by Sonya Jesus
He looks skeptical; students aren’t the only ones to get pranked on this campus, but he follows me into the room.
“Hello,” he says to Haley, who is still standing guard in front of the door, looking more freaked out than before.
“What is it Haley?” I ask.
“I heard a noise coming from inside.”
The officer sucks in a deep breath, obviously not believing us, but opens the door anyway. He turns on the light and steps into the room. Haley and I follow behind him. Haley blocks the door as I search behind boxes.
“Miss,” the officer say, getting our attention. “Are you sure you heard something coming from in here?”
Just as I’m about to say no, one of the boxes buzzes, causing Haley and I to gasp. The officer, finally seeing our fear, asks us to step outside. It takes two minutes for him to come out, an iPhone in his hand. “Someone in maintenance must have forgotten their cell phone. The battery is dying.”
“But I heard…” my voice trails off.
“You were scared. You probably heard someone trying to call the phone, and it made the noise against the boxes.”
“I feel like such an idiot,” I say aloud.
“It’s okay. Do you want to file a report?” The officer asks out of obligation, though I can tell he didn’t find it worthy of the hassle
“No!” I bark. “It’s not necessary. It’s just some stupid prank. After Halloween, it will stop.”
“Are you sure, Lia?” Haley asks. “You were really scared. I think you should go with him and file it. You never know?”
“Never know what?” I ask, chuckling. “When they are going to give me more jewelry? You were right. I’m overreacting to something that’s not worth it.”
“Who do you think it is?” the officer asks.
“Honestly, I thought it was my boyfriend.”
The officer cracks a smile and hands me the phone in his hand. “You’d be surprised at how many boyfriends have played pranks on their girls over the years. Is that his phone? Maybe he left it there on purpose to scare you.”
I hold the phone in my hand, embarrassed to say I had no idea. They all look the same without a cover, and I never paid attention to the lock screen backgrounds. This one had a picture of the Eagles Team Logo. “I don’t really know.”
Haley peaks over my shoulder and checks. “No, his has a picture of the both of you when you went to the melting pot.”
My cheeks redden. How did I not know that? I return the phone back to the officer and apologize. “I’m sorry, I have to get to the pep rally.”
He nods, and Haley gives me the note and the pin so I can put it away. When I am inside, I throw everything into my bag carelessly. “I’m losing it,” I say to myself as I grab my water bottle and chug the whole thing. I grab the other and zip my bag up, quickly standing, which makes me almost falter. A nagging feeling tells me I shouldn’t be performing tonight, but I put it to the back of my mind. Weston told me I was fine. It’s just anxiety and an ulcer.
I walk back into the gym that has way too many people in it for my liking. Megan shoots me a menacing glance. Suck it up! I think while shooting her my best I-fucking-hate-your-face-but-I-have-to-pretend-to-like you smile. I take my seat on the bleachers between Avery and Nat.
“What the hell took you so long?” Avery asks, flipping her blonde hair into a ponytail.
“We were getting worried,” Harper adds.
“Yeah, I know. Haley went up there to check on me. I can’t wait until this stupid month is over.”
“Why?” Natalie asks. “I love Medieval Week.”
“I hate being pranked.”
“Aww. Who’s pranking you?” Harper’s eyes skim the crowd, probably scanning for her favorite person as she sips a green smoothie. There are so many people here I don’t know how she can find him.
“If you are getting pranked, my money is on the Freshman,” Avery says pointedly. “Just because we play nice, doesn’t mean we like him.”
“Whoever it is needs to stop because it’s really annoying.”
The buzzer goes off, letting the crowd know the rally was about to start. I grab the bottle and take a few swigs to calm my racing heart and ease my stomach. I didn’t even have coffee today, and the prank is enough to get me feeling nauseous. I probably should have eaten more, so I bargain with my body. You behave, and I will get more food as soon as this is over. The pain in my stomach doesn’t subside, and Harper’s worried eyes scan my body.
“Not again!” she says. Then she points her smoothie at me. “Have the rest of this?”
If I drank that I would surely barf. “What is it?” I take a sip, anyway. It isn’t good, but I drink some. “It tastes like bananas.”
