by Kaylee Ryan
“Come here.” He grabs my hand and pulls me up to him. His mouth fuses with mine, his tongue demanding entrance. I’ve never had a guy kiss me after. He kisses me until we’re both gasping for air. His forehead rests against mine, chests heaving.
“I have no words for what that was, how that felt. You . . . wreck me.” He pulls away and adjusts us so my back is to his front. He wraps his arms around me and holds on tight. “Two days, Kinley. In two days, you’re going to be my wife.”
I can’t speak without him knowing how his words affect me. Instead, I lace my fingers through his and relax into his hold.
In two days, I will be McKinley Chamberlin.
Waking up alone after having her in my arms for the past week is not something I’m fond of. Yesterday, her family and my dad’s parents flew in. The house was full and Lexi stole the show. I love my little girl, but I couldn’t take my eyes off McKinley. She likes to talk with her hands and every time the diamond—my diamond—would sparkle. The women gushed over it; Aaron just gave me a nod, the men not saying much at all. This situation is unique. They don’t know when I bought the ring, I was thinking of her being mine forever. They didn’t see how it took me hours to fall asleep last night because she wasn’t there. They don’t understand that I fall harder every damn day. And they don’t get that the day she finally walks away, when this . . . ends, my heart will be shattered.
With the new members added to the fold yesterday, sleeping arrangements changed. My dad’s parents are staying here. The steps were hard for them, but they wanted to be close to Dad. There’s a spare room, so it worked out. Jerry, Sarah, and Aaron are staying at a local hotel. Sarah had the bright idea McKinley should stay with them since Dad’s parents were taking the spare room. She went on to say it’s bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other on the wedding day. I pulled McKinley aside and begged her not to go. Yes, I begged her. I would have given anything for her to stay with me last night. She kissed me like it might be the last time and left with her parents and brother.
I’m man enough to admit I missed the hell out of her. I told her I would. She chuckled and said, “You’ll be fine.” I am, but I’m not happy. I’m addicted to her, which might make me a whipped pussy, but I couldn’t give a fuck less. If that’s how it has to be, how I’m going to be with her in my life, I’ll take. I’ll take every fucking second of it as long as she’s with us.
Lexi is talking her cute-as-hell baby babble, letting me know it’s time to get my tired ass out of bed. Throwing the covers back, I make my way to the pack-n-play. “Morning, baby girl.” I reach for her and her little arms and legs go crazy. I kiss her cheek and she babbles some more. “I think we need to call Kinley, let her say good morning. What do you think?” She grins and shrieks. Sometimes, I swear she understands what we’re saying to her.
After a quick diaper change, I lay her on the center of the bed, grab my phone, and hit Kinley’s contact. It rings once before she picks up.
“Evan,” she says in greeting.
“Morning, beautiful. I have someone who wants to talk to you.” I don’t wait to hear what she says. Instead, I place the phone next to Lexi’s ear. At first, she goes still, until she hears Kinley’s voice. Her eyes look around, searching for her. Whatever Kinley’s saying excited her because those hands and legs start to go crazy again. I know it’s not what she says, but the sound of her voice. Lexi loves her; it’s easy to see that.
Pulling the phone back to my ear, I say, “She misses you.”
“I miss her too, both of you,” she adds softly.
“Last night was a terrible idea,” I grumble.
She laughs. “I know, but how could I tell my mother no. She’s set on this ‘no seeing each other before the wedding’ business. I don’t know if I’ll ever get married again, so I thought I would at least give her this.”
Get married again.
At those words, I want to yell into the phone that she will never be married to anyone but me. I want to demand she never think those thoughts again, but I don’t. Instead, I go with the only other form of honesty I’ll let myself give her.
“I miss you, babe.”
Lexi starts to fuss. I want to say it’s because she’s hungry, but my little girl, she’s a smart one. She knows I’m talking to Kinley and she wants to as well.
“She hungry?” Kinley asks.
