There was murmuring among the Eletians, and Karigan could not tell if they were agreeing or disagreeing with Graelalea. In addition to Graelalea, Telagioth, and Lhean, there were three others, the exact number King Zachary had been told would be entering Blackveil. He had picked six Sacoridians to match them.
Karigan recognized another of the Eletians. Spines jutted from the shoulder pauldrons of his armor. Last time they’d met, he’d tried to kill her. She backed up a step, ready to flee, but he did not indicate in any way that he knew her.
Eletians and their strange ways, she thought.
“However your muna’riel came to you,” Graelalea said, “it will guide you well along dark paths. Alas, I fear we shall have many of those in the days ahead.” She paused and cocked her head listening. “Others seek you. We shall see you in the morning.”
“Wait!”
But the Eletians extinguished their moonstones and melted soundlessly into the forest. Karigan dropped her own moonstone into her pocket and darkness fell over her like a blanket.
“Karigan!” came a far off cry.
She gave her eyes a few moments to adjust and turned back toward the encampment at a much slower pace than she had left it, and found herself surprised at how far away she’d gotten. Voices rang out into the woods calling her name, the voices of her fellow Riders.
She sighed, sorry she had worried them. When she reached the edge of the encampment, she encountered Alton first, his lantern revealing lines of concern on his forehead.
“Karigan! Thank the gods. We thought you were lost.”
She walked around and past him. “I wasn’t lost.”
“Hey,” Alton said, striding up beside her, “I’m sorry you found out about Estral and me the way you did.”
Karigan did not want to talk to him.
“When she came, we just sort of took to one another.”
What did he want her to say? That she forgave him for leading her on and choosing her best friend instead?
“It’s not like you wanted me,” Alton persisted. “You never said anything, even when you did write.”
Not helping, she thought. She kept walking, hoping to find her tent very soon.
“I’m not a mind reader!” The pitch of Alton’s voice rose higher. “Talk to me, will you?”
She swung around to face him. “No.” Then she was off again, but Alton pursued her.
“I believed you were in love with someone else,” he said. “You never cared for me that much. You just wanted to be friends.”
She didn’t care for him that much? Like the hells. But she did not respond.
“Damn it, Karigan,” Alton said. “Talk to me.” He grabbed her arm.
Karigan reacted without thinking. She broke Alton’s hold, seized his wrist, and hurled him to the ground. The glass of his lantern smashed, and suddenly the other Riders appeared, witnesses to it all. Garth stomped out flames licking at pine needles.
Karigan was horrified and she glanced at her hands as though they had betrayed her. It was all the training that had been drilled into her by Arms Master Drent. If someone grabbed her, she got his hands off her. It was that and nothing more.
Wasn’t it?
To her shame, she realized it had felt good to lash out.
“Fight!” Yates cried with enthusiasm.
“Shut up, Yates,” the others shouted in unison.
“Alton,” Karigan said, “I didn’t mean to. I’m ... I’m sorry.”
“No harm,” he muttered. He rose, dusting off his trousers. “I asked for it. I forgot you’re practically a Weapon these days.” He gave her a rueful smile.
“It’s not all right. I’m sorry. But I also can’t talk to you right now. I just can’t.”
She started walking again. This time Alton did not follow.
“Can you at least tell us what those lights were in the woods?” Dale called out after her.
“Eletians,” Karigan replied over her shoulder, her stride never slackening.
At last she found her tent and stepped inside. She stood there in the darkness with only a low glow from the stove playing across the wooden platform floor. Trace was gone. Karigan did not know whether to laugh, cry, or throw her cot out of the tent. No, she wouldn’t throw the cot—she’d probably want it tonight.
Having made that decision, she lay on it. Thoughts of Alton, Estral, Eletians, and Blackveil whirled in her mind and she could not settle on one thing. It was going to be a restless night.
A voice from outside broke into the maelstrom. “Karigan?” It was Estral.
“I don’t want to talk.”
