by Jennifer Rae
‘Let me go.’
‘No, not until you tell me what the hell is going on. Tell me what you want, Faith. Be honest. Tell me.’
‘I have no idea, Cash. I don’t know what I want. I thought I wanted this. I thought I wanted you but now...I can’t do this.’
His touch was warm and it was helping her heart slow down. She was being irrational and emotional. Why was she getting so worked up? Why couldn’t they just have sex without it meaning anything more? Cash was just someone she was attracted to. Someone who made her feel better. Someone she helped when he needed her. That was all this was.
Wrapping her arms around herself, Faith walked defiantly to the side of the bridge they were now on and stopped about a metre from the edge. If she saw the water, she’d panic—she’d always been afraid of heights and right now they were up far too high.
Boats bobbed along the docks and the noise of people laughing and talking rose up from the restaurants below. He moved silently past her to the rail and leaned back against it, looking at her, his hands tucked firmly in his pockets. Panic rose in Faith’s throat. He was too close to the edge.
‘Come back away from the rail.’ He looked behind him into the water and back to Faith.
He reached for her. ‘Come here.’
Faith shook her head, wrapping her arms tighter around herself.
‘Don’t be frightened. Trust me. It’s safe. Come here. Stand with me.’
He looked strong and stable standing there. Relaxed and at ease and she wanted to be close to him. She wanted to feel the comfort of his big body. But what if the railing fell? What if she leaned over too far?
‘Faith.’ He stepped forward and pulled her hands away from her body. ‘Come with me.’
She watched his eyes. They held on hers and he stepped backwards. She shuffled forwards, swaying a little at the sight of the rail coming closer.
‘Trust me, Faith, I have you,’ he murmured, pulling on her hands again. She shuffled again, not taking her eyes off his until he pulled her into his body. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his heart. It thumped in her ear.
‘I’ve got you, Faith.’ His voice rumbled through his chest and into her head. She felt safe and warm and she never wanted to let him go. ‘Look at me.’ He gripped her arms and forced her back. ‘Look at me.’ She looked at him. His eyes travelled over her face, across her hair and down her neck. The sear of his gaze made her shiver. All of a sudden the noise of the people died away and her heart stopped in her chest.
‘You asked me if I cared about you, and the answer is yes, I do. Of course I do. You’re smart and funny and interesting and I want you. But I just can’t offer any more. I can’t give you any more.’
She knew what he was saying; she knew what he was offering and resolution landed on her thick and fast.
‘I want you, Cash. I want to be with you, even if it’s just sex. I want you.’ Cash’s eyes dipped and trailed along her cheek. He slid his hand down her arm till he was holding her hand. Slowly and carefully he twisted her arm until her fingers touched the metal of the railing behind him. She gasped, looking up at him then back down at her fingers, which were now gripping the iron rail with white knuckles. She was doing it. She was right at the rail.
‘Look down,’ he said, his hand not leaving hers and his other arm wrapped firmly around her waist. She let her eyes trail over his shoulders, across his chest and down further, where his waist narrowed. Drawing in a steadying breath, she tried to pull herself together. It was just a bridge. It was safe. He had her. She could do this. She shut her eyes tightly and moved her head back to face the water, waiting till the pulse in her neck slowed.
Faith opened her eyes. The water was black and it lapped at the pylons. She gripped the rail with one hand and Cash with the other. Her stomach heaved.
‘I’ve got you,’ he murmured in her ear. ‘I’ve got you and I’m not letting go.’
She slumped into him. ‘I want to do this.’
‘Faith.’ She turned at the sound of his voice and his eyes locked with hers. Hard. Something changed between them. What was once sizzling and hot now became raw and desperate. She wanted to move away but fear gripped her, making her heart stand still. Anticipation of what he was going to say made her mouth dry.
He watched her for a second, then turned to fix his eyes on a spot far out in the black water. His face in profile was almost as handsome as it was straight on. Strong brows led down his long, straight nose to his set, square jaw. She took a deep breath, then wished she hadn’t as his scent assaulted her nostrils. Deep and spicy and male. His jaw pulsed once, twice and again before being still. Despite his casual stance, she could tell he was as affected as she was. He felt whatever this was between them. He shifted and Faith saw the muscles in his back and shoulders as they moved. Desire shot through her, hard and hot. Her nipples hardened painfully and a pulse throbbed at her core, right where she’d felt him pressed up against her in Patricia’s garden the other morning. She wanted to reach out and touch him. So she did.
* * *
Cash realised she was no longer holding the rail, she was just holding him. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It was supposed to be just sex.
Caution fired through him as he remembered how he’d tried to stay away from her tonight. But he’d missed her. And he knew he’d hurt her and that hurt him. With a force that surprised him. He’d thought he could handle this. A quick fling. Something casual. But every move she made tonight was smooth and sensual, as if she was moving deliberately because she knew he was watching. Every time she looked around he imagined it was for him, as if she could smell him in the air. As if she knew exactly what he wanted and wanted to give it to him. She was like a hit of a highly lethal street drug; she had a way of making him feel invincible, as if he were the most important person in the room. And he’d enjoyed the feeling of her focus so much he’d forgotten that he didn’t want it.
