by Zoe Cook
Back in her room, Lucy stood at the wardrobe and looked at the very limited selection of clothes hanging in front of her. She’d not known what to pack and it now seemed she hadn’t done a very good job of it. The plan this evening was dinner at the café and Lucy wanted to wear something relaxed but pretty. A dress with flat shoes would have to do. She settled on a short, black, loose-fitting dress with a dipped back, and gold sandals with bare legs. Sitting at the white, shabby-chic dressing table she listened to waves in the distance and Kristian’s acid jazz playing downstairs, as she applied her make-up, examining her face with scrutiny. I wonder how much older I look to him?
She needed some sun on her face, she thought, as she swept bronzer under her cheeks and across her forehead. She liked her eyes, they were her best feature, and she defined them with dark-grey liquid liner at the corners and plenty of mascara. She pulled her long hair back into a ponytail and clipped strands in place with a Kirby grip from her wallet. Finally, standing in front of the full-length mirror, the finished result was not displeasing and she felt ready to step out into the night. She had meant what she had said to Tom about looking forward to seeing the café, but the mention of meeting Tara had unnerved her slightly – who the hell was she?
With everyone gathered on the driveway, Nina offered to drive them to the café. ‘I’m not walking in these,’ she said, lifting a high-heeled shoe to show the group. ‘We can always get a cab back if I decide to get hammered,’ she winked at Lucy. The evening sun was dripping orange across the pale sky and the town was busy with visitors looking at menus outside restaurants or carrying bags of meat from the Spar shop to be barbecued back at their holiday homes. Nina pulled the car up across two spaces to the side of a beach café, marked as reserved for staff.
‘It’s fine,’ Tom told Kristian as he began to point out that no one else could now fit a car next to them on either side. ‘No one drives to work,’ he promised. The air was warm, a fine breeze carrying the day’s heat over Lucy’s skin as she walked into the café and up the stairs next to Kristian.
Inside the café, the smell of food, mixed with after-sun lotions and zesty perfumes, filled the large space with a heady scent. The place was beautifully laid out with stylish furniture and gorgeous lighting. The clientele seemed to consist mainly of youngish groups and couples, sharing platters of food on wooden boards. Tom led their group through the room towards the decking, checking with Nina that she wouldn’t be too cold outside. He nodded hello at the waiting staff he passed on the way through. They looked like the usual mix of students and surfers, just like they had been when Lucy had been here as a girl. The large glass doors were folded back at the rear of the room, opening onto a large decked area that was bustling with diners and drinkers. The warm air hit Lucy’s skin and she instinctively rubbed her arms, as she followed the group to the table that had been reserved for them. It was right on the water’s edge and the wooden flooring helped to give the impression of being sat at the front of a boat on the ocean. The sounds of the sea rushed and pulled underneath them and Lucy heard it as if for the first time, its roaring and ceasing alien after all her years in London. Menus were handed out by a pretty blonde girl, who Tom introduced as Melanie. She smiled at everyone and Lucy thought she detected her pause slightly as she was introduced, as if trying to figure Lucy out, before checking herself and moving on. She was probably imagining it, she told herself. She’d had a few paranoid thoughts in the weeks since leaving Spectrum – all part and parcel of some kind of borderline breakdown, she figured.
‘So, what do you think?’ Tom asked the group, but looked directly at Lucy, smiling with the same smile from her photograph.
‘It’s absolutely stunning,’ she answered, before thinking. It really was. The atmosphere was fun but relaxed, people all around them were clearly having a good time and it was busy, far busier than Lucy could remember it ever being before.
‘It’s all Tom,’ Nina smiled. ‘He’s worked absolute magic with this place. So proud of you, dude.’
Lucy smiled at Tom and he caught her eye, grinning back.
‘I didn’t expect so much to have changed,’ she said, honestly. She realised as the words came from her mouth how true this was. What had she expected? That everything would have stood still while she was gone?
Tom had turned the loveably scruffy Beach Café into a chic destination, and she hadn’t had a clue. She’d imagined him surfing his days away, just getting by, with the café giving him an income. He had done more than she’d ever imagined, more than she’d given him credit for. The thought made her face hot.