“That’s fine.” Unwanted and uninvited, Estral stepped into the tent. “If you don’t want to talk, I’ll do the talking.”
Karigan did not want to admit to herself that she really did want Estral there. But she wanted Estral her friend, not Estral the lover of her former almost-lover.
Trace’s cot creaked as Estral sat. “I could begin by saying it was very wrong of me to become attracted to Alton knowing your history; that as your friend I should have turned him away when he also indicated an interest in me. But I’m not going to.”
Karigan groaned and rolled onto her side so that her back was to Estral.
“First of all,” Estral said, “on more than one occasion you told me that you felt more comfortable to have Alton as your friend. Even when I saw you in the fall that was your inclination. So I did not see a terrible, shall we say, conflict of interest. At that time your thoughts were on someone else, which brings me to my second point.”
Karigan wrapped her pillow around her head, sure she did not want to hear what was coming next. Estral, however, was trained to use her voice as an instrument for speaking and singing, and to project it so it penetrated the noise of a rowdy tavern crowd or filled a concert hall. Her voice clearly reached Karigan through the pillow, and probably half the encampment as well.
“If you like, I can speak this loudly so everyone can hear of matters you’d probably rather keep private.”
Karigan thought about whacking Estral with the pillow, but simply released it so it no longer blocked her ears.
“Good. Back to my second point.” Estral modulated her voice to a softer tone that would not carry. “When you were in Selium we discussed the person you’re in love with.”
Karigan groaned again.
“From the sound of it,” Estral said, “your feelings have not changed. It’s inescapable, that feeling, isn’t it? No matter how impossible it is to have that person, you can’t help but be drawn to him. Am I right?”
Karigan could only whimper.
“I likewise can’t help the attraction I have for Alton. I could have, I suppose, ridden away from here, from him, if I’d known I was going to hurt my friend so. I might have even gotten over my feelings for him, but frankly, if you are an example, I don’t think it would have worked very well, and I’d end up being as miserable as you.”
“Ugh,” Karigan said into her pillow.
“I’m not sure what that means,” Estral replied, but when Karigan chose not to clarify, she continued. “I do not apologize for how I feel about Alton. I will, however, apologize for how you found out. Now I’m going to make a guess or two about how you were feeling when you arrived here.”
Oh, no, Karigan thought. Here it comes.
“You were probably feeling bad about King Zachary’s wedding coming up in a few months. I can’t imagine. It must be very hard.” Estral paused for a few moments. “I think maybe you had in mind that Alton could fill the void left by the king. You hadn’t seen each other in a while, and maybe that old feeling you had when you first met might reawaken. There were, after all, those letters he wrote you. He told me about them, and he really had wanted something with you. But then I came into the middle of it all.”
Yes, Estral had guessed it all. Hearing it all summed up like that made Karigan feel rather pathetic.
“It must be an awful betrayal,” Estral said. “Karigan,
I’m so very sorry. I’m sorry you can’t be with the one you want. But do know your friends love you. It’s not the same as that other kind of love, but you are not alone.”
It was easy for Estral to say, Karigan thought.
Estral sighed. “Still not going to talk?”
“No. Where’s Alton?”
“Out looking for Eletians.”
Karigan barked a short, derisive laugh. “He’ll never find them.”
“Well, you know men. They enjoy the chase. Should I send him over when he returns? I think it would be a good idea.”
“No.”
“Do you remember in the fall when you called me a wise old mother?” Estral asked.
Karigan nodded.
“I have another piece of wisdom for you. Please, please don’t go into Blackveil angry. You’re ... you’re my best friend. I can’t bear to have you leave angry at me.”
Karigan bit her bottom lip. She so wanted to let it go, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t forgive so readily, so quickly. They could suffer at least one night, couldn’t they?
In each others’ arms, no doubt.
Estral must have found Karigan’s silence answer enough for she stood and said, “I’ll leave you now so you can rest for tomorrow.” Her melodious voice sounded choked.