“It’s a period smoothie! It has everything to help get through your period.”
I raise my eyes at her. This is so much worse than the period box.
“I know it tastes awful, but it helps against bloating and stomach cramps. It also helps balance your hormones.”
The more I drink, the better I actually start to feel. I finish it all. “It tastes terrible, but I feel better, so you’re going to have to make those more often.”
She nods. “I’ve tried a few. This one’s the best though. I just made this one when I ran back to the room. We should add some of the spices it takes into the period box!”
I laugh at how excited she is. The buzzer goes off again, and I put the cup behind the bleachers where our water bottles are, and follow the rest of the group to the center of the court, secretly wishing half the crowd would leave. I hate performing in front of people, especially in tiny short skirts.
Thank God for Spanks or my ass would be the show. I tug at my skirt a little because my butt perks up and makes the skirt entirely too short. Then again, I’m sure that was the point.
We all scatter to our spots on the court. I feel the sudden rush of adrenaline mixed with fear of messing up traveling down my spine. The truth is, the moves in the song were slightly sensual, and in the privacy of my own room I did it perfectly. But, having over 500 eyes on me kind of made me uncomfortable.
I got this the inner Vixen comes out from inside my mind, shoving the inner Angel out of the way and informing her I’m bringing sexy back. I guess the period smoothie has given her a power boost today or she’s trying to prove that she isn’t useless in times of crisis.
The familiar sound of the music fills the gym, and the remix starts with clapping, intensifying the beat of Wait a Minute. A few girls fly in the air and when Timbaland says “Wait a minute...” we all go to our designated formations and dance along to the short cheer mix of When I Grow Up, Buttons, Beep and Don’t Cha. I have to admit, my inner Vixen surprises me by mimicking the PSD moves perfectly, while my inner Angel blushes in embarrassment.
After three short minutes, the song is over and our routine is done.The roars coming from the gym had us on a high.
Bringing sexy back works up a sweat. I step outside the gym in desperate need of some water. When I return back to the gym, adrenaline still pumps through my veins, sustaining my high.
The coach takes center court and introduces the basketball team individually, saving Robins for last. When the Captain takes the coaches spot, the crowd deafens us, filling me with a sense of pride. He complains about the stupid diet restrictions and coaches’ ridiculous rules, but he loves it, especially in moments like these. Basketball and the attention are his drug. Robins would go into withdrawal without the two.
When it’s the cheer captain’s turn at the mic, she calls all us cheerleaders to the center. Heat starts in my extremities, warning me. We never did this.
Cristina takes the mic, addressing us, “Now girls, I bet you are wondering what you are doing up here?”
We look at each other, playing into the suspense. “This year we decided to do fundraiser.”
Suddenly, the crowd roars… a very masculine roar. Natalie rolls her eyes and whispers to me, “Fucking car wash.”
Avery answers immediately, “It better not be a calendar.”
I shake my head, convincing myself it isn’t either. I doubt they can even get approval for something like that.
“This year we are having an auction.”
I know where this is going. I’ve seen it in movies.
Lack of originality, the Angel and Vixen say in unison. Let’s auction off the cheerleaders for some funds—
Cristina interrupts my inner chastising of the event, “Now it isn’t just any auction, where you buy a date with someone, it’s a Mad Lib Auction.”
My heart drops to the bottom of my stomach… so far down, I nearly poop it out. “Oh my God, what is that?” I ask Natalie.
Natalie just smiles at me. “No clue, but something that sounds fucking awesome.”
The crowd murmurs as Meg takes over, “I know most of you have no clue what a Mad Lib Auction is. So, let’s get the explaining started.” She digs into her cheer bag and brings out a square box, opens it and takes out a bunch of index cards. She holds them up in the air. “In my hand, I have some index cards, one for each of our volunteers. On them there are some,” she pauses and smiles seductively, “interesting mad libs.”
The crowd laughs.
“Each of the ladies here is going to fill it out, mind you, they are in the dark about our volunteers.”
