by M. Garnet
I fought the tears. “I saw the car crash. I thought you were dead.”
He looked at his hands on the table. They were large battle-scarred warrior hands. Yet, I remembered the tender touch they brought to me so many times.
“It would have been better if you had let me continue to think you were dead. I can’t deal with the life you lead.” My voice was steady, but the tears were trailing down my cheeks.
“Michelle, what can I do?” He was whispering again.
I took deep breaths and looked away. I used the back of my hands to wipe away the tears, hoping I was not smearing any make up. I needed to leave with a proud appearance. “You can sit here quietly while I get up and leave. You can make sure that we never meet again.”
I took several more deep breaths and then, when I was sure that I had myself under control, I stood up. The pain in my belly almost matched the pain in my heart. I straightened my skirt and walked with purpose to the door, opened it and walked into the hall. JB was waiting, leaning against the wall. He wasn’t alone, as there was an agent with him. I realized the agent was Marks. He saw us down the elevator and out the door.
When we got to the sidewalk, our limo was pulling up. I assumed JB had phoned the driver when we were ready to leave. I slid in and put my head back on the leather and closed my eyes.
JB waited while the large car moved through traffic and finally, he reached over and patted my hand. “I can drop you off at your home now, but I am concerned about you being alone. Is there anyone I can call to be with you for a while?”
I opened my eyes and looked out the dark window at the buildings as we passed. “I would like to go home, JB. And to tell you the truth, I need some alone time. I need to get my head together and see if I can find myself somewhere in all of this. I don’t think I will ever be the old Michelle of a few months ago. But somewhere is a Michelle I can live with and go on with my life.”
* * * *
I guess some would say I have my life back together. I have extra money in the bank. I am out of debt. I still work for Steve because I like it. It gives me something to do during the daytime. Nights are a bitch. I still cry. I know, I read the poem in school. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Bullshit. Before I became enthralled by a pair of dark and dangerous eyes, I never realized how happy I was in my ignorance.
I don’t wonder where he is, but I do remember the times together. I wake in the night feeling him near me in bed, but when I realize he isn’t there, I feel the tears and wonder how much fluid a person can lose through their eyes.
I cut my hair short and hated it. I let it grow back out and just let it friz up, sometimes too lazy to do anything with it. I sold the jeep and got a nice Ford truck. I still have a temp license on a shelf in the garage.
Once, in a crowded bar with Connie, I got a touch of heat and I looked around quickly. I moved through the crowd searching. But the feeling went away. I didn’t see him. I got a Michelle Alarm once, but it turned out to be the old alarm. A guy was coming into the Seven-Eleven to hold it up. I had stepped back outside in time. I was in my car dialing 911 and pulling away.
Love, a word that means all the joy one can imagine. Love, a word that means all the pain that the world can hand out.
About the Author
After raising a daughter, running an International Business, traveling the world and only finding time to write a few minutes in any twenty-four hour period, Muriel now is retired in Florida and can write all day and all night, which she often does. Under the pen name of M. Garnet she uses all the experience she gained and without any hesitation draws information from her long list of friends and acquaintances worldwide. She loves to hear from you at [email protected].
