by Lindsey Iler
The prosecutor taps the stand. “Okay, Kennedy, let’s switch gears to the night he attacked you the second time.”
She takes a deep breath, blows it out, and nods.
“Can you recall what happened that night?” He twists on the heels of his expensive penny loafers, walking back and forth in front of the jury, smoothing the front of his suit jacket.
“I was waiting for my boyfriend, Graham, to show up, but once he got there, we got into an argument. He was drunk, unaware of his actions. I was emotional and needed air after he embarrassed me in front of everyone we went to school with.” She peers up at me, and I lean forward, resting my elbows on the half wall. “I ran outside and walked along the property line. I was too far from the house. It was too dark to see, but I heard leaves crunching, so I knew someone was coming close.”
The prosecutor shifts back over to her. “What happened next, Kennedy? Take your time.”
“I walked over to a tractor that was sitting on a slab of cement. There was a chill in the air, and I was hoping it would block the wind. I remember hearing sticks snap behind me. At first, I thought it was my best friend, but it turned out to be Craig.” Kennedy sits up straight and rolls her shoulders. “He cornered me against the tractor’s back wheel. I tried to run away, but I didn’t get very far. He knocked me to my stomach, and when I tried to get up, I felt the first blow against my skull. I think I blacked out for a second, but somehow, I rolled onto my back. That’s when he really started hitting me, blow after blow until I could barely breathe through the pain.” Her eyes well with tears, and her head shakes from side to side.
“Do you need to take a break?” The prosecutor hands her a box of Kleenex and she pulls a few out to dry her face.
“No, I want to get this over with.” She dabs her cheeks. “What I remember most was his eyes. I was desperate to find some sort of humanity in them, but the moment they hardened on me, I knew what was going to happen. No amount of strength could have kept him off me. No amount of fight, and I swear I fought until the very last second.” Her voice breaks as she pleads with the jury. “The sound of my clothes being ripped from my body still haunts me. It’s deafening.”
“I think that’s enough, Kennedy. Thank you.” He escorts her off the stand to where her parents sit. Her mother’s head is buried in her father’s side.
I’ve never heard Kennedy’s recollection of that night. When she sits down, I wrap an arm around her and grab her hand, giving it a light squeeze. Inside, my heart pounds with no control or rhythm, and I clench my free hand at my side to relieve some of the anger boiling under my skin. I’d give anything, my life included, to get my hands around Craig’s neck.
“You’re stronger than you know,” I whisper in her hair, but she’s quick to pull away from me.
“Don’t cry, Graham.” Kennedy wipes away the tears I reserve only for her.
I pull her from the ice, and she brushes the cold remnants from the back of her pants. Kennedy turns to me and nods once. She knows I need time to gather my wits together, put on a brave face, and pretend that remembering the first time Kennedy pulled away doesn’t scare the living shit out of me.
Dan’s curious eyes bore into me. “You okay?” He knows exactly what I’m doing, so he skates backward in front of me, blocking me from everyone’s view. He’d never call me out on it. Drawing attention to others in their time of weakness is not his way. Not that having emotions should be considered a weakness. Allowing Kennedy into my life has taught me crying doesn’t make a person weak. Sometimes, it’s the exact opposite.
“I wish I would’ve known. When she pushed me away, I imagined a worst-case scenario, but it turns out my worst-case was her easiest day.”
“If it’s any consolation, I haven’t seen her smile this much in a while. Maryland isn’t too far away. I try to get to the city as much as possible to check on her,” Dan says, half to make me feel better, and perhaps because it’s the truth.
We look to where Kennedy’s talking to Amanda and Violet. Her head falls back as she tries to catch her breath from laughing at something Violet has whispered in her ear. She’s never looked more beautiful with the wind whipping through her hair.
“Truth or Dare!” Rick shouts when he walks in the room. A basket, full of liquor and shot glasses, is placed on the oversized coffee table in front of us. Vodka in hand, he walks around the room, pointing at each of us individually. The smirk on his face screams ‘you can’t stop this’. We stay quiet as he targets us with the end of the bottle.
