PPP Box Set

by Charmanie Saquea

We finally made it home and I sat at the table eating the big ass bowl of strawberry & banana pudding with Tacari. I couldn't believe any of it. My father was Uncle Kyree. I remember when we were little, Ky used to ask me if I was his brother.

  He said, “Look at us. I have brown hair, you do too. And look at your nose. It’s the same and our skin is the same. We’re bothers, Ashton.” He was only 5 and he knew shit. He is the one that told me I didn't fit in and that shit stuck in my head all these years. I've always wanted a brother and now that I have one, I don't even know what to say. Does this change shit for us? I will always love Ky and treat him like a brother, but now I just really don't know what to do.

  "Yo Ash, what's ya mom’s name?" Tacari asked me while we ate.

  "Valarie," I said with disgust.

  "Nah, her last name," she asked.

  "Smith," I said and Tacari shook her head.

  "What?" I asked her.

  "I think ya moms fucked my pops back in the day. She even babysat me a couple of times. My moms would always fight with my pops about some ‘Ms. Val’ and how she was married. He would always say ‘Baby, I love you. She was in the past. I’m over her and I left to start a family with you.’ So one day he took me and Neek to a birthday party at the water park for our friend Nicholas and I saw him kissing ya moms. Crazy shit is he has her name big as fuck on his back," she said, pulling out a picture of her father and I damn near died.

  That was my party at the water park and this was Ashley's father. This couldn’t be Amari, I haven’t seen her in years. The last time I saw her was when my mom got pregnant and Jason left her. I shook my head no. This shit couldn't be happening at all!

  "Amari, you’re lying right!" I yelled as I got up and paced the room. "That bitch is a dirty fucking whore I swear she is. I fucking hate her! I wish she was dead!" I yelled.

  "What did you call me?" Tacari said, grabbing my hand.

  "Bitch, don't touch me! Don't ever touch me again!" I said, moving away from her. She was my sister’s sister, so what does that make us?

  "Who the fuck are you talking to like that Ashton? I will fucking kill you, pussy," Tacari yelled as she slapped me.

  "I said don't fucking touch me bitch! And ya getting a fucking abortion I ain't having no retarded ass baby. It’s bad enough you’re my sister, or half sister, I don't fucking know what you are, but we ain't together no more. It’s over!" I said, leaving. I didn't care if she wasn’t blood to me. She was blood to Ashley and that was enough to make my dick soft. She followed me outside and grabbed me by my shirt.

  "What the fuck did you say Ashton?" she yelled at me.

  "It was my party, Tacari, or should I call you Amari, bitch! My mom fucked ya daddy and got pregnant with Ashley! I never seen this nigga after that, but my mom has his picture in her photos and all type of prison letters and shit! Why the fuck didn't you tell me they called you Amari, bitch?" I said, pushing her off of me and getting in the car and leaving. I needed to talk to this bitch and ask why she didn't bother to tell me I’m fucking my sister’s older sister.

  "What the fuck do you want asshole?" that filthy, no good, tramp ass, hoe ass bitch that gave birth to me said when she answered the phone.

  "Why didn't you tell me Tacari was Jason's daughter, huh? You could have told me I was fucking my little sister’s half sister!" I yelled.

  "So the bitch told you! I knew she would remember me all, the times he brought her over the house while we fucked. Remember ya little friend Amari? Well, that’s her. Tacari Amari Brown. Don't worry about the baby though, Ashton. You and Tacari have no blood relation," she laughed.

  "You are sick bitch!" I said hanging up and stopping the car in the middle of the street. I hopped out and vomited up everything I had in me and more. I couldn't believe any of this shit. I sat there in the middle of street and cried. My life was all fucked up! I wish I would have never met Tacari that night! Everything fucked up when she came along. I couldn't deal with this shit at all. I got back in my car and found the nearest liquor store and bought me a six pack of Cisco and sat in my car and drank it. After about the fourth one, I felt more relaxed so I started the car and turned the music all the way up.

