Have you spoken to Abigail today? – Matt
No, she’s been gone all day. Don’t ask, I don’t know. – Kelly
It’s not the answer I wanted, but I continue on.
Did she at least pack her stuff? – Matt
Her overnight bag is gone. Where was she going? – Kelly
I have no clue. I’d thought maybe she would have told you. – Matt, I lie to her.
I don’t want to go into a detailed explanation with Kelly about Abigail moving back in with me over a text message, but knowing her overnight bag is gone is telling me she’s probably already back at the house. I try calling and texting her again thirty minutes later and I still don’t receive a response. So I try the next person she would be with—Julio.
Is Abigail with you? – Matt
He immediately responds, but the answer he gives me worries me more.
Yeah, she’s with me. – Julio
His answer alleviates some of my worry.
Why isn’t she answering her phone? – Matt
I don’t want to be in the middle of it, but she says to stop calling and texting her – Julio
I try calling her again, but it goes straight to her voicemail, telling me she’s turned her phone off. She’s pissed and I hate not knowing why. Is she still pissed about this morning? It’s the only explanation I can come up with.
Julio –Is she at the house? – Matt
Not right now. - Julio
It’s not the answer I wanted to read, but I know that if I push Abigail any further it’s going to backfire on me. My hope of getting an explanation as to why she’s ignoring me will have to wait until I return and I can talk to her in person. Until then, my mind will be in turmoil of possibilities as to why she’s angry. My heart drops to the pit of my stomach with ideas. Desperate to talk to her, I try calling Julio instead, but he doesn’t answer either. Now I’m pissed because he’s pulling the same shit.
Just tell me what’s wrong with her. I’m worried about her. Is she in trouble? Is she hurt? – Matt.
Nothing is physically wrong with her. – Julio
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Knowing I have to give up until tomorrow, I try one final attempt.
Can you just tell her I love her? – Matt
He doesn’t answer, but from the confirmation I know he’s read it and I pray he’s done as requested. Tomorrow cannot come soon enough. I need to get home to find out what is wrong with her.
I DIDN’T TELL Matt I was following him to San Francisco for one reason: to test him. I’d known deep down inside why he didn’t want me there and I was proven right when I’d seen him with her. The first thing I did when I arrived back at Kelly’s was book a flight for Julio and me and arranged for us to stay overnight. I hadn’t told anyone of my plans, not even Julio. I’d told him to pack an overnight bag and be ready for me to pick him up. Kelly was at work when I left, so I wrote her a note stating not to worry and that I’d be back tomorrow. I had Julio with me so she had nothing to worry about. I wish I could have brought her, but she was scheduled to work the weekend and I don’t think her boss would have appreciated her having to leave work then calling in sick the next day. So it was simply Julio and I.
I couldn’t book a room in the hotel where they were staying. It was completely full when I had called. So I booked something nearby. The delay was with the rental car. I forgot that little detail, so it took Julio and I a while to find a company that had a car available. Julio wasn’t too happy with the choice of car that they had given us, but I wasn’t complaining. It was a car that was going to get us from point A to B. But the look on Julio’s face when we had to climb into the little two door Focus was comical.
I made sure to stay hidden amongst the crowd. I didn’t want any overdrawn attention, especially because I didn’t want Matt to know I was there. It was upon watching Matt play that I knew something was bothering him. He didn’t seem focused and I couldn’t understand why. As I watched with the crowd when he threw the ball during the last play, I instantly knew something was wrong. Matt had never played so horribly. When the game ended, I stayed, waiting until most of the crowd had made its way down to the field before I got up from my seat. I was still waiting to see if my predication was going to come true and when I’d spotted her, my heart stopped. It shouldn’t have surprised me she would be here at his game. I should have expected it. The college was near the city she resided in, but physically seeing her here waiting for him hurt. It kept me from making my way down to the field where he was. Instead I hid myself below the bleachers out of sight, watching them.