“What are we, in high school?” Sandy argues.
Mark and Bea walk down the stairs. Clearly, their morning’s been spent resourcefully. They tease and poke each other until their smiles are almost unbearable to witness. I can’t be happier for her. Hell, I can’t be happier for him. Bea’s the type of girl you can’t stop looking at. She has an infectious laugh and an even sharper mind. He’s going to want to keep her close. I’m not surprised when he pulls her into his side, a protective arm lazily rested behind her as he leans back.
“The rules are, there are no rules.” Rick winks at Graham. “Except one, if you refuse to answer or do a task, you take a shot.”
“And what exactly is the point of this game?” Graham leans back against the cushion behind us.
“To get to know each other better,” Rick answers as if his response is obvious.
“I’m in,” Amanda cheers.
“Fuck it,” Violet concedes, throwing her hands in the air.
“If she’s in, I’m in,” Dan answers and shrugs his shoulders. We haven’t talked since I learned he’s known about Graham’s proximity. I’m not mad at him, but at the same time, I am. He’s offered a few smiles but kept his distance.
“This surprises no one.” Amanda rolls her eyes, then smiles at the two of them.
Griffin saunters into the room and takes a seat on the floor in front of Sandy. She wraps her arms around him and whispers in his ear. The easiness behind their intimacy makes me jealous and uncomfortable. I glance back at Graham, and his eyes slide to where mine were moments before. A storm brews behind the honey of his irises.
“I’ll go first.” I twist away from Graham. I can’t have him digging too deep, exposing everything I’m afraid to say out loud.
Rick reaches across the table with an extended fist. “Right on, new girl.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Truth or dare?”
“Dare,” I blurt, without thinking about the people around me. As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize I should’ve called truth to save myself the embarrassment.
“I dare you to kiss …,” with a devilish grin on his face, he scans the group until his eyes land on my best friend, “Violet.”
“I don’t know what the big deal is.” Violet scoots to the side until her hip hits mine. “We’ve kissed before.” At the news, Rick’s eyes widen. His body hums.
Freshman year of college, Violet was trying to prove a point to one of the interns she worked with. He believed all girls had a little lesbian fantasy in them. Her way to prove him wrong was to kiss me, and show him how unaffected we would be. Needless to say, he lost the argument.
I turn to my best friend and we share a laugh. Graham’s throat clears behind me. His discomfort at the idea of Violet and me kissing makes me powerful.
Our lips gravitate to each other, and as they’re about to touch, Rick shouts, “With tongue.”
Dan sits straight up in his chair, waiting for the show to unfold.
“You don’t need to do this if you don’t want to,” Graham whispers in my ear.
I twist around to look at him. “Quit worrying so much. Remember, you’ll give yourself a heart attack.”
His hands come up in mock defense. “Be my guest, then.” He sits back and slices his hand through the air in Violet’s direction.
I turn back to my best friend, knowing, in an instant, we’re going to go through with the dare. Violet, never one to give up on a challenge, comes full force without giving
me a chance to rethink.
Our lips graze, and Violet’s tongue skims my bottom lip. My body is jerked back into a hard chest. Arms wrap around me, and warm breath hits my neck. He brushes the hair, exposing the skin below my ear.
“Oh, come on, they were this close,” Rico shouts, upset with the missed opportunity.
“I can’t sit here while you kiss anyone else, even if it is Violet,” Graham whispers the secret to my skin. His lips dip down and brush the sensitive spot behind my earlobe.
The pads of my fingers run over the trail of warmth his lips left. A part of me wants to twirl around and slap him for believing he has any say in who I kiss. I pivot to the side, and his eyes soften as they scan over my face. One single look reminds me he’s the only one who has a say in anything.
“You can’t do that.” My protest is futile.
“Because you aren’t ready for it, or because you liked it too much and that scares you?” He smiles, helping me sit back up. I shift until my legs drape over his on the coffee table.
