by Joy Elbel
I hid my face in my hands as I started to cry. “I’m so sorry I left you there at the bottom of the steps when you needed me the most! It’s just…she did it to get my attention! I thought maybe if I put some distance between us, she would leave you alone.” All of the pain came flooding out of me. “It hurt so much to know that you got hurt because of me!”
Zach pulled my hands away from my face and leaned down so we were eye to eye. “And you got hurt because of me—I reached levels of guilt that I didn’t even know were possible. I know what I did that day was wrong and I’m in an anger management group now to deal with my issues. I want to work to put this all behind us, Ruby. I want to wake up every morning knowing that you’re still mine.”
“But as long as we’re together, you’re in danger! I’m nothing but poison, Zach!”
“If you’re poison, I’ll gladly drink it. Pour me a big glass right now!” he said with Shakespearean flair.
“This isn’t a joke, Zach! You got lucky this time but what about the next time? You could die!”
He held both of my hands in his and looked into my eyes. “I would take a bullet for you, Ruby.” “Don’t say that!” I ripped my hands from his grasp and turned my back on him. The thought of him dying because of me was unbearable.
He walked around to meet me and took my face in his hands. He lifted my chin and placed his forehead against mine.
“I would take a bullet for you,” he said slowly, enunciating each syllable clearly. “Living without you isn’t really living anymore.”
Then he kissed me. He moved slowly at first, his lips trembling as much as mine. His kisses were familiar to me but there was something different about this one. This one felt eternal, unbreakable.
The kiss took me to a deeper level of emotion than I had ever been to before. I wanted to fall into him until we were one being, one heart beating forever. I wanted him to lay me down in the leaves and take my virginity right there. But unlike those other nights, I didn’t want it because of raging hormones or just to prove a point to Misty. I wanted it because I wanted him to touch my soul, to know every part of me the way I wanted to know every last piece of him.
But reaching dizzying heights also meant crashing back down to earth. He was dating someone else now. Yeah, Chloe was cold and calculating when she befriended me just to get her claws into my man but I was kissing someone else’s boyfriend just the same. And that made me no better than…Misty.
“Stop!” I said pushing him away, “We shouldn’t be here together like this! You have a new girlfriend now!” My own words seared into me with such heat that they should have sealed my wounds shut. But they didn’t. They just cut deeper into territory I was afraid to explore. The thought of him touching, kissing someone else—I couldn’t think about it without wanting to die. The fabric of my cape swirled around me as I spun on my heel and started to run.
“No, Ruby, you don’t understand! Chloe and I are just friends! Let me explain!” Zach called out to me. It sure didn’t look like they were just friends. I was almost back to the safety of Rosewood where I could hide my sorrow in peace when Chloe came strolling out the front door. I sank down onto the cold stone edge of the fountain and I lost it. I mean, really lost it. There she was—the Other Woman— the lying, backstabbing Other Woman. Things were about to get ugly. What would she do? Yell at me? Start a fight? Run away crying? She did none of the above. Instead, Chloe did the unthinkable. She sat down next to me and put her arm around me.
The audacity! The sheer nerve! comfort your ex-friend after stealing her To sit there and boyfriend! If I wasn’t crying so hard that my vision was blurred, I would have popped her one right in the mouth.
Zach sat down on my other side and put his arm around my waist. I wanted to fall into him and let him take the pain away. But how could I when his girlfriend was sitting right there? If there were ever a time when I wished for a trap door to magically appear at my feet, it was now.
“Can I tell her, Chloe?” Zach asked as he slid closer to me.
“Yes, but first I want her to promise to keep my secret for me.”
More secrets? I had enough secrets of my own thank you—why would I want hers, too?
“Do you promise, Ruby?” He leaned in close as he said it and gave me a light kiss on the cheek.
Did I want to? No. Did I have to? It sure felt like it. I nodded my head but said nothing.
