“So you do have your license after all.”
He reached across and opened the door. “Climb in.”
I did, and the box in my lap mewed.
“Should I ask?” he said.
“Don’t. Just know that in this box is the one thing I’ve done right.”
He stared at me. “That can’t be true,” he said, and then smiled. “I’m glad you’re okay, Keeley. And I’m glad I get to see you before everyone takes off for good.”
“I’m anything but okay,” I told him. “But thank you. I’m glad too.”
“Do you want me to take you home?”
I didn’t. Because I knew that this might very well be the last time I saw Levi Hamrick. “You’re working?” He nodded. “Can I ride along with you?”
“Sure. I don’t know how long I’ll be out here. They’re going to call us in eventually. But so long as I am, you can stay with me.”
• • •
An hour later, we pulled up to Morgan’s house.
I’d seen it on his clipboard. Her address. And once I did, I spent every second thinking, Can I do it? I settled on that I should do it. I should go inside and see it for the last time. Otherwise my last memory in that house would be so horrible. It would be that sleepover where we couldn’t look at each other.
I peered in the front door. I’d hardly ever used it, except for last night. The front door was for the mailman. Or a stranger. Levi stepped past me and opened it.
I took a shaky step backward, as if I might get sucked inside against my will. It was a big step, and I sort of fell backward, down one step lower.
Levi looked confused.
“Are you not coming in?”
I turned away from him and sat down on the stairs. “No.”
“Keeley—”
“I can’t,” I said. I still wouldn’t look at him, but I know my voice told him everything.
“Okay. I’ll be out as soon as I can.”
I kept my eyes pinned on the house across the street. Another dark, empty one. Where Morgan’s neighbor lived, with all the dogs. They’d bark constantly. But it was quiet today.
My phone vibrated, but I didn’t fish it out of my pocket. Not the second time either.
But I did grab it at the third.
Want
To
Dance?
I wrote back, Not really, Jesse.
But we might not have the chance again, he wrote. And then, I’m in the gym.
I didn’t want to go. But for whatever reason, I couldn’t say so.
I’m kind of busy.
And then Jesse wrote, Let me give you the good-bye you deserve.
I heard Levi call for me from inside the house. “Keeley? Hey, Keeley? I need your help a minute.”
If Levi didn’t know then, he knew by the time he came out looking for me why I didn’t answer. I was gone.
37
* * *
Monday, May 30
EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM ALERT: A Severe Storm Watch is currently in effect for Aberdeen County. Expect heavy rainfall this afternoon, with flooding overnight and into Tuesday. Emergency workers who are not considered essential, along with all remaining residents, are advised to seek safe shelter immediately.
* * *
I stood at the parking lot entrance for a few minutes before I moved a muscle. The lot had turned into a strange and terrifying beach in the days since graduation, with dunes of demolition rubble rising out of the water every few feet, some as tall as me. I couldn’t see beyond the mounds, but I knew I was staring at my former high school.
The workers had made a hasty retreat because of the coming storm. All their construction equipment was parked up the street behind me, where the elevation was slightly higher. I wondered if they’d come back and clean this mess up. Maybe, maybe not.
Actually, probably not. They’d only come back for the things they valued, the construction equipment, their vehicles and tools. A school that had been around for generations wasn’t worth anything to them. Soon there wouldn’t be anyone left in Aberdeen who cared.
I called out for Jesse. Even though I hadn’t wanted to stay at Morgan’s, I was majorly regretting coming to meet him here. I didn’t want to see this, how quickly something that was such a seemingly permanent part of my life, a place where I spent most of the last three years, could so quickly be reduced to piles of garbage.
I was about to yell for Jesse again but then snapped my mouth shut. If either of us was caught here, we’d be arrested, no doubt about it. I bet the mayor or maybe even the governor might try to use it as leverage against my dad. Like, they might threaten to press charges, give me a permanent record, screw up my chances for college, if he didn’t sign a deal. I knew there wasn’t much hope for him saving Aberdeen, but I definitely didn’t want it to fall apart because of something stupid I’d done.
Even though he didn’t answer, Jesse had clearly heard me calling out for him, because my phone suddenly buzzed in my hand.
Shhh. Just meet me in the gym already.
There’s still a gym? I wrote back. And then, when he didn’t respond, I typed, Come on. This is crazy.
Jesse didn’t reply to that text either, basically leaving me no choice. I trudged forward and scrambled over one after another of those rubble hills, chunks of plaster or wood or brick or metal shifting under my galoshes, sharp things poking into my palms, my feet splashing down into the water when I reached the other side. At the top of each hill I’d catch a glimpse of our battered school. It hadn’t been completely destroyed, not yet anyway. The science and English wings were gone, the main entrance, too. But half of the building was still standing, the entire right side, plus the gym.
After I made it across the parking lot, I walked alongside the building toward the gym. Every classroom was dark and every window had its panes busted out. All the doors I passed had been spray-painted with red Xs and stripped of their locks. Knowing that the electricity had been turned off didn’t make things feel safer.
The gym door had been propped open with a couple of loose bricks. This let in enough light to see. Otherwise, it would’ve been pitch black.
