As we near the room, Kelly rushes to stand in front of Matt. “She already told you she doesn’t want you here, so leave,” Kelly snaps at Matt, the irritation clear in her voice. “Stay out of it Kelly, this is between Abigail and me.”
Still not budging, she tells him, “You should have thought about that the day we walked in on you fucking Lisa on that table. You’re lucky I didn’t kick your ass then,” she threatens as she shoves her finger into Matt’s chest.
Looking back to me, his eyes are full of regret. “Please, beautiful, hear me out,” he pleads. The remorsefulness in his words breaks me down. “I’ll be fine, Kelly,” I say, eagerly giving in to Matt’s plea.
Still furious, her eyes lock onto Matt, “You better be nice.”
Without answering he leads us around her and into the room. The reality of knowing I’m alone with Matt hits me, but the trance is quickly broken when I hear, “You make her cry again, Garcia, and I’ll fuck you up!”
I cannot help but chuckle before Matt’s eyes find mine. The misery beaming from them is matching my own. We both continue standing there as the anguished silence surrounds us like a darkened cloud.
“Abigail, what do I have to do to get you to speak to me again?” he desperately asks, his eyes pleading for my forgiveness. I don’t answer because I’m scared I’ll forgive him.
My heart has descended into the pit of my stomach and the pain in my chest is increasing with every second that passes. My heart is begging me to reach out to him, to forgive him, but I keep telling myself it would be a mistake.
I watch his eyes gradually rake my body. His eyebrows draw forward as if narrowing down on something specific. Puzzled, I look down at the object of his attention, grasping my wrist up to my chest.
“You’re wearing your bracelet,” he happily says as I hold onto my wrist. Looking back up to him, I see his lips curve up in a satisfied smile. “I’m not giving it back,” I sternly tell him.
Without hesitation, he reaches for me as he engulfs me in his arms. “I would never ask for it back. It’s yours to keep no matter what happens between us.”
The realization of his words hit me like a wall slamming against my emotions. I wasn’t prepared for him to say them. Uncontrollably, I start to cry as if I haven’t cried for days.
“Please don’t cry, beautiful,” he whispers against my ear, making me sob even harder. “I swear I never meant for this to happen,” he says as he holds me tighter.
“I know, Matt, but it did,” I tell him, unable to keep the hurt inside any longer.
“This doesn’t have to change anything between us. It shouldn’t. I still love you.”
As I sob against his chest, taking in the meaning of his words, I know what he wants, but I’m still not ready to forgive. Forcing myself to speak around the lump lodged in my throat, I say to him, “I can’t be the other person in your life. It wouldn’t be fair to her.”
“How can you be the other person when there wouldn’t be anyone else for me?” He muffles the words against my hair. “I love you, Abigail. Nothing will ever change that.”
I take in his words, but regardless of the meaning behind them, they don’t change my decision. “I love you, too, Matt, but I can’t be with you knowing that you’re going to have a baby with someone else. You need to put that little life before anyone else right now. Especially me.”
The exasperated sigh he releases tells me that he’s given up. It pains me, but deep down inside I know it’s for the best. I don’t know how much time has passed, but we eventually hear a knock at the door before it opens and Trey enters, making me pull away from Matt.
When I lift my head from Matt’s chest and look over at him his eyes go straight to Trey. “I warned you not to make her cry, fucker. You’re really looking for me to kick your ass, aren’t you?” he threatens him, making me laugh. Trey looks back down at me, giving me a satisfied smile.
“Shut the fuck up, Trey.” Matt snarls back at him, the humor in the situation not fazing him.
“I’m fine,” I say to Trey, realizing how weakened my body feels as I said those two simple words. With a curt nod, he turns to leave the room, leaving Matt and I alone once more.
“I’m not giving up on you, beautiful,” Matt declares against my ear.
