Nathan blinked once, twice, before opening his eyes fully and glancing down at the enticing female body curled up trustingly against his side. A body that most definitely did not belong to his fiancée. A body that he began to all too vividly recall had done wicked, enticing things to him last night and early this morning, a body that he’d come to know intimately in a very short period of time, and that was even now tempting him to tumble back onto the mattress and sink inside of.
It all came rushing back to him like a tidal wave – his argument with Cameron, the amount of liquor he’d belted back in a very short time frame, meeting the beautiful girl he’d been obsessed with for days out in front of the hotel, inviting her back inside for a drink, and the resulting hours and hours of hot, consuming sex they’d engaged in.
‘Ah, fuck,” he groaned beneath his breath, careful not to wake Julia. “What the hell have I done?’
Cautiously, he began to ease himself away from her an inch at a time, desperate not to wake her. She mumbled sleepily but only burrowed further into her pillow as he slowly eased himself out of the bed. He stood by the foot of the bed for long seconds, running his hand alternately through his hair and then over his jaw, trying to make some sense of what the hell had happened the previous evening. Had he really seduced this beautiful, sweet girl while knowing full well that he was already engaged and had to fly back home today? Nathan simply couldn’t fathom how he’d done something so thoroughly rotten, how he could have intentionally taken another woman to bed when he had a fiancée waiting for him back in San Francisco. He’d never been that kind of guy, had always been honest with the women he’d dated. Sure, he’d had his fair share of one-night stands but never when he was already dating someone else. So what the hell had possessed him last night to suddenly start acting like Prick of the Year? He struggled to calculate exactly how much alcohol he’d consumed last night, but knew it hadn’t been nearly enough to cloud his judgment that badly. Unfortunately, he’d known exactly what he’d been doing by enticing Julia into his bed and then had taken full, despicable advantage of her passionate capitulation. And that unquestionably made him the biggest dog-faced bastard in the history of mankind, seriously in need of a major ass-kicking.
As quietly as possible, he gathered up some clean clothes and slipped noiselessly into the bathroom. He showered, shaved, and dressed in record time, badly needing some alone time to get a hold of himself and then figure out what the hell to do next. There was no way he was just going to ditch Julia – sneak out of the room like a spineless jerk without explaining or apologizing. He might have acted like the world’s biggest asshole last night but he wasn’t about to make things that much worse by just leaving like a thief in the night. But he did need coffee – and more Advil, judging from his pounding headache – and at least a few minutes to get his shit together before manning up.
He exited the bathroom as quietly as he’d entered, grateful to see that Julia still slept peacefully, and hastily found his shoes, wallet, and room key. As he headed for the door, though, he couldn’t resist sneaking another peek at her, if only to assure himself that she was every bit as beautiful as he’d thought. Nathan closed his eyes, overcome at the sight of her gorgeous face in repose with her pink cheeks and soft, lush mouth slightly parted as she breathed in and out. The image of that fairytale princess from his old childhood storybook came to mind, but Julia in the flesh was a hundred times more beautiful than any of those illustrations. Her glorious mane of caramel colored curls tumbled carelessly about her bare shoulders and his fingers itched to run through the long, silky strands again.
Instead, his grit his teeth and opened the door carefully, knowing he’d need the biggest cup of coffee he could find before facing her again. Maybe one with several bracing shots of whiskey in it.
Julia winced as she turned over in the unfamiliar bed, feeling the soreness in seldom used muscles. The drapes had been drawn, blocking out most of the bright sunlight streaming into the room, but not enough to hide the fact that it was definitely morning. She opened one eye a crack, just enough to see it was slightly before nine a.m.
Memories of the previous night – and early this morning – began to surface, one after the other, until she didn’t know which one to recall first. She smiled dreamily as the decadent splendor of the last fifteen or so hours replayed itself over and over in her mind. She’d never had sex that physical, that demanding, that raw before. No one had ever talked to her like Nathan had, the dirty but thrilling things that he’d whispered to her all night long. And she had never even come close to having that much sex in such a short period of time, hadn’t dreamed it was even possible to get a man hard that many times. And it went without saying that she had never had even one orgasm as intense as the multiple ones Nathan had wrung out of her.