I peeked into the doorway but didn’t see Jesse. My heart was pounding.
The bleachers were ripped from the walls, the basketball nets cut down, the banners removed, the cage lights missing from dangling wires. There was easily three inches of water on the floor.
Taking a small step in, I whispered, “Jesse! Let’s just say good-bye like normal people.”
Again, he didn’t answer. But music began to play. Quietly, from a phone speaker.
A slow song, complete with saxophone.
And then Jesse stepped out of the shadows and into the wedge of light.
He was in the same outfit from Spring Formal. Not the wrestling singlet, but a pressed shirt and tie and slacks. He was remarkably clean, while I was covered in dirt and water from crossing the parking lot, so he must have changed when he got here. His blond hair curled behind his ears. He looked just as gorgeous as he had that night.
“What are you doing?” I said, the back of my neck prickling, because I already knew.
“There’s a few things I need to say to you, Keeley.” He held out his hand, beckoning to me to come closer.
“Jesse, we shouldn’t be here,” I said, splashing toward him. “Please? Can we please go talk somewhere else?” I took his outstretched hand and tried pulling him to the door, but he stayed rooted. He turned his palm and cupped my hand in his like he was about to propose. “Jesse—”
He smiled shyly. “You brought up how shitty I’d acted at Spring Formal, and I realized that I never explained myself. What I was thinking.”
“Don’t worry about it. Everything’s fine now. You and I, we’re good. We’re cool.”
He took a deep breath and exhaled it. He was worried about what he was going to tell me. Nervous. “Do you remember what you said to me when we were slow dancing?”
I forced a swa
llow. Inside my brain, my voice sounded like the last repeat of an echo before it fades to silence.
I’m in love with you, Jesse Ford.
The memory had me burning bright in the dark. I felt the urge to defend myself because I had been joking when I told Jesse I loved him. But I also couldn’t deny the truth underneath my joke, so I kept my mouth shut.
“We’d had so much fun that night. Our whole running-through-the-rain thing? I have never done something so epically cool with a girl before. In fact, as soon as we got into the gym, I couldn’t wait for the stupid dance to be over so you and I could go hook up. I even told Zito and those guys they needed to find another ride home because—”
I shook my head. “So I wasn’t crazy. You did want to kiss me at Spring Formal.”
“Wasn’t it obvious?”
“Jesse! One second, we were slow dancing and everything felt so perfect, and the next, it was like you couldn’t get away from me fast enough. Then, when I found you in the hallway with Victoria . . .” I’d pushed down just how much that had hurt me after we first kissed a couple of days later. But saying it out loud to him, finally, made me remember. “Can you blame me for thinking I’d gotten it wrong?”
He gave my hand a squeeze. “Look. I think even you can admit that it was a heavy thing to say in the moment. And I don’t typically do heavy with my relationships. In fact, I avoid it. For me, it’s like, once a girl gets too attached, that’s the time to disconnect. Otherwise, it’s going to be all hurt feelings and anger and drama. That’s why I grabbed Victoria. I felt like I needed to defuse the situation fast.”
“Did you kiss Victoria in the hallway that night?”
Jesse shamefully dropped his head. He had. I’d been hoping he hadn’t but he totally, totally had. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“So you thought making out with some other girl would let me down gently?” I pulled my hand free. I felt myself getting heated, and I didn’t want to be. My heart was already feeling way too fragile.
“I liked you, too, okay? But I did what I thought was best to manage your expectations. And then when the whole Lake Aberdeen craziness started, I thought, What’s the harm, if we’re all saying good-bye in a few weeks? Why not live in the moment?”
“This is stupid, Jesse. Let’s please not talk about this anymore. I can’t handle another crappy good-bye.”
“That’s the thing, though.” He wet his lips. “I can’t stand here and tell you I would have fallen for you if this had been a normal school year.” He took one step closer to me, and then another. “But I did fall for you, Keeley. And now I don’t want to let you go. I don’t want to say good-bye.”
I was trembling. I tried making a joke to cover it up. “I already knew that, Jesse,” I said, slapping his arm. “You couldn’t even tell me your mom had signed a deal with the adjusters!”
Jesse didn’t laugh. He didn’t even crack a smile. “Because I didn’t want to ruin our last days together. I wanted to spend every minute with you and I wanted every one of those minutes to be good.”
His intensity caught me completely off-guard. “But you are leaving, Jesse. And I don’t know where I’m going and—”
“None of that matters. We can figure something out. Keeley, my closest friends don’t even know me as well as you do. I’ve never talked about my family to anyone before, not even Zito. What we have . . . it’s not like any other relationship in my life.”
I wanted to remind him that he’d actually never willingly talked about his family stuff with me. In fact, we hadn’t had a single discussion about them. But I figured his feelings were so bottled up inside him that even the littlest release felt like a dam bursting. I understood that, more than anyone else could.
He went on. “We’re the same in so many ways. That’s why you came to me for help yesterday. Because you knew I’d get exactly what you were trying to do with Morgan.” He brushed a piece of hair out of my face. “I know we can make this work.”
“Make what work?”
