by D. S. Murphy
“Shit,” I said. “The dress.”
“Forget it,” Damien said, holding my shoulders softly. “Are you okay?”
“I’m sorry about the vial, I had to use it.”
“But where did it come from,” Damien asked, his grip tightening.
“I’m not with the rebels, I swear. I saw Penelope, she dropped it below my window, just before she was arrested.”
“You’ve had it this whole time?”
“I think it was a gift for me, to save my mother.”
“Your mother?” he asked, arching his eyebrows.
“She’s sick,” I said. “Dying. I thought the elixir could heal her.”
“That’s why you wanted to visit Algrave?” he asked. “To save your mother? That’s why you hid the vial from me?”
I nodded, and he pulled me closer to his chest.
“I’ve been such an idiot. We’ll leave for Algrave first thing in the morning.”
22
I could hardly sleep, dreaming about tomorrow. I was finally going home. I felt a rush of nostalgia, thinking about the smells of Algrave, the taste of Mrs. Samson’s apple pie, the smell of cinnamon and pine trees. I couldn’t believe I’d only been gone a month. It seemed like forever since I left my compound.
When the sky lightened, I threw off my blankets, peering out over the ramparts and walls of the citadel, towards the horizon where my mother was slowly dying. But I was going to save her. I packed a light bag with a change of clothes. I didn’t know how long we’d be staying, but I wanted to be prepared. I was surprised Damien said yes to this trip, but I wasn’t about to ask why. I wondered if he asked his father for permission. I half expected armed troops to stop us at the gate, but we used an elevator to reach the subterranean garage. This time there was a beautiful white carriage with gold rims and leather seats, linked up with four large horses.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“Tobias insisted,” Damien said, nodding towards two figures nearby. It was the first time I’d talked to Tobias since what happened to Penelope, but I didn’t know what to say. I’m sorry you murdered your wife. So I just gave him a hug.
“It’s pageantry,” he said, nodding towards the horses with a smile. “A fairy-tale, about the return of the blemished huntress who married the prince.”
“I only hunt rabbits,” I said, frowning.
Tobias pulled me closer and looked into my eyes.
“Rumor has it you killed a slagpaw, with your bare hands, and they found you soaked in blood. In your wedding dress.”
“It’s hard to explain,” I said, looking away.
“It doesn’t matter what really happened,” he said. “People are already talking about you. You’re a legend in the making. We just need to control the narrative. You are more powerful than you know, and I’m not just talking about killing slagpaw.”
“Also about that…” Zane coughed, stepping forward. He was holding a device that glowed with blue lights. He scanned it over my bracelet.
“I’ve convinced everyone this was a tech malfunction,” he said. “Which was easy, because nobody should be able to ingest that much elixir without losing their minds. Most people become rabid, even violent, on far less. But the tech is fine. It was you. You shouldn’t have been able to survive that, but you did. How do you feel?”
“Fine. Good. I mean, I’m excited to see my family. My skin itches a little—”
“That’s normal,” Zane said. “I’ve rewritten your code so abnormal elixir levels won’t trigger the warnings. I’ll get a message separately from the main servers. But be careful. Something about you is different, but too much elixir in humans always leads to death.”
Damien and Tobias exchanged a glance. They knew what was wrong with me, but they were still keeping it a secret. Whatever it was, they weren’t ready to share the knowledge with Zane yet. I wondered when they’d share it with me.
Damien held out a hand and helped me into the carriage, then our driver tossed a whip to get the horses moving.
“It’ll take twice as long,” Damien grumbled, “but my father thinks if everyone sees how happy we are, it’ll calm things down. Most chosen never return to the compounds, not even to visit, so there are rumors about all kinds of things.”
