11
Tristan
Ever since my grandpa died, our house had gone from quiet to silent. I wasn’t a big talker and I got that from my mom. Normally I reveled in the silence. Well, if not reveled, I didn’t mind it. It was comforting after a day spent surrounded by classmates and teammates, lecturing teachers and screaming coaches.
Normally, I didn’t mind the silence. But as I stared at my phone over breakfast on Friday morning, I was pretty sure the silence would be the death of me.
Her silence, in particular.
I stared at my phone, willing it to ding with a text. Nope. Still nothing.
“You know that thing doesn’t ring on command,” my mother teased as she sat down across from me.
“Yeah, I’m figuring that out,” I said.
“You waiting on someone important?” she asked.
Yes. I wasn’t about to tell my mom about the fact that I’d developed a crazy infatuation with the new loner girl at school. A, I just didn’t talk about that stuff with my mom and B, she’d be way too excited. She’d been hounding me for years to start dating, to get out more, to make more friends.
See, my mom knew what most didn’t. I had a school full of people who looked up to me, but almost no friends. Leroy counted, I supposed, but even he was more of a friendly acquaintance. I liked it that way.
In a way, I was sort of like Harley like that. Maybe that was part of the allure. Finally finding someone like me, who didn’t want to be a part of…how did she put it? The herd mentality.
“Well, well,” my mother said. “Either you’ve got yourself a girlfriend or you’ve finally heard back from that recruiter you were so excited about.”
I paused in eating, my forkful of scrambled eggs halfway to my mouth. I stared at my mom in shock.
The recruiter. I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten.
“You okay, hon?” my mom asked, concern tinging her voice.
I forced myself to act normal. “Yeah, of course.”
But I wasn’t. I was seriously in shock. The recruiter was supposed to come to tonight’s game and I’d totally forgotten. That was insane. This was the moment I’d been working toward for years. Not that I had any big plans to go pro or anything, but the only way I’d get to go to college was with a scholarship and this recruiter was my best chance.
And I’d forgotten.
No, I hadn’t just forgotten—I’d been distracted. I’d lost focus.
My gaze fell back onto the phone before me. I’d been so consumed with thoughts of Harley—especially ever since that kiss—I’d forgotten what was most important. Getting out, getting away, getting a good job so I could help my mom.
I fell back in my seat, dropping the fork with a clatter.
“Sweetie, are you sure you’re okay?”
I forced a smile. “Yeah, Mom. I’m fine.”
She didn’t look convinced. After a second of watching me, she reached out and squeezed my hand. “Oh, honey, I wish I could be there for you tonight.” She shook her head sadly. “Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll be able to make it back from the doctor’s until late tonight.”
I stared at her in incomprehension as she dug into her own meal. “I wish we could find a doctor closer, but at least I don’t have to go all the time anymore, right?”
I stared at her some more because I didn’t trust myself to talk. “Your appointment,” I said.
She smiled. “Did you forget? No big deal. Don’t worry about it. It’s a routine check-up. Make sure I’m still doing okay.”
Her tone was light and airy as if she didn’t have a care in the world. As if one bad diagnosis wouldn’t destroy her world again. Destroy our world.
And I’d forgotten.
She seemed to sense my horror because her smile grew as she squeezed my hand. “It will be fine.”
I managed to nod. “Yeah, I know. I’m sure you’ll do great.”
I made it through breakfast saying all the right things. Reassuring her that it was fine she couldn’t make it to the game, telling her how not worried I was about the results.
All lies, obviously. I was totally worried. But beyond that I was still horrified with myself. How on earth could I have gotten so distracted from what was important in life? How could I have let myself forget about the priorities? My mom, my scholarship, our future.
Instead, I’d been…what? My eyes caught on the phone and I blew out a long, weary breath. I’d gone and done what I’d always sworn I wouldn’t do. I’d gotten caught up in stupid petty high school stuff. I’d gone and developed a crush. For the first time ever, I’d let my guard down and look what happened? I’d lost sight of everything that mattered.
But no more.
I made it through the rest of the day the way I always had before a certain little artsy chick had stolen my focus. I kept my head down, avoided all the gossip and drama, and kept my eye on the goal. The recruiter. I couldn’t do anything to help my mom today, but I could do my part for our family.
I stayed focused at the game, even though I spotted Harley on the sidelines at one point and very nearly lost the ability to think about touchdowns or scores or even the recruiter whose eyes had been following me the entire game.
I saw her but I looked away. The girl was sweet, and yeah she was different from anyone I’d met before at Talmore, but she was also a distraction, and that I couldn’t afford.
When the game ended, the rest of team was in full-on celebratory mode, but I was just going through the motions.
Don’t get me wrong, I was glad we won. Grateful that the recruiter caught a winning game that made me look good. But I wouldn’t say I was happy.
I had this numb feeling going on, which was familiar. Comforting, even. I felt like myself again, a solid distance between me and everything that didn’t matter.
