by Kristie Cook
I put on my best smile. “I do what I have to do, doctor. We have bills to pay. One of them is yours.”
He returned my smile and leaned forward in his chair. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. Actually, I admire a woman with a strong work ethic. Which one do you like the most?”
I pulled back with mild surprise. Nobody had ever asked me that, and I’d never really considered it. “Well, I like working for my uncle the least, but he gives us free lot rent, so I kinda have no choice there. The diner and the bar both have their goods and bads.”
With a little encouragement from him, I told him all about Elizabeth and the diner, and the craziness that could break out at the bar. The doctor was very easy to talk to and now I understood why both Mama and Sissy were smitten with him. I was pretty smitten myself. Well, beyond smitten, to be honest. He seemed so genuine, as if he honestly cared about everything I was gabbing on about. Then there were his eyes that completely mesmerized me, making me forget when and where we were.
“I really hate to cut you off, Bex,” Dr. Hayes said after a while, “but I need to get back to my rounds, and we still need to discuss your mother’s condition. Did you know she gave you power of attorney, and you have authority to make all of her health decisions?”
I blinked at him as several thoughts ran through my mind, from embarrassment for spending so much time talking about my stupid jobs instead of Mama, to wondering why the heck she’d picked me for this.
“I’m assuming you didn’t know,” Dr. Hayes said after a moment of silence.
“Um, no.” I shook my head. “We’ve never been close. And it’s not something I ever thought about.”
He gave me a kind smile. “It’s time you start thinking about it. Your mother’s very ill.”
“I’m sorry.” I cleared my throat and picked at my skirt at the same time. “I, uh, well, I don’t even really understand what she has. It seems like every time I turn around, Sissy’s talkin’ about something new Mama’s come down with.”
He clasped his hands on the table. “That’s basically how it is. Your mother has several things going on at once. She’s given me her history of drug and alcohol abuse, so it’s no wonder. When they say that shit’ll kill you, they’re not kidding.”
I looked up at him, slightly thrown to hear a man in his position swear, even if he was young and talking to someone younger with ink and piercings. “She’s really dying?”
He frowned. “Yes and no. She’s not well at all. In her current condition, if we did nothing more, she has a few weeks, maybe a month or two. There are some things we can do differently that could possibly give her much longer, maybe even years. Then again …” The corner of his mouth quirked. “You never know what karma or the universe itself has in store for any of us. Life—and death—have a way of surprising even us doctors.”
His beautiful eyes bore into me with that statement, making me think he was talking about more than Mama’s life. I lifted my hand to my throat as I continued to stare back at him for longer than was probably acceptable. When the moment became uncomfortable, I dropped my hand and my eyes and cleared my throat.
“So, um, what are these things she suffers from?” I asked as I looked back up at him.
“To start with, she has rhabdomyolysis, hepatitis C, and cirrhosis of the liver.”
I stared at him blankly. Did he just switch to talking in Greek or something?
“Can you say that again in a way lil ol’ waitress me can understand?”
“Sorry. Basically, her skeletal muscles have deteriorated, she’s severely malnourished with several mineral deficiencies, and her liver is failing. Among other things. Her heart and lungs aren’t doing well, which is the most immediate problem. If we could improve those, we could probably get her on a liver transplant list.”
“And how do we do that?”
“Drug therapy. She needs certain medicines—”
“But wouldn’t those be bad for her liver, too?”
He eyed me with obvious appreciation. I wasn’t as stupid as I looked or even sometimes acted. In fact, I’d once had my own dreams of going to college. I’d never had the opportunity to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up, though, because life had other plans for me, like raising my little sister, and now keeping Mama alive.
“Yes, they could damage her liver further, but if the goal’s to get her a new one anyway, the risk is worth it.”
I nodded. “Okay, then why isn’t she on the meds already? Or is she?”
He sucked in his upper lip and glanced at the clock on the wall behind me. It hadn’t been the first time. I was tying him up when he had other patients to tend to.
