by Kristie Cook
What grated on my nerves were guys like Mat who tried too hard to be the funny flamer, and they only came off as assholes. So it wasn’t the words or the girlish lilt that got to me, but the snide tone that promised more of the same for the entire shift.
“Yeah, quite interesting,” I muttered.
A sigh from Leni rippled through our soul. It wasn’t for me or my sarcasm, though. She’d picked up on Mat’s snark factor, too.
“This shift won’t do us any good,” she said so only I could hear as we traveled to the Gate.
“Too late to back out now,” I told her, then I gave her a mental squeeze and added, “We’ll just have to make it worth our time after.”
A vision of her naked body trembling as she straddled me played in our minds. Sex in this state made everything else worth it.
“Do you ever think of anything else?” she teased.
“Only when I’m forced to.”
Conversation was nonexistent with Mat and Kel, the silence broken only by the Guardians who we relieved as they gave their report of no activity. The Lakari seemed to have grown quiet lately. Brock thought Enyxa was up to something. I couldn’t help but think it had something to do with what happened to Leni and Asia the other day. I secretly hoped Leni was right about this shift, because as much as she wanted a repeat of the events of the other day, I didn’t. Especially without Brock and Asia here. No activity at all would be perfect.
Nothing ever went my way.
The Gate remained dim for the majority of our shift, and I thought my wish would come true, until it lit up like a spotlight shining from the sandy floor of the bay up toward the surface. Any marine life that had been swimming or drifting around scattered, leaving only the light and us. Above the water, however, Dark souls hovered. I could feel them like an icy trickle on the nape of my neck as they waited eagerly for the possibility of their comrades to join them and strengthen their numbers.
A small pinprick showed in the light of the gate, and as it grew open, Leni’s anticipation washed through us. We both hesitated, watching and waiting to see if this was like the other day or a more normal hole being ripped open by Enyxa or her Lakari. Mat and Kel, of course, went into immediate action, as they were trained to do. Light shot out of them in streaks as they tried to plug the hole before any Lakari could pass through.
“Come on, we gotta get it closed!” Kel yelled as he and Mat used their light to tighten the hole back up.
Still, Leni and I watched and waited.
“Wake up, bitches,” Mat said, “and get to work!”
“They’re coming,” Kel bit through gritted teeth.
A dark shadow began filling the hole and pushing its way through. Leni and I snapped out of it and attacked, thrusting our light into its darkness. The Lakari was almost through, though, with many more pushing on it from the other side. Dark souls wanting in to take over the Earth. As if this world needed any more Darkness in it. Leni and I used all of our strength to shove back as Mat and Kel worked to close the hole.
“Fuck,” Kel muttered, his voice strained by his effort. “Destroy them, damn it.”
Leni threw herself into me, combining our forces. We soared at the Lakari and shattered it into pieces. The bits flew back into the hole just as Kel and Mat finally closed it up. As soon as the Gate fell dark, Mat flew at me.
“You need to step the hell up,” he yelled into my face.
Although we weren’t in our physical bodies, I bowed up. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“You had your thumbs up your asses, just staring at the bitches,” Kel said, sidling up behind his partner.
“We’ve heard nothing but how great you’re supposed to be, how you’re such a strong warrior and leader, but you’re nothing but a fucking pussy,” Mat snapped.
Before I could respond, Leni soared toward me and bumped against my form, making me stagger back. Her essence seeped into mine. I immediately calmed when it did.
“Leave it alone,” she whispered as her soul stroked mine.
I swallowed down my retaliation, but I couldn’t so easily dismiss their words and the meaning behind them. Everyone else had been tiptoeing around this, but they all felt the same way, I knew. They were waiting for me—and Leni, too—to become the leaders they thought we were. As if there were a fucking switch we could throw and bam! Here we are, bitches!