She stretched luxuriously, feeling very lazy and satisfied, like a big cat. It was then she realized she was alone in the huge bed, the covers shoved back on Nathan’s side. Trying not to panic or make assumptions, she slowly sat up and looked around the hotel room.
Relief washed through her when she noticed his suitcases lined up against the far wall, his jacket laid across a chair. She hadn’t actually believed that Nathan could have done something as unconscionable as sneaking out of here without a goodbye, or a discussion of where they went from here. There was no way, she told herself firmly, that someone who‘d been so wonderful, so tender and caring, would be capable of doing something like that. After what they had shared last night and this morning, Julia couldn’t imagine that this would turn out to be just another one night stand for him. It certainly was much, much more to her. She was already a little in love with him, already missing him, and trying really hard not to start thinking about what happened next. There were so many things she didn’t know about him – where he lived, what he did for a living, not to mention his last name. It was obvious he didn’t live in New York, and she thought it was fortunate that she had already begun to think about moving out of the city for at this moment she thought she would gladly follow him to the ends of the earth.
Thinking that he had to be in the bathroom, Julia padded naked across the carpeted room, only to frown again when she found that space empty as well, though evidence remained that he’d showered sometime this morning.
Fighting back a growing sense of unease, Julia turned on the shower taps and grabbed a towel and one of the hotel bathrobes. Not wanting to take the time to wash and dry her long hair, she piled it into the complementary shower cap before stepping into the shower. The hot, steamy water did wonders for her sore muscles, and the soap smelled wonderful as she washed. She could have lingered for awhile in that huge shower, but she was anxious to see Nathan. She dried off quickly and wrapped herself in the plush robe. After restoring some order to her hair, and using another swig of mouthwash, she tentatively opened the bathroom door and was relieved beyond description to see that Nathan had returned.
He was standing over by the window, where he’d opened the drapes to let the full morning light flood into the room. He was sending a text and hadn’t noticed her yet, so Julia allowed herself a moment to drink in his splendid male beauty. He was more casually dressed this morning, in dark jeans and a fitted gray T-shirt. His thick brown hair was neatly brushed and he’d shaved, leaving his handsome face smooth. He was frowning slightly in concentration as he tapped out his text, and she was determined to replace that frown with a very happy smile.
“Good morning,” she said in a husky voice as she padded over to him on bare feet.
He glanced up, abruptly setting his phone aside. The rather somber expression on his face should have been cause for concern but Julia was too happy to see him to think much about it.
“Good morning,” he replied quietly. “I brought coffee and some pastries. They’re over on the table.”
She smiled at him sultrily, sliding her arms around his neck and pressing her body flush against his. “Thank you. But I need a good morning kiss first.”
/> Julia pulled his head down to hers and kissed him, a sensual, open-mouthed kiss, and tasted the inside of his mouth with slow, deep licks. At first, Nathan seemed to merely accept her kiss almost passively, and then suddenly he groaned and hauled her into his body. The neckline of her overlarge robe fell open and Julia, needing to feel his hands on her, brought his fingers to her nipple. He obliged by tweaking the already hard little peak between his fingers, eliciting a moan of pleasure from her throat.
Abruptly, Nathan broke the kiss and placed his hands on her shoulders, holding her away from him at arm’s distance. Julia raised puzzled eyes to his.
“Nathan, what’s wrong?”
His gaze dipped to where the robe had parted, revealing the full length of her nude body, before he closed his eyes. “Fix your robe, Julia. I can’t think straight with you looking like that. All I can think about is fucking you again.”
Her mouth quivered at the harsh, almost impersonal tone of his voice but she complied, tightening the belt so that the robe covered her from neck to ankles. “Please tell me what’s wrong,” she said quietly.