“Okay,” Chloe said with a sigh, “Zach and I were just pretending to date.” Pretending? Why would any girl want to “just pretend” with someone as smoking hot as Zach? Did she really think I was going to buy that excuse? Sure, maybe he pretended to like her to make me jealous or something, but her? Did I really look stupid enough to buy her story?
“Why?” I looked her straight in the eyes—I had to see her face when she gave her answer. “Because I’m into girls—not guys. My mom is superreligious and when she found out that I kissed Chelsea, this college girl I met over the summer—well, she flipped out. She said she would ship me off to live with my dad in Maine if I didn’t “repent for my sins”. But I love Chelsea and we did way more than just kiss—I didn’t want to take the chance of my mom finding that out. So I asked Zach to help me. He’s been my pretend boyfriend since school started. He would pick me up, drop me off at Chelsea’s dorm room, and then drive me home a few hours later. My mom started to get suspicious, though, and I knew she would eventually ask my aunt to keep an eye on us. There wasn’t anything else we could do—Zach and I had to take the plan one step further.”
What? That couldn’t possibly be a lie—could it? It would definitely explain the weird way Chloe reacted when I asked her if she was still a virgin that day in the fitting room. But…what? I couldn’t even form a full sentence in my head let alone speak out loud.
“I didn’t want to do it, Ruby, but after you and I broke up, I needed Chloe to help me with my math homework. I didn’t want you to think what you ended up thinking in the end anyway, but Chloe’s aunt works in the school cafeteria so we had to keep up the charade even during the day. Then we ended up on that stupid Homecoming ballot—Misty’s idea of a joke, I imagine. We didn’t even go to the game. I tried to send you a mental signal—you know, to let you know the truth. I guess it didn’t work.”
Mental signal. What—did he think I was psychic now, too? The absurdity of that comment was only compounded by the fact that one look at his face proved that he honestly thought it could have worked. I wanted to be mad at him. I wanted to tell him he was a complete moron. But how could I? I was madly in love with him—complete moron moments and all.
“I almost told you about Chelsea that day at The Village, but I was afraid you of how you would react. Zach was the only one I felt I could trust to help me. He and I have never been anything more than just friends and I’ve never even remotely wanted it to be more. After things started to get out of control, I tried to explain the situation to you. But you were so mad at me that you wouldn’t even give me a chance to and I begged Zach not to say anything to you, either,” Chloe said as she stood up. “You can still hate me if you want, just please don’t tell anyone my secret, okay?”
I considered holding grudges to be one of my specialties—once, when I was eight, I didn’t talk to Lee for an entire week because he ripped the head off of my favorite Barbie doll. I was tempted to run straight up to the ballroom, rip the mike out of Crimson’s hand and tell the entire senior class that Chloe was a lesbian. Sure, it would be childish but why should I care? Why? Because it wasn’t the right thing to do.
Loving Zach changed me. He made me want to be a good person. So I stood up, too, and gave her a hug. “I won’t tell—I swear! And I’m sorry for all of the horrible things I thought about you when I thought you stole Zach from me!”
“Thank you. I’d like to go back to being friends with you but I can understand if you don’t want to because of who I am….”
Not be friends with her because she liked girls? I admit it was kind of weird
now that I knew, but I figured that the weirdness would go away with time. “We could go shopping Friday after school.…”
Chloe gave me a big smile. “Friday it is! But right now, you two need to be alone.” She walked back into Rosewood leaving me alone with Zach once again.
What a day. I snuck into the school then broke wildly out of it. My favorite teacher turned out not to be a killer after all. The party I was dreading delivered me the best dance of my life. The girl I thought stole my boyfriend ended up being more attracted to me than to him. Zach knew all along that Garnet pushed him down the stairs. Nothing turned out to be what it seemed and the night was still far from over.
“So Ruby, there’s more I want to talk to you about—do you want to go back to the oak grove for privacy? Now that the emotional dust had settled, the crispness of the fall air felt more like a biting winter chill. I shivered even under my furry cape. “Let’s go back inside.”