Maybe that had happened in past life cycles, but not this one. I didn’t see how anyone could do that, though. How do you so quickly and easily say, “Screw everything I know about this world and the people in it—they were just means to this end”? I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t believe the accident that killed my sister and parents was simply a convenient way to remove them from my life. How messed up is that? And what about Micah’s Marine brothers? They had their own lives, people who loved them, things they cared about. What happened to all these people’s souls? They just moved on to another world, completely forgetting who was left behind here? That sucked.
“Erm … that’s not how I understand it,” Leni said, interrupting my thoughts that, of course, she felt, considering we were basically one entity at the moment. “Those souls had their own purpose and their own paths. It wasn’t all about you. Besides, you may be with them again.” She paused, and a twinge of hurt ran through us. “I don’t know about my parents and me, but you had a different relationship with your sister and your parents. A closer one. Maybe that wasn’t the first time you’d been together as a family. Maybe that connection will bring you together again.”
I mentally grunted. “Yeah, well, it won’t be in this lifetime, will it? And this is the life I’m in now. Everyone wants us to forget that—to forget everything about ourselves until now.”
Not that life had been a fairy tale before meeting Leni. In fact, it had pretty much sucked ass. I’d lost my family and my hearing right when things were going so perfectly. I became a loner. Even when I was with all those girls, I was alone, in my own silent world. Before the accident, there was talk of our band hitting it big, and I thrived on that attention. I lost that thrill, though. Fighting and modeling never brought it back. Yeah, life sucked before I met Leni, but damn, it had been my life.
“We’re people,” I said aloud so Mat and Kel could hear, separating myself from Leni and turning to them. “Earthlings. Whatever the hell you want to call us. We have a life. A recent past. We’re more than Guardians, and we’re not the people we were in the past, so deal with it.”
“Yeah, you just keep thinking that, buddy, and we’re all screwed,” Kel muttered.
I shrugged. “We are who we are now, and if you don’t like that, you can fuck off.”
Mat’s essence darted through the water until he was in my face. Again. “Get off your self-righteous high horse and do what you’re supposed to do, Jeremicah. You chose this, remember? We all did in the Space Between. So buck up and be the leader everyone needs. Or, at least, do your god-damned job so the rest of us can do ours and maybe actually live a while longer. You keep this up, and you’ll get us all killed. Including your own Flame.”
I stared at Mat’s form, seething.
“Kel, call your bitch off,” I growled.
Mat glared at me for a moment longer, then sauntered back to Kel. “No need, babe. I said my piece.”
I turned away from them, and Leni came up to me. I needed her to back off, too, though. I could imagine my heart racing in my physical body, and the need to punch something was overwhelming. I didn’t want to hurt her. What made me angrier than anything was that Mat was right. I chose this life to be a Guardian, and part of that choice was taking my rightful place as Leni’s protector. I couldn’t imagine not being by her side and keeping her safe. But part of that was being the leader with her that we were meant to be.
And fuck. How do you reconcile who you thought you were for
the past 23 years with something like that?
Chapter 4
Our shift with Kel and Mat couldn’t have been more disastrous. Jeric grew even moodier, and I became even more anxious. Maybe we’d needed to hear their words—the only ones with guts enough to say them—but we still didn’t know what to do to change things. We spent a lot of time in our room the next few weeks, only coming out for combat training and Gate duty, admittedly avoiding more confrontation now that we knew what everyone truly felt. Unfortunately, the guy in the Gate never reached out for us again, and no significant memories had returned.
“The music from the last eight years sucks major duck dicks,” Jeric said as he threw down his headphones on the bed.
I shrugged. “There were some good songs. Wait. Ducks have dicks?”
“I think I’ve heard them all already. And yes. They’re fucking disgusting.”
I shook my head, at the fact that he actually knew what duck’s penises looked like and at the theory that he’d listened to every song made since he’d lost his hearing. I could almost believe it, because he’d been listening to music every chance he had, making up for lost time. After the first couple of weeks, I enjoyed it because he’d learned the words and sang along. Lately, though, he only scowled. Maybe because he found that most of it sucked, as he’d just put it, or, just as likely, because he’d been in a bad mood and nothing was bringing him out of it. Not even music.