His warm breath glides against my skin, sending a shiver down my spine as it reminds me of what I dearly miss of Matt: his arms and words. It’s when he places a kiss below my ear that I nearly succumb to my weakness and ask him not to leave. He doesn’t give me the chance as he pulls away from me to follow Trey, leaving me to watch him walk away. At the same time I ask myself, am I going to regret letting him leave?
MY EMOTIONS ARE a mess as I drive away from Kelly’s house. I expected Abigail to be angry with me, but I never expected her to try to break us up. She may not have said the words, but I know deep down inside she was telling me it was over. I wasn’t accepting it.
Seeing her again shattered me from the inside out. The spark that I’ve grown to love about Abigail was completely diminished, as if it never existed. It reminded me of the night she came to live with me. I’d vowed to never let her feel that way again, yet this time I was the one provoking it, which is the reason I walked away tonight. I need time to figure out how to make her glow again.
“Dude, you can’t blame her for not wanting to live in the same house with your baby momma,” Trey states with bitterness.
“Lisa is not moving in,” I throw at him without a sideways glance. I refuse to let anyone else other than Abigail move into my house.
I hear him utter under his breath, but I ignore him. I don’t give a shit what he says. The only thing I can think of is Abigail. It’s a torture in itself knowing I’m the reason she moved out. The reminder of her sorrow filled eyes as she stared back at me today will stay with me forever. It will be a constant reminder that will twist at my heart until I earn her forgiveness.
Deep down in my gut I knew the night she came to me it would only be a matter of time before I fell in love with her. It’s why I promised myself, regardless of what happened between us, that she would never have to leave. But now I was the one she was running from.
With Abigail gone, it feels as if my world has collapsed around me. I feel like a failure to myself, as if I no longer have a reason to move on or exist.
“I’m surprised you didn’t bring her back with us,” Trey sarcastically claims at my side, breaking my thought.
His words make me smile. He’s right. Had it not been for him or Kelly holding me back I probably would have brought her back against her will, but I knew it wasn’t right. She would have resented me even more for doing it and it wasn’t the way to earn her heart back.
My main concern now is to figure out how I am going to get her to move back in again. It’s going to happen, one way or another, because I wasn’t giving up on the notion. I meant my words. She’s mine and I’m not letting her go.
Coming to a red light, I grow frustrated with the wait, my thumb irritably tapping on the steering wheel as I wait for the light to turn green. At that precise moment I’m reminded of how Emily would always tell me to be patient when I was driving.
Patience. That’s the answer I need.
The thought makes me close my eyes and I silently pray. “Emily, I really need an answer,” I plead to her.
“Fucker, the light is green,” I hear Trey shout at my side.
I open my eyes with a smile as I lift my head to mouth a silent thank you before I drive away. Focusing on the road ahead of me, I contemplate what I have to do. And then it hits me, but I already know it’s only possible if I play my cards right.
I STARE AT the door as if expecting Matt to walk back through it again. It isn’t Matt who reappears through it, but Kelly. Her hands are on her hips, and she’s glaring at me.
“Now that you’re out of this funk, we’re going out.”
I roll my eyes at her demand. “I don’t feel like it, Kelly,” I answer, earning me a scornfu
l expression. It doesn’t faze me in the least.
“I’m not asking.”
“Fine,” I give in, knowing she will drag me out of here even if I continue to protest.
There was one demand she was willing to grant me: not going to the Brewhouse. Going there meant I was running the chance of seeing Matt. Kelly’s suggestion was that we hit up a local dive bar a couple of blocks away so we can easily walk there and grab a cab on the way back if needed. Somehow in my gut I already know what it means, and I wasn’t looking forward to it.
Quickly texting Julio to inform him of my plans so he can meet us there, we’re soon walking out the door. I am hesitant to go, but I do. As soon as we walk into a bar called Pop’s, I can already tell it’s run by an old man named Pop. The floors look like they haven’t been cleaned in weeks. The chairs and tables could be on their last leg, and the wooden bar has duct tape on it. At least the pool tables look decent enough from what I could see.