Out of habit I looked at my phone as I changed in the locker room. Just as quickly I shoved it in my bag. No more obsessing over a girl who clearly didn’t like me back. I froze with one hand in the locker as my traitorous brain replayed that kiss. Her passion, her eagerness, the way she’d held onto me for dear life.
Maybe she felt something like what I felt for her, but even if she did…what did I really think would happen? She was a junior. I was leaving this town as soon as possible. I had college and an eventual career to worry about and I couldn’t waste time helping her overcome her fears.
The things she worried about were so very high school. Did I feel for her? Sure. But her problems were like those of my classmates. Worrying about how others saw her, what other people were thinking.
If they’re having fun, someone is getting hurt.
My gut clenched at the memory of the pain I’d caught in her eyes. It had been there and gone so quickly I’d almost missed it. But I’d seen it. She probably didn’t realize how much I’d seen. Somebody had hurt her badly.
That sucked. I wished I could help her. But that wasn’t my job. I couldn’t fix everyone’s problems, and when it came to high school crap it was best to avoid and ignore and forget.
By the time I showed up at Danny’s house later that night with Leroy and his girlfriend in tow, I’d managed to convince myself that it was for the best that Harley hadn’t called or texted.
She wasn’t interested. She couldn’t get past her issues, and that was just fine by me. More than fine. I should be grateful. I was grateful.
“Great game, man.” One of the freshmen players slapped a hand on my back and I gave him a nod.
Was I allowed to leave yet? The music, the nonstop talking, the endless chatter with nothing real being said—it was enough to drive a guy insane. Not to mention the drama. Oh man, the drama. I tried not to pay attention but when Harley’s stepbrother showed up, it was all I heard about. Seemed like everyone was waiting for a fight to break out between Rosalie’s ex, Danny, and her new guy, Conner.
No, they weren’t just waiting, they were eagerly anticipating.
Seriously. This was why I’d said scre
w it to high school drama. The stuff these people cared about was so stupid. So petty. So…high school.
Guilt was still gnawing at me whenever I thought about my mom and what she was going through. Hadn’t I promised Grandpa I’d look after her? That I’d be the man of the family? And what did I do?
I lost focus over a girl.
More time passed and people were getting drunk enough that I was pretty sure I could make my exit without anyone noticing. I made my way through the house, not bothering to say goodbyes since no one here would remember in the morning anyway.
I’d almost made it, too. I’d made it all the way to the driveway when I heard her voice.
“Tristan.”
I froze, my insides torn in two as a battle raged inside my chest. I couldn’t seem to decide whether I was happy to hear her voice or angry that she’d taken a step toward me of her own volition now—now when I knew I’d made a mistake in going after her in the first place.
She’d been right from the start. This was craziness. Maybe she’d sensed my insanity from the very first moment I’d met her. There was no logical explanation for why I’d been so drawn to this girl.
And yet, knowing it was illogical—knowing it was wrong, even—that did nothing to keep my heart from thudding painfully in my chest at the sound of her voice.
I heard her footsteps approaching. “Hey,” she said. “I’ve been looking for you.”
Turning slowly, I kept my face expressionless, my eyes even. “I’ve been here.”
She clasped her hands in front of her and then twisted them, wringing them together in a nervous gesture I’d guess she didn’t even realize she was doing.
“I didn’t think you were coming.” I wasn’t sure if I was justifying the fact that I was leaving or reminding myself that she’d never texted, and she hadn’t waited for me after the game. Heck, the girl had basically been hiding from me all week. That thought had my spine stiffening as I turned to go. “Enjoy the party, Harley.”
“Wait.” Her hand on my arm was gentle and light and I could have easily ignored it, but it was the first time she’d ever reached out to touch me. This was the first time she’d ever tried to talk to me without me hunting her down.
I shouldn’t have cared so much. I wished that it didn’t mean anything to me, but it did. Not only was I curious to hear what it was she wanted to say, but I was loathe to hurt her.
It wasn’t her fault I wasn’t able to commit to a relationship right now. She shouldn’t get hurt just because I’d made a mistake by pursuing her.
“I came with Conner,” she said. Her expression was wary and I thought I knew why.
I just barely held back a sigh of exasperation. “Is your stepbrother trying to get himself killed?”
She shrugged and I looked over her shoulder toward the house, half expecting to hear lamps shattering and furniture breaking as a fight broke out inside. “I don’t think he really cares what happens to him,” she said with an exasperated shake of her head. “He just needed Rosalie to know the truth.”
I stared at her because she was eyeing me oddly. “The truth about what?”
She swallowed thickly and then cleared her throat. “Um, see the thing is…he told her the truth and now they’re good, but I thought maybe I ought to take my own advice and, um…”
“Spit it out, Harley.”
Her eyes widened at my tone. I clenched my jaw to keep from apologizing, I clenched my fists to keep from reaching for her. The sooner this moment ended, the better it would be for both of us. She could go back to being invisible and off my radar, since that was clearly what she wanted, and I could go back to…what?
Not caring about anyone at school?
Yeah, that was the long and short of it. I hadn’t gotten involved…until Harley.
She licked her lips and I had to look away. Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself against this tidal wave of awareness that always seemed to swallow me up when she was around.
