by Kaylee Ryan
“Yes, ma’am. We’re good to go.” We make our way outside and I strap Lexi into her seat as Kinley climbs in the front and get her camera bag situated. “Where to?”
“I thought we could go down to the meadow with all the wildflowers. The lighting will be good, with both bright lights and shadows. I also thought it would be cute to put one of the flowers behind her ear and set her in them.”
“You know she’s just going to try to eat them, don’t you?” I ask her.
She laughs. “Probably, but that will just add character to the shot. What did Mr. Fields say when he called earlier?”
Just the mention of my attorney’s name causes my blood to boil. It’s nothing he’s done, but it means I’m still dealing with Misty’s parents. Their attorney filed an extension, claiming they were giving the court time to investigate if McKinley and I are good parents. We’ve met with a social worker twice already.
“Nothing really. The social worker has to make a total of four visits. One planned, which we’ve already been through, and three unplanned. It’s their way of trying to catch us being bad parents.”
“She can come every damn day if she wants,” she seethes.
I reach over and lace my fingers through hers. “I know, baby. It’s just a process we have to go through. You ready to get rid of me already?” I tease her.
“No! It’s not that, I swear. I just . . . hate this. I hate that it’s still looming over our heads, that they want to try and take her. It’s not right.”
“No, it’s not right. They’re playing a game, Kinley. They know they can’t win, so instead, they’re trying to catch us screwing up. It’s not going to happen. They will not win this,” I tell her.
She squeezes my hand and we remain silent the rest of the ride to the meadow. Well, we do, Lexi laughs and babbles as the wind hits her face. She loves taking rides on the Mule. Her little baby voice yelling “da da da” flows to my ears and straight to my heart. That’s new too. About three weeks ago, she said it for the first time and I was the only one to hear her. McKinley kept saying I was making it up until two nights later when I came through the door after work. She started saying it over and over and over. I didn’t stop grinning for a week and still haven’t really. Life is good. No, life is great!
We reach the meadow and Kinley goes into photographer mode. I let her do her thing while I get Lexi out of her seat. “Okay, I think we should start with her single shots first before she gets worn out and over the whole process.”
“Good angle. Where do you want her?”
“Over there in the wild flowers.” As she mentioned earlier, she picks one and hands it to Lexi. She’s so interested in it, she doesn’t notice McKinley shoves one behind her ear. “Now move back and I’ll get a few before she starts to get away,” she laughs.
“Da da da,” Lexi babbles on while crumbling the flower in her hands. I’m standing close for the minute she tries to eat it. I know that’s the plan; she puts everything she can get her little chubby hands on in her mouth these days.
“There she goes, Dad,” Kinley giggles. Lexi, done with the flower, is now on all fours, rocking back and forth. Kinley and her mom, even mine, says she’s going to be crawling any day now. I baby-proofed the house last weekend just in case. I need my little girl safe when she’s on the move.
I grab her and she chuckles, her hands tapping my cheeks. “Perfect,” I hear Kinley say.
Lexi and I both look at her at the same time. She continues to snap pictures. “My turn,” I say, handing Lexi off to her. Instead of her camera, I reach into my pocket and pull out the one she bought for me when Lexi was born.
“You could have used mine, Evan,” she laughs.
“Hell with that. I wouldn’t even begin to know how to use that thing. Besides, I like this. My wife bought it for me.” I grin. That’s something else I never get tired of hearing, her being called my wife.
“What do you think, Lex? You think we should let Daddy take our picture?”
“Da da da da,” Lexi rambles on. Kinley tickles her belly and they both have their heads back laughing, wild flowers in hand. I snap a picture or twenty. Capturing memories just like she said I would.
Kinley ends up setting her camera on the tripod and using the remote control to take some portraits of us all. This wasn’t her plan, but I insisted. I can’t wait to see how they turned out.
“I think our girl is about done,” I tell McKinley as she packs up her gear. Lexi is rubbing her eyes with her head resting on my shoulder.