Tugging me along, Kelly heads straight to the bar, already shouting our order to the bartender. Two double Patrons, which reminds me this night isn’t going to end well. When he hands them to us, I throw my shot back and regret it the moment it runs down my throat as I cringe. I’m barely taking a breath before Kelly is ordering our next drink.
I don’t make the same mistake twice as I grab the drink from her hand. Instead, this time I make my way over to a corner table, giving Kelly no choice but to follow me.
You Give Love a Bad Name is blaring through the speakers of the bar and it makes me want to down the drink I have in my hand to flush out the words. It’s exactly how I feel as the main chorus bellows out, but the only thing keeping me from doing so is remembering the last time Kelly got my ass drunk.
It was because of Matt…
Kelly starts swaying to the music as I’m left watching her with amusement. I can already feel the alcohol taking its effect on me as well. I start looking around the bar when I suddenly hear, “Hey pretty ladies, haven’t seen you in here before,” says a guy standing next to me. I hadn’t noticed him until now.
Taking him in, my eyes go wide in shock. If there were an ad for “my thug life,” he would be the poster child with his bald head that he rakes his hands across before placing his red hat on backwards to cover it. The t-shirt he’s sporting with the letters “Tapout” across it looks two sizes two small on his body.
His tongue rakes across his top teeth, but finishes by licking his lips while his eyes narrow down in a hooded slit. I’m pretty sure the nauseating feeling coursing through my body is not from the alcohol.
“Hey yourselves,” Kelly flirts back to him.
I start to firmly shake my head, my body tensing up as my eyes shoot daggers at her to shut up. I know she’s already buzzing and the liquid courage coursing through her body is going to get us in trouble. Encouraging Mr. Thug Nasty standing next to me is the last thing I want to do right now, especially with the look on his face. I’m pretty sure he thinks he’s going to get lucky tonight.
He starts raking his hand under his shirt as he lifts it to allow us to see what’s underneath. His roaming hands on his body and the smile accompanying it is threatening the alcohol to come up.
“I’ve got smiley face tattoos on my chest. I’d be happy to show them to you,” he says with a widening smile.
“Um, no,” I reply, trying to stop myself from completely throwing up from the mental picture.
“You sure, sexy baby? I’ve got nipple rings to match. Trust me, once you get a taste of those in your mouth, there’s no going back,” he says near my ear.
I crane my head back to avoid him coming any closer.
“I want to see,” I hear Kelly eagerly say from across the table.
Gasping in disgust as he starts to lift his shirt, I notice his eyes go wide in shock as his body is jerked away from us. He’s now face to face with a very angry Julio. “I wouldn’t try it unless you want me to kick your ass,” he snarls in his face.
From the look on Mr. Thug Nasty’s face, I wouldn’t be surprised if he pissed his pants. When Julio is pissed he looks ready to kill. Normally I would try to stop him, but this time I’m not going to.
It doesn’t take much for the guy to run away in fear. “I don’t know why he had to scare him away. He could have been the only fun we might have tonight,” Kelly says before tossing her drink back and waving down the waitress for another.
I’m the one now rolling my eyes as I look back at Julio. His eyebrow goes up at Kelly’s remark. “I’m surprised you picked this place. Mateo wouldn’t be too happy if he found out you’re here,” he acknowledges. I’m now the one scowling at him as he awaits my response.
“Since when do I need Matt’s permission to live my own life?” I crudely throw back at him. With a sorrowful expression now on his face, he sighs. “I didn’t say that. I’m just saying you should take in mind how he would react if something were to happen to you, Abigail,” he replies.
His words pathetically affect me. I know Julio isn’t happy with Matt’s mistakes, but for some odd reason I feel like he’s still siding with him.
Kelly is already handing me another shot. “Drink up, bitch. You have some catching up to do,” she shouts. I take the drink from her, tossing it back, hoping it will numb the uncertainly overtaking my mind.
Slamming the glass on the table, my eyes find Julio’s again. I have no further words for him, but from the sympathetic looks he’s giving me, I’m pretty sure he understands.
