by Sonya Jesus
“No,” he says, latching on to me as I walk towards my bag. “We didn’t break up officially. I just… I’m trying to say that I was going to break up with you today.” That isn’t any better? He pulls me in towards him. “Don’t leave, Lia.”
I snatch my hand from him.
“I’m not ready for that. I love you.” He doesn’t let me speak. “You don’t have to say it back. After yesterday, I deserve for you to hate me. I just want you to know I will wait for you as long as you need me to. Damn it, baby, just give me another chance. I’ll be amazing. I mean it. If you feel like I am pressuring you, just stop me, okay? We can do this. Once I cooled down, I realized how much I’d miss you if I didn’t have you in my life. Just give me one more chance.”
One more chance for what? For another breakup? For a possibility of success? For more time to let him in and have him break me from the inside out? For me to hurt him?
Maybe… being alone is what I need. “I can’t Connor.”
I shake my head, putting a visual to my words, and look everywhere but at him. “I can’t give you another chance. We just broke up.”
“We almost broke up. Almost, Lia.”
“What’s the difference?”
He runs his hands through his hair, grabbing onto the strands at the top and tugging. He paces around anxiously, as if he’s searching for an answer.
“Look, we tried right?”
He stops and faces me, his eyes dark and hard.
“We didn’t try.” He points to us, and around the room, his hands cutting through the air in angry motions. “This isn’t trying! This is giving up.”
Those words were fighting words. Who gave up on who? I stop myself before asking him, since we both gave up on each other.
“We gave up on us. Things got hard, and we quit. You went to Robins.” He closed his eyes and exhaled heavily before opening them again. “You went to him, and I went to Jaime.”
I start to laugh. Not out of humor, but out of frustration, disbelief, fury. There’s a tightness in my heart and my stomach revolts against it. I stop laughing when he approaches me. Proximity wouldn’t help his situation.
“Yes, Lia! I went to Jaime. I let her in when I should have stayed and talked to you. I should never have left your room yesterday.”
But he did.
“I should have never told you to go to him. I was sending you to him so I had an excuse to go to her. That’s why I don’t want to know what happened with Robins.”
“Which means you won’t tell me what happened with Jaime.” Wary eyes stare back at me. “Fine, I don’t want to know. Keep it a secret.”
“I’ll tell you if you want, but I think no matter what I say you are automatically going to doubt me.”
True.
“It won’t make a bit of difference. Because I know fifty thousand images are running around in my head just thinking about you with him. You can scream nothing happened till you turn blue. I can even say I believe you, but those images are always going to be burnt into my mind. So, if you want, I will tell you every detail of what went down with Jaime, but I don’t want to know about Robins.”
I cross my arms over my chest and lean back against his desk. “Fine. Tell me.” I call his bluff.
He must think I’m stupid. I know he isn’t going to tell me shit because he probably slept with her.
He sits on Austin’s bed, directly in front of me, rests his arms on his thighs and looks out the open window. “After I left you last night, I called her before I even got in the elevator. I needed someone to talk to.” He pauses, glancing over in my direction. “I was pissed. You had me thinking that we were going to finally have sex, then you cut me off. So, yea! I was ticked off... Jaime came by with a stolen bottle of whiskey. By the time she got here, I was six beers in. We talked about you.”
“Did you tell her?”
He swallows. “I told her you didn’t want to sleep with me. She volunteered.”
I clear my throat because it burns with all the angry words I am suppressing. I fist my hands, feeling the imprint of my nails stinging my skin.
“I turned her down.” My nails stop digging into my palms. “She spent about twenty minutes arguing with me. I don’t remember much about our conversation. I got tired and got in bed. She kissed me. I pulled her away and yelled at her. Then I fell asleep. When I woke up, she was gone.”
I hold onto the edge of the desk, waiting for him to finish.
“That’s it. I got up this morning to Austin telling me she was upset; she’s called me five times apologizing.” His sad expression melted my hardened heart.