I led him up the stairs and at the top he automatically turned toward the ballroom.
“No,” I said tugging at his arm, “let’s go to my room.” Zach’s face became an instant palette of emotions. Maybe there was some validity to the whole mental signal theory after all because he sure seemed to know what I was thinking when I invited him to the attic. I snuck up the stairs quietly with his hand in mine thoroughly convinced that no one saw us.
Once we were in the attic, I locked the door behind us. Then I double checked it and triple checked it. I certainly didn’t need anyone walking in on us—one school scandal was all I could handle, thank you very much. Once my OCD was satisfied that we were safely alone, I put my arms around him.
“We’re alone now….” Was that too big of a hint? Not big enough?
The sexiest smile I’d ever seen spread across his face. “We are alone.” The door to my bedroom stood wide open, inviting us in. “So…do you want to sit down?” I pointed to my bed even though the futon was only a few feet from us.
“Yeah, that sounds good.” It was like that smile was permanently etched onto his face. I could get used to that smile.
I ushered Coco out of the bedroom and locked that door, too. I loved that cat almost as much as I loved Zach, but this was definitely something I did not want her to be around for. Quickly, I kicked off my shoes—my feet were simply killing me—and sat down on the edge of the bed. When Zach did the same, I knew we were both thinking the same thing— for once.
“Can I ask you something, well, personal?” he said as he took my hand. “Sure.” I feigned confidence but I was dying inside. He wasn’t going to ask me if I had my period was he? I would simply die if the word “tampon” was uttered in the next sixty seconds.
“So, I’ve noticed that you’ve lost some weight.” He fidgeted nervously on the bed beside me. “You aren’t sick, are you?”
“No, it’s a bad side effect of my current haunting. I’ve been to the doctor and they say nothing’s wrong. I think Garnet was sick and I’m feeling what she felt—that’s how phantoms work according to Rita.” Was it weird that talking about phantoms was no big deal to me but tampons were taboo? Yes, yes it was weird. Weird was kinda my specialty.
“So you’re not,” he paused, “starving yourself on purpose or anything?" “No—definitely not! I’ll be so happy when this haunting is over—my first order of business will be hitting a buffet!”
“Whew, I feel so much better now—I was worried about you. Well, I still am but at least I know why it’s happening. I’ll do anything I can to help you with this ghost so we can get you back to normal.”
Add one more thing to the list of reasons why Zach was perfect. He actually wanted me to gain the weight back. I always heard that boys didn’t care half as much about that kind of stuff as we thought they did, but I didn’t believe it until now.
“I’ll tell you all about the haunting tomorrow.” I took a deep breath and just said what was on my mind. “Talking about Garnet isn’t what I had in mind for tonight.”
“Me neither, but there are three things I have to do first—starting with this.” He pulled the blond wig off of my head and tossed it into the corner. “That’s better. I want this moment to be with you, not with the Viking princess.”
Thank goodness I took the time to straighten my hair today—wig or no wig. There was no way in hell I was losing my virginity with curly hair.
“The second thing is that I have to explain to you why I rejected you that night in the car.” Anticipation of that answer suddenly overshadowed my anxiety over what we were about to do. What could his reason be and was I ready to hear it?
“Honestly, Ruby, it was partially because I was scared and partially because of what I imagined it should be like for you.”
His answer made me want him even more. “How so?” “I was afraid of a million different things—hurting you, getting you pregnant, disappointing you. But the biggest thing I worried about was losing myself so completely in you that I panicked. I’m not afraid of that anymore.”
Really, was there anyone on this planet who was closer to perfection than Zach Mason? Every single word that came out of his mouth made me feel special.
“The other reason is because you deserve something better than the backseat of my car and you deserve someone who will give you that. I wish I had roses for you and candles to light, but all I have is my love—and this.”