I was so excited to be leaving, I didn’t even care if the king was using my visit for political reasons. We waved goodbye to Zane and Tobias, then let the horses pull the carriage out of the hangar. The wheels rolled smoothly over the roads, and soon we were flanked by tall pines. The first time I left Algrave, the cars had been moving much faster—too fast to appreciate the ruined landscape. Moving slowly, even through the thick ash, I could see signs of the world before. Abandoned cars and bicycles; buildings with broken windows that looked like they were screaming; piles of what looked like human skeletons. I shuddered and sank back into my seat. Damien had lived through that. When everyone was killing each other, trying to kill him. No wonder he had his guard up. Was that really the only alternative? Tyranny or anarchy?
I buried my fingers in the pocket of my coat, clutched around two scraps of paper. The note from my mother, about who I really was, and the one from curate Marcus. Maybe today I’d finally get some answers. I was so distracted, I didn’t realize we’d arrived until I saw the gates of Algrave. They were decorated with bouquets of peach and white flowers. A marching band blasted music when we pulled in, and it looked like most of the village had gathered to welcome us. I hoped they weren’t expecting a speech. The horses stopped in front of my house, and the driver climbed down to open the door for us. I noticed someone had finally fixed the broken boards on the porch and repainted the rails.
A crowd of people waited to greet me. I shook hands with as many as I could, making my way to the front door. Some of them simply clutched my dress, like it had curative powers of its own. Two little girls picked up the end of my dress and held it above the dirt.
They gave Damien a much wider berth. An elite had never visited as a guest before.
I recognized Mary’s mother, she came up and held on to my arm.
“Please,” she said. “How is she? What’s it like there? We heard there was an explosion.”
“Everything is fine in the citadel,” Damien said. “Thieves stole a shipment of elixir, but the perpetrators have all been dealt with. Your daughter is perfectly safe.”
“I saw her two days ago,” I said, squeezing her hand. “She looked healthy and happy.”
“Thank you,” Mrs. Bradshaw smiled, a tear dripping down her face.
Amber pushed her way through the crowd, then nearly tackled me in a hug. She grabbed my hand and pulled me forward. We’ve been waiting all day for you,” she said, pulling me inside. “Jamie and Loralie went shopping for all your favorites, and I’m starving.”
“It’s nice to see you too,” I smiled. She looked different. Thinner, with more angular features. I gave Jamie and Loralie a kiss, then pulled them in tight and tried to lift them both up. Jamie was so big now, I couldn’t lift him with one arm.
Then I saw my mom. Piled up in the loveseat by the window, covered in blankets. She looked frail and far too thin, but she smiled up at me weakly. I nearly cried looking at her, but held it together. Damien had to stoop under our low ceiling, and I realized how small and rustic our house was. I’d always considered it cozy, but Damien’s presence seemed to suck the air out of the room. We didn’t even have enough chairs to offer him a seat. He smiled politely as I chatted with Amber and my mother. After awhile however, he tapped me on the shoulder and excused himself.
“I’ll let you catch up,” he said. “I’ll be staying at the inn on the corner. Take as long as you need. “Oh, and…” Damien leaned in close and pulled something out of his jacket pocket—my eyes lit up when I saw the thin glass vial of elixir. He pressed it into my palm and rolled my fingers around it.
“Live together or die apart, right?” He said.
I was so overwhelmed with gratitude, I leaned up and kis
sed him. He pulled back, looking surprised, even embarrassed. But I didn’t care. Why shouldn’t I kiss my fiance? Loralie giggled, and I turned to see Amber’s jaw hanging open.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing,” Amber said. “Just, that was so hot.”
“Shut up,” I said, punching her on the arm.
I poured one drop of elixir into a mug of camomile tea, before handing it to my mother. I also slipped her the vial, careful not to let anyone else see it. Even with Damien’s blessing, I didn’t think our neighbors would appreciate the special treatment. It was, after all, against the rules.
“One drop a day, until you’re healthy again,” I said. “No more than that or you might get sick.”
She smiled and squeezed my hand. I watched her drink the tea until I could see the flush in her cheeks and knew the elixir was working. Her eyes seemed brighter and she even laughed a few times as Loralie told me all the things they’d been doing recently. Apparently Amber visited almost daily, and Trev stopped by twice a week to chop wood and take Jamie fishing.