But she wanted more. He should have let her run as she wanted to. But the thought of her upset and missing him made him angry. At himself, at her and at everything that had happened between them. He wanted to be with her. Tonight. Tomorrow night. And after that. Which was absolutely crazy.
‘You’re not holding on.’
Faith looked down at the rail, then at the water, before meeting his stare.
‘No. I’m not.’ She was taking a risk; he could see it. He had to be the strong one here; he had to make sure this didn’t become something he couldn’t handle, but when he looked at her he wasn’t sure if he wasn’t falling for her. But still he didn’t say anything; he didn’t tell her to stop. It was as if there were something between them, pulling them together, and there was nothing he could do about it.
He dipped his head and when his lips met her mouth he drank her in. The way her skin smelled, the way her lips tasted and the sexy way she let her tongue run slowly along his bottom lip. After just a moment’s hesitation, she moved into his arms and her body arched as his arms came around her, pulling her into the hardness of him. When she moaned, he lost it. That noise she made at the back of her throat was enough to make his smile disappear and a glint of something animal take over him. She was his. He needed her and she needed him.
‘Faith,’ he murmured.
His body hummed with want and she opened her lips to him, and he let his tongue taste her mouth again.
‘Cash.’ Her voice came out as a husky moan. He pulled away.
‘Faith,’ he replied, his breathing heavy as if he’d just emerged from being under water too long. ‘How far is it to the water taxi?’ he asked, a gruff rawness lacing his words. Nothing was going to stop him from having her.
NINETEEN
Faith smiled. He wanted it bad.
‘It’s just down there.’ He grabbed her hand and pulled. They hurried across the b
ridge as fast as they could but Cash kept stopping to scoop her up into his arms and kiss her thoroughly. She smiled and laughed as if she were sixteen and being kissed for the first time. When he looked at her, his eyes were focused. She was the only thing he was looking at, the only thing he was thinking of. It made her feel important and special and strangely calm. Every step they took made the fear she’d felt before start to vanish. Sex. That’s all this was. Then it would be over. She could do this. She had to do this. To move on, to feel whole again. She had to be able to think of sex as just sex. With her hand wrapped around his big bicep they walked beneath the bridge to the water-taxi dock but it was deserted. Cash pulled out his phone and called the number on the poster at the dock. He frowned.
‘They’ll be an hour.’
‘An hour?’
‘Busy night apparently. Parties all over the harbour.’
‘I suppose we’ll just have to wait.’
Cash sat on the wooden bench, then pulled her down to sit on his lap. His hand found her chin and he rested his fingers there as he kissed her. Faith let her hands explore his powerful shoulders, pushing her fingers beneath his jacket to feel the corded muscles strung across them. He put an arm around her hip and pulled her closer and she let herself wonder for just a second what it would feel like to do this all the time. Whenever she wanted. But that wasn’t what this was about. This was about letting go of her fear and just having sex. With a gorgeous man.
‘You taste delicious,’ he mumbled, a smile spreading across his lips.
Faith laughed and nipped at his lip with her teeth. ‘You are getting too carried away. It’ll be another hour until we’re in the taxi, then another twenty minutes before we get to my place.’
Cash groaned and brought his lips down onto hers again. ‘I don’t know if I can wait that long.’ He watched her lips hungrily then met her eyes. Faith’s breasts swelled and her nipples prickled to hardness. His impatience turned her on. He wanted her. As much as she wanted him. But this was just sex, she reminded herself. Just. Sex.
His eyes were hooded and beneath were as dark as the sky. His full lips were parted and she lifted a hand to rub across the roughness of the stubble on his cheek. The way he looked at her, as if there were no one else. As if he were seeing right inside her and he couldn’t let her go. He was devouring her face with his eyes and she felt like his. As if she belonged to him alone and he belonged to her. Her heavy heart pounded. A light, reckless sensation of falling ran through her head. This didn’t feel like ‘just’ anything.
‘Cash.’
Something changed when she said his name. Faith didn’t know why or how, but the look in his eyes changed. Suddenly the teasing left and he became serious.
‘Faith,’ he murmured as his large hand came up to cradle her chin again, more gently this time. She lifted her hand and traced one finger across his eyebrow and down his cheek as if memorising every plane and angle of his face. Memorising the way he was looking at her and how he made her feel. As if she were the only person that existed. As if she mattered. He pushed his thumb over her lips. She kissed it, opened her mouth and flicked her tongue across the tip and closed her eyes. His answering moan and the feel of his rock-hard erection beneath her let her know that he was enjoying it. He was enjoying her. She shifted so she could feel him against her. She wiggled and pushed herself down onto him.
Cash groaned. ‘I’m not made of stone, Faith.’
He let his hand slip from her face and down her body. Her skin burned as he caressed her with his palm, across her breasts, past her stomach and over her hips. Sex, she reminded herself. This was just sex. She gasped as he slid his hand down her thigh and slipped it through the slit of her dress. He started the long slide back up her leg, his eyes not leaving hers. He moved slowly, seductively up and over her knee. He stopped to lean over and kiss the hollow at the base of her knee and she trembled. The warmth of his tongue and the wet feel of it slid straight up her leg, burning a trail right to her core. He shifted away and watched his hand as he pushed it further up her inner thigh. Her skirt came up and they could both see what he was doing and where his hand was going.