“Is that all that happened?” I ask. “She kissed you?”
“Yea, babe. She rubbed up against me some but…”
“Okay,” I say, not wanting to know. He didn’t do much more than I almost did. “I don’t want to hear any more. I believe you.”
“Really?” He pleads with his eyes. “Because I really need you to believe me. I don’t want to lose you, Lia. Meg’s going to use this against us.”
Meg! “No, she won’t.” I smile softly. “I won’t let them get to me.”
“Jaime won’t be a problem anymore. I told her that I needed her to back off. It’s just you and me.”
***
The dogs of hell are hot on my ass this evening, making me question why the hell I was still a cheerleader. Meg and Jaime haven’t stopped staring at me all night, and if Jaime snarls at me one more time I’m going to give her something to growl about. If trying to take advantage of my drunk boyfriend wasn’t reason enough, then her just existing was.
I go over to my cheer bag and pull out a bottle of water, wishing I had coffee instead. I take a sip and wince at the taste of pure water. I thought I put a fruit bottle in here? I look through the bag and find nothing. Maybe I didn’t pack one. I’m so out of it that I don’t even know what I pack my bag with.
I chug half the bottle and locate Avery and Natalie off to the side, talking to one of the coaches, probably complaining about Meg tonight. Jaime and Meg are deep in conversation while the other girls ran off to retouch their makeup.
Medieval Week starts off with the pep rally in a couple of days, and tonight, yet again, we were stunting. I hate stunt practice; we share the gym with the basketball team and they, Coach included, spend more time looking at us than focusing on the game. The only dribbling going on right now is from the drool on their chins since we were forced to practice in our uniforms. We don’t usually, but since the school photographer is coming to take pictures for the website, we had to come decked out in pep. I tap at my hair, watching the glitter fall.
I hate glitter. It’s a bitch to get out of your hair. It makes the shower all sparkly for weeks. Since there are four of us glitter bombs living in the suite, there’s always glitter everywhere. Tonight, it’ll explode silver and burgundy sparkles everywhere. I go over and sit with Natalie, Avery, and Harper who are now sitting opposite the other cheerleaders on the cold gym floor during our ten-minute break.
As soon as I take a seat, Natalie eyes Meg down and proclaims, “If she makes me repeat that fly one more time, I’m going to hurky her in the face.”
We all laugh at Natalie’s outburst, but my arms were exhausted from being her backer. We had to throw her up in the air at least 60 times in the last couple hours. I have “One, two, down up” permanently engraved in my mind. The repetition of our perfect stunt is Meg’s way of trying to teach me a lesson. Retribution for making peace in the 100 Acre Wood. I understand why she’s pissy though, and I sort of deserve it, but my friends don’t. That and I am finding it hard to keep my jealousy in check with her. Something I need to work on.
Luckily the photographer will be here soon, and that’ll put a cork in her mouth. Or not.
“Lia!” Meg shouts, jerking my head up towards her. She barks it with such force that it captures the whole team’s attention.
I groan so only my friends could hear. “What can she possibly want now?”
They snicker at my crotchety tone of voice, supporting my grouchiness. They mumble a couple of answers, but I only hear Avery’s comment telling me to stand up to her. I quite literally stand up and do nothing to hide my ill temper. “What is it now, Meg?” I amp up the disdain to irk her.
“I want your team to run that drill one more time.” This isn’t about the team; this is about her. I see the girls standing up from the corner of my eyes. Natalie mumbles something that threatens physical violence, Avery promises to back her up and Harper rolls her shoulders as if winding up for a showdown. We were exhausted and still sore from the daily practices.
Meg crosses her hands in front of her, waiting for us to do as she orders, but not one of us moves. “What are you four waiting on?”