“Wait, you saw him yesterday?” I asked, suddenly paying more attention. “He’s in town?”
“Where else would he be?” Mom asked. I bit my lip, not wanting to give anything away. If Trevor was here, that meant he got out of the citadel safely. I wondered whether curate Marcus would show up too. I hoped not. All I wanted to do was heal my mother and get back to the citadel safely.
There was a knock on the door. “Speak of the Devil,” Amber smirked, letting Trevor inside.
He smiled at me sheepishly, running a hand through his dark hair. He looked just like I remembered him. But I couldn’t forget how fast he moved after the rebels blew up the transport. My eyes darted to the vial of elixir and I was relieved to see mom had already tucked it away somewhere. I realized how valuable it was here, and I hoped she’d be safe with it.
After dinner, Amber took the kids upstairs to read a bedtime story. When it was just the three of us, Trevor coughed and nodded at my mother.
“What is it?” I asked. “You two have been acting weird all night.”
“There’s something I need to tell you,” my mom said. “Something important.”
“I know,” I said. “I got your note.”
“Before I say this, you have to know that I love you. I’ve always thought of you as my own daughter.” The blood drained from my face, and I pulled my hand away.
“What are you saying?” I asked. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what came next.
“One day a woman came running through the woods. She placed a baby in a basket, and floated him down the creek, under the compound gates, then disappeared. No one ever saw her again. The infant was taken in by a good family, and grew into a beautiful girl. When she turned seventeen, she was chosen and went to live in the capital. Months later, it was discovered she was pregnant.
“What, how?” I asked. Chosen don’t get pregnant, because elite can’t procreate.
“It was a scandal. Her elite husband accused her of having a human lover. He beat her and locked her in a cage. Nobody thought the baby would survive. But a boy from Algrave rescued her and they escaped. They were later captured, and executed—but not before the child was born. A child with red markings on her hand.”
She held my palms, tracing the red markings over my fingers.
“My husband and I took you in and raised you like our own.”
“Like your own,” I repeated slowly. “But not your own.”
Edwin Sharrow was not my father. Barbara Sharrow was not my mother.
I was not Emily Sharrow. I squeezed my hands in my lap.
“So you’re saying, what—my real dad was an elite? That’s impossible.”
“And yet, here you are,” said my mother, who was not my mother. “A miracle.”
I stood up, then leaned against the table to keep from shaking.
“That’s why we need you,” Trevor said. “You swallowed more elixir than you should have been able to. You killed a slagpaw. Don’t you see, we can never be as strong or as fast as them, because we can’t consume enough elixir without going into a blood rage. But you can. The elixir doesn’t affect you the way it does everyone else. You can have more of it, without getting sick.”
“So what?” I asked.
“So you might be the only one who can end this.”
My head was spinning, and I couldn’t breathe. Trevor’s voice sounded far away, like I was underwater. I clutched my chest, gasping for breath. My whole life had been a lie. My home was not my home. My family was not my family. Damien said he’d never met anyone like me before. Now I knew why he looked so revolted when he bit me. I wasn’t even human.
I headed to the door but Trevor blocked my path.
“We need to talk about this,” he said. I pried his fingers off my arm.
“I just found out I was adopted, and now you want me to win your rebellion for you? Short answer: no fucking way. King Richard is too strong, too powerful. You don’t know what he’s done, what he’s capable of.”
“I saw what happened to Penelope,” Trevor said. “I was there. Look, I know you cared about her. But this will keep happening if we don’t do something.”
“I’m just here to heal my mom, not join your goddamn war.” I looked over at the strong, proud woman I’d always known as my mother, and realized I didn’t even know what to call her anymore.
“You think you have freedom,” Trevor pushed. “You don’t. The compounds aren’t safe havens, they’re blood factories for the elite. They need us more than we need them. We can leave any time.”