THE SKIES ARE black; Mother Nature’s mood is drastically matching my own. The skies above me are a perfect representation of the pain deep inside my heart. The pouring rain is beating down upon my body, but I welcome the beating of the raindrops to help mask my pain. My legs are protesting and begging me to stop their throbbing, but I refuse to give in. It would only mean defeat. The constriction of my lungs as they strive to give me my next breath is making me gasp for air. The will to keep pushing harder, to go faster, is overpowering all the protest thrown at me. After every run, the strain of finishing is worth knowing I’ve completed my goal.
This is my runner’s high.
Alcohol is not my answer. Nor will drugs ever be. Those won’t do it for me. At one time it was Matt who had all the solutions, but now I’m running to help myself find my own answers. He may have helped me discover my newfound love, but our running together will now be memories. Memories I will cherish forever.
I’M LYING ON the couch, confused as I stare at the TV. I cannot help but scrunch my face in confusion as I watch the girl pace back and forth in the small span of the living room, nervously biting her thumbnail. As far as I can understand, she’s waiting for someone, but I’m still trying to figure out why she’s wasting her time. Suspenseful music is playing in the background, already telling me this is going to be good, which is why I’m still watching. It’s adding a dramatic effect that is holding my intrigued attention.
The music comes to a dramatic pause as a guy walks in the door. The girl begins attacking him with words. “Pinche Disgracido, ya se que me has enganado, pero ver me en la cara y otro ves mentir me? Que piensas que estoy pendija? Que vas a poder enganar me otra ves. No, esta ves, te puedes ir a la chingada.”
My eyes go wide as I continue to hang onto every word said. I cannot help but think of Matt. The similarities of the drama appearing on the screen are too similar to my real life, which makes me chuckle. The woman grows angrier from the silence she receives; I’m pretty sure from the expression on the guy’s face he’s been busted. This darn show has been my guilty pleasure for the past week. My only excuse is I need a distraction from my thoughts. Since Kelly has no cable, this is what I was stuck with. I can’t complain, it’s better than constantly watching the sports channel.
“What are you watching?” Kelly’s voice startles me, making me scramble to find the remote to turn the TV off, but it’s too late. I’m busted. The couple on the screen continue to argue, the man desperately pleading she forgive him.
>
“Story of my life,” I grimly tell Kelly as I sneak another peek to continue watching the debate on the TV for a couple more seconds.
Finding the remote, I turn off the TV realizing that I don’t need to know the outcome of the performance. Regardless of what happens, it’s obvious he’s going to do it again since he did technically just leave the bed of another woman before it came back from the commercial. Cheating douchebag.
I sit up on the couch to face Kelly and I see her eyeing me with her eyebrows curiously raised.
“What?” I ask, masking my embarrassment from being caught.
“Why are you watching a Mexican soap opera?” she questions with a snarky smile. “Are you trying to learn Spanish for a certain someone?” she adds.
“No. If that were the case I’d buy that stupid program to teach me Spanish.”
She rolls her eyes at me. “You don’t need to waste your money. It’s how I learned Spanish,” she informs me and I’m surprised by her words.
“I would have assumed you grew up speaking it.”
She shakes her head. “Nope. One summer with my grandma and those soap operas was all I needed. It didn’t take me long before I was fluent in the shit,” she says with a snap of her fingers. “You’ll pick it up in no time.”
“Yes, Miss voice of reason,” I tease.
“What time is big man getting here?” she asks, looking down at her phone.
I stand up from the couch already heading to the counter where my purse is. “Julio’s mom has a doctor’s appointment today, so he won’t be coming with us.”
Her eyes go wide in complete surprise. “You sure this is a good idea? You know Julio doesn’t like you going out without him. And Matt will blow a gasket if he finds out,” she states.
Hesitantly looking back down at her phone, she opens up the screen and goes straight to the call log.
Unspoken Promises Page 4