“Maybe a little bit of both,” I answer.
“Duly noted.” He nods.
“I’ll let you have that one, Kennedy,” Rick says, wagging his finger in my direction. “For that half-ass completed dare, I should make you do a shot, but since I’m being generous, I think it’s time for you to choose your own victim.”
I stroke my chin and start to laugh. “Since I don’t really know you, Griffin, it looks like it’s your turn.”
“Truth,” he answers, quicker than I expect.
Most guys would choose dare. Let’s face it, guys are more likely to want to do something stupid than admit their darkest secret.
“Tell us something even Sandy doesn’t know.”
“I have every intention of marrying you.” He speaks directly to Sandy with no hesitance, as if we don’t exist at this moment. Griffin’s face softens, and he shrugs. “I love you. I know I haven’t been the most forthcoming with my feelings, but I need you to know, once we are ready, I plan on asking for your hand in marriage.”
“Jesus, it got real deep in here,” Rick blurts, groaning and falling back against the couch. The game isn’t going in the direction he envisioned when he first walked in the room. Amanda smacks him and whispers for him to shut the fuck up.
“I love you, too,” Sandy says. We’re invading their private moment. Her forehead falls against his stomach, shielding herself, but she stands and pulls Griffin to his feet. “It’s been fun, but we’ve got to go.”
No one says a word as she gathers her things, and they throw a wave over their shoulders at us as they walk out the door.
“I didn’t mean to put him on the spot.” I take a long, deep breath.
“Griffin’s a sap. You only gave him the opportunity to say what he’s been wanting to say since freshman year,” Mark chimes in.
“I think it’s sweet,” Bea adds, nudging Mark in the hip, a knowing smile on her lips. Even though she hasn’t known Mark for long, she’s already figured out the type of guy he is. His heart’s capable of bending and yielding.
“Well, now that they’re gone, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty.” Rick rubs his hands together.
This is where things get a little foggy. With all the unfinished truths and dares, each of us has downed four or five shots, making everyone a little scatterbrained and giggly. We’ve eaten three pizzas and two bags of chips. The grandfather clock strikes twelve, startling us with its loud chimes.
“Kennedy, one last turn,” Rick says. “Truth or dare, little lady?”
“Truth.” Whatever it is, I will answer. My body can’t handle another shot, and at this point, after everything I’ve revealed already, nothing could make me any more embarrassed.
“How many people have you slept with? I’d take a personal guess, but I’d be afraid to offend you,” Rick adds. His chin juts out as he waits for a response.
“Oh, really?” I rest my hands on my hips as I sit up straight. “Do I look like a slut or something?”
“No, you’re hot, and let’s face it, girls who look like you tend to have a high number.”
“Rick!” I reach across the table to haphazardly slap his leg.
“Why do you call me Rick?” he asks, running his hands through his hair.
I wiggle a finger back and forth in front of his face. “Oh, no, one question at a time, mister.”
“Well, answer the first one, then we’ll get to why you’re the only person, besides my mother, who calls me by my given name. How many people have you slept with?”
Graham’s entire body stiffens. He stands and circles to the basket, pulls out the bottle of Jack Daniels and fills a shot glass, and shoots the amber liquid down his throat.
“One.” I shift on the couch until my eyes fall upon Graham’s.
“Excuse me?” Graham’s posture stiffens.
“She said one, Graham,” Violet says in defense.
He turns to my best friend, his lips flat and his eyes wide. “I heard what she said, Vi. What I’m wondering is how one could be her answer when she and Mark …”
Mark jumps in the middle of the commotion and squares his stance. He’s prepared for what’s going to happen. “We never …” He ghosts his hand between him and me.
Graham jumps over the back of the couch. Rick stands at his quick movement, and steps between the two of them. I freeze, unsure how I can help alleviate the situation.
“What the fuck do you mean you two never …” Graham yells.
