"What must I do here?"
"Here you will share with others the happiness that got you through your suffering. You will also experience the beauty that every soul here experienced in their lives. You will experience the happy memories of all the souls around you. You will experience my manifestation on man - the gift of peace and hope that I gave to them. And you will experience all of this without suffering and without pain - for eternity.
“Is it possible for me to go back?”
“Here is the place that man aspires to. All men want the peace and harmony of my existence. There is nothing back there for you anymore.”
“I love a woman. And I cannot be complete in your light until I am with her. I tried to prove I loved her by killing for her. But now I have died for her, and she will never know. I need her to know to be fulfilled. I cannot exist otherwise.”
There is silence.
“Very few would turn their back on this place. Even fewer would die for love. I cannot promise you your place here will be secured if you go back to your love”
“It is what I want to do.”
There is silence.
“Your destiny belongs to you.”
The light disappears and there is darkness.
Chapter twelve
Newman sees a light. He is waking up. He doesn’t know where he is. The clown is gone now. He is not in the void anymore. He is in a hospital. He is alive. It is a new day. He is lying in a bed. He tries to look around, but everything is a little blurred. He notices that there is a bandage wrapped tightly around his head. He is not in pain.
A nurse walks in. “Oh, you are awake, Mister Blake. How do you feel?”
She starts fiddling with some machinery.
“Where am I?”
“You are in hospital love; you have been in a terrible accident. Are you in pain?
Newman replies sluggishly, “No, what happened to me?”
There is a rapid knock on the door as a Doctor enters the room and walks up to the bed.
“How do you feel, Mister Blake?”
The nurse responds, “He isn’t in any pain and his vitals are fine.”
“What is his pulse, sister?”
“Eighty-five, it stabilized overnight.”
The doctor sits on a chair next to the bed. “Mr. Blake, you were in a car accident and you injured your head. Do you remember anything?”
“I don’t remember anything. Where is my wife?”
The Doctor cuts him short, “Why don’t you get some rest and we can talk later?”
Newman yells, “Where is my wife? Tell me now.”
“Mister Blake, I have some very grave news.”
Time pauses as if for hours.
“Your wife was in the car with you, and I am sorry Mr. Blake she didn’t make it.”
“That’s impossible. It must be a mistake. It must be a mistake. She has to be here.”
“I am sorry Mister Blake she didn’t make it.”
Newman leans over and vomits violently. The nurse rushes to his assistance.
“No, oh no.”
“Sister, give him a tranquilizer. Why don’t you rest for a while, Newman? I will come past later.”
The nurse gives him an injection. He falls asleep.
A little later he wakes up and gets out of bed. He gets a glass of water. He sips the water, and then it all comes back to him. He drops the glass to the ground, and then grasps his head as if in pain.
The nurse comes in. She is followed by someone.
“Oh, you dropped the glass,” she says.
She picks it up
“Mr. Blake this is Dr Shirley, she is a psychiatrist, and she is here to chat to you.”
“Hello Mister Blake. Are you hungry or thirsty?”
Newman moans, “No.”
“Why don’t you lie down?” she says.
She helps him to his bed and sits next to him.
Mister Blake I am very sorry about what happened, and I am here to talk to you and see if there is anything I can do to help you. Do you follow any religion? Perhaps, I can get priest or rabbi to come and see you?”
Newman is silent.
“Are you in any pain?”
“My chest is heavy, and I feel dizzy”.
“The nurse will give you something for that later.”
“How did the accident happen?”
“You were driving on a busy road and there was a tractor without lights that came out of a side road. You braked, but it was too late. Your car crashed into the side of the tractor and then rolled down an embankment, where you were picked up by the ambulances. Your wife died instantly.”
Newman holds his hands over his face and mumbles, “I never bought the telescope.”
“Sorry”
“I promised my wife I would buy her a telescope and I never did. I told her I would get it for Christmas, and now I can never buy it for her.”
There are tears running down his face.
“I’m sure she knew how much you loved her.”
Newman gets angry: “No, leave me alone. She never knew.”
“I was too busy with my own life to show her.”
“I never told her. And now I never can.”
Newman: “Do you know how that feels?”
She responds, “I’m sure that over time she knew how much you loved her, it’s easy to remember the dreadful things you did at times like this.”
Newman is really upset now: “I can never get her back. I can never get those moments I missed back. Why … why?”
