by Soraya Lane
“I’ve done this before with you?” he asked when he finally raised his head.
“The other night I woke to you thrashing around and I know I should have done something, but instead I just left,” she told him. “I thought maybe it was a one-off thing, and I also didn’t think I was going to see you again.”
Logan stood, his body dominating the room with his size. “I don’t know what to say. I shouldn’t have fallen asleep, and I just, I mean...” His voice trailed off, like he was in pain. “I didn’t realize that I ever lashed out when I was dreaming. If I’d known I would never have put you in danger like that.”
“It’s not your fault, Logan. And I’m here for you,” she said, even if she was scared of it happening again. “I can help.”
“Candace,” he started, walking around the bed and dropping to his knees as she sat on the bed, reaching for her hands before gently touching her face and then dropping his head into her lap. “I’m sorry.”
Tears flooded Candace’s eyes, spilled over even as she tried her hardest to push them away. This man—this strong, big man—was literally on his knees before her, and it almost broke her heart.
“It’s okay, Logan. Everything’s going to be okay.”
When he raised his head, she could see that his own cheeks were tearstained. He slowly rose to his feet, and she could hardly breathe, couldn’t take her eyes from his face.
“I have to go,” he said.
She shook her head but he just nodded, walking backward.
“You can stay,” she whispered.
“No, Candace, I need to go. To think. I’m sorry.”
Candace watched him leave then lay back on the bed and pulled the covers up, dragging them over her head and hiding away from the world. A part of her wanted to run after him, to grab him and tell him that he couldn’t go, but she also knew that he wasn’t the kind of man to be forced into anything. If he needed time, he needed time. End of story. He was a complicated guy and she understood that more than he probably realized.
If you love someone, you always need to be strong enough to let them fly.
It was a saying her mom had strongly believed in, and when she shut her eyes, she could hear her saying it, whispering it to her one night when she was a little girl. Then, it had been about her beloved dog, loving him enough to say goodbye the next day at the vet clinic. Now, it was about a man. The only difference was that this time, she wasn’t ready to admit how she felt. Not yet.
*
Logan slammed his fist into his steering wheel so hard that the horn beeped loudly into the otherwise silent night.
All this time thinking no one knew about how much he struggled, about the memories that terrorized him, and there he’d gone and lost it in front of Candace. The fact that she’d seen him...it hurt. Because he’d always been so good at making people see what he wanted them to see, without admitting how hard it had been, coming back from war and losing his parents. Even Brett didn’t know the full extent of what he went through every single day—the memories he lived with.
He reached for his dog and stamped out the thoughts that were trying to take over his mind once again, wishing there was something he could do to make them stop. When he was with Candace, his mind actually felt calm, which was why he’d never thought about how he might react in his sleep when he was beside her.
But he’d blown it now. There was no chance she’d turn up in the morning. He’d sealed his own fate there, so now he just had to live with the fact that his past was part of his future, whether he liked it or not. He’d tried to run away from it, and he’d found someone who made him forget, and it still hadn’t worked.
Logan started the engine and pulled away, from the hotel and from Candace.
CHAPTER EIGHT
LOGAN TAPPED HIS thigh to tell Ranger to walk at heel, his bag slung over his back, heading for the plane. He’d hardly had any sleep last night, had lain awake thinking about Candace, about his night terrors...everything. But he still wanted to head home, and he wasn’t so weary that he couldn’t make the relatively short flight. Every time he got into the pilot’s seat he remembered things he didn’t want to recall, but each time he was also pleased that he hadn’t given into his fears and stayed grounded. And if he was ever going to get himself together, he needed to keep facing his fears head-on.
He stopped and looked at the plane, prepped and ready for him to fly out in, and his hand fell to Ranger’s head.
“Time to head home, buddy,” he muttered.
“Logan!”
Logan stopped moving. He’d just presumed Candace wouldn’t show, that whatever they had was over after what had happened, but...
“Logan!”
He spun around, not wanting to believe it was her until he could actually see her.
“Candace?” He murmured her name, eyes locking on her as she ran in his direction, her blond curls loose and flying out around her.
She had someone struggling to keep up with her, beside her, and Logan was pretty certain that it was probably a poor security guard who she’d managed to slip past.
“Sorry, Mr. Murdoch. She just...”
“It’s fine,” he said, once they’d reached him. “It’s fine. Sorry for the inconvenience.”
“You said nine,” Candace panted, out of breath. “It’s only one minute past and you’d already given up on me? Surely you know me better than that.”
Logan shook his head, speechless. “I didn’t expect...”
“You didn’t expect me to turn up, did you?” she asked, finishing his sentence. “You thought a little scary dream was going to send me running for the hills?”
He shook his head. “I guess not.”
“When we first met, you brazenly asked me out, and I did the one thing in the world I would never usually do,” she said. “And that was say yes to you.”
Logan stared at her, unable to take his gaze off her bright blue eyes—eyes that had only the night before been filled with tears and were now full of light.