“Of course, maybe if you danced for me, it would sound a lot better,” he said as he trailed his fingers over my hip.
I laughed. “Even when you’re pissy you’re horny?”
He smiled and moved his fingers to my chin. “Leni. Whenever I’m with you, I’m horny. Hell, I don’t even have to be with you. I just have to think about you. You make my mind live in the gutter, imagining all the dirty things I want to do to you.” He leaned in closer and brushed his lips against mine. As if I didn’t already have goose bumps crawling all over my skin. “But I like to watch you move. Your body does this thing that’s … mesmerizing. Takes the rest of the world away. And that makes me less pissy, as you say.”
Heat rose into my cheeks as my gaze dropped to the bed and the Book between us. While he’d been listening to music, I’d been trying to find answers this Book was supposed to provide us. I’d been thinking about what Melinda and the others had said about Guardians trying to leave clues for reincarnated selves, and I wondered if the Book held such clues. If so, I hadn’t discovered them yet. I’d let my mind wander, hoping to remember any little thing from our past lives, and when I did, I sketched it in the Book. Except, I wasn’t the artist in this dyad pair, and my sketches were lacking. As in lacking anything recognizable. When Jeric’s hand reached out and turned the journal at a different angle, I realized he was studying my drawings. I snatched the Book away and shut it.
“How about that dance?” I suggested.
He looked at the Book and back at me, the Book, me, and he grinned. “Okay.”
I knew I wasn’t off the hook. He’d ask me about the pictures a four-year-old could have drawn better later. If we projected, though, I could simply share my snatches of memories with him, and he wouldn’t have to look at my pathetic artwork. Even better, I could get him to remember along with me, and besides smell, sounds were known memory triggers—like music.
“I have an idea,” I said, and I grabbed the iPod. Although my account had been closed when the rest of my life disappeared from the world, the Guardians set us up with new ones. I scrolled through the music genres until I found what I was looking for, and then docked the iPod on the speaker.
I stepped away from the bed, and when the music started playing, I began doing the jitterbug. Within a minute, Jeric was off the bed and swing dancing with me as if we were old pros. He picked me up, swung me upside down, around his back, and back to my feet, then pulled me up against his hard chest. When I looked up at him and his eyes locked on mine, our world disappeared.
We no longer stood in our hotel room at the manor, but on a makeshift dance floor in a dark and smoky room, with ragtime music playing as other couples danced and laughed. Jeric and I continued dancing as if nothing had changed. When the music stopped, I spun into his arms. I noticed for the first time how the beaded fringe of my black dress flew out as I turned, and how Jeric wore a white suit jacket. And although I knew it was him, his hair was dark and so were his eyes.
I know this. The memory returned full blast. Mick. That had been Jeremicah’s name then. We were in a speakeasy in Seattle in the 1920s, our last cycle on Earth until Jacey and Micah. One of our last life cycles anywhere as two souls.
“Elle,” Jeric—er, Mick said to me, “let’s get a drink and find Nat and Betsy.” Elle. Right. That had been my name, and I’d had a black bob, china-doll skin, and blue eyes that never looked quite right for the makeup trends of the era. We’d been Mick and Elle. “If they don’t have any news, we’ll go another set. I promise.”
I’d loved to dance then, too.
Mick handed me a drink at the same time a man’s hand clamped onto his shoulder.
“You were right, my man. They’re going by Ana and Erick, and they’re holed up at a joint right up the street.” This man was Nat, I immediately knew. Nat and Betsy were … Nathayden and Rebethannah. This was a memory with them in it! “They’ve Bonded, and the Lakari surround them.”
“Sorry, doll,” Mick said to me, “looks like our fun must wait.”