“Come on Meg.” I try to bargain with her. “The photographer is coming soon. Why don’t we just pick up with the routine next stunt practice?” From the corner of my eye, I see the nods of the girls next to me. My stomach starts to burn, and I pay no attention to it. “There’s no point in doing it now when we are tired. What if we drop her?” I would never drop Natalie, that’s why we were so good at what we did. We were close. We lived together. We cared about one another. My stomach screams at Meg too, growling in anger. The pain is traveling through my body, and my heart starts to beat fast. Meg blurs in front of me, and I lean into Harper. She grabs me, thankfully, so it isn’t obvious.
“You okay?” she mumbles under her breath. The gym is spinning, the sound of a basketball pounding reverberates in my ears, and I close my eyes to try to center myself. When I open them, Avery is blocking Meg’s view. It’s hard to breathe, but I’m holding out until I can sit or walk out of here. I didn’t want Meg to see me like this. My knees beg me to sit. My heart is in my throat, drumming against my vocal cords. I think I say something about needing to sit before I actually do, but I don’t know. My hands tremble, and all I see is the worry on my suitemates faces as they kneel down next to me.
Before anyone could say anything, the door to the gym is thrown open, and all the attention is on the photographer. I hear Meg say something about him being late then I get up, and the girls follow me out the door that had less people around it. I run towards the bathroom near the pool and rush into one of the toilets to throw up.
“Shut the door,” Natalie demands, taking charge.
Avery holds my hair back, and Harper stays at the door. Natalie stands next to me as I heave into the toilet. I really shouldn’t have had those coffees.
“Lia you’re shivering.” I feel fingers on my neck, pressing into the pulsing vein. I rest my head on my hand as she takes my pulse. I’m leaning over the toilet. The public toilet. And I throw up just thinking of the shower I am going to need. I feel something cold press against my forehead and someone rubbing my back. I open my eyes and rub at them when I see a blur.
“Something’s wrong, Harper.”
I don’t know if that’s me or not, but I shake my head when they start to mention calling Public Safety.
“I’ll be fine,” I say, just before the need to puke overtakes me again. I pump the contents of my stomach out. The cold compress is removed, and when I step back to rest my head against the stall, someone flushes the toilet. I throw my head back and take the bottle of water that someone gives me. It tastes better, actually refreshing.
I must really be sick if I like the taste of water.
No one says anything while I try to control my breathing, but someone measures my pulse. Opening one eye, I see Avery holding my hand in one of hers, and the other had her phone. “Lia your heart rate is 40.”
“Is that bad?” Natalie panics.
“I don’t know. The normal is 80.” Avery’s concerned eyes burrow into me. “What happened?”
I hold my stomach that is still cramping, but feeling slightly better. “I had three coffees today.” I pout. “I shouldn’t have had it, but I thought I was better.” I refrain from telling them how stressful the last 24 hours were.
“Obviously you are not!” Natalie growls. “It’s time to go home.”
“No, we are almost done. We just have to get through the pictures. I’ll be fine. Really, I feel better now.” I force a smile and stand. As I make my way out of the stall, I notice Harper holding the door closed. What is she doing?
I hear a knock, and I go to the sink to wash my mouth out before Harper lets someone in. Avery has her makeup bag with her, and she takes out some toothpaste. I squirt some on my finger and use it to brush. Then I take a big dab of it and put it on my tongue, swooshing it around. I dab at the mascara under my eyes and look to the side. “Are those urinals?”
The girls chuckle. “You chose the first one you saw,” Harper says, still manning the door. “You think I can let whoever is out here inside? I mean, they probably need to pee.”
“Oh my God,” I’m horrified yet amused at the same time. All four of us start to laugh, and I shake my head. “Thanks, guys.” True friends follow you into dirty boy bathrooms, hold your hair back and don’t even flinch as you stink the place up with your puke. “Let’s go take our pictures.”
Harper unlatches the door.
The door swings open immediately. Aiden Keys.
I instinctively dab at my lips, in case I had any embarrassing chunks of puke left behind.
“What are you doing in here?” He’s growling at us but looking at me. “Don’t you know how to read?”
“Chill, dick head.” Natalie confronts him. “We’re leaving.”