Karigan did not acknowledge her departure. She just lay there, tears dampening her pillow.
She did not know how long she lay in the dark thinking about everything and nothing when a footstep creaked on the tent platform and fresh air swirled in through the flaps. Trace must have returned. But the steps were heavier than Trace’s and they paused beside her cot.
“Karigan?” It was Alton.
Oh, no, she thought. They seemed bent on torturing her.
“Guess I deserve your silence. I’ve been a bit of an ass, and I apologize. I led you to believe one thing, and then I go and do another.”
“Yes,” Karigan said. “You are an ass.”
“That’s settled, then,” he muttered. “I know you told Estral you didn’t want to see me, but I couldn’t just leave things this way with you heading over the wall tomorrow morning.”
It was, she thought, a little late for that.
The platform groaned as he knelt down and she felt him lean against the edge of her cot. She did not turn over to face him.
“I was right,” he said. “You are in love with someone else. Don’t blame Estral, but I finally wrangled from her who it is.”
“She wasn’t supposed to tell anyone!” Now Karigan felt doubly betrayed.
“She told me hoping it could help.”
“So, are you satisfied? Did you hear what you wanted? That I’m a complete fool?”
“You are generally stubborn, and a lion when it comes to trouble—both finding it and handling it—but you are most definitely not a fool. The king is fortunate to have your loyalty. And your love.” Then as an afterthought, he added, “Self-pity, however, does not become you.”
Karigan whirled over on her cot. “Self pity? You’re judging me? I should—I should knock you over.”
Alton laughed softly. “You already did that, remember?”
Karigan crossed her arms and scowled. His words stung. Yes, she was sulking, but wasn’t she entitled to a little self-pity once in a while?
He stroked her hair away from her face and his touch at once startled and thrilled her in an unexpected way, but remorse rushed in with her knowledge that Alton was lost to her. She turned her back to him again.
“Leave,” she said.
“But I’d—”
“You are not making this any better.”
Silence, then the easing of his weight off the cot as he stood. “Karigan,” he said, his voice hoarse, “I did love you. Still do. I had wanted us to be—”
“Leave.”
Again, the silence and hesitation, then footsteps as Alton left.
She had not been able to give him what he wanted when he needed it, and now the tables were turned and here she was alone on her last night before entering a nightmare.
EQUINOX
Karigan and her fellow Riders set off in the predawn dark from the tower encampment and rode toward the breach. They were all of them quiet. Even Yates was subdued, the loudest noises the hoof falls and snorts of their horses.
Karigan had slept surprisingly well after all the night’s turmoil. She’d been emotionally wrung out, and perhaps sleep had provided a refuge. In sleep, she could forget.
Now she rode beside Ard at the end of the line while Alton and Estral led. She’d spoken little to them as they readied to leave. She could tell her reticence hurt them. As the group of riders neared the main encampment, the sky grayed as the sun began to creep above the horizon—not that she could see the horizon with the wall to one side and the deep woods to the other.
They found the area before the breach ablaze with lanterns and bonfires, and what must have been the entire population of the encampment collected there, a disproportionate horde facing the handful of Eletians in their unmistakable pearlescent armor. Neither side held weapons pointed at the other, but as Karigan neared, she discerned the grim faces of the Sacoridians. Even without weapons drawn, they appeared ready for conflict at the merest spark.
The Eletians and soldiers both looked up at the party’s arrival, relief plain on the faces of the latter. With the Eletians, it was not so easy to tell their thoughts.
Alton halted Night Hawk and swung out of the saddle to greet the Eletians, but they strode right by him and made directly for Karigan instead.
“Ah, Galadheon,” Graelalea said. “You’ve arrived finally.”
Everyone looked at Karigan. Startled to suddenly be the center of attention, she hastily dismounted and found herself face to face with Graelalea. The two gazed at one another at length.
“It is the equinox,” the Eletian finally said. “Are your people ready?”