After throwing her gear in the back of the Mule, she walks over to us. “You were such a good girl today, Lex.” She reaches out, brushes her cheek. That’s when it happens.
“Momma,” falls from my baby girls tired lips.
McKinley gasps, throwing her hands over her mouth. Her eyes instantly welling with tears.
I don’t hesitate with my response. I reach out to McKinley and pull her close. “That’s right, baby. That’s Momma,” I tell her. It might be wrong of me to do that without discussing it with Kinley first, but damn it, I want her to be her momma. I want to live each day for the rest of our lives just like we have the last two months. I don’t want to let her go.
McKinley pulls away, wiping at her tears. “You can’t do that,” she tells me. “You can’t tell this precious little girl I’m her momma. You can’t tell my heart I’m her momma. This is temporary, Evan. You can’t do that to her, to me,” she cries.
“What if it’s not? What if this is permanent?”
“Oh, Evan, we both know that’s not what this is.”
“Bullshit.”
“Watch your language around her,” she fires back.
Lexi starts to cry and McKinley reaches for her. “Aunt Kinley’s here, baby. Let’s get you home.” She takes her and straps her in the seat. Instead of sitting up front with me like she did on the way here, she climbs in the back to sit with Lex. I don’t regret what I said, but it’s apparent she still doesn’t feel the way I do. My chest feels like a knife has been twisted through it, but I don’t let it show. Instead, I drive my girls back to the house and unload McKinley’s equipment while she takes Lexi in and makes her a bottle.
I kick the Mule’s tire once they are inside, swallowing the scream that wants to tear from my throat. The woman I love, my wife, doesn’t love me back. That’s a hard pill to swallow.
As soon as Lexi is finished with her bottle, she’s sound asleep. I lay her in her crib and walk across the hall to our room. My heart is breaking. Little tiny shards of it fall away each day closer to the trial. When she called me momma . . . devastating. I want that so much.
I curl into a ball on the bed and let the tears fall. I hear Evan downstairs. He agreed with her, but he’s caught up in this, in us being real while there is still a threat of Misty’s parents. I can’t let myself be mom and have it taken away. I just . . . can’t. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.
When I wake a little while later, I feel warm lips press against my neck. “I don’t want to fight with you, McKinley,” Evan says softly. “I’m sorry I didn’t correct her. I will in the future. I just . . . I don’t want to fight with you, baby.” He sounds broken. “I don’t like finding you in our bed with your cheeks wet from tears. It breaks my fucking heart. I just want you happy. Today was amazing and I want that back,” he says.
I roll over to face him. “Today was amazing,” I confess. His thumb traces my lips. “I love her, Evan. I love her so much, and I just . . . don’t want to confuse things—-confuse her. I know she’s just a baby and she won’t remember today, but can we . . .”
“I’m sorry,” he says, pulling me tighter against his chest. “Let’s go back. If she does it again, we’ll just ignore it or tell her your name. Hell, I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing with her.”
“You do. It was impulse from the day we were having. I’m not angry and I don’t want to fight with you either.”
“Thank fuck,” he mumbles as his l
ips take mine.
Within minutes, we’re both naked and he’s reaching into the nightstand for a condom. As soon as he slides in, we hear Lexi whimper over the baby monitor. “Great timing, baby girl,” he chuckles, resting his forehead against mine.
“She can wait a few minutes. She’s not crying and . . .” I raise my hips.
“Yeah?” he asks.
I nod. Lexi whimpers again. “Hard and fast,” I say, biting my bottom lip.
“But this is make-up sex,” he pouts.
I smile. “It’s with you, Evan, that’s all that matters. Now get busy before Miss Lexington decides we’re missing the party.”
That’s all the motivation he needs before he slides out and slams back in. I wrap my legs around his waist and grip onto his back, holding on for the ride. “Help me, beautiful,” he pants. I nod and slide my hand between us. The sensation of touching myself while he pushes in and out of me isn’t new for us. This isn’t the first time we’ve had to work around Lexi’s sleep schedule.