He glares down at the petite girl who is daring him to challenge her.
Aiden is twice her size, but he backs down. I smash my lips together, trying not to laugh at the scene.
“Tell Christian I say hi.”
He smiles as she brushes past him. His head tilts as he watches her walk away. Harper follows, then Avery, then me. I feel his arm brush against mine, but don’t step back. A smiling Aiden is dangerous; he almost looks human when he does that.
We open the door, noticing the busy gym. The photographer is off to the side talking to the basketball coach while all the girls steal glances at him. His grey shirt is spread tight against his body, his arm muscles clearly defined as they strain against the weight of his heavy camera. He aims the camera in our direction, the coach still talking. We all pose for the photograph. He lowers the camera a bit to smile at us. I recognize those glasses. Blaze was the photographer?
He shies when he becomes the center of attention and begins to fidget with the large camera, placing the strap around his neck. He waves at all of us but looks directly at me. I smile at him to ease his discomfort. Luckily, the basketball coach taps on his shoulder, mimicking some basketball moves in order to tell Blaze what kind of shots he wants for the site.
Alleviated that he no longer felt uncomfortable, I give Meg my attention. She’s standing next to Jaime and talking to the other captains.
“Best timing ever,” Harper says, smiling. “I’m definitely crushing on him a little.”
We gawk at her.
“What?” she says defensively. “He’s hot.”
Like on command, we all look over at Blaze who’s following Robins with the camera and giving Robins directions.
“He works out,” Natalie concludes when he turns his backside to us. “You don’t get an ass like that without hitting the gym.”
She sighs disappointedly. “Too bad he wears glasses.”
“I like the glasses,” Harper defends. “He’s kind of shy sometimes. What do you think, Lia?”
I look away from Blaze; I never really looked at him like that. I only noticed his muscular body a couple of weeks ago when I was trying to get information from him. “He’s good looking,” I admit.
“Agreed,” Natalie nods her head. “And he’s not a freshman!” Here we go. “And he isn’t up Jaime’s ass.”
“Please don’t bring up Jaime.”
“Lia?” Robins calls out to me, saving me from having to compare Blaze and Connor. “Come over here. I want
a picture of us.”
I jog over to him, chanting the word friends over and over as Blaze skims through the pictures on the camera screen.
“Blaze said he’ll send them to me. We can add it to our collection.”
I glance up and see Meg glaring at me, shooting imaginary daggers at us. She usually tries to rein in her disapproval in front of everyone else. She’s a closet hater. Guess she’s out of the closet now.
“Robins?” I say, not taking my eyes off of Meg. “Why is Meg looking at us like that?” He wraps his arms around me, his hands riding dangerously low on my midsection. He nuzzles me into him so that my back is glued to his chest. I forget what I asked him; his smell is intoxicating me and the way he is holding on to me makes me feel like I’m going to spontaneously combust.
I can’t feel this way. I’m with Connor, and he’s with Meg. I saw them kissing. I have to remind myself that he will forever be hers. Blaze snaps a photo, catching me off guard. Probably catching me frown at my own thoughts. Blaze lowers the camera, gives me that exasperated look, telling me to at least smile. So, I smile for the next one.
I look up at Meg again, her fiery eyes burning holes in me, trying to incinerate me on the spot. I take a step forward and turn to look at Robins so that my back is to her. “Meg! Why does she look like that?”
Robins glances at Meg and scowls.
Blaze comes around so he can catch us and I see the camera flash before I feel Robin’s lips brush my earlobe. I shudder in response and try to compose myself before Blaze immortalizes my desire for Robins on camera.
“Robins? How many pictures is he going to take because I’m already sore from Meg’s retaliation? I’m pretty sure she is planning how to kill me and hide my body.”
Robins chuckles softly, not budging from where he is. “I broke up with her this afternoon.”
Liar. I gasp.
“Why? I saw you with her this afternoon. You didn’t look like you were breaking up.” I wince. I should have stopped at why. Now I sound like a jealous maniac.