“You pushed me out of my comfort zone, and if you hadn’t done that, who knows how long I would have kept on going, stuck in the rut I was in.”
“I still don’t understand why you’re here,” Logan said. Candace could be anywhere in the world right now, and she was waiting to board his plane with him?
“I’m here because the time I’ve spent with you has been amazing, and because I want to see exactly what this property of yours is like.”
He relaxed as she reached for his hand, felt as if all the stress, all the fury that had been building since he’d left her, had just fallen away.
“I’m still invited back to your ranch, aren’t I?” Candace asked in a quiet voice.
Logan bent down to kiss Candace’s cheek, wishing he could come up with something better to say than simply yes.
“I was a jerk last night, Candace, and if I could take it all back, I would.”
“You’re human, and the thing is that humans make mistakes. Let’s just move on from all that, okay?”
Logan nodded, drawing her in close so he could hold her in his arms, feel her soft, warm body against his. It was all he’d thought about as he’d lay alone in his bed, wishing she was still pressed back into him, letting him spoon her.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“There’s just one thing,” Candace said, hand to his chest as she leaned back and looked up at him.
Logan raised his eyebrows. “What’s that?”
“I left a heap of luggage inside the terminal there. Would you be a darling and go grab it all for me?”
Logan burst out laughing and pulled her tight against him for another hug. Talk about surprising a guy in more ways than one.
“I’ll get you and Ranger on the plane first, then I’ll go back in,” he muttered. “But you do realize that there’s only so much weight a light aircraft can carry, right?”
She glanced over at his shoulder bag, forlorn on the tarmac, and he followed her gaze.
“Lucky you travel so light then, huh?”
Logan gave her a play punch on the arm and indicated for Ranger to walk with them, wanting her safely seated before he left her.
“I hope you’re not this bossy once we get there.”
Candace took his hand, her palm swallowed up by his when he closed his over hers. Next time he had the chance to open up to her, he was going to have to man up and deal with it instead of walking away. Because Candace deserved more, and if he was honest with himself, so did he. The fact that she’d turned up was a miracle, and it wasn’t one that he was going to take lightly.
*
Candace took a deep breath as they started their descent. It had only taken a short time, and part of her wished they could have stayed up in the air longer. The view had been incredible the entire way, the day clear and fine, and flying across the Outback had been incredible. When she’d watched the movie Australia she’d thought the scenery had been manipulated to make it look so incredible, but she’d even seen kangaroos as they’d flown lower across the Murdoch property, hopping around freely in a way she wouldn’t have been able to even imagine had she not seen it with her own eyes.
“You don’t really eat kangaroos here, do you?” Candace asked, staring out the window, unable to look away.
“I don’t personally, but yeah, a lot of restaurants here serve the meat now.”
An involuntary shudder slid down her spine. “That’s gross. I can’t believe anyone would want to kill such a beautiful animal.”
“It’s even worse when you find a kangaroo shot by a hunter, or hit by a car, and there’s a little joey alive in her pouch.”
That made Candace snatch her eyes away from the view. “No.”
Logan nodded, but his gaze and concentration never strayed from what he was doing. “Sad but true. When I was a kid I rescued one and she was like a pet for years. We pulled her out of her dead mother’s pouch and she ended up being like one of our dogs.”
Candace looked back out the window as they fast approached the ground. Logan sure had a way of surprising her.
“This should be nice and smooth, just a little bump when we first touch down,” he told her.
Candace glanced over her shoulder at Ranger, sitting alert, his body braced by a harness that was keeping him secure and in place.
“Your dog is incredible. I can’t believe he’s so well behaved,” she said, holding on as they landed and eventually came to a stop.
She watched as Logan flicked switches, looking completely at ease with what he was doing.
“The dogs that make it through SAS training have to be super canines,” he said, stretching his arms out above his head. “Ranger had to be completely fearless, whether we were on patrol or being helicoptered into a situation. Sometimes he would be harnessed to my back if we weren’t able to land, and we’d parachute to the ground together.”
“No way!” It didn’t even sound possible that a dog could do that kind of stuff.
“Yes,” Logan said with a laugh. “I know it’s crazy, but the dogs are probably worth more to the army than we humans are, because at the end of the day there are plenty of guys out there capable of doing our job, with the right training, but not many dogs who could make the cut.”
Logan went back to unclip Ranger, and then he was opening his door and disappearing. The next thing, her door opened and he helped her down to the ground.
“You know, I’m almost starting to like dogs because of him,” Candace said, stretching and looking around. Her eyes landed on two horses in a nearby field, their ears pricked, bodies dead still as they watched the plane and what was happening. “But I love horses way more.”
Logan reappeared with some of her luggage, and nodded toward the house. It was a decent walk away, and she felt almost bad for having so much stuff.
“I’ll take this lot and the butler can come get the rest.”
“You have a butler?” she asked, rushing to catch up to him.
The look Logan gave her made them both laugh.
“Okay, I really fell for that one. But surely you have a trailer or something?”
He bumped his body against hers. “Don’t sweat it. I’ll come back with the quad bike later.”