  Do I really want to leave her? I mean I love her. She really makes me happy and that's my child she's having. Val is right. Tacari and I have no blood relation but it’s still weird as fuck. I thought as I drove while listening to music. I was drinking my last Cisco when a dog ran in front of my car. It was too late to stop so I swerved and an oncoming car hit me. I lay in the car with the speakers playing and the car horn was blaring nonstop. I couldn't feel my body. I couldn't move or talk. I just laid there slumped over the wheel in agonizing pain. I felt a warm liquid rushing down the side of my face as I listened to the song.

  "Dear Lord, can you hear me, tell me what to say

  To my unborn seed in case I pass away

  Will my child get to feel love

  Or are we all just cursed to be street thugs?

  If there's a ghetto for true thugs, I'll see you there

  And I'm sorry for not bein there”

  I felt the tears falling from my eyes and heard the sirens blaring, then I heard voices and saw a light shining in my eyes. Next thing I know, everything went blank.

  "To my unborn seeds," was the last thing I heard.

  Chapter 12

  Tacari

  I knew I should have never brought that shit up. Now Ashton is mad at me. I cried while picking myself up off the ground after Ashton pushed me. I couldn't believe Ashton was the same snotty nosed Nicholas that I use to play with. It all came back to me when his mother yelled at him the same way she did my father the last time I saw her. I didn't say shit the whole way home. I was thinking of what to say. Like, how do I tell my boyfriend his mother and my father were together and my mother broke them up? Neek and I were only four and Nicholas was turning seven. My dad would take us to their house all the time but only at night and he would disappear with Val and leave us to watch TV. I caught them kissing earlier that week at Ashton's party, but he said if I told my mom then she would take me and Neek away and we would never see him. I did what he said because I wasn't going to lose my daddy for nobody. The next week Ashton, Neek, and I were all playing and we heard yelling.

  "Jason!" she called out to him. She always called him by his middle name. Shit, she called everyone by their middle name.

  "What do you want bitch?" he yelled at her as he grabbed me and Neek from in front of the television.

  "It's yours, Jason, I promise," she cried out to him and he just laughed.

  "You lying bitch, that ain't mine. You said you were on the pill. How the fuck is it mine bitch!" he yelled as we all cried.

  "Jason, come on baby," she pleaded to him.

  "No, you have your own family Val. I have my wife and you have your husband, so keep it that way. I want nothing to do with you, bitch," he said. That was fourteen, almost fifteen years ago. So I know everything Ashton said was true. That's probably the reason his mom was acting so nice to me with her fake ass.

  What does that make us now? I mean, I know for sure we are not blood, but still my little sister is his little sister and that shit disgusts me. I can't believe that little whore is related to me. Lord, I felt sick now. In the whole two months we’ve been together, why couldn't I have met his mother sooner? Then maybe I wouldn't be pregnant by my sister’s older brother. Like, what the fuck do you call that shit? I decided to pick up the phone and call Neek. I needed someone to talk to and she needed to know about this shit. I called her up and told her everything from our lunch to Ashton not being Asheed's son and how Ashton is really Nicholas. She was speechless for the first time in her life.

  "So your saying Ashton is little snotty nosed, ugly ass Nicholas?" she asked me.

  "Yeah, and that's not the bad part Neek," I said taking a deep breath.

  “Tacari what's so bad about him being Nicholas, I mean shit, he ain't ugly no more," she laughed.

  "H
e has a little sister. She just turned 15, Neek. And Ashton said she is our sister," I said and she laughed nervously.

  "Girl, he just fucking with you. I can't believe you fell for that shit," she said, and I knew she didn't believe what she just said. "Are you sure Tacari? Don’t be playing with me," she said, mad.

  "Why would I play like this Nekea? You remember all the times they left us alone while they disappeared," I said, mad.

  "Daddy wouldn't do mama like that," she cried.

  Shit, it wasn't even her mama.

  "Neek, she ain't even ya mama so why you care what he did to that bitch?" I said angrily. I really didn't like my mother, but Neek loved her with all her heart for some reason.

  "Bitch, she raised me, didn't she? Just like she raised you. So she is my mother. You’re only saying that cause you like daddy more," she said.

  "Whatever Neek, shit... Look can you take me to the clinic this week please?" I asked her.

  "Why, I know you ain't burning Tacari?" she asked.