I knew Matt couldn’t see me. I’d made sure to keep myself hidden from his view. I’d practically held my breath waiting to see what would happen between the two and at first I told myself I had nothing to worry about. It wasn’t until I’d seen him kiss her that I’d known I’d been fooled. My heart was torn from my chest, shattered to be left behind on the ground of the field. I could do nothing more than to stand there and watch as he affectionately hugged her liked he had done with me that morning. Sharply watching them, I could make out his lips promising to call her during the week. Her nod told me she wasn’t expecting anything less. I was watching the nightmare play all over again in my head.
Even after I watched him walk away from her, I could not move. It was because of Julio tugging my spiritless body away that my legs moved.
After checking into the hotel, I begin hearing the announcement of Matt trying to call me, but I ignore his phone call. I cannot bring myself to look at his text messages. I don’t want to see his words. To me they are lies, as he did nothing less than deceive me.
How can I have believed him when he told me he had chosen me over her, when I had seen with my own eyes hours ago that it was all a lie? It had proven he was nothing more than a liar. I had learned my lesson with Bill and there was no fucking way I was going to let it happen to me again. With my heart now shattered, it was now my turn to break his heart in return and give him a taste of his own medicine.
I’M ANGRY. NO, I’m furious. It’s bad enough he did it once, but to make a promise to never do it again, telling me that he had chosen me instead of her, then to turn around and lie. It was a slap in the face. I was teaching him a lesson this time. I was taking no prisoners.
I’m walking up to her, bat in my hand. She looks so innocent sitting there. She has no clue what I plan on doing to her. My blood is boiling from rage. I have no self-control at this point. The image of Laura in Matt’s arms is still running in my head, like a video that is on constant repeat. It’s the only thought taking over my mind at this point. He’s broken my heart one too many times. It was time I broke his.
When I get close enough to her, I raise the bat up high, closing my eyes one last moment as I take a deep breath. Inside my head I know I shouldn’t do this. If I still had a heart, I’m pretty sure it would be the one thing telling me to have mercy, but since I no longer have one because of him, I open my eyes and bring the bat down, swinging with all my might.
My body vibrates from the impact of the first hit, the bat cracking the window into a web as I shout to the car, “This is for fucking Lisa on our dining room table. You couldn’t keep your dick in your fucking pants long enough for me to come home!”
I swing again, this time shattering it completely as I make contact with the window. “This is for all the times you told me I was beautiful and I believed you!”
I lift the bat back, swinging it forward, now aiming for the mirror. It breaks off with my first swing. “This is for the first time you kissed me, making me feel like I was worth something to you!”
The bat comes up above my head, I bring it down with all my might on the windshield, and the impact sends a vibration up my arms, as if she’s punishing me for hurting her. I don’t give up though as I keep yelling. “This is for telling me you’d be willing to take a chance at a relationship again, only to fuck things up!”
I walk to the front of the car, taking ou
t each one of the headlights, still having no mercy. I hit the hood next several times, making sure I leave my imprint on the car. “This is for telling me you chose me. You fucking liar!” I shout at the top of my lungs.
I keep moving, taking out the other mirror next. It’s when I take my first swing at the driver’s side window that I see Trey’s Jeep pull up into the driveway. Just like the first window, it doesn’t break on the first impact, so I swing at it again. I hear Matt shouting behind me, “What the fuck are doing?” but I ignore him as I keep swinging at the car, the window shattering to pieces.
At this point Matt is now standing in front of the car, blocking it with his arms extended out, protecting her. “What the hell is wrong with you, Abigail?”
I glare at him with all the anger in my soul. I don’t care if he’s blocking her. In my mind I want to finish her off, so I bring the bat up again ready to strike. “Get the fuck out of the way, Matt,” I growl at him, still holding the bat up in the air.