He was paying attention to her as no one ever had, as if every part of her was beautiful. As if he wanted every inch of her body. She felt like stopping him, he couldn’t possibly want her that much, but she didn’t. This felt like sex. Hot and animal. Pure lust. She watched, mesmerised, as his hand, dark against the pale skin of her thigh, moved higher. When he reached the thin layer of lace he pushed his thumb across her and she had to bite her tongue to stop crying out. Faith had never felt more wanted. His eyes were glued to hers; they were black as the sky. Direct. Sincere.
‘Do you like that?’ His voice was low and gruff.
She nodded. She couldn’t speak.
He slipped one finger inside the lace of her underwear and brushed it against her, pushing the flimsy material aside.
‘What if someone comes?’ She could barely speak at the waves of pleasure his lone finger was sending through her body.
‘No one’s coming,’ he said, then smiled. ‘Not yet, anyway.’
She couldn’t believe what she was doing. On a public dock in a crowded city. But there was no one around and he was looking at her with such longing that she couldn’t wait. Couldn’t stop. And that was what this was about. Letting go. Being someone different. So she moved her thighs a little further apart. He made a noise in the back of his throat, almost like a growl, and slipped another finger in underneath the lace.
She whimpered, then moaned, then cried out in pleasure as his fingers slid along the slickness of her folds. His mouth pressed to hers and she kissed him desperately as his fingers pushed deep inside her. She wanted him to know how much she was enjoying this—how grateful she was that he was paying attention. That he was concentrating on her pleasure instead of being impatient for his own. No one had ever done that. He stopped and she moaned before touching her lips gently to his. When she pulled away, her eyes found his and she saw the need in them. Saw what she’d wanted to see in his eyes since she met him. Possession. Want. Need. So this is what ‘just sex’ felt like? Why hadn’t she done this before? Why had she thought love was the answer? Cash didn’t love her—he just wanted to make her feel good and she did. He moved his fingers, sliding up and down until he found the hard nub. She rubbed herself against him, gripping his forearm with her fingers and moving against him, her breath coming faster and harder.
‘You’re beautiful,’ he whispered as he watched her. ‘I want to see you come.’
The pressure built and she moved and moaned until nothing else existed except for him and her and the feeling of pure pleasure as his fingers moved against her, inside her and around her. Her body rose as the pleasure built until everything went black and time stood still and she came against his fingers.
She moaned and the pleasure returned in waves as aftershocks rocked her body.
‘Faith.’ His voice was rough and he kept his hand still as she moved and shifted, allowing her body to come back down from the high he’d just given her.
He fluttered light kisses against her eyelids and at the corner of her mouth, then he stilled, his forehead leaning against hers.
Faith’s chest felt as if it were going to burst. She’d never...never experienced that with any man before. She’d never had someone focus on her so intently. Never had someone so determined to make sure she was satisfied. Everything felt different. Everything looked brighter but as the sound of the waves became louder and Cash kissed her again something changed. His eyes met hers and he gave her that look. The one that made her think things that weren’t real. The satisfying pounding in her chest became more fluttery. Heat rose up her chest and into her cheeks.
‘Faith?’ he asked, his hand coming up to her face. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Bul
l. I can tell when you’re lying, you know. Didn’t you enjoy that?’
‘Yes, yes, I did. Very much. It’s just...’
‘What?’ His voice was gentle and it was making her heart beat even faster. She knew she couldn’t do this.
‘Nothing. Just hold me.’ And he did. Faith burrowed her head into his shoulder and he wrapped his strong arms around her and held on tight until the ridiculous feeling in her heart started to subside and the water taxi arrived to take them home.
TWENTY
Faith’s apartment wasn’t far from the dock. He kept his hands to himself as they walked and Faith’s fears grew. What if that was it? What if he’d realised this was a bad idea? She wasn’t ready to let him go yet—she wanted more. She wanted him to show her more.
The security code on her door didn’t work. She let out a frustrated sigh and tried again but it refused to work. She tried again but at that moment, Cash moved forward. His big, warm body covered her back and she felt him up against her—hard and ready. When his hands lifted her hair and his lips fell onto the back of her neck she wondered whether her next orgasm would last till she got to the bedroom. She’d never been on such alert. But his hand came up to her shoulder and slid down her arm and his deep voice growled in her ear, ‘What’s the number? I’ll do it.’
‘It’s fine. I have it.’ She twisted her body and punched in the number and to her relief the door buzzed and she fell in, moving quickly to punch the elevator button. She punched it again. And again. Cash stayed silent, standing at a distance with his hands casually in his pockets.
The lift seemed to take years but it finally came and she stepped in. When he followed all the oxygen seemed to disappear. They travelled in silence for a few floors before she heard him let out a sigh.
‘Are you all right? Have you changed your mind?’