“Probably, but I think she’s mad I’m talking to you. Let me put you on speaker and see what happens.” I switch to speakerphone and stretch out on the bed beside Lexi. I place the phone on the pillow between us.
“You’re on speaker, babe,” I tell Kinley.
“Lex, are you being a good girl for Daddy?” At the sound of her voice, Lexi stops fussing. She holds still, waiting.
“She’s stone still, Kinley. She misses you,” I confirm.
“I miss you too, sweet girl. I’ll see you in a few hours.” Her voice sounds sad. “Evan, do you think . . .” Her voice trails off.
“McKinley?”
“Never mind,” she says.
“Not never mind, what were you going to say?” Was she going to ask if I thought we were doing the right thing? Is she getting cold feet?
“I was wondering if, I don’t know, maybe I can have Aaron or Mom come get Lex and spend some time with her this morning. I can get her dressed here and bring her with me.” I can hear the hope in her voice. I can also hear she’s hesitant to ask. Does she think I would be mad? She loves my daughter, and she’s the only mother figure in her life. I’m honored she loves Lex enough to want her with her.
“Baby, you’re going to be my wife in a few short hours. Lexi, you, and me, we’re going to be a family. This is real, baby. We talked about this. You never have to ask to spend time with her, even when . . . you never have to ask, McKinley.”
“I miss you both so much, and being close to her will make me feel close to you,” she murmurs.
If I didn’t already know I was falling in love with her, that right there sealed the deal. She’s not using Lexi as an excuse to get close to me. She wants to feel close to me, to both of us.
I’m falling hard.
“Send Aaron on over. I’ll feed her breakfast and get her bag packed.”
“Thank you, Evan.”
“I can’t fucking wait to see you walking down that aisle,” I blurt out.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, I’ll see you soon, babe.”
“I’ll be there,” she says with conviction.
“Let’s get some breakfast. Then you’re going to go see your m—” Shit! I almost referred to Kinley as her momma. It’s true in every sense that matters, and today she becomes my wife, but we need to talk about that first. When . . . when this is all over, will she still want that title and the responsibility with it?
The kitchen is quiet, which is strange, but I go about making Lexi her bottle and settle in at the table to feed her. I nibble on a pastry while she eats.
“You’re going to spend the day with Kinley, baby girl. Then, in a few hours, you’ll come back here while Kinley and Daddy get married.” She coos like she likes the idea. “Can I tell you a secret?” I whisper next to her ear. I should feel ridiculous confiding in my infant daughter, but I know she can keep a secret. She stops eating and lets the bottle fall from her mouth, a grin gracing her lips. I swear she understands every word. “Daddy loves Kinley very much.” It feels good to say it out loud. “I know you love her too. She’s going to be living with us, Lex. Daddy’s not sure how long he will be able to do that and not beg her to stay with us forever.”
“So the truth comes out.”
Shit! Looking up, I see Aaron standing in the doorway. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“Obviously.” He’s not giving anything away. He takes the seat beside me and grabs Lexi’s foot. “Morning, sweetheart.”
She grins and coos at him. “I have her bag packed. She just needs to finish eating.” I ignore the fact I’m pretty damn sure he heard me
tell my daughter I’m in love with his sister.
“I’m in no hurry, although don’t be surprised if Kinley calls wondering where I am,” he laughs.
I don’t say anything. Instead, I offer Lexi her bottle and watch as she once again starts to eat.
“Fuck, man. Your fucking eyes got all soft just at hearing her name. You’re really in love with my little sister?”
And there is it.
Lifting my head, I meet his gaze. “Yes.” I don’t offer an explanation or an apology. Just the cold hard truth.
“Does she know?”
“No, and I don’t plan on telling her.”
“Why the fuck not?”
I sigh in frustration. I’ve been through this a thousand times in my head. No one else was supposed to know besides Lexi. “She deserves better, man. I’m a selfish bastard for letting her go through with this. I’m scared as hell that, when this is all over, she’s going to pack up and move back in with your parents. I know that’s what’s best for her, but I’m fucking dreading it.”