He doesn’t move, instead shaking his head, his eyes pleading for me to stop. As I’m about to bring it down on him this time, I feel someone grab it, preventing me from doing so. “Abigail, I don’t know what is wrong, but please, you need to stop,” he begs, his eyes watering up as his pleading words hit me. I can tell he’s holding back the tears, but I don’t care.
That’s the same tone he always uses to sweeten me up and the thought of them makes me angrier. How many fucking times has he used that tone of voice on her?
I let go of the bat, not bothering to see who has taken it. My eyes are still locked with Matt’s as he hesitantly steps towards me with sorrowful eyes begging for me to reach out to him. Instead I shove him back, his body slamming against his car. “Is your heart broken, Matt?” I shout to him. He lets out a muffled sob. “Now you know how I feel… What you’ve done to me. But unlike me, that car can be fixed!” I continue shouting, now pointing at his car. “I can’t say the same about my heart,” I declare before turning to walk away from him.
“Abigail, wait!” he shouts back, but I ignore him, heading straight for my car. I can hear Julio’s footsteps behind me, both of us soon climbing into my car. He hasn’t yet shut the door before I’m peeling out of Matt’s driveway, leaving him behind. I don’t give a fuck about the future he’s willing to offer me anymore, because it’s no longer going to include me.
I WATCH ABIGAIL drive away. I’m both confused and unable to comprehend what has happened. Why would she want to destroy my car? What have I done to upset her? It pained me to see her so angry and upset. When I’d left I was one step closer to her moving back in. I’d made her accept nothing less than us being a couple again. For the last couple of weeks I’ve done nothing but prove to her how much I love her and that she’s the most important person in the world to me. What the hell has made her see otherwise?
Her taillights disappear into the darkness as I ponder the questions in my head. When they are no longer visible, I reluctantly turn to face Eleanor’s damaged state. My heart plunges to the pit of my stomach as I fully take her in.
“What the fuck was that all about?” Trey’s muddled voice breaks me from my shocked trance. I still cannot speak at this point. I’m still trying to comprehend what’s happened.
“I have no fucking idea,” I rasp out.
“It had to have been something serious in order for Abigail to go all ape shit on your car.”
Blinking, to push the abiding tears away, I rake my hand through my hair as I stare at my broken car. With my mind demanding an answer for her actions, I turn to face Trey. “Let me use your Jeep,” I say, already holding my hand out for his keys.
His eyes go wide in shock. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? She looked ready to kill you before I stopped her,” he says, reminding me he was the one to stop Abigail from swinging at me.
“Just give me your fucking keys,” I demand.
“Fine dude, it’s your head not mine. Just make sure she doesn’t come after my car next, or else you’ll be fixing two up instead.”
Ignoring his sarcastic words, I’m already stalking my way to his Jeep. Driving as fast as I can over to Kelly’s apartment, I make it there within fifteen minutes. I pull up just in time to see her making her way into the apartment. I rush to the door, turning the doorknob to find it locked. Enraged, I start pounding on the door. “Abigail, open this fucking door!” I shout at it.
Surprisingly, David is the one yanking the door open. “What the fuck?”
I shove past him, uncaring of what he thinks. She’s protectively tucked behind Kelly, but rage is still fresh in her eyes. My steps are halted when David yanks me to a stop. “What the hell is going on?” he shouts, his head whipping back and forth between Abigail and me.
Abigail keeps silent, but still staring daggers at me. “That’s what I want to know.”
“Don’t fucking stand there acting like you don’t know!”
A bewildered looking Kelly is still standing between us looking torn and unknowing of what to do. “What the hell did you do this time?” she asks, already shooting daggers at me as well.
“If I knew, I wouldn’t be here.”
She whips her head around to now stare down Abigail. “What did you do to piss him off?”
“She beat the shit out of Eleanor with a bat!” I answer for her. I hear a shocked “Fuck” leave both Kelly and David’s mouth.
“You deserved it,” Abigail snarls at me.
Still looking at her, Kelly asks, “Where did you go this weekend?”