The third captain goes into her purse and takes out something and hands them out down the line. Cristina does the same. I look down at my hand. Earphones, and blindfolds? Flashbacks to the Monthaversary come into my head and I grunt. I hate surprises.
“We borrowed these earphones from the IT department.” She holds them up. “Apparently, they will cancel out anything. Let’s test them out, yes?” She picks two random volunteers from the audience and puts headphones on them. “Now I need the audience to cheer our auction. Scream it out. Mad Lib Auction.”
It doesn’t take much for the already riled crowd to start screaming it out way too loudly.
Meg orders them to stop by putting her hand in the air. “Now, if we flip a switch they can hear only what is said into this specific microphone.” The two captains flip something on the earphones of the volunteers, and Meg switches to a red microphone, handing the black one to Cristina.
Cristina explains, “No matter how much noise we make, they can only hear what Meg tells them. Let’s test it out. On three: the left side shouts out ‘Mad Lib’, the right ’Auction,’ and Meg is going to tell them the magic words. Meg, can you write them down and hand it to one of the ladies behind you?” It took all of four seconds before I had a red envelope in my hand and a snicker from Meg.
As I stare at the red envelope, it hits me. Maybe, Meg is my prankster. I knew she was planning on something.
The crowd screams. Meg speaks into the microphone that doesn’t amplify her voice, and I feel the weight of the red envelope in my hand. What the fuck is she up to?
Avery turns to me and taps my shoulder with hers, trying to let me know I wasn’t alone. I wonder what the magic words are. If this was the culmination of her prank. I quickly develop a list of words and say them in my head over and over, preparing myself for humiliation, “Bitch, Whore, Virginity.” The red envelope was burning into my hands. Only the sound of the silencing crowd brought me out of my own head.
Oh, my God. This is it.
Cristina turns to me, with a small smile that calms me. It’s as if she is saying, don’t worry.
Meg summons me. “Lia? Will you step up here?”
Oh God! I didn’t have a choice did I? I hate being called out and on stage like this. I stiffen my spine and straighten my shoulders. This will be over soon.
Cristina tells me to bring the headphones, and so I do. Meg removes the two headphones from the volunteers while Cristina puts mine on me.
Holy shit. Silence. I could see her mouth move, but I couldn’t hear a thing. The crowd laughs, making me self-conscious. The two volunteers, who I didn’t recognize, have the group roaring. I glance over my shoulder at Natalie. She shakes her head, warning me that I will not like what is going to happen.
Meg's voice in my head startles me. I jump and turn toward her. “Open the envelope.”
I open it as she instructs. No way.
“Now, read it.”
I hate her. “I volunteer.” I take off my headphones and turn towards Cristina. “I volunteer for what?” I know the answer already, and I still don’t like the response.
“The auction, Lia. Congrats! You will be representing the Knights Cheerleading Squad.”
I reply with a frustrated sigh and a barely audible “Fine.” Who wants to bid on me? At least people know I am doing this against my will.
“Fabulous, Now, go back in line so we can finish this.”
Isn't it over?
“The auction will be held next Saturday night in the Castle landing. Let’s introduce the group and spice things up, shall we?”
Everyone laughs as we are ordered to put our blindfolds on. We go blind and deaf with our new devices. After what seems like a long time, I hear Meg’s voice reading something to… Jaime? “Jaime, are you hearing my voice?” I hear nothing else. “So, we just announced the candidate with whom you will be filling out the Mad Lib for.” Pause. “Of course, you can’t know who it is, that’s the point. Now I am going to ask you questions, and you have to tell me your answers quickly.” Another pause. “Location on Campus.” Pause. “Plural body part.” Pause. “Item of clothing.” Pause. “Excellent.” Pause.
Meg giggles into the microphone. “So, here’s our Tennis Representative’s Mad Lib: Logan has to have a date on the tennis court that involves the bidder’s breasts and the lack of Logan’s pants.”
Oh boy. I don’t like where this is going.