A few rotations of my two fingers and I’m close. “So close,” I breathe.
“Me too,” he tells me as he sucks a nipple into this mouth. The sensation has me screaming out his name. This, in turn, causes Lexi to scream as well.
Evan stills; then he’s resting his weight on me.
“She’s not impressed.” He grins.
“No, she’s not, but we usually run right to her. She’s a little spoiled,” I admit.
“Yeah,” he agrees, lifting off of me. I run to the bathroom and clean up while he discards the condom, throws on some shorts, and goes to soothe a pissed off Lexi.
When I step out of the bathroom, I find them lying in bed. “She looks happy.”
“Yep, as soon as I stepped into her room, her tears stopped. I think you’re right about being spoiled.”
“Yeah, but we wouldn’t have her any other way,” I say, lying down beside them.
“Can you watch her for a minute while I clean up?” he asks.
“Sure, we’ll just go downstairs and look for something to make for dinner.”
“Why don’t we just order pizza? That new little market down the road delivers to us now. Let’s try it out.”
“Perfect. Do you have the number?”
“Yeah, there’s a menu hanging on the fridge. Just order whatever. I’m easy, but I’m starving.”
“Got it.” I gather Lexi and the few toys she was playing with and we make our way downstairs. I put Lex in the pack-n-play while I order the pizza.
A few minutes later, the three of us are on the couch watching Shrek. Evan was flipping through the channels and, as soon as the green ogre popped on the screen, Lexi’s babble stopped and her eyes were glued. “Who would have thought?” Evan says.
I laugh. “All kids love cartoons. We need to get you some princess movies, Lex,” I tell her. She doesn’t budge at the sound of my voice. “Looks like we take a backseat to the talking donkey,” I laugh.
The doorbell rings. “Shit. My wallet’s upstairs. Can you get the door and I’ll run up and get it real quick?”
He’s already up and moving. I pick Lexi up and she babbles on, reaching for the television. I’m afraid she’s going to cry until she sees we’re walking toward the front door. The girl loves being outside and going bye-bye, that’s for sure.
“Da da da,” Lexi says, grabbing my attention as I open the door.
“Sorry, my husband’s getting his . . .” I stop talking when I look up and see who’s standing in front of me. “W . . . what? H-how?”
“Sorry, man, how much . . . what the fuck?” Evan exclaims as he pushes Lexi and I behind him.
“They told me you were dead,” he says, matter-of-fact.
“Hi, Evan. Can I come in?” Misty asks.
“No! You’re not coming anywhere near her,” he seethes. “Baby, take her inside,” he says to me.
I do as he says, not wanting Misty to get her hands on Lexi. She was supposed to be dead. What the hell is going on?
This cannot be happening.
“Evan, I need to talk to you,” Misty pleads.
I hold my hand up, stopping her, and she clamps her mouth shut. Shit! I can’t let her in. I don’t want her around Lexi, but I need Kinley. I need her by my side for this. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I call Aaron. “Hey, man, where are you?” I wait for him to answer. “Can you come and get Lex? I’ll explain when you get here, but I need you to come and get her, sooner rather than later.”
“I’m not here to take her, Evan,” Misty says quietly.
“I don’t give a fuck! I’m not letting you near her. You can wait out here until Aaron gets here,” I seethe.
I send McKinley a text.
Me: Hey, I called Aaron. He’s coming to get Lexi. Can you get her bag ready?
McKinley: Yes, everything okay?
Me: I don’t know, baby. I just don’t want her near her.
McKinley: Okay.
Aaron pulls in a few minutes later. His eyes grow wide when he sees Misty standing on my front porch. “Turns out she’s not dead after all,” I say in greeting.
“I can see that. Where are the girls?” he asks.
“Inside. McKinley has her bag ready. Thanks for taking her, man. I don’t want her here for this.”
“No problem, bro. McKinley?”
“I need her here with me,” I say honestly.
He nods in understanding.
I open the door. “McKinley, Aaron’s here.” Not a second later, she appears with a smiling Lex in her arms, carrying the diaper bag. When Lexi sees Aaron, she reaches for him.
