by Sylvie Fox
“Then what?”
“Tell me what happened to you after KESP reported on the cockfighting sting.”
He wanted to build a future with Jessie, not probe the past with a sharp stick. He gave the least information he could. “Internal Affairs investigated the breach.”
Cam could see she wasn’t going to let it go that easily. “What happened after that?”
“Then I walked into the mediator’s office and signed the papers making our separation legal.”
Jessie looked away like he’d wanted her to. These questions were coming too close for comfort. He’d taken his punishment like a man. He’d walked the beat. He’d withstood being separated from the woman he loved. He’d lifted weights to forget. The future was where he wanted to keep focus, not the past.
Too quickly, she turned back. Her dark brows knitted together. “Are you serious about us?”
“As a heart attack.”
“Then you’re going to have to start talking to me, Cameron. Out of bed. I can’t be the only one who has to change.”
“What do you want me to say?” Because he didn’t talk much, every word was like a land mine in enemy territory.
She looked at him, unblinking. Pushed her hand through his hair, down his neck, across his pecs. Her manicured hand landed on Cam’s heart, warming the spot where it was nearly beating out of his chest.
“What happened after the IA investigation?” Her voice was whisper soft.
He closed his eyes against the awful memories that flooded his brain. He’d worked hard to put much of this out of his mind after it happened. That had been the only way to move on.
“Rivera was investigated even though she had nothing to do with the leak.” It was already hard for her being a minority and a woman in the department. Those months she was riding a desk while everyone treated the implosion like it was her fault. They figured she’d gotten too chummy with the sex workers and underworld types. But Rivera wasn’t the type to cross over. She was a victim of doing her job too well. “When they got to me, I had to tell them we’d talked about the investigation. That I’d broken protocol. But Rivera’s skin was saved.”
“And you?”
“I had a union rep.”
“Cameron. What happened to you?”
He turned his head, looking over his shoulder and into the past. “Lost the right to promotion for a couple years. Had to walk the beat in Hollywood on the night shift.”
“You never told me.”
“We weren’t exactly on speaking terms.”
“But–”
“But what? You told me you were done, finito.”
“You pushed me away, Cam. You froze me out.” He’d been angry. He’d had a right to be. But when he was done being angry at her, he was angry at himself for everything. “You still kept an eye on me, though,” she said.
Surprised, he looked away. “You were done. I wasn’t.”
“How was I to know that?”
“Because…” Because she should have known he wasn’t a guy to walk away from responsibility. He didn’t want her to see him at his lowest. When he was working the beat, doing low level arrests, taking orders instead of giving orders.
Jessie’s question, her accent heavier this late in the evening when she wasn’t trying hard anymore, broke into his thoughts. “What do you want, Cam? Nothing is different from before. I’m still a reporter. Crime is big news in Los Angeles. You’re still a cop with secrets. That hasn’t changed.”
“You’re here. That’s changed.”
“I…Cam…”
“We were meant to be together. I’ve known it since you came to pick up your sister from the station. You’re the most beautiful and compassionate woman I’ve ever known. The separation was the stupidest thing I ever did. It was easier to run away from the hard work than to stay and fight. It’s my one and only regret in life. The only one, Jessie.”
“But our jobs, our families always come between us.”
“I think that’s changed.”
“I Skype with them. They asked me to wire money–”
“None of that matters. You matter more than the job or the family. We’ve both changed. Five years ago you’d have ambushed the councilmen.”
“I should have. Is our city served by men who live by one standard when the rest of us live by another?”
“None of us are better for that.”
“A story on KESP could have righted that wrong.”
She was right about that. “Maybe.” Cameron shook his head. He hated when what was right and what the LAPD did were at odds. “Sometimes the system fails.” And when he was on firm footing again, maybe when he was finally promoted to a command position, he’d right those wrongs. For now he was willing to look the other way. It was a trade-off for a future when he could work on change from within.
Jessie stood, stalking to the window that overlooked the lights of the Valley. “It doesn’t matter now,” she said. “I’ll probably be unemployed tomorrow.”
“If you are, we’ll tackle it together. Maybe you can jump to a better station.”
“So where are we, Cam?”
“It’s all about what you want, Jessie. Because if we walk away this time, that’s it. I can’t do this again. Mom may not have much tact, but she was right. I want to be married to you, have babies with you. Buy a house in the Valley. I know it’s boring. But it’s what I want. If you don’t want the same thing, tell me now. We have to move forward one way or another. We’ve tiptoed around this too long.”
Chapter Fifteen
Yesenia paced in the small apartment. Never had her life choices been so stark. If this was only a fraction of the worry Mama had felt when making the choice to leave Mexico, Yesenia’s sympathies were with her.
Throwing open the balcony doors, she let the cool, damp marine laden air rush in. On the balcony, the railing was cool under her palms. Traffic on Chandler Boulevard was as steady as her beating heart. She tried to remember a time when traffic wasn’t pulsing in Los Angeles. Even on her mother’s street, cars sped from Venice to Washington, trying to short-circuit lines of cars and save time. It kept the flow of cars as steady as breath.