Ranger ran off ahead and Candace was almost as eager, desperate to see the house that was obviously so special to Logan. She knew it was a big deal him asking her here in the first place, and if she was honest with herself, not turning up had never really been an option. Logan had probably been beyond embarrassed about what had happened the night before, and she didn’t want him to think he had to deal with his troubles alone.
“So who lives here when you’re not around?” she asked.
“We have a manager in a separate house, and his wife keeps the place tidy for me, stocks the fridge when she knows I’m coming back, that sort of thing.”
They crossed over toward the house and Candace couldn’t help but smile. “It’s beautiful.”
He was silent for a moment as they walked up to it. “Yeah, it is.”
She imagined it still looked the same as it had when his parents had been in residence. It was built from timber with a wide veranda that stretched around the entire house, the almost white paintwork in immaculate condition. As they stepped up toward the front door, Candace touched the handrail and let her hand stay on it until they reached the veranda.
“I can’t believe how beautiful this house is. I never realized it would be like this.”
Logan moved past her and opened the door.
“You don’t keep it locked?” she asked as she followed him inside.
“This is the Outback, not the city. We’re miles from our closest neighbor and there’s not really any risk of a break-in.”
When he put it like that she guessed it made sense—it just wasn’t something she was used to.
“So what’s the plan for today?” Candace asked. “Horseback riding, a picnic, a swim in some amazing water hole?”
Logan chuckled and set her bags down in the hall. “I actually want to show you something. I was thinking we’d take a horseback ride there, if you’re keen.”
Was she keen? “I’ve been dying to get back in the saddle for months. Just give me a quiet horse, though, because it’s been a while.”
“That I can do,” he said. “Now follow me while I give you a quick tour of the place.”
Candace grinned and followed him, happy to look through the house. Taking the high road, and a risk, had been worth it, because she felt like the girl she’d left behind before her first album had launched, and she’d been missing that girl a lot lately. She just wanted to have fun, enjoy her life. It wasn’t that she wanted to walk away from her career, because she could never stop singing, but creating a sense of balance was something she was determined to achieve.
“These are your parents?” she asked as they passed the hallstand.
Logan stopped, the smile that had been on his face dying. He touched the edge of one of the frames. “Yeah, that’s them.”
“Well, they look lovely,” she said, touching his arm. “It’s such a shame I couldn’t have met them.”
“My mom would have been in a huge flap if I’d brought you here when she was still alive. She’d have been baking up a storm and sending Dad to work in the garden, ordering him around like the queen was about to visit.”
Candace liked the mental picture, had a feeling that she’d have probably loved his parents, too. Because that sounded a lot like her grandparents and her mom—just nice people who genuinely cared about their kids.
“So which room am I staying in?” she asked as Logan started to move again.
“That depends if you want to sleep in my bedroom or a guest room,” he said, giving her a cheeky wink over his shoulder.
“Let’s just see what happens today, shall we? I don’t want you getting too cocky, soldier.”
She was also a little scared of him having another one of his episodes, but she wasn’t goi
ng to admit it, not to Logan. And not one hundred percent to herself, either.
*
“So what is it you want to show me?” Candace asked, loving the feel of the sun beating down on her shoulders and the gentle sway of the horse beneath her.
“We’re almost there,” he replied.
She admired Logan’s strong silhouette as he rode slightly ahead of her, his big chestnut gelding tall and well muscled, just like his rider. Where she came from, men were always in the saddle, and it always made her laugh when city folk talked about horseback riding like it was a girls-only sport. Nothing made her admire a man more than one who could ride well and knew how to treat animals.
“Logan, I’ve been wanting to say that if you’d like to talk about what happened last night, I’m all ears,” she said, wanting to get it off her chest to clear the air now rather than have it come up later.
“Can we just wait a minute?” he asked, his face not giving any hint of what he was thinking or feeling. “It’ll all kind of make sense soon.”
Candace didn’t push the point, just accepted it and enjoyed the different scenery as they rode. Everything was so different to what she was used to, but the cattle grazing as they passed had the strange effect of making her feel like she was closer to home than she had been in a long while, even though she was on the other side of the world.
“It’s in here,” Logan said, heading toward a large shed.
She followed him and dismounted when he did, leading her horse closer and dropping her reins like he did. It wasn’t something she was used to doing, but the horses seemed to understand exactly what was required of them.
“They won’t move,” Logan told her. “Come with me.”
He bent down to put a key into the padlock that was securing the door, and she bit her tongue instead of asking why he locked this door in the middle of nowhere yet didn’t bother with the house. She could see how tense his body was, that what she was about to see was something that meant a lot to him.
“Logan, what’s in here?” she asked, curious and worried at the same time.
He yanked the door open and secured it back so that light flooded the big barn. Candace took a step inside, then another when Logan walked ahead of her. She watched as he dropped to his haunches, before looking back at all the metal and parts in front of her. It took her a second to figure it all out, but then she realized what she was looking at, what the wreckage had once been.