He fished around in his pocket and produced a small box. He slid down onto the floor and got on one knee. Oh no. Was he going to ask me to marry him? What would I say if he did? I knew he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with but we were too young for that, weren’t we? Would I break his heart permanently if I said no, that I thought we should wait? What should I do? As soon as I got rid of one set of problems, I ended up with a whole new one. FML.
Zach opened the box and pulled out a silver band with a cluster of rubies in the shape of a rose. “I couldn’t afford much but I wanted to give you something to symbolize my love. It’s kind of like a promise, I guess. By giving you this ring, I promise to love only you. If you accept it, that means you swear to love only me.”
Whew. A promise ring, I could handle. “I definitely accept!” I held out my hand and let him slide the ring onto my finger.
Zach stood up and pulled me up along with him. “As long as you’re wearing that ring, I’ll always know you’re still mine.”
“I love you, Zach—this ring will never leave my finger! Never, ever, ever!” I held out my hand to admire it. It was beautiful, fit me perfectly, and I was impressed that he remembered that silver was my favorite.
“That’s all I needed to hear.” Zach hit the switches so the bedroom was dark except for a soft glow coming from the bathroom light. He raised his hands to my neck and tugged on the tie that held my cape in place. He fumbled for a moment with his left hand but it finally came undone and floated to the floor at my feet.
As I untied his cape for him, he lifted the crown off of his head and flung it to the side. “I love you, Ruby,” he said as he slid his right hand under my legs and lifted me off of the floor.
When his lips met mine, a spark ignited. He kissed me slow and deep as he carried me to the bed and lowered me gently down. I’d waited so long for this moment and it couldn’t have been more perfect. The party was still raging below us—the pounding bass vibrating the bed ever so slightly.
No one would see us, no one would hear us. Zach settled in beside me and began to trail his kisses down my neck. He slid his leg over mine until he was on top of me. He was trembling just as much as I was—it was nice to know that I wasn’t the only one with unsteady nerves. When he got to the neckline of my dress, he stopped and stroked my cheek.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” he whispered. “Don’t be afraid to ask me to stop.” “I’m ready Zach—are you?” Most boys would have laughed at me for asking such a stupid question but not Zach—he was different.
“I am, Ruby. Just promise me you’ll tell me if I hurt you at all
.” “I promise. Do you have…protection?” I asked. Yes, I was on birth control but with my recent bouts with nausea very few of those pills actually stayed in my stomach. And besides, there was no such thing as being too cautious even if they had.
“I do—reach into the left pocket of my pants. Rachel jokingly gave me a condom earlier—I guess the joke’s on her.” Rachel. She was the one who set this whole thing up for him tonight—I should have guessed. She was a great friend and an even better sister. I dug into his pocket until my fingertips hit something that made a crinkly sound. With the condom in my grasp, the reality of it all hit me. We were actually about to lose our virginity together.
I handed the condom to him and he slipped it under my pillow until he was ready for it. Satisfied that he was getting nothing but green lights, he pressed his lips to mine. I unbuttoned his shirt and he awkwardly pulled it over his cast to get it off. and urgent. Our kisses went from slow and deep to feverish With his good hand, he undid the satin ribbon
that held the bodice of my dress together and slid his hand under the fabric. Bang! Bang! Bang! His heart was thumping so loud it sounded like a drum beating in my ear. I was so distracted by what he was about to do, that it barely registered in my brain.
Then I heard it again. Wait a second. That wasn’t Zach’s heartbeat—that was a knock at the door.
31. Now You See Me, Now I Don’t
“Zach!” I hissed, “Someone’s at the door!” It took him a few seconds to come back down to earth and comprehend what I said.
“Oh shit!” he blurted out as he rolled off of me. Frantically, he bolted out of bed and flicked on the lights. The knock sounded at the door again, louder and more urgent this time.
“Put your shirt back on!” I commanded as I clumsily tried to lace up the bodice of my dress. I smoothed my hair down with my hand and took in a deep breath. Thank goodness I locked that door.