“Where would we go?” I asked.
“Underground. Far away. Somewhere we can be free, without subjecting ourselves to this.”
He gestured at my neck, with a trace of disgust in his eyes, even hatred. I ran my fingers over my skin, and feeling the light bumps where Damien bit me. Could Trev see them or was he just guessing?
“It’s not what you think,” I said. “He never forced me.”
“Of course he did,” Trevor said. “It’s what they do. They get in your head. You can’t even know if the decisions you make are your own. And now you’re protecting him.” Trevor said, his eyes narrowing.
“Damien doesn’t need my protection,” I said. “But I won’t help you hurt him. He’s not what you think. He’s not keeping things from me. Actually he told me about what happened before, with John Patten. He even took me there, to Quondam.”
Trevor’s eyes widened in surprise.
“You know where it is?” he asked quietly.
“I also found John’s notebook,” I continued. “Maybe I can make a copy, and get it to Markus.”
Trevor nodded, then relaxed. He was looking at me differently now.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I thought you’d fallen for him. Forgotten whose side you were on.”
“Why does there have to be sides?” I asked.
“There’s a war coming,” he said.
“The elite will never see you as one of them. You’ll never be more than a common in their eyes.”
“Just give me more time with him,” I said. “Maybe we can retrieve the formula.”
“Fine,” Trevor said. “For now.”
“I’m going for a walk,” I said.
“I’ll come with you,” Trev said.
“Please don’t,” I said. “I need some time to think.”
“Then at least take this with you,” Trev said, stuffing something into my coat jacket. I felt the cold hard steel of something with a trigger and looked up at him.
“It’s not the same around here since you left,” he said. “People are getting desperate. Not everyone is happy with the covenant, which makes you a target. Stay in the light. Make sure they see you. Wandering around alone isn’t safe anymore.”
I nodded, then kissed my ex-mom on the cheek.
“Thank you for telling me,” I said.
“I may not be your mother,” she said, “but I�
��ll always be your mom.”
I wanted to jump over the gate and disappear into the silent woods. Instead I ran along the border of the compound, within feet of the fence, so close I could feel the electric buzz and felt the hair on my arms lift. I’d never felt so alone before. Amber wouldn’t understand any of this, and I couldn’t tell the other chosen in the capital. Now I knew why I was renitent, but I still didn’t know what it actually meant.
Branches tugged at my hair as I darted through the trees near the perimeter. I ran until my lungs ached. Then I doubled over, gasping for breath. All my life I’d felt out of place, different. Now I knew why. The man who taught me how to hunt, the man who raised me, wasn’t my real father. My real father was some elite, and an asshole from the sound of it. My mother did her duty as chosen, and they executed her for it. But they were strangers to me, a fantasy.
I broke down sobbing, just as strong arms embraced me and pulled me off my feet. I thrashed against Damien’s chest, beating against him with my fists, but he didn’t let go until he’d carried me inside his room at the inn and shut the door.
“What is it?” Damien asked. “What’s the matter?”
“I don’t even know who I am anymore,” I said. I told him everything, about who my real parents were. He listened without commenting. When I was finished, he patted my back and brushed away my tears. I held him tighter against me, and felt his muscles flex under my grip. My whole world was spinning, and he was an anchor. I leaned up and kissed him, hungrily. I only knew I wanted him, and that there were too many layers of clothes between us. His blue eyes were stormy, and I wanted to submerge myself in him. But as usual, he pulled away.
“Am I really so terrible, that you can’t even stand to be with me?” I asked, hanging my head.
His eyes widened.
“Is that what you think?” Damien said, lifting my chin. “That I don’t like you? That’s not it. That’s not it at all. I already knew you were different, though I didn’t know how. Before, I was afraid to get too close, to lose control. I didn’t want to hurt you. But there’s something else. I told you about my friend, the one who betrayed me. The one my father made me kill. In Quondam, I tasted him on you. The same blood runs through your veins. That’s why I pulled away.”