“Don’t you think she deserves the chance to make that decision?”
“She loves her, Aaron. She loves my daughter like she would if she were the one who gave birth to her. I don’t want her to stay for just Lexi, man. I want her to stay for the whole package.”
“How do you know she won’t be?”
“I guess I don’t. Maybe living together will change that. I don’t know, but as for now, I can’t tell her.”
“Stubborn ass,” he retorts. “You really love her?”
“Yeah, man. I really do.”
“So the proposal?”
“It was real.”
“Wow.”
“I’m in deep, man. I know she’s your little sister, but she’s here.” I place my hand over my chest.
“I’m glad it’s you. I mean, it’s still weird to think about my best friend and my sister, but I know you, and you’ll be good to her. I just wish you would tell her, man. What if she feels the same way?”
I shrug. “I think I’ll choose heartbreak because when what she thinks is just an arrangement is over, heartbreak is better than her rejection. I don’t think I could live with that, Aaron. It’s going to be hard enough letting her go when this all settles. To think she never really wanted me . . . this is the better option.”
“I think you’re wrong, but it’s your call.”
I don’t reply as we sit in silence, both watching Lexi finish her breakfast. “She’s a cute kid, man,” Aaron finally says.
“Yeah, she’s my world.”
Lexi spits out her bottle and grins. “All right, baby girl, let’s get you cleaned up and then Uncle Aaron is going to take you to Kinley.” I try like hell to not be jealous of my daughter.
Aaron left forty-five minutes ago; he should be back by now. I’m pacing back and forth in my room. Mom and Dad shared a room as did Aaron and I. So there is no one here to witness my crazy. I know Aaron and Evan probably got caught up shooting the shit, as they refer to it, but they could at least send me a damn text so I don’t worry.
Just as I pick up my phone to call them, the door opens and Aaron waltzes in with Lexi in tow. “Finally!” I say, dropping my phone on the bed and taking Lexi, seat and all, from him.
“Hey, the little bugger had to finish her breakfast.”
Lexi smiles when she sees me. “Hey there, sweet girl. I missed you,” I say as I unstrap her from the seat. Her arms and legs are flying when I pick her up. She grabs for my chin, my hair, anything her little hands can latch on to.
“I think it’s safe to say she missed you too,” Aaron laughs. “She’s not the only one,” he mumbles under his breath.
I pretend I don’t hear him. “You ready for a today, Lex? You have the prettiest little dress,” I tell her.
“You ready for this?”
“Of course I am.”
“No reservations? You know it’s not too late to back out.”
“Why would I want to do that? This was my idea, after all.”
“I don’t know. Just thought I would put it out there.”
“Well don’t. There isn’t anything that could change my mind,” I tell him.
“Really? What if you finally face the truth that you love him and this is going to end with you having a broken heart? Is that reason enough to call it off?” he asks.
I can feel my face flush from his words. “Listen, Aaron, I care about Evan, more than just as my friend, I will admit that, but those feelings are not going to stop me from going through with this. I love this little girl like she were mine. I can’t let them take her. Whatever is going on between Evan and me, we will either work it out or we won’t. My eyes are wide open, Aaron. I know I’m risking my heart with both of them. Evan is a great guy. He would never keep Lex from me. I know that. If he’s just my friend when this is all said and done, then so be it. At least they will both still be a part of my life. I don’t think I could accept a world where that isn’t the case.”
“You love him.” Aaron smiles cockily.
My big brother is so damn frustrating. “Fine, yes, I love him. My heart skips a beat when he walks in the room. I don’t sleep when his arms aren’t wrapped around me. You happy now?”
“You’re sleeping with him?” His voice is deathly calm.
“Aaron, come on. We’ve slept in the same bed a few times, all this week actually, and a few times before that.”
“That’s not what I asked you,” he fires back.
“Look, I’m sure this is not a conversation you want to hear about your little sister.”