‘Well, when Mum and Dad decided they’d had enough, I realised I had a choice,’ Tom paused to check the bottle of wine Melanie had brought over – an ice-cold prosecco that looked heavenly in its frosted bottle.
‘I either plodded along doing the bare minimum or I took the chance to make something extraordinary,’ he said as he poured glasses of fizz and handed them around the table. The phrase took Lucy by surprise. It was how she had always explained her plan to leave this place to Tom. ‘I want something extraordinary,’ she had told him as a girl. This place was never going to give her that chance. Because it never seemed to give anyone that chance. To Lucy, growing up here, Hideaway had seemed like a final destination for people who didn’t have much ambition, who were happy to coast along. She’d been so angry that Tom couldn’t see that, that he was happy to stay behind when she left, and it had made her think so much less of him.
‘Well, it’s extraordinary, for sure,’ Kristian raised his glass in a toast and everyone clinked glasses. Lucy picked up a menu and perused the options, olives and flat breads, hummus and pickled tempura vegetables – the thought of it all made her hungry. Tom offered to order a selection to share and everyone murmured their agreement as they helped themselves to the homemade sundried tomato rolls Melanie had brought. Lucy wedged a big lump of butter into her still-warm roll and held it in her hand as it melted into the bread. Her free hand brought the glass of prosecco to her lips and she sipped the cold bubbles as she looked around at her friends. She felt, she realised, totally relaxed for the first time in too long.
As Tom opened the third bottle of prosecco, Lucy checked herself to make sure she wasn’t feeling too drunk. Eating seemed to have helped the situation and she felt relatively confident that she was okay. Everyone was in good spirits and there had been a lot of laughing and reminiscing. It was a different kind of conversation to what she’d become used to. The familiarity she felt with everyone was so easy compared to her work friends in London. She loved some of the guys from the office and went out with them all the time, considered them proper friends. But how many of them could she have sat with, laughing like this for so long? And how many of them had bothered to ask how she was since she’d left? She’d heard from Warren and Katie, but no one else had called.
Kristian and Nina talked about their plans for their new home in Bristol. Reading between the lines, it sounded a lot like Nina was planning to spend an absolute fortune on doing an old place up, but Kristian didn’t seem so keen.
‘The thing is,’ Nina said, looking at Kristian, ‘if you’re going to do it at all, you’ve got to do it well.’
‘So I’m not going to scrimp on flooring and furniture, because we’ll just need to replace it all in a few years. It’s a false economy,’ she finished triumphantly, clearly convinced her argument was watertight.
‘The other thing is,’ Kristian said, avoiding Nina and looking instead at Lucy and Tom, ‘spending every single penny of our savings on a fucking floor feels really bloody stupid and rather depressing.’
Tom laughed. ‘You’re getting old, mate.’
‘We all are,’ Kristian said, squeezing Nina’s arm and kissing her shoulder. ‘I don’t know why it seems surprising, given that it’s the only way things go, but each year I can’t believe I’m this old. I still feel like I’m sixteen inside.’
‘But then he plays football on a Saturday and wak
es up on a Sunday unable to move and remembers that he’s a creaky old git,’ Nina nudged him.
‘That’s exactly it, sadly,’ Kristian said. ‘And realising that I have a proper, grown-up job. Life was easier when I could just pick up a few shifts here and make some cash.’
‘It sure was’ Lucy said, remembering what it was like when they all worked here together over the summer. So much fun.
‘Well, guys, we always need staff,’ Tom smiled. ‘Not sure I pay as much as your boss, though, Kristian, I haven’t seen any of the waiting staff driving around in Audis recently.’
‘Talking of work,’ Kristian said, glancing at Nina as if to check before continuing, ‘I heard about what happened with your boss, Lucy. She sounds a right piece of work.’
Lucy didn’t really feel like talking about it and wondered what the bare minimum was that she could say before moving on.
‘Yeah, well it was my fault too,’ she said. ‘I kind of lost the plot with it all. I don’t know what I was thinking when I challenged her like that. That was just bloody stupid, to be honest. It wasn’t brave. I wished I hadn’t done it straight away.’
