ Cash’s mouth dried up completely. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her; he hadn’t wanted it to go this far. He hadn’t wanted to feel anything for her—but she was the type of person you couldn’t ignore. Faith turned back to the stage, leaving Cash with his mouth open, unsure of what to say to her. He wanted to apologise; he wanted to reassure her that he never meant to hurt her, but anything he said would have just been words and she deserved more than that.
‘See how she teases? She’s taunting the men. Showing them what they’ll never have.’
Her sensual mouth moved into a wicked smile. The dimple in her cheek was back. She looked playful and fun and sexier than he’d ever seen her look.
‘They tease and taunt and make him think he’s won.’ She smiled up at him, looking far more beautiful than she ever had. ‘Then they take it away. They move on to the next man. She has the power and all the men are just her toys.’
Cash’s heart stopped in his chest. This wasn’t about her and him at all; it was about teaching him that sex wasn’t just sex. She’d said she didn’t believe in love any more and this was her telling him what she did believe in. Power. And she had it. Just as Jes
s had it. Over him. Heat crept up into his brain. He was being played again. He’d let his weak country-boy heart think that there was something between them and now she was teaching him that that was a stupid thing to do.
Faith had learned about more than tassels and feathers from the women here at the burlesque club. She’d learnt the female art of manipulation. She knew how to draw people in. To let them think she wanted more. Only to pull away at the last minute. She was a tease. And he was too smart to fall for that trick again. For a moment he’d lost control. He’d let himself think too far ahead and he knew that was wrong. Trust no one. He’d been living by that motto for the past nine years.
‘Isn’t it just like a woman to make an art form out of deception? To promise something she has no intention of delivering.’
The smile froze on her face but it left her eyes. ‘She’s not promising anything.’
‘She’s promising everything.’ The fire that was running through his veins had now turned liquid hot. He wanted her to feel the way he did. Disappointed. Angry. Let down. ‘But it’s all lies. Lies and deception. Which is all your show is.’
Faith blinked and the smile faded from her lips. He hated that he’d done that to her. He hated that a minute ago she seemed hot for him and now she’d gone cold. But he was angry. Jess had tricked him. She’d made him believe they were in love and now Faith was doing the same thing, to get what she wanted.
He moved his leg so it was no longer touching hers. He didn’t want to be near her. He wanted to be at the bar buying a drink for a leggy blonde. Someone who didn’t rattle him. Someone he felt nothing for. Someone who didn’t make him say things he shouldn’t and think things he couldn’t.