“You’re right, it’s not, but it’s also about my best friend. I thought Evan had more respect for you than that,” he seethes.
“He does. No, we’re not having sex!” I raise my voice, causing Lexi to jump. I bounce her in my arms. “Look, Aaron, I’m going to say this once, and then we’re never talking about it again. I mean it. You can’t even bring it up to Evan. Yes, we’ve done more than just a few kisses here and there, but I have not had intercourse with him. Does that mean I won’t? No, it doesn’t. This does not involve you, Aaron. Please, just let it go. Evan treats me like I’m precious to him. Never once has he done something I was not fully on board with. Now drop it.”
“McKinley—” I raise my hand to stop him.
“Don’t! Just let it go. I’m in this, Aaron. Nothing you say can change my mind. I know I’m your sister and he’s your best friend, but what happens between Evan and me is just that, between us. You need to stay out of this.”
He runs his fingers through his hair. “Fuck! All right, I’ll try my best.” He sits down on the bed. “Now give me the munchkin. Her dad was hogging her and Uncle Aaron needs his fix.” He changes the subject. He’s frustrating as hell, but I love him and it’s nice to know, above all, he has my back.
“But I just got her,” I whine.
“Too bad, go shower while we play.” He takes Lex from my arms and waves his hand toward the bathroom. “You do have a wedding to get to in just a few hours, you know.”
He’s right. Today, I marry my best friend, who just also happens to be the man I’m head over heels in love with, but too afraid to tell him. There are times when I think he feels it too, but it’s not worth the risk. Not having him and Lexi in my life in any capacity is just not an option for me. I’ll love him silently.
“Oh, sweetheart, you look beautiful.” Mom has tears in her eyes.
“You ready for this?” Dad asks.
“Yeah, I really am. This is the right thing to do. Evan is a good man, you know that.”
“I know, honey. He confirmed it when he asked for your hand.”
Wait! What? “He . . . what did you just say?”
“Evan stopped by a few days before you all left and asked us both for your hand. Said he wanted to do things right, even under the circumstances,” Dad explains.
Holy shit!
“I take it you didn’t know?” Mom asks.
“I ha
d no clue. I mean, yeah, he asked me.” I raise my hand to show them my ring, as if they needed the proof. They’ve already seen it.
“If I didn’t know any better, I would say that boy’s in love with you,” Mom comments.
“Knock, knock,” Aaron says, coming into the room. He’s carrying a smiling Lexi in her little white dress. “This squirmy little monster is hard to dress. We made it happen though, didn’t we, Lex?” She coos and reaches for his chin. He acts like he’s going to bite her fingers and she grins.
“You dressed her?” I ask in disbelief.
“Yeah, Mom was here with you, and I thought I would help. Easy-peasy once we got the damn thing over her head. Well, and the tights, that was a task,” he says with a laugh.
“I would have paid good money to have seen that, son,” Dad laughs.
“Damn! I should have recorded it. Evan probably would have too. Lexi girl, we could start a side business.” Aaron kisses her cheek.
“Well, looks like we’re ready to go. We don’t want to keep them waiting.”
“Um, hello, minister here, the show can’t start without me,” Aaron says.
“Um, hello, bride here, the show can’t start without me either,” I mock him.
“Good thing you’re all pretty and shit, or I’d be giving you the biggest noogie,” he jokes.
“Let’s go, you two,” Dad laughs.
I reach for Lexi, but Aaron turns away from me. “No way, sister. Mom would kill me if you get wrinkled or something . . . baby on you. I got her.”
“What about you?” I counter.
“I’m just the guy who says the words. No one’s going to be looking at me.”
“It’s a very small group, Aaron, of course they will.”
“McKinley, have you looked in the mirror? You’re beautiful. I can say with absolute certainty that all eyes, no matter how many are in attendance, will be on you.”
“Stop before you make her cry and mess up her make-up.” Mom smacks his shoulder and Lexi repeats the action.