“You should probably talk to your mother and sister about that,” he said. “The medicines … they aren’t cheap. In fact, they’re pretty damn expensive. And there’s no guarantee they’ll work, and if they do, that she’ll get a transplant.”
I swallowed hard as I stared at him. “So you’re sayin’ we’re too poor to save her life.”
Chapter 9
Dr. Hayes cringed at my statement. He looked at the clock again and grabbed our empty coffee cups. “There’s a lot more to talk about—programs and things that can help—but I selfishly used up our time trying to get to know you better. When can I see you again?” His eyes widened for a moment, and he pressed his lips together as though fighting a grin. “I mean, when can we finish this discussion?”
“I don’t know, honestly,” I said as we stood and headed for the elevator. “I have double shifts at the diner and the bar for the next three days. Or is it four? I don’t remember. I have to run the office for Uncle Troy on the weekends …”
The elevator doors opened and we both walked on silently. He reached over to push the button as a woman and a young girl joined us. They got off on the third floor.
“Can I call you?” Dr. Hayes asked once we were alone again.
My head about jerked off my neck I turned it so fast, my eyes wide.
“To discuss your mother, of course.”
Of course. How stupid of me to think this doctor—a flippin’ doctor—would be interested in me.
“I don’t have a phone,” I admitted.
“You don’t have a phone?” he repeated as if he didn’t understand the words, as if I was the one speaking Greek now.
“It broke, and it was kind of a waste to replace it. I’m always at the diner, the bar, or the RV park, so everyone knows where to find me. Sissy needs the other one we have.” I didn’t explain that my phone broke the day Mama first called because I threw it at the wall, nor did I admit that we couldn’t afford a second phone and line anymore.
“Can you call me?” He patted his chest and ass, as though looking for something but realizing he didn’t have pockets in his scrubs. “Guess I don’t have a card on me, but Sissy has my number.”
The elevator door slid open on the fifth floor, and we both stepped out.
“Yeah, sure, but I don’t know when.”
He placed a hand on my shoulder, sending another electric jolt through me. His eyes filled with concern and sadness. “We don’t have long, Bex.”
I gave him a nod. “I know. I’ll call as soon as I’m at a phone and have a few minutes.”
He turned right down the hall to finish his rounds, and I turned left for Mama’s room. She was awake again and smiled when I entered the room.
“You came back,” she rasped.
I gave her an awkward smile. “Didn’t Sissy tell you I was?”
“She said she wasn’t sure.”
I threw a look at my sister, but she paid no attention to me, not even a glance. She sat in the pink reclining chair next to Mama’s bed with her arms and legs crossed, the top leg swinging up and down, and a scowl on her face. I wondered what had crawled up her ass and
died.
“Sissy, don’t forget the most important thing to wear,” Mama said, and Grams’ words made us all fall silent. Mama’s head rolled to the side and she stared off with eyes glistening. After a minute or so, she sniffed. “She died too young, and I never got to make my amends with her. Ain’t that how life is? As soon as you see what you got and lost, it’s too late. Ya can’t count on havin’ someday to make it right. You gotta do it now.” She rolled her head back to look at me. “That’s why I’m so glad you came, Bex. I want no more regrets with you.”
I pressed my lips together, stuck on the fact that she’d called me Bex. Sissy must have told her, and she’d made the effort to show that she’d respect my desire. I pulled the chair from the vacant side of the room to Mama’s bed, opposite from where Sissy sat.
“How was your visit with Dr. Studmuffin?” Mama asked. The heat rising in my face must have shown because she let out this weird sounding raspy noise that I thought was a laugh. “Oh, looks like someone else is smitten with him.”
“Who in their right mind wouldn’t be?” I blurted, glad to have something silly and not awkward to talk about. “And I swear, by the way he was lookin’ at me and some of the things he said—he kept slippin’ up in the way he said things like he was trippin’ over his own tongue.”