He opened his eyes, looking relieved to see her covered, and took her by the elbow. He led her over to the same table where they’d eaten late last night. “Sit down, Julia. I wasn’t sure how you took your coffee. I hope cream is okay. There’s sweetener there if you use it. And you should eat something, help yourself.” He gestured to the tall white bag on the table.
She shook her head. “I’m not hungry. Please talk to me, Nathan. What’s wrong?”
He took the opposite chair. “Have your coffee first, then we’ll talk.”
Julia’s hand shook as she stirred sweetener into her coffee and then took a sip. Her stomach was starting to churn with unease, and she had a terrible premonition about what was to come. There was no trace left of her sexy, passionate lover of the previous evening, and she knew she didn’t want to hear what he was going to say during their “talk”. But Nathan remained stubbornly silent, looking off in the other direction until she’d finished about half of her coffee. By then tears were already spilling from her eyes, and she had to choke back a little sob.
That small sound brought his head back around, and he groaned to see her wipe tears from her cheeks. “Oh, baby. Why are you crying?” he asked tenderly, brushing her hair back from her face.
She closed her eyes as the tears continued to fall freely. “Because you’re about to tell me this was all a terrible mistake, and that it should never have happened, aren’t you?” she whispered brokenly.
“Look at me, Julia.” The commanding tone was back in his voice, and she was powerless to resist him as she opened her eyes. His gaze upon her was compassionate, but there was a firm set to his mouth and jaw. “You’re partly right,” he told her gently. “What happened last night shouldn’t have. I should never have allowed myself to even approach you. But to call the most incredible night of my life a mistake is completely incorrect.”
Julia felt like her heart was splintering into thousands of tiny shards. “I don’t understand, Nathan. Why shouldn’t it have happened? We were obviously both attracted to each other, right from the very first time I saw you coming back from your run.”
He made a harsh sound. “Attracted is too mild a word for what I felt for you, baby. Obsessed is more like it. I thought about you constantly, kicked myself a thousand times for not running after you that first day, and getting your number. But the reason I didn’t is the same reason why I have to say goodbye to you now, Julia. I’m not free to be with you, baby.”
Shocked, she stood up abruptly, pushing herself away from the table. “Oh, God, you’re married? Oh, no. God, no. How could I be so stupid again?” She covered her face with her hands, weeping like a child.
Nathan tried to take her in his arms, but she walked away from him. “I’m not married, Julia,” he said quietly. “Even I wouldn’t be that much of an asshole. But I am in a long term relationship and very recently engaged.”
Anger surged through her as she turned to face him. “Like that’s much better?” she hissed. “How could you, Nathan? What a fool I am, a stupid, stupid, fool. I actually believed we had something special but all you wanted was a good long fuck before you flew home to your fiancée. You bastard.”
He paled visibly at her angrily spoken words. “It wasn’t like that, Julia. Not even a little bit. I certainly didn’t come to New York thinking I was going to have a final wild fling. If you recall, I didn’t even bring condoms with me.”
She was so angry and upset – both with him and herself- that she was shaking. “Then exactly how was it, Nathan? If you were engaged and obviously had no intention of ever seeing me again after today, why did you let it go so far?”
“Because I couldn’t help myself,” he whispered harshly. “You were so goddamned beautiful, like a dream, like that fairytale princess I told you about. And I let myself be a total asshole and use you because I was selfish and greedy, and I just fucking wanted you. I’m sure you must hate my guts right about now.”
Julia shook her head. “I should. I should be screaming names at you right now, throwing things, cursing you. But I’m just – sad, Nathan. Last night was so amazing for me, like a beautiful, living dream. I’ve never, ever considered going off with a man I just met and didn’t know anything about, but I couldn’t help myself. I was so attracted to you, wanted to be with you so badly. And now - God, I don’t even know your last name! I don’t do things like this – one night stands – and now I just feel dirty, like some nasty skank you picked up in a bar.”