  "No, I’m pregnant and Ashton said he don't want it anymore because I’m his sister or whatever the fuck we are. Shit what are we Neek?" I cried.

  "Come on Tacari, don't cry baby. Are you sure you want to do this? Ain't no turning back once it's done," she said, and I thought about it for a moment.

  I really didn't want to lose my child but if Ash didn't want it, then I couldn't have it. I wasn't going to have some child that I can't take care of.

  "Yeah, I’m sure sis," I cried some more.

  "Tacari, you don't have to do this. I mean, you can come back home and live with us. I will even give you back ya room. I still have all Kia's old things from when she was a baby. You can have all of it. I will help you through all of it. I promise, Tacari. just think about it Tacari," she said.

  "Look sis I gotta go. Someone is on the other line," I said, hanging up on her. I couldn't let her talk me out of this shit.

  Kyree

  "See you later ma," I said, hugging my mother before leaving. It was about seven o'clock and I wanted to talk to Ashton now. I called his phone but it just kept ringing so I called Tacari's phone.

  "Hello?" she cried.

  "What's wrong baby?" I asked.

  "Look, Kyree what do you want?" she asked.

  "Is Ashton with you? We need to really talk about earlier," I said and she cried even harder then hung up. I just put my phone down and continued to drive to Ashton's house.

  "Daddy, I want some chips and juice," Nicole said from the back seat.

  "Alright, when we get closer to Ashton's house, baby," I said, looking at her through the rearview mirror.

  Thirty minutes later, I got off of the freeway and headed to the liquor store just around the corner from Ashton's house. I parked and Nicole and I went in the liquor store. I got her some chips and a juice and I bought some chili dogs. While we waited, I heard sirens rushing by going the same way I was headed, but I shook it off and waited for our food. When I got the food, Nicole and I hopped back in the car and drove off. I made a right turn and headed down the street and when I was getting ready to turn down the next street, it was blocked off by the paramedics and police. I couldn't turn around because I was blocked in so I just stayed there, not moving just like the rest of the cars. I didn't know what happened so I just sat back and waited.

  "Yo, lil man," I said to a kid walking away from the crowded street.

  "What's up man?" he said, coming to my window.

  "What happened up there?" I asked.

  "Man it was crazy as fuck. It was like some shit out of the movies, for real. This nigga in this nice ass Benz was driving. His ass was swerving, then a fucking dog ran into the street and he almost hit it. He turned so he didn't hit that shit and this old bitch that ran a red light hit him," he said then stepped back and looked at my car.

  "Yo, dude got a Benz just like this one, but its royal blue and his rims was dope as fuck. Too bad his shit is all fucked now," he said shaking his head. I shook my head too then I realized Ashton has a royal blue Benz. I turned the car off and grabbed Nicole and made my way down to the other side of the street.

  It was Ashton. I could see his body slumped over the wheel and the paramedics doing all type of shit to him. I started to cry as I approach the car.

  "I’m sorry, sir. I need you to back away," this cracker ass cop said, putting his hand on my chest.

  "Get the fuck out the way, pussy," I said, pushing his ass out of the way.

  "Sir, I need you to move now or face being detained," he yelled in my face.

  "Nigga, I will murder yo ass if you don't move, pussy ass nigga. This is my fucking brother so back the fuck up before I blast ya bitch ass, nigga," I said, pushing his bitch ass out of my way again.

  "I’m only going to ask you one more time, you piece of shit. Step back!" he yelled.

  "Nigga, didn't you just hear me? I said that’s my brother, pussy. So either yo bitch ass arrest me or move bitch!" I said, walking towards Ashton's car.

  "That's it asshole," he said, grabbing me.

  "Harrison! Let the boy go. You heard him," a black man said and the bitch let me go. "Look, I understand this is family, but I need you to just wait here. I will find out everything you need to know and where to be, son, just stay calm," he said and I calmed down a bit.

  They got Ashton out of the car and he looked dead to me. I cried harder than I ever cried in my life. I was frozen in time. It was like everything stopped and all I saw was a dead body. The officer came back and asked me all these questions and told me where they were taking him. He tried to say something else, but I didn't give a fuck. I grabbed Nicole and we headed to the hospital.