Mama’s smile reached her eyes. “You can’t blame him. Any man with a lick of taste would be fallin’ all over you. You’re beautiful and strong, just how I always knew you’d be. Both my girls are.”
Sissy suddenly sprang from her chair and ran out of the room. What the hell was wrong with her?
“I’m not too fond of that thing in your nose, though,” Mama continued. “Or those tattoos. Why would you do that to your beautiful body? If God wanted us to look like that, we woulda been born that way.”
And just like that, tension filled the room again. Who was she to judge and talk about what God wanted? God wanted mothers to take care of their children or He wouldn’t have given us to her!
“Or maybe God gave us a blank canvas so we could express our individuality,” I said with as little edge as I could muster.
Mama’s head tilted, and I thought she was going to nod off again. I kind of hoped she would because I was ready to get out of here.
“I never thought about it like that,” she said as her eyes came back to me. “We really don’t know everything God wants or thinks, do we?”
I blinked and my mouth parted, though I had no words to say. Mama smiled again.
“I’ve been thinkin’ a lot about God and life and what-not,” she said. “Not much else to do now, is there? And I don’t know why He gave me two such beautiful and smart girls knowing I’d screw it all up. I never deserved you two. I finally realized that when I took ya’ll back to my mama’s. She didn’t deserve to have all that dumped on her, either, but I didn’t know what else to do. All ya’ll deserved the goodness of each other without me ruin’t it all.” She sighed then hacked then sighed again. “Married at sixteen, a mama at seventeen, and a widow at eighteen. By twenty-five, I was a proper screw-up, wasn’t I? And now at thirty-eight, my grave’s been dug and I’m dyin’ like an old woman.”
She closed her eyes and fell silent. I dropped my head into my hands, leaned my elbows on the armrests and closed my own eyes. I’d never thought about her life like that. I knew she’d married young and had me when she was practically a babe herself. God knows how many times Grams talked about Mama tryin’ to grow up too fast. But I’d never really considered what it must have been like to be only eighteen with a toddler and a baby on the way and to have to bury your husband who was barely more than a child himself. I’d always thought her weak and pathetic for not being the super-hero single mom, for not moving on like other widows did, at least enough to take care of her children properly. Not once had I stopped to put myself in her shoes—like actually in her shoes with her experiences and tragedies, rather than lumping her in with the other mamas who struggled and made it when she didn’t.
Was her youth an excuse to pick drugs over her own children? I wouldn’t go that far. She’d chosen to have a family and take on that responsibility, even if she hadn’t planned on doing it by herself. But at twenty-one, I was three years older than she’d been when the doctors prescribed her first sleeping pill, and if someone much older and wiser and licensed to know better offered me a temporary escape from my reality, I’d probably take it, too. I didn’t have two little ones depending on me while dealing with the worst thing that could ever happen. I couldn’t even imagine it. So how could I judge so harshly the path she’d gone down?
Probably because deeply etched into the backs of my eyelids was the memory of her shoving a needle into her arm not ten minutes before dumping Sissy and me at the door of Grams’ front office, and then she drove off with some asshole loser, never to be seen again. She was twenty-seven by then. Old enough to know better.
I pushed myself to my feet. I needed to get out of here. Too many memories and raw emotions—some I’d never felt before—threatened to brew a storm worse than a Cat 5 hurricane. Mama didn’t need that in her condition, and nobody else deserved to have to clean up the damage afterwards.
“I need to get home,” I said. “I’ve got books to tend for Uncle Troy and work early in the morning.”
“I’m so sorry it turned out like this, baby girl,” Mama said, and she gave me a sad smile. “But I’m happier than a pig in slop that I got to see you at least one more time.”
I moved one step toward her bed, but stopped, unable to propel myself any closer. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Got things to discuss with the doctor and all, but I don’t know when. It’s not easy finagling a whole day off.”