‘But you stood up for someone who she was basically bullying,’ Nina interjected, defensively. ‘I think it was brave.’
‘It was definitely stupid, either way,’ Lucy concluded. ‘I’m probably unemployable in my industry now – once people hear what I did. She’ll make me sound unhinged. To be fair, I think I am a bit unhinged.’ She laughed, but she meant it, and she felt embarrassingly like the fuck-up of the group. She wanted to move the conversation along.
‘Well, selfishly, I’m just glad it meant you’ve ended up down here,’ Tom said, looking at her briefly, then turning his gaze out to the sea. ‘It’s been too long.’
With the plates cleared away, Lucy looked at Nina’s full glass of prosecco and told her to finish it up.
‘I’m drinking you under the table,’ she widened her eyes at her friend. Nina picked up the glass before handing it over to Lucy.
‘Well, actually… I’ve been meaning to tell you,’ Nina turned her head briefly to Kristian, who smiled at her encouragingly. ‘I’m pregnant,’ she said in a high-pitched voice Lucy didn’t recognise.
‘We’re having a baby!’ Kristian cheered, knocking over a water glass in demonstration of both how excited he was and how drunk he’d managed to get on the prosecco.
‘Oh my God!’ Lucy moved to hug Nina. ‘That is just amazing, I am SO happy for you!’ Lucy felt tears threatening as she held her friend and smelled her hair, as if to check she was still the same person.
‘That’s incredible, guys,’ Tom raised his glass in a toast. ‘You are going to be awesome parents.’
Lucy wiped a tear away and smiled at Tom. ‘You really are,’ she agreed, putting her arms around Kristian, who looked like he might cry too.
‘Told you we’re properly grown up’ he said quietly to her, and another tear fell down her cheek
‘Do you fancy a walk?’ Tom appeared at Lucy’s side as she leant against the railings looking down into the water.
‘It’s still pretty mild out,’ he gestured towards the beach. Kristian had taken Nina home after she’d announced that as much as she loved watching everyone get pissed, she was done for the night.
‘Sure,’ Lucy said, turning towards Tom. They took the steps from the decking down to the beach and Lucy kicked her sandals off in the sand. Tom removed his flip-flops too and they left them there on the little wooden step as they made their way through the sand. The silence between them felt strangely normal and Lucy looked up at the moon without thinking about anything at all.
‘Crazy news that they’re having a baby,’ Tom said, as if to no one in particular, and Lucy didn’t answer.
‘I’d have put money on us being the ones to have children,’ he continued, and the words stung unexpectedly.
‘Funny how things work out, I guess,’ Lucy replied, without looking at him. As they reached the water, the cooler night air prickled Lucy’s face and she hugged her arms around herself to warm up.
‘Here you are,’ Tom took his jacket off and handed it to Lucy. She took it and slipped it on.
‘Thanks.’ She looked at him now and felt her heart race. As she slipped her arm into the silk-lined sleeve, the smell of him seeped from the fabric and she felt like putting it to her nose just to breathe it in.
‘Is that better?’ Tom asked, and she nodded.
‘Suits you,’ he jabbed her playfully in the side. His touch made her jump and she wished suddenly that he’d hold her sides like he used to, pull her close and kiss her. She stepped away to continue walking as the sand became wet and the waves lapped at her toes.
‘I really am glad you came,’ Tom said, seriously now, ‘And when you’re ready to talk properly about London you just let me know. There’s no rush, chicken.’ His old pet name for her made her melt a little.
‘Thanks,’ she said, looking back at him as a wave of exhaustion hit her. ‘Let’s get back to the house. I’m really, really tired.’
Tom put his hand on the small of her back as if to steer her back towards the house. They walked in silence up the cliff path, Tom offering his arm at the trickier parts. Lucy looked up at the twinkling sky, inky blue now, and breathed the sea air deeply into her lungs as if it were medicinal.
Back at the house, Kristian was still in the kitchen, eating toast and drinking tea.