Lifting her hands, she fished through her hair, seeking release. After she found and pulled out the rubber band, the tension on her scalp and temples eased. Even when she heard the faint squeak of the couch as Cameron rose, shuffled to the fridge, and sat back down, she didn’t turn to look at him.
Plain and simple, she was afraid. Saying yes could mean another failure. She’d failed at protecting her family, failed at keeping her career and private life separate. Two years she’d taken from Cam’s career. How could he still want her after that? How could she try again after the damage she’d done?
Another story could come between them. The police were, if nothing, ripe for investigation and reporting. If they weren’t doing favors for celebs or politicians, they were profiling the black and brown of the city–often with disastrous results.
On top of that, her family’s new independence could turn to disaster any minute. If the cartels became too dangerous, she’d bring her mother and sister back in a heartbeat, damn the law. Could Cam live with that, knowing she’d be breaking the law a second time? Would he be okay keeping her family’s shadowy undocumented life a secret?
This was it.
If she walked out this door, he’d find someone else, get married again. Another woman would have his babies. And if jealousy and regret ate her up, she’d have no one to blame but herself.
Yesenia stiffened when strong arms banded around her. Would he ask for her answer now?
But when no ultimatum came, she relaxed her body, consciously easing her shoulders down. She leaned back against the man who filled her with equal parts fear and desire.
“Cold out here,” he said. A shiver coursed through her. Probably a trick of the mind. Power of suggestion. She hadn’t felt a lick of cold when she’d stepped outside. And with his warm, solid frame behi
nd her, the chill still didn’t permeate.
Yesenia turned in the circle of steel-like bands of his arms until she was facing him. “I’m not sure I can be what you want, in or out of bed,” she started.
The sting of rejection warred with stubbornness on Cam’s face. Without words, she understood exactly what he was thinking. He needed to give her up or give her another chance.
“You are exactly what I want.”
“But. There’s always a ‘but,’ Cam.”
“No buts, Jessie. I want you to…want me as much as I want you.”
“You know I do,” she whispered. “You know I do.”
“Show me.”
“I don’t…” know how. She swallowed those last words.
His body language revealed no immediate decision about them. So she leaned forward, taking one decision away from him. She would give them one last gift. A final night together where she took the lead. That was the one thing they could do that wouldn’t hurt a soul.
For the first time ever, she shook off her inhibitions. Yesenia wished them away on the wind that blew from the ocean to the desert. She wrapped her hands around his head and pulled him down for a kiss. Cam had never denied her this. And he didn’t resist her now.
She molded her lips to his like she’d always wanted to, but had never had the guts to do. Sloppy, openmouthed kisses that didn’t give a hoot about good girls and proper behavior. After a shout rose up from adolescent boys loitering on the sidewalk, she pulled herself away from Cam long enough to push him back into the studio, far away from prying eyes.
With a whoosh of breath, his butt hit the couch, halting their movement. Hitching up the bottom of her dress, she straddled him, holding him steady for another one or ten of those soulful kisses. She lost count quickly.
Pulling back to take a breath, she opened her eyes. Normally the light-filled apartment would have made her feel exposed, but this time she didn’t care. To hell with the cold air and the light. Crossing her arms in front of her, she lifted the dress over her head. Yesenia paused only long enough for Cam to look his fill. Then she thrust her breasts toward him, unclasping her bra. It dropped in his lap. Neither moved to retrieve it.
“Damn…Jessie…damn.”
She leaned forward, brushing a nipple before his lips. Without a moment’s hesitation, he caught the stiff bit of flesh. Her blood fizzed with sensation. Fighting not to let feelings overcome her, nor deter her from her singular mission, she tugged his t-shirt up until her hands could freely roam his chest. His pecs tensed, flexed, released. His tiny nipples beaded hard.
Yesenia brushed a hand against the faint stubble on his slackened jaw. In one swift motion, she pulled his shirt from him. Sliding down, she undid his belt and opened the front of his jeans. The denim was so soft from multiple washings, she worried he’d poke a hole through the weakened strands with his rock hard erection.
But the jeans were safe, and in a moment, after wiggling through the opening of his jeans and boxers, she filled her hands.
An inch at a time, she lowered herself until her knees were on the rug, the front of her thighs brushing against the cool, smooth leather of the couch. Her high school girlfriends had always said this is what men liked best, but she’d never had the guts. So she took a deep breath and pulled her husband’s pulsing cock between her lips.
“Jessie…you don’t…ah, damnit to hell,” Cam swore. The musky scent of him made her knees go weak. Slowly, she moved her mouth up and down, using her tongue to tickle against the ridge. He bracketed her head between his big hands and thrust into her mouth, once, then twice.
The sense of power and control over his pleasure turned her on. A minute later the hard and soft feel of him disappeared from her mouth.
“I thought you wanted…” She was at a loss for the right words.
“You don’t need–”
Maybe she would have to save that for another time. Too many surprises in one night might kill the man.
She was thinking there’d be another time. Shock waves rolled through her with that thought. A future with this man? That thought surprised her.