After a few minutes, I hear Meg's voice again. “Jacklyn, are you hearing my voice?” I hear nothing else. “So, we just announced the candidate who you will be filling out the Mad Lib for.” Pause. “Nope, the whole point is not knowing. Now I am going to ask you questions, and you have to tell me your answers quickly.” Why was she repeating all of this? “Location on Campus.” Pause. “Male body part.” Pause. “Noise.” Pause. “Food.”
This time it’s Cristina who speaks, “So, Dylan’s Mad Lib is: Dylan will take bidder to the red room, and it must involve his penis, a moan and “Potato Chips.”
Silence again, then Meg’s voice. “Hmmm... lucky girl; sexiness and carbs. I might have to bid on him myself.”
After a few more Mad Libs, I get the feeling that they accidentally left my microphone on. At least I figured some things out; we were getting representatives from each of the team/sports on campus. Now that I think of it, they were all captains for their teams. So, why was Dylan up and not Aiden Keys?
Meg brings up the next person. “Next up, Natalie.” Pause. “Are you hearing my voice?” Pause. Irritation evident. “So we just announced the candidate who you will be filling out the Mad Lib for.” Pause. “I can’t tell you if it’s Lia.” Silence for a few moments. “Fine, the crowd says to go ahead and tell you it is not Lia.”
Thank God!
“Now I am going to ask you questions, and you have to tell me your answers quickly.” Pause. “Ah, this is a good one for you.” Pause again. “Location on campus.” Pause. “Food.” Pause. “Action.” Pause. “No, it can’t be sex.” Pause. “Okay lady part.” Pause. “One more action… and male body part.” Meg laughs. “Connor’s Mad Lib is: Connor takes bidder to the Pit to eat Peanut Butter. He licks the bidder’s inner thigh, and the bidder sucks his nipple.”
Wait? Connor? What the fuck? Connor wasn’t on any sports team. Maybe it was a different Connor.
“Avery.” Meg's voice speaks inside my head. I must be next. I tried to run down the list of cheerleaders. The next few would be cautious, hoping it isn’t me. Like she read my mind, Meg’s voice says, “Before you ask, no it isn’t Lia you are doing the Mad Lib for.” Pause. “Now I am going to ask you questions, and you have to tell
me your answers quickly.” Pause. “Campus Location.” Verb.” Pause. “Body part.” Pause. “Body Part.” “Something edible.” Okay, Mason’s Mad Lib is.” She pauses and then answers, “Yes, Mason, he’s the representative of the senior class.” She pauses for a split second and finishes, “Mason will take bidder to the dining hall and insert his tongue in bidder’s belly button after consuming edible underwear.”
Okay, I know it’s my turn. Avery was right next to me in line, and I hope to God she doesn’t make me do my own, but knowing Meg, she would get a kick out of it. I feel a hand guide me forward and to the side. Then they place my hands on top of a hard surface. I feel around and guess it’s a podium. Something touches my mouth and then is pushed away. Must be the microphone attached to the podium. Hands make sure the blindfold is covering my face, and then I feel a pressure on my headphones, adjusting them. I deduce that Cristina must be explaining to the crowd who the representative is and introducing him. This whole not being able to see thing blows.
I wait for what feels like an eternity and feel more pressure on my microphone. I twist my head in the direction of the movement, but I soon hear Meg’s eerie voice. “So, you had your mic on this whole time, huh?”
Should I fess up? I shrug my shoulders. “Couldn’t we all hear you?”
“Nope, the point is, so you didn’t get any clues from the others.” She pauses. “I agree with the audience, no repeats. Okay, Lia?”
Umm. “Sure, but, I don’t remember all of them,” I confess.
Another moment passes, and she says, “It’s alright, I’ll tell you if it’s a repeat.” I nod in agreement. “I guess you should also know that this is not your own Mad Lib, so feel free to explore your spicy side.”
Great. They will be expecting edgy answers.
“I have the perfect Mad Lib for you.”
I think I grunted aloud, but I couldn’t hear myself.
“Okay, so first I need a campus location.”
Quick somewhere public. “The parking lot.” “Nope, the pit is a parking lot, so another one.” Quick. “The bridge.” All the other places seemed to be taken, and at least here, whoever ended up with my Mad Lib, would have privacy under the bridge if they needed it.