“Hey, baby girl,” he says to her. “You get to come hang out with Uncle Aaron for a little while.”
“You have a car seat?” McKinley asks him.
“Yeah, I just leave it in all the time these days. She loves to go for rides.” He smiles. “Call me,” he says and I nod.
I put my arm around McKinley and we watch as they pull out of the drive. “Let’s get this over with,” I say, turning and holding the door open for both of them.
McKinley leads the way to the living room, Misty right behind her. I take a seat on the couch and pull McKinley down beside me. “Talk.” I point to the chair. Misty takes the hint and sits.
“It’s a long story, but I assure you, I’m not trying to take her from you.”
“We’re listening,” I say. My hand is squeezing Kinley’s so tight I’m sure I’m about to cut off her circulation. I will my grip to loosen so I don’t hurt her.
“She’s beautiful, Evan,” Misty says.
“Talk,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Okay.” She takes a deep breath. “Growing up in my house was not a pleasant experience. My parents never wanted me, but it was the southern thing to do, for a man in politics—get married and have a family. They had me, and then hired a nanny to raise me.” She wrings her hands together, never looking at us. “I never got hugs or kisses, never had my mom or dad lie in bed with me at night and read me a story. I had nannies. Nannies who were instructed to not spoil me by showing me affection.”
How did I spend a year of my life with her and not know this?
“I never wanted kids. I was too afraid I would be like my own parents, and no child deserves that. I can admit I’m selfish and spoiled. I was raised to be. I finally got the courage to leave home with their blessing because I was in college. It worked for their social circle to say I was ‘off at school,’ but what my parents didn’t know was I was biding my time until I could get as far away from them as possible.” She looks up and her eyes land on my hands gripping McKinley’s tightly.
“I turned twenty-five about a month after she was born. Every day, I felt guilt for not loving her. What kind of person doesn’t love their own flesh and blood?” she sobs. “I was wracked with guilt. I didn’t know how to fix it. How to let her know how sorry I was, and how signing over my rights to you was what was best for her. On my twenty-fifth birthday, I got the call. My
grandparents, my mom’s parents, left me a trust fund. I had no idea. Their rules stipulated I was to not have access until my twenty-fifth birthday. The guy on the phone told me the fund was ten million dollars.” She looks up at me, tears in her eyes.
“That’s when it hit me. I could make sure you and Lexington were always taken care of. I know you make a good living, but this was something I could do. Not only that, but I could make a fresh start for myself. I could break free from the parents who never loved me as well.”
“How did you do it?” I ask her.
“My parents’ attorney.” She grins. “Money talks and he signed a non-disclosure to not discuss any of this with my parents. Client confidentiality and all that. He helped me with the car accident, my new identity, and setting up an offshore account with five million dollars, and he also helped me set up a trust for Lexi. It was my stipulation that you not be notified until she turned one. I wanted to give you time to not hate me as much, to let some of the pain I caused you fade before you were notified I willed your daughter five million dollars in the event of my death.”
“Holy shit,” Kinley whispers.
Misty smiles. “It was a great plan, except for the fact it turns out the attorney sleeps with his secretary. She is also sleeping with my father. I was unaware or I would have chosen someone different. However, what’s done is done.”
“I don’t know what to say,” I tell her.
“Don’t say anything. The less you know about the how and where the better. I got word that my parents found out and were coming after you for custody of her. Turns out, they’re in financial trouble and gaining custody of her also gained them the five million dollars I willed to her in the event of my death. As soon as I found out what they were trying to do, I hopped on a plane and here I am.”
“They’re going to be pissed.”
Misty gives a humorless laugh. “Yeah, it’s safe to say I will more than likely be spending some time behind bars for my little disappearing act.” She shrugs. “It’s my own fault. I should have put the money into an account and sent you the information. I thought about it, but I knew you would never take it, not with me still alive. I knew if you found out about my death and then the money you would save it for her, for her future. That’s all I wanted.”