He took my hand, and Nat took the hand of another female. As Mick tugged me toward the dark corridor that led out of the secret bar, I looked over my shoulder and staggered. I froze. I looked at Nat again, with his brown hair and eyes the color of coal, and then at his girl. Betsy. Black hair and big blue eyes that caused something deep inside me to clench like a vise. My heart contracted then swelled, overflowing with emotion for them and especially her. I couldn’t tell if I was me, Leni, or me, Elle, at the moment because I felt like I knew this girl, right now, as though if I saw her in a crowded room, I’d recognize her immediately even knowing she’d look completely different in my time. The connection traversed over generations and planes and worlds. The connection with Nat felt similar to what we had with Brock and Asia, but what I felt with this girl, this soul, was so much stronger.
“Your sister’s coming, don’t worry,” Mick said as he pulled me back into the past. I didn’t understand.
“My sister?”
“Betsy’s right there. Come on,” he said impatiently. “Anastasia and Broderick need us.”
Anastasia and Broderick. Ana and Erick then.
The memory began to fade out. I vaguely remembered helping Anastasia and Broderick get to the Gate so they could be Forged. My mind moved on, picking up pieces of memories of the six of us enjoying the party of the roaring twenties while serving our duties as Guardians. We’d had a lot of fun then, many good times … but then a dark moment.
Lakari surrounding a soul, trying to take it. Mick and I led the charge with Nat and Betsy and Ana and Erick right behind us. We shattered the Lakari’s darkness, but they were numerous and strong. Instead of disappearing into mist or tiny birds or anything else, the pieces melded back together and hovered over the soul they wanted so badly, like vultures waiting for a dying animal to take its last breath. As we formed to charge again, a group of Lakari flew at us. Mick and I were in the front and would be the first ones hit. We braced for it. But Nat and Betsy flipped over our heads. Protected us.
“Help the soul,” Nat yelled, but Mick and I were already headed for the body the Lakari had surrounded. We were in our own physical bodies, not projected, so I couldn’t actually see the soul, but I could feel it as it tried to float away from its corporeal self. I could feel the Darkness that already permeated it. Little Light remained. It must have been Darkening over several lifetimes and was now almost consumed by it. This was our last cha
nce to save it, and if we didn’t hurry, this soul would be lost forever to Enyxa.
We weren’t even halfway to the guy when a young woman’s scream spun me around. Hundreds of Lakari had appeared from nowhere and dove at Betsy.
“NO!” Nat yelled as he jumped in front of her. But he was too late. There were too many. Betsy collapsed under the pressure. Nat went down almost immediately after. Mick and I hadn’t even taken three more steps before their physical bodies died. We had to rush them to the Gate for their souls to reach the Space Between before the Lakari took them.
“My sister,” I’d sobbed, and the memory faded to black, followed quickly by others.
The six of us again, but on another world, though it was similar to Earth. Like fanning through a stack of snapshots, we jumped from memory to memory, lifetime to lifetime, and world to world. The majority of our lives had been spent on Earth, and most other worlds we’d been on were fairly similar to Earth with water and land, trees and sky, animals and beings that were much like humans. The colors and the shapes differed, but not too drastically. Sometimes our skin had more of a green or purple tint to it because of the color of the water; sometimes it was practically clear because we lived underground and had never seen sun. In some places, sandy desert stretched out for as far as the eye could see, and in others, water covered nearly the entire planet. The biggest difference, however, was when the six of us became three.
We spent only two very short lifetimes as one soul, on two different worlds in the second-to-highest echelon. I remembered the last one—the one before we’d been split and returned to Earth—even before Jeric and I had been Forged. For some reason, my memory insisted on dwelling there, on focusing on that world with its pink trees and glass spires that tickled the teal sky. I hated this memory. Not the bliss of being One, of course, or of the peace that pervaded the world. Enyxa’s Darkness had invaded and destroyed everything. Even in our higher state of light and love, we couldn’t fight off the millions of Lakari she’d sent. Not when Enyxa herself came through and Darkened everything. Weakened our souls. Tore us in two so we were once again Jeremicah and Jacquelena but never quite the same after living as One. My soul still felt the excruciating pain of being ripped apart, severed, left to die as only a half.