Before Karigan could answer, a scowling Grant shoved his way in beside them. “I am Lieutenant Grant,” he said, “commander of this mission.”
Graelalea ignored him, did not even seem to perceive his existence. “Who are the ones that will be accompanying us?” she asked Karigan.
By now Alton and Estral had joined them as well. Karigan felt caught in a vise between the Eletians and her own people. She could practically feel Grant’s glower burning into her. Even Condor poked his nose over her shoulder to view the proceedings. It felt odd to have Graelalea deferring to her when their very first meeting during the summer had been less than amicable, and Graelalea anything but deferential.
“To start with,” she replied, “I should introduce Alton D’Yer who oversees the work here to mend the wall.”
Graelalea finally deigned to acknowledge him with a nod. “A difficult undertaking, if not impossible, for the wall is a thing of good and evil, built with good intentions, but constructed in evil ways.”
Alton bristled at her words. It was his ancestors who had built the wall and her words could be construed as an insult, but to Karigan’s relief, he held his tongue.
“This is Graelalea,” she said hastily. “The sister of Eletia’s crown prince.”
“Welcome to D’Yer Province,” Alton said.
“This was once the north region of Argenthyne,” Graelalea said, “before it was infringed upon by your people and the darkness from Arcosia.”
Alton clamped his mouth shut as if refraining from saying something he might regret. Others among the Sacoridians grumbled and Karigan wished Graelalea would try being a little more diplomatic. Hoping to prevent an incident, she began to introduce Estral, but Graelalea turned to her of her own accord and spoke to her in flowing Eletian.
Estral cocked her head and listened intently. When Graelalea finished, Estral said, “I do not understand the words, but your meaning washed over me like music.”
Graelalea appeared pleased by her response.
“This is Estral Andovian,” Karigan supplied. “Daughter of the Golden Guar
dian of Selium.”
“I know,” Graelalea said. “As my words are music she understands, her presence is a song I hear. Well met, little cousin.”
Estral smiled in pleasure.
It was said there was Eletian blood in the Fiori line, and Graelalea’s acknowledgment only seemed to confirm it. Finally Karigan introduced the fuming Lieutenant Grant as the commander of the Sacoridian half of the expedition, not as the commander of the expedition. Grant appeared no happier when Graelalea offered him scant attention. When Karigan introduced Lynx, he presented Graelalea with a box.
“A gift from King Zachary,” he said.
The label on the box indicated it was from Master Gruntler’s Sugary, which meant it contained—
“Chocolate!” Graelalea exclaimed in delight. She showed the box to the other Eletians and they murmured in approval. “Our thanks to the king for his thoughtfulness.”
By the time Karigan completed introductions, the dusk of dawn had lightened considerably.
“It is time,” Graelalea said. “Daylight begins, day balances night. It is time to enter the forest.”
Karigan’s hand went to Condor’s neck. He puffed gently into her hair. All at once she found she must say good-bye to her beloved horse and her friends. She wrapped her arms around Condor’s neck, fighting tears, and handed his reins over to Dale.
“Don’t you worry,” Dale said. “Plover and I will keep an eye on him. We’ll keep him in condition so he’s ready for you when you return.”
Karigan hugged her and the other Riders who were staying behind. When she came face to face with Alton and Estral, she hesitated, and then turned away.
“Karigan.” Alton grabbed her arm and hauled her into an embrace. “I know you’re mad,” he whispered, “but I care. About you. I want you to come back safe and sound.”
“Me, too,” Estral said, taking her turn. “Don’t take any unnecessary risks.”
Karigan was torn by her anger at their betrayal and her desire to find comfort in their friendship. But she just couldn’t give in, even now as she was about to enter Blackveil. Too much pride, too much hurt. If she didn’t come back and they felt guilty? A small vindictive part of her thought it would serve them right. But as she turned away from them so they wouldn’t see the tears gathering in her eyes, she was the one feeling guilty, alone, and, frankly, afraid.
Blackveil: Book Four of Green Rider Page 35