Her eyes have been locked onto mine this entire time, but with Kelly’s question I can see the wrath of fire form in them as she says, “San Francisco.”
Her response tells me she saw everything between Laura and I. “It’s not what you think,” I defensively reply.
“I’m tired of hearing your fucking excuses, Matt!”
I try to step forward, but I’m prevented from moving when David tightens his hold on my arm to keep me from reaching her. “Look man, right now is not the best time to try to talk to her,” I hear David say behind me.
I ignore him. “I swear it’s not what you think,” I repeat.
“You fucking liar!” she shouts. “I saw you kiss her!”
My heart stops, my blood completely drains from my body as I stand there shocked and speechless. Her chest is angrily rising and falling as she continues to narrow her eyes at me. “She kissed me, but I never meant for it to happen,” I swear to her. “Please, you have to believe me, beautiful,” I beg. “She’d just told me her grandma died and I was feeling sorry for her,” I explain.
She shakes her head at me. “You liar. You knew she would be there. That’s why you didn’t want me to go. It’s so you could be alone with her.”
“That’s not true.” She still looks angry. “Please, you have to believe me.” I know if I admit that she’s right, I’d be hanging myself further. She furiously looks back at me and I know I’ve lost.
“I think it’s best you leave, Matt. Give her some time to calm down,” David calmly suggests, already tugging me towards the door. I allow him to pull me, but I take one last remorseful glance at Abigail, hoping David is right.
He follows me out to Trey’s Jeep. “Even I thought something was going on between you and Laura,” he admits as we reach the Jeep. “What really happened?”
His words shock me, but viewing it from an outside perspective, it would look wrong. “I swear I was only comforting her,” I explain, raking my hand through my hair. “I know I should’ve pushed her away, but I didn’t, and I’m regretting it now.” He still looks skeptical. “I couldn’t just turn by back on her when she told me her news. I was with her for years and it came naturally to me to comfort her when she was hurting. It doesn’t change the fact that I love Abigail. It never will,” I insist.
He’s silent for a minute before answering. “I believe you, but she doesn’t, and she’s the one who you need to be convincing,” he conveys. “Just not tonight.” The
sympathetic look he’s giving me is pissing me off. “Why didn’t you just let Abigail go?”
“I didn’t want her to go because I had a feeling Laura would show up. I could not risk her upsetting Abigail.” David crosses his arms across his chest as he considers my words. “In my opinion, it would have been better to have her at your side,” he states.
“If the tables were turned, would you do it with Kelly?” I challenge him.
He frowns. “Of course. There isn’t anything I would keep from Kelly.” The realization of his words strikes me like lightning. I’ve been keeping too much from Abigail. Since the day we’ve met I’d been guarding one thing or another, which has been the cause of our mistakes. “You’re right,” I admit. “But what should I do now?” I pitifully ask.
The answer I receive is not the one I was anticipating from David. “You have to give her time.” Taking in his words, I nod my head in agreement before I turn to climb into the Jeep. On the drive home, I have nothing but time to go over my conversation with David. My biggest mistake has been that I’ve grown used to keeping things to myself. I’ve learned to shut out the world from my emotions that were dwelling inside of me after Emily died. It took Abigail for me to love again, but I still made the mistake of not being honest with her. It needed to stop, and it was going to stop as of now.
MY BODY STARTS shivering from the anger boiling through my veins as I watch Matt leave. When I’d seen him walk through the door, I wanted to physically attack him, the anger taking over inside of me like a caged animal demanding to be let out. It worsened with his explanations, his deceiving lies. I didn’t know what to believe anymore.
Kelly’s arm wraps around my shoulder to guide me to the couch. Taking a seat, I can already see her waiting for an explanation. “I needed to see with my own eyes,” I rasp out, not knowing what I had intended to mean with my own words. “I’m sorry,” she sincerely replies as if comprehending what I’d seen.
Unspoken Promises Page 12