“I want to be with you, Keeley. I don’t want to lose you.” There was something different about his voice. It was stripped of the bravado. Of the humor. It was weirdly small.
“Jesse . . .”
“Just think about it.” He pulled me closer so I had to look up to see his face. “There’s no reason why we can’t have fun together every single day, from today forward,” he said, brightening. “We don’t have to walk away from Aberdeen feeling sad. I know things are screwed up in your life. Whatever happened with Morgan, stuff happening with your family. You and I can be the silver linings of this super-shitty cloud.”
I tried to hold on to Jesse’s words. I let my head fall onto his chest. He was warm. And his heart was beating so fast. “This was everything I wanted you to say to me the night of Secret Prom.”
“I know I screwed that up, Keeley, but trust me, I already had these feelings for you. I was just freaking out about losing you. I didn’t want to tell you I was leaving, I didn’t want to go, I just wanted to have a good night with you. That’s why I acted like such an idiot.”
I’d never stopped to think about what life with Jesse would be like somewhere outside Aberdeen. I didn’t dare let myself. He was an almost mythic part of my adolescence, someone so larger-than-life, he almost didn’t seem real.
“Being with you was something I never, ever imagined,” I said. “And having your attention made me feel, I don’t know, like a stronger, better version of myself. But . . .” Jesse’s smile began to fade, and it was heartbreaking, but I forced myself to keep talking. “But I don’t want someone I can just have a good time with.”
“You don’t.”
I shook my head. “Sometimes I’m going to be sad.”
“Well, then, I’ll know exactly how to make it better!”
“You can’t always make it better.”
“I don’t get it. You told me you loved me the first night but now you don’t want to be with me? Because you want to be sad sometimes?” He said, “Huh?” like he didn’t understand, but I knew he did. Because no one looked sadder than Jesse in that moment.
I didn’t know how to say it, because I was realizing the truth in that moment for the first time. How I had needed Jesse because I thought he was the way for me to repair the rift in my friendship with Morgan. I’d needed Jesse because I didn’t want to think about life without Aberdeen. But I didn’t have Morgan anymore, and Aberdeen was lost too. Jesse just didn’t matter to me in the same way now.
“I’m sorry.”
Jesse blinked. “Wow.” He exhaled long and slow. “I don’t want to sound like a jerk, but I don’t think there was one part of me that thought you’d turn me down.” After laughing a bit, he undid a few buttons on his shirt and fanned his neck. “That doesn’t make me sound like a jerk, does it?”
“No, Jesse.”
“I don’t believe you, but for the sake of my ego, I’ll pretend that I do.”
“When’s your family leaving?”
“In a couple hours.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “What about you and your dad?”
“I’m not sure. I’m kind of waiting for him to tell me.”
“Do me a favor then and text me when you’re headed out, so I know you’re okay.” He wrapped me in a hug. And there was something about how hard he squeezed me that told me that, though he was sad, he was also relieved. Because Jesse was still Jesse. So it didn’t even catch me off-guard when, before letting me go, he swayed me back and forth as the slow song playing on his phone reached a sax solo crescendo. Then he twirled me around and dipped me, and the two of us were laughing.
It was almost too perfect that Jesse, in that moment, defaulted to the joke. It really was easier that way. It also immediately validated my choice to let him go, because I suddenly wasn’t interested in easy anymore.
38
* * *
Monday, May 30
EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM ALERT: Significant flooding has been reported thro
ughout Aberdeen County. Residents are advised to seek safe shelter immediately. Stay tuned for further updates.
* * *
I texted Levi. Hey, is your dad home?
No. There’s all kinds of stuff happening at City Hall. Press conferences and things. Turned it into a command center. Why? Where’d you go? Are you safe? Also you left that satanic cat in my car and it keeps hissing at me.
I didn’t answer any of his questions. I just went straight over to his house.
Levi answered the door in a pair of plaid pajama pants and a police academy T-shirt. I think he’d just showered, because he smelled so good.
He brought me into the house. I was surprised to see that not much packing had been done. But of course Levi’s dad would be one of the last to go. He’d be in charge of things after the rest of us were gone.
“I’m sorry I left you today.”
“Whatever, I guess I should have expected it. Seriously though. Whose cat is that? It scratched the crap out of my arm.”
I held my breath for a moment, unsure. “You’re a good guy, Levi. I know I’m an idiot sometimes, but you know I care for you, right? I want to make sure you know that before I go.”
“Are you okay?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m not.”
Levi stepped forward, and he touched my hair. “Keeley.”
I had never heard my name so softly. Except for one other time. When Levi found me in the hallway. I felt from him what I’d felt from him then, only magnified a million times. A warmth, a caring. A comfort. He was seeing me at my lowest, my most vulnerable. And it was okay.
His gaze slowly lowered to the floor and his cheeks turned pink. “You’re looking at me like you want to kiss me.”
Was that what I wanted? Truly? Or was this another cover for my feelings, for the hurt I was feeling over Morgan? My heart was beating a mile a minute, and I don’t remember moving, but the space between Levi and me started to close up.
The Last Boy and Girl in the World Page 32