He was at her side in an instant, dragging her into his arms and burying his face in her hair. “Jesus, baby, don’t say things like that!” he told her in alarm. “Julia, you are the finest, most precious woman I’ve ever met. Don’t ever think of comparing yourself to some cheap slut. I know you wouldn’t just go off with any man you meet, and I could tell it had been awhile since you’d been with someone. Don’t you dare cheapen what happened last night. It was the best night of my life.”
She raised tear-filled eyes to his. “Then why are you leaving me? If it was so good between us, then why can’t we keep seeing each other?”
He rested his forehead against hers, heaving a sigh. “It’s not that simple. I know I’ve acted like a bastard – cheating on my fiancée and using you. But I’ve been with her for two years, Julia. What kind of an asshole would I be to ditch her just because someone else came along? I should have tried harder to resist you. But now because I was weak I’ve hurt you and betrayed someone else.”
Julia felt lightheaded, and held on to his forearms to stop herself from collapsing. “Are you in love with her?” she whispered faintly.
He groaned. “Don’t, Julia.”
She pushed herself away from him and began to search for her things. “You’re right. Of course you love her. Why else would you be engaged? Where are my clothes?”
“Over there on the desk chair. Julia -“
She ignored him and walked over to where she saw the pink dress. A strange sense of numbness had begun to seep into her bones, an awful feeling of cold and dread, and she couldn’t stop the shivers that rippled through her body. Almost without being aware of her actions, she dropped the robe from her shoulders, barely hearing the indrawn hiss of Nathan’s breath behind her as her nudity was displayed. Like a robot, she pulled her bra on and then frantically searched around for her panties.
“Where are my panties?” she asked, her voice high and panicky. “They aren’t with the rest of my things. I can’t walk out of here without them.”
Nathan’s voice sounded behind her but she didn’t pay him any attention as she searched for her missing underwear. “Julia, take it easy, baby,” he soothed. “It’s okay.”
She sobbed and shook her head. “No, no, it’s not. I can’t find them, Nathan. I can’t leave here without panties on. Only bad girls do things like that and I’m a good girl. I never do naughty things.”
“Jesus, stop
it.” He pulled her into his arms, pushing her face into his shoulder. “Calm down and I’ll help you find them.”
She pushed away from him. “No, I need to go. I can’t be here with you.” Resigning herself to walking out of there sans underwear, she pulled her dress on, awkwardly zipping it up behind her while shoving her feet into her shoes. Angrily, she dashed away the tears that blinded her and grabbed her purse, stumbling towards the door.
A door that Nathan was blocking, his back pressed against it so that she couldn’t leave. She refused to look at him, her hair falling forward to shield her flushed, tearstained face.
“Julia, look at me, please.” The commanding tone of his voice had been replaced with an almost desperate plea. “Baby, please.”
Her head shot up angrily. “Don’t call me that,” she hissed. “I’m not your baby. I’m just some stupid, naïve girl you banged last night. You’re flying home today to the woman you really care about, so don’t waste your fake endearments on me.”
His shoulders slumped, and an expression of unbelievable sadness crossed his face. “Julia, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you like this. I wish there was something I could say or do to make it better.”
She raised huge, tear-filled eyes to his. “Just let me go, Nathan. Please open the door now.”
But he ignored her, instead sliding his hands into her hair. “Let me take you downstairs, get you a cab. I need to know you’re going to be okay.”
Julia placed her hands over his, trying in vain to dislodge them. “No. I want to leave now. Alone. Don’t make this harder.”
He brushed his thumb over her lips. “Then kiss me goodbye. A kiss to remember.”
She tried to turn her head to the side, but he held her still as his lips claimed hers one final time. His kiss tasted of hunger, of desperation, but mostly of farewell. Julia refused at first to respond, remaining passive beneath his hungry mouth, but then she gave a little moan and kissed him back, clinging to him as though she never wanted to let go.
Serendipity (Inevitable) Page 7