‘Want a cup?’ he gestured at Lucy and Tom to join him.
‘I’d love one,’ Lucy went to join him and looked over her shoulder for Tom to follow.
‘I’m alright, thanks,’ Tom dipped his head as a goodnight and headed up the stairs to bed. Lucy felt a little shunned and wished Tom had sat up with them for a while. Kristian seemed to sense her disappointment and after a brief pause he spoke gently and seriously.
‘Tom looked knackered. He works too hard.’ All these years later he was still covering for his friend.
Lucy sipped the tea Kristian passed her and he shuffled his stool up next to her at the counter, slipping his arm around her shoulder. He smelt very faintly of cigarette smoke and very strongly of aftershave.
‘I’m going to be a Dad, Luce, me – a dad!’
Kristian was so happy – it was beautiful to see.
‘You’re going to be great,’ she smiled at her friend, tilting her head onto his hand and closing her eyes.
‘I need my bed,’ she said, getting up to leave.
‘Sleep tight, Luce,’ Kristian was still smiling to himself, ‘I’ve really missed you.’
18
Lucy woke the next day feeling fresher than she usually did after a night’s drinking. It seemed eating really did help after all. Her crisp white room was flooded with bright sunshine pouring through the balcony windows. She had clearly forgotten to draw the curtains closed last night. Usually she liked to jump out of bed the moment she opened her eyes, but this morning she lay there for an extra few minutes, stretching and breathing in the fresh air, enjoying the weight of the duvet on her body.
In the bathroom she decided to run a bath, the free-standing tub looked too good to resist. She put on a fluffy white dressing gown and padded around the room, imagining she was the heroine in an old film. Lost in her daydream, she was startled by Nina appearing in her room, looking like she’d just come back from a run.
‘Are you allowed to run?’ she asked.
‘Um, yes, my lovely, I’m pregnant, not ill’ Nina laughed. ‘Will you come with me tomorrow? I’ve got a new route along the cliff path – it’s breathtaking up there.’
‘Sure,’ Lucy agreed, as her mind flashed back to her last run and the fainting incident.
‘I just came to let you know we’re surfing today, if you fancy it? Tom’s got to work because someone’s called in sick, so we’re just heading to the beach with the boards. It is gorgeous out there today.’
‘Sounds good,’ Lucy replied. ‘I’m going to have a bath and get dressed, but I�
�ll see you down there.’
‘Perfect,’ Nina left, calling to Kristian ‘Lucy’s meeting us there! Where are you? HURRY UP!’
Lucy vaguely listened to the ensuing kerfuffle and waited for the sound of the door closing behind them. The peace was beautiful. In her bath, she slid under the water, enjoying the feeling of her weightless hair lifting away from her head. She suddenly remembered they hadn’t met this Tara girl who Tom had mentioned, and the recollection made her feel uneasy. It’s probably his girlfriend, she thought, wondering how she’d resist asking Nina and looking like a real sad case.
On her way to the beach, Lucy scoured the sand from the road above to spot Nina and Kristian. She located them in the corner they’d always preferred as teenagers, down by the cliffs in the patch of seemingly softer sand than the rest of the beach. Nina hadn’t been wrong – it was another beautiful day.
I need to call Claire, Lucy thought, I need to tell her I’m okay. She promised herself she’d call her that night. She’d been so close to not coming at all, she thought, as she walked towards Nina, and now she was glad she was here. It had seemed like the maddest idea, but now she was back it felt like the only place she could possibly be now. She was so grateful to Claire for making her come back; she ought to tell her she was right.
‘Ooh good timing. Can you zip me up?’ Nina was half in her wetsuit and Lucy pulled the zip up her back.
‘Nice, isn’t it, that Kristian just runs off into the sea leaving me here like this? Urgh. I swear I’m getting properly fat already,’ Nina sighed.
‘You’re not,’ Lucy insisted, honestly, ‘you’re still tiny.’
‘Right, thanks, lovely, I’m going in,’ Nina gestured towards the water as she picked up her board. She really did look radiant; perhaps that pregnancy glow wasn’t a myth.