“Whenever you can is just fine. I’ll be right here. Don’t think I’ll be goin’ anywhere soon.”
I couldn’t bring myself to hug or kiss her yet, but I did think about grabbing her hand for a moment before leaving. It looked so small and weak, though, I was afraid I’d crush it. So I gave her an awkward wave and an even more awkward smile as I said goodbye.
Sissy had apparently been waiting out in the hall for me, and as soon as I came out, she grabbed my arm and practically dragged me down the corridor toward the elevator. She didn’t push the down button, though, and when I went to hit it myself, she blocked me.
“What bee’s in your bonnet?” I hissed.
“Have a nice chat with the doctor?” she snapped.
I pulled back and crossed my arms over my chest. “Yeah, I did. We have a lot more to talk about, too. Things you haven’t bothered to tell me.”
“Well, isn’t that precious. I’m surprised Mama even came up at all. Was that before or after he was trippin’ all over his tongue? And exactly where was that tongue at the time?”
“Sissy Anne Waters! You watch your mouth.” I moved closer to her so our chests were nearly bumping and dropped my voice. “He was nothing but a professional. Because that’s what he is. If you’re all worried that I hiked up my skirt to give him a ride, don’t be. He’s not that kind of man. But it’s good to know you think I’m that kind of girl.”
I reached around her and jabbed the down arrow.
“Go take care of Mama,” I said.
“Beth … Bex, I’m sorry.”
My jaw clenched. “Go on and take care of Mama. Ya’ll can be sorry together.”
Thankfully, the elevator opened then. I stepped on and slammed my finger into the button to close the doors in case she tried to follow me. Before I could break down, a couple got on at the fourth floor. I lifted my chin and smiled for them and kept wearing that all-important fashion accessory until I reached my car inside the parking garage. I crossed my arms on the roof and dropped my head onto them as I breathed in car fumes rather than clean air to clear my head. I couldn’t wait to get out of the city.
The sound of a car door
shutting a few slots down made me look up. A man with the palest face and blackest eyes I’d ever seen returned my gaze as he rounded the rear of a late model sedan. He wore a black hoodie with the hood up, covering his hair, but the way he moved triggered a vague memory. Did I know him from somewhere?
“Everything okay?” he asked, and his voice, too, rang with the slightest hint of familiarity. He continued walking my way, which made sense because it was the way out, but fear rose in my chest. When Elizabeth said she felt a dark aura, this was how I imagined that feeling. He grinned, baring sharp, crooked teeth, as he moved closer. My heart stuttered and then took off in a gallop.
“Bex,” a male voice rang out from behind me.
The pale man seemed to shrink, all confidence in his stride gone. Not daring to turn my back on him, I looked over my shoulder out of the corner of my eye. Dr. Hayes jogged toward me. My heart had a totally different yet equally dramatic reaction to him, but at least I felt like I could breathe again. When my gaze returned to the white-skinned creep, he was gone. I hadn’t seen any movement. I glanced up and down the aisle, but he was nowhere to be seen.
“I thought I’d missed you,” Dr. Hayes said, and I turned fully to him as he walked the last few steps. His brows scrunched together when he saw my face, and I might have melted a little at the concern in his eyes. “Are you okay?”
“Um, yeah.” I put on my smile. “I thought I saw something, but I guess I was imagining things. It’s been a long day.”
“I, uh …” He paused and broke eye contact with me, and it was all I could do to not beg him to look back at me. To mesmerize me with those eyes like he had earlier. He finally did return his gaze to me, accompanied by a grin that once again had my thighs clenching. I will not hike up my skirt. I will not hike up my skirt and offer him a ride. Only because I didn’t want to give Sissy the satisfaction of being right. At the moment, I so wanted to be that kind of girl. “So, this is completely against hospital rules, and I’ve been fighting with myself for the last hour, but I can’t help it. I have no shame, and I’m a selfish bastard.”