Yesenia brought herself back to the present. She wasn’t ready to give up. Pulling out the condom she’d bravely bought at the drug store and tucked into her purse a week ago, she thrust the foil wrapped latex into his hands. No one had called her out or slapped her hands when she’d bought birth control. She’d taken it as a sign she was doing the right thing.
Standing, she shimmied from her underwear and got down to the business of seducing her husband. First, she lifted one knee on the couch, then the other. Cam groaned, but held his ground. Leaning over, she grasped onto the back cushions as if hanging on for dear life. Yesenia anticipated she might need that death grip if he were nearly as aroused as she.
Mustering all the bravado she could, she whispered what she knew he wanted to hear. “Take me.”
Muscles jangled with need, with nerves, with anticipation. Her desire to be filled fought with her worry that this wouldn’t be enough. That trying to play the game by his rules had come too late. That….
The rip of foil came first, then two hands were gripping her shoulders. Next thing she knew, Cameron notched himself, thrust once, and she was filled to the hilt. Keeping her eyes open for once, she looked at the picture the two of them made. In an instant, she understood why men liked to look.
“Hot, right?”
She closed her eyes. Nodded.
“Open for me Jessie. Watch this.”
One of his hands left her shoulder and rubbed at the tips of her breasts, his thrusts increasing the friction against her palms. The other hand moved between them, parted her.
She wanted to see. Opening her eyes, she watched his thumb seek and find her center.
“Oh, God,” she moaned.
“This is all for you, Jessie.”
She took charge in the only way she could think of, with more than half her brain lost to lust. “Come for me, Cameron,” Yesenia said, squeezing her inner muscles, milking her husband as best she could.
It worked.
For the first time she could ever remember, Cam faltered. His practiced and measured thrusts lost their tempo. For a single second, he stopped moving, probably trying to control himself. The friction against her from his hand increased. But she bit her lip, hard. The pain acted in counterpoint to the pleasure exploding everywhere else.
One more squeeze from Yesenia was all it took for Cameron to lose control once and for all. His movements became sloppy and jerky. A hoarse shout barked from his lungs. Still hard inside her, Cam took his time then. A single finger traced the cords of her neck, brushed each nipple, then drew pleasure from the place she craved it most. Yesenia didn’t hold back. With effort, she pushed the inhibitions from her mind and allowed herself to be enveloped in bliss.
She tucked her head against his shoulder. Their breathing and hearts slowed in tandem. Growing soft, Cam pulled away and went to his bathroom. Getting wild during sex was one thing, but being naked in the stark light of the living room was another. Quickly, she pulled on her underwear, lifted her dress over her head, and smoothed it down as best she could. Digging through her purse, she located a hairbrush, pulled it out and smoothed her hair into a bun. A single fresh wipe took away her TV ready makeup.
His nudity stood in stark contrast to her fully dressed self when he came back.
In spite of his promises, even though he’d changed, and she’d matured, she still wasn’t sure. She needed time.
“How long?” she asked.
“Jessie, don’t–”
She clutched her bag to her side, ready to walk out the door. “Give me your deadline.”
“Why do it this way?”
“I need time.”
“Time apart?”
“Time to think.”
“What do you need to know that you don’t yet?”
She sighed, exhausted. Was it too much to want to decide the rest of her life when she was we
ll rested, clear headed? Making the decision to marry was easy the first time. Given how it had turned out, far too easy. She didn’t want to go into this blind the second time around. It would hurt too much if she made the same mistakes again. Love wasn’t enough.
Cam hated being pushed. But if he wanted to throw around ultimatums, then she needed something concrete.
“How long?” she asked for the last time.
A pained look accompanied his next words. But he spoke them nevertheless. “One month, Jessie.”
Chapter Sixteen
Twenty-seven days later.
Best thing about his building was that it had a gym. Not some tiny closet holding a sole elliptical pretending to be a gym, but an honest-to-goodness weight room with Nautilus machines, treadmills, and a TV.
He lay back against the bench, pushing two hundred fifty pound weights into ten chest presses. Then twenty. The twinge in his stomach wasn’t from the three hundred crunches, but from anxiety no amount of exercise could push away.
One hundred squats later, he gave himself a break. He wasn’t the person who’d sent Dolores and Reina to Mexico. But he’d been the unwitting catalyst. For that, a hundred push-ups was penance. Not sufficient punishment, but what he could do to shake the guilt today and all the days so far he hadn’t seen Jessie? Ten miles on the treadmill, and he’d half convinced himself his wife would come back to him.
How stupid was he to give her a month? He’d have waited years. He’d already waited two.
Three days remained. Rivera and Ryan had both warned him. Under no circumstances was he to go to Jessie and grovel. He’d laid down the gauntlet. If there was truly any chance of them coming together, she’d have to want it as much as he. She had to be as invested in their future.
Intellectually, he knew that. But his heart was beating out of his chest with either the exertion from exercise or worry that he’d played his last card and was still going to lose to the house.
Checking the time on his heart rate monitor, Cam quickly wiped down the equipment and ran upstairs. He didn’t take elevators much himself anymore. Years ago, Jessie had gotten him into the stair habit and he’d never quit.