“We never hooked up like that, man.” Mark shrugs, sitting back down next to Bea, whose expression screams relief mixed with nervousness.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Graham looms over Rick’s shoulder, pointing down at a calm Mark.
“Does it really matter?” Mark points at Graham, and then to where I stand, stunned quiet. “Who cares if I didn’t tell you, or she didn’t tell you. She’s right there. She’s in front of you, so why does it matter?”
“I wasted a lot of time being jealous and hating you,” Graham states, falling back a step. Rick sits back down on the couch when he feels it’s safe.
“You had no business being jealous of me. Ever. She was never mine, and we both know it.” Mark leans over and whispers in Bea’s ear. She stands, and they scurry out of the room, but not before she throws a sympathetic smile over her shoulder.
Violet and Dan follow their lead a beat later.
“Let’s go find something to do.” After a little coaxing from Amanda, Rick stands.
“You mean I don’t get to watch this unfold?” Rick grumbles.
Graham’s stare burns into me, and I don’t dare look away.
“I’ll fill you in.” She nods toward the kitchen. “Make me a sandwich or something.”
“You sure are controlling.” Rick rolls his eyes.
“You have no idea,” Graham and I say in unison, making us laugh.
A fraction of the tension lifts from the room. I fall back to the overstuffed couch. Once we’re alone, Graham sits beside me.
“Why haven’t you been with anyone else?” He takes a dramatic breath and releases it in a rush.
“Isn’t it obvious?” I clutch a pillow to my chest as a form of armor, hoping it will protect me from this conversation.
“Enlighten me, then, because I don’t understand.”
“I’ve never felt more precious than I did with you in my bedroom. You consume me, Graham.” I smile, remembering the moment I gave everything over to him. “And then, Craig ripped it all away. I think I was in a fog until I got to the city. Nothing made sense. My choices weren’t mine, and my actions certainly weren’t mine, Graham. I was a mess of a body trying to wing a recovery. A recovery that may never come. It took stepping away from that town, and you, to figure it out.” I shake my head at how hard this may always be. “But if I’m being honest, the only time I’ve ever felt safe with my vulnerability is with you. Why would I belittle what we had with a revolving door of faceless guys?”
&
nbsp; “To help you forget,” Graham answers. Everyone hopes for victims like me to forget.
He’s right. I easily could’ve taken that path. I know a lot of girls who have. For me, it wouldn’t have silenced the demons. It would’ve only made them scream louder.
I stand from the couch to find a distraction. This conversation is heading into deep water, and I’m afraid of drowning. “I don’t want to forget. Forgetting means I lose who I’ve become. I like who I am today, yesterday, and tomorrow. She’s who I’m meant to be.” I trail my fingertips over the bookshelves.
“Who is she?” He vaults over the back of the couch and stands directly in front of me, blocking my wandering eyes.
“Do you really want to know?” A tiny smile plays on my lips, and I laugh. “She’s messy and damaged and a whole lot of confused, Graham, and she may not be worth the trouble.”
His soft hands run over my hips, and he takes a small step to close the gap between us. The air thickens, filling the room with desire. Graham leans down, his lips resting against my ear. “Your demons don’t scare me, Kennedy. I have a set of my own, and they’re more than willing to play nice with yours, as long as you’ll have them.”
I wrap my arms around his shoulders. His hands are quick to find their home around my waist. “They’ve been rather lonely, so I don’t understand why it would hurt to invite an old friend in.”
“Why don’t we forget about everything for tonight?”
“How can we do that?” I question, leaning against the sofa.
“The hot tub, of course.” He grins, but I don’t smile back. “What?”
“I didn’t bring a suit,” I admit.
“Yes, you did.” Violet bursts into the room. “Remember, Ken, you made me pack the black bikini?”
“Thanks, Violet. You can leave now.” Remembering the scrap of fabric, I shudder.
“I’m always here to help.” Violet bows, salutes us, and runs off.
“Violet hasn’t lost any of her flare since high school,” Graham states as she prances down the hallway.