It was stupid, really. The girl wasn’t so incredibly hot. She was cute, that was all. She was cute and pretty in a sweet and vulnerable sort of way. But compared to Erika and her friends, Harley was so not a hottie.
So why was she the girl who got under my skin and made me lose my head?
“Conner made a bet about Rosalie.”
She’d blurted it out so suddenly, I’d forgotten my resolve not to look at her face. I found myself staring into her big eyes, those black glasses only amplifying the emotions there. Fear and bravery, like she was about to take a step into the unknown.
“A bet?” I repeated.
She nodded. “I know it’s stupid. So stupid. And I was totally to blame…” And then she was off. Words came tumbling out of her mouth so quickly it was almost difficult to keep up.
Almost.
But I caught enough of it to get the gist and my gut twisted in revulsion when she got to my part in all of this.
She swallowed convulsively. “Please don’t look at me like that. No one was supposed to get hurt, and I swear Conner came clean with Rosalie and she forgave him and—”
“Let me get this straight,” I said, taking a step backwards toward my car. “Your punishment if you lost this bet was to go out on a date with me.”
She licked her lips again before nodding. “I had to say yes to homecoming…technically.”
I sighed wearily as hurt sliced through me, leaving me bereft. I should never have taken notice of this girl, let alone pursued her like I had. What an idiot.
“Please, just let me explain.”
“No need,” I said quickly, holding up a hand to stop her. “I get it, okay. I totally get it. And don’t worry, you’re off the hook for homecoming.” I shook my head. “You’re off the hook for all dates.”
“But that’s…” Her voice was higher than I’d ever heard it and she looked dangerously close to tears. I steeled myself against pity or sympathy or this urge I had to pull her into my arms and comfort her. “I didn’t mean it like that—” she started again.
“It’s fine, Harley, honestly,” I said, not feeling a word of it but I did know logically that it was for the best.
This was the reminder I’d needed not to go and fall for a girl in high school.
“Please, Tristan, if you would just give me a chance—”
“Harley.” My voice sounded harsher and colder than I’d intended. My jaw felt like it was wired shut with steel. Family, football, future. That was all that mattered. I kept repeating it until it felt true.
She shifted from foot to foot, her hands still wringing together in front of her.
“I’m glad you told me,” I said.
She blinked in surprise and I forced myself to use a gentler tone. “I should have known better than to ask you to homecoming in the first place,” I said. “You’re doing us both a favor by reminding me of that.”
She blinked again, and then again. “Why?” she asked, her voice so soft it was almost a whisper.
I shoved a hand through my hair and let out a long breath. “Because I don’t do this kind of high school crap, Harley. I don’t pay attention to the gossip, I don’t deal in drama, and I don’t want to be with someone who does.”
She jerked back a bit like I’d slapped her.
I was torn between guilt and a weird sort of pleasure. The kind of sick satisfaction that came with being proven right, even though being right sucked big time. I walked backward slowly, needing to put distance between us. Taking deep breaths to ease the chill that settled in the further I got from her.
“Look, no offense, okay?” I said. “You said from the beginning that you weren’t interested in going out with me, so let’s just cut our losses.”
Her mouth opened and then she clamped it shut with a nod.
I turned around and headed toward my car, but not before I’d seen a flash of hurt in her eyes that cut me to my core.
But better a little hurt now, right? Better to walk away now and not get too close, because losing people
you really cared about? It hurt way worse than not getting the girl.
12
Harley
“You’re up, Harley!” One of Rosalie’s twin brothers threw the controller in my direction and I took a deep breath as I prepared to feign interest in a video game while Rosalie and Conner made out in the kitchen.
I’d volunteered to babysit the ten-year-old blond boys with their alarming amount of energy because if it came down to playing videogames with a couple kids or watching my stepbrother and his girlfriend be blissfully happy together, it was a no brainer which one I’d choose.
I mean, I was happy for Conner. I really was. He might still annoy the crap out of me, but he wasn’t such a bad guy underneath all that bravado. In fact, he was actually kind of…nice. Not that I would ever admit that aloud. It would make my dad and Conner’s mom way too smug if they thought we were actually bonding, or whatever.
So yeah, I was glad that Conner had finally come to his senses and worked things out with Rosalie. And I was happy for both of them that they’d found such a great relationship. But that didn’t make it any easier to be around, because watching them be all lovey-dovey made me that much more aware of how alone I was. It made me that much more aware of how much I missed Tristan.
Stupid, right? I mean, I’d barely known the guy. It wasn’t like he’d been my boyfriend, or even a real friend. He’d just been…interesting. He’d made everything more interesting, he’d made me think about everything differently.
Each and every little interaction with him had been like a vivid, Technicolor montage in the midst of a life that was…well, boring. I mean, aside from the mural and my new friendship with Janice, and my sibling rivalry with Conner—what did I have going on in my life?
Not much. I was miserable and it was my own stupid fault. A full week had passed since that awful night, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Dating the Quarterback (The Bet Duet Book 2) Page 10