The Doctor comforts Newman: “Its ok, it's ok.”
“My chest feels so heavy. I want to sleep.”
She makes the pillow comfortable: “Rest now I will come and see you later.”
Newman goes to sleep.
After some time, he wakes up.
The nurse comes in with breakfast. “Good morning, I have brought you some breakfast.”
Newman is irritated: “I am not hungry”.
“Now, now mister Blake you must eat something.”
She puts the tray on his bed: “Its poached egg and toast”
He is furious and violently throws the tray against the wall: “I said I am not hungry. Its people like you who I hate. You are always trying to pretend everything is fine.”
“Mister Blake, just calm down.”
He sits up: “You come in here and give me this food. Who do you think you are trying to pretend nothing has happened? Can’t you see what I am going through?”
He shouts: “Get out! I said get out!”
She takes a step back as Dr. Shirley comes rushing in.
“What’s happening in here?”
The nurse tries to speak but she is interrupted by Newman shouting. “This stupid nurse is trying to pretend that nothing happened. Get her out of here!”
“Why did this have to happen to me? Why? Why? Why me?”
“I proved myself. I did.”
The Doctor tries to comfort him.
“What did I do? Why do I deserve this?”
He gets angrier, "Dammit.”
“Try calm down Mr. Blake and have some rest.”
He shouts at her, “Don’t tell me to calm down. Do you have any idea what I am going through? You can walk out of here and go back to your happy life. Don’t you dare tell me to calm down!”
He is screaming now, “How can she die? How can she do this to me? God tell me how she can do this to me.”
Dr Shirley responds, “I am sure she is in God’s hands now.”
“How can God let this happen? It’s not fair.”
Newman starts to get upset again: “I should never have crashed.”
Newman sobs: “Just leave me alone please…please.”
The Doctor leaves.
He gets up and walks to the window and looks out.
“God please I have never asked you for anything, but I am praying to you now and I am asking. Give me Amber back and I promise you I will be a good husband. Just give me
one more chance and I will make it up. Please. I will do anything. Just tell me God what you want me to do? Amber was the most beautiful and precious person that I ever had. She was there for me all the time and I didn’t notice. I am asking just one thing God. Please give her back to me”.
He gets on his knees: “Please”
“I will give anything just to smell my wife’s perfume again and tell her I love her. What must I do?”
The Doctor and nurse come into the room again.
“Mister Blake”.
He sits down on the end of the bed.
“Doctor I have something to ask you.”
“Yes”
“I want you to kill me. Give an injection or something.”
Doctor Shirley responds, “I know times like this can be difficult, but you will see that things will get better as time goes on. Time will heal you Newman.”
“I am the one to blame for her death and I want to die. I can’t come to terms with it. I want to die, and if you don’t kill me. I will do it myself.”
“Mister Blake, there is something I want to show you. Sister please help him.”
She takes him by the hand and walks with him down the stairs. They go into a room.
The doctor says, “Newman, I want you to watch this video”.
A video comes onto the screen.
Newman watches. It is himself on the screen.
“Hi Newman. Yes, it’s you. Or should I say me. You are probably wondering why you are watching yourself on video. Well that’s a good question. You don’t remember making this video, do you? I didn’t think so. Well, let me explain. Up until a couple of weeks ago you were bored. You wanted something new. Something different. A new kick. It was your birthday coming up and you wanted a present that you would never forget. So, Newman, you went to the Amgo Corporation where you are now and you signed this contract.”
He holds up a piece of paper.
“See Newman - black and white. Here is your signature. You paid money and you asked them to give you a memory drug. It’s called Pesorbitine and it erases your short-term memory. You have been asleep for the last three days. That’s why you don’t remember the accident. You wanted a new kick and here it is Newman. Your wife never died. You paid the Amgo Corporation to tell you she had.”
His head slams back in shock.
“Newman for your birthday I am giving you something you will never forget. I am giving you your life back.
“Happy birthday!”
The video switches off.
Dr Shirley opens the door and there standing in the doorway is Amber. He starts sobbing hysterically, and runs to her.
He wraps his arms around her, and feels her warm embrace, as he weeps and weeps.
Time pauses.
There is a loud and demented bellow of laughter from the clown echoing into the distance.
The End.
Unraveling Newman Blake Page 5