  Tacari

  I sat in my room that Ashton gave me because I didn't want to be around any of his things at the moment. I was so mad that my father hid this shit from me all these years. Maybe if he didn't, I could have beat the whore out of Ashley's little hot ass. I mean Neek wasn't a hoe she just gave it up at a young age and she hasn't been with anyone but Shareef, and that's off and on. I really felt sad for her in my heart that she was a part of that fucked up family, but who am I to judge; my own family is fucked up too. I started to cry again. Now I knew why mama cheated on him. He was the one cheating on her all the time. Shit, he kept Neek a secret until she was born and brought her ass home with him, no questions asked. We still don't even know who her mother is. He kept that a secret too. I really felt betrayed by my father. I tell him everything, no secrets, no lies of any sort. I keep it real, but I can't say the same for him. I pulled out a paper and a pen and wrote a short letter. My cell phone kept ringing, so I checked it and it was Kyree. I didn't want to talk to his ass so I turned my phone off and started writing:

  Dear Daddy, or should I call ya lying, cheating ass Jason motherfucker!!!!

  Anyway, I just want to say fuck you! I can't stand you! You killed my mother because she cheated but look at you motherfucker! Yeah I found out I have a sister. Her name is Ashley Watts. Ms. Val's daughter. Yeah you remember Ms. Val right and her son Nicholas the little snotty nose bird chest one that talked with a stutter? Anyway I just wanted to say fuck you again Jason!! I can't believe you made me hate my own mother, you evil ass bastard fuck you!!!!!!!!!!!! PS, I’m pregnant by Nicholas.

  -Tacari Amari soon to be Watts!

  I put the note in an envelope and got the picture from today and stuck it in there too. I sealed it and put a stamp on it, then wrote his address and information and headed outside to put it in the mailbox. When I got back in the house, the phone was ringing but I didn't answer it. I just let it ring. I checked the time on the clock. It was eight and Ashton still hadn’t come back. He hadn’t eaten all day, and he left his wallet here. I put that thought out of my head and decided to cook him dinner. Maybe we could talk this out. I took out some chicken and put it in the microwave to defrost and started cutting up veggies. The damn phone started ringing again, so I got up and answered it.

  "Who the fuck is this?" I said with an a
ttitude.

  "Tacari... I need you to meet me at the hospital now...hurry," Kyree cried and my heart dropped.

  "Kyree, what's wrong?" I said.

  "Ash..." he started but I cut him off.

  "Kyree, what the fuck happened to my baby!" I cried.

  "He was in a car accident, Tacari. Just hurry up please," he cried, and I could hear Nicole crying too.

  "What hospital Ky?" I said as I put on some slippers and Ashton's coat.

  "St. Francis, and hurry," he said, hanging up. I grabbed my house key and phone then walked out the house crying. Then that's when I realized I didn't have a fucking car or way to get there. I picked up my phone and called Neek. She showed up thirty minutes later in a car. I didn't care whose it was or where it came from as long as it could drive. She was talking to me as she drove but I just ignored her ass and started to pray. I hoped nothing happened to him because of me. “I did this,” I thought as she drove. It was all my fault I should have just not said anything. Her slow ass took all damn day getting there and it was only twenty-five minutes away.

  "Damn bitch, can't this shit go any faster?" I said with an attitude.

  "Yes, it can but I’m not trying to kill myself. Did you forget you're the one that usually drives?" she said with a smart ass attitude.

  "Neek, I will still beat ya ass bitch, so I advise you to drive faster and shut the fuck up!" I yelled at her and she pulled over.

  "Listen here, Tacari. You need to chill the fuck out bitch! Let me drive and get there safe. Damn, are you tryna end up in the hospital too?" she said, getting bold.

  "Nekea hurry the fuck up. Shit, if anything happens to him, I’ma kill you bitch," I said and she started to drive again. We finally got there and I got out and made my way to the emergency room. I looked around and Kyree was sitting in a corner with Nicole sleep in his lap as he cried. I walked to him and sat down and hugged him.

  "Ky, what happened?" I asked.

  "All I know is he was drinking and he didn't look too good Tacari," he said still crying.